They Know What They’re Doing: Why Abusers Target Neurodivergent People—Especially in Love

Let’s talk about something that far too often stays in the shadows: Abusers know what they’re doing.And many of them actively seek out people they

Let’s talk about something that far too often stays in the shadows:

Abusers know what they’re doing.
And many of them actively seek out people they believe are easier to manipulate, isolate, or overpower.

That includes people who are neurodivergent.

Autistic. ADHD. Sensory sensitive. OCD. Learning differences. Processing differences. People who experience the world in rich, layered, unique ways—and who may also be navigating a world that wasn’t built for them.

💔 Why Are Neurodivergent People Targeted?

Because too many abusers are looking for what they believe will be “easier prey.”
And neurodivergent people often face barriers that abusers recognize and exploit:

1. Communication Differences

Abusers see this as an opportunity:

“No one will believe them.” “They won’t be able to explain it.” “I can twist this.”

Neurodivergent people may process or express thoughts in ways that are different from the neurotypical norm. They may take longer to respond, struggle to articulate distress in high-emotion situations, or not “react” in the way others expect.

2. Craving Connection—After Long-Term Isolation

Many neurodivergent individuals have spent years being left out, rejected, or misunderstood.
So when someone shows romantic interest? That attention can feel like relief. Like magic. Like finally being seen.

But abusers often lead with love-bombing. Over-the-top compliments. Constant messaging. Urgent commitment. They weaponize a person’s hunger for connection.

3. People-Pleasing as Survival

Masking. Shrinking. Nodding. Agreeing. Laughing when something isn’t funny.
These aren’t just personality traits. They’re survival tactics—especially for those who’ve been punished for being “too much” or “too different.”

Abusers notice. And they push those boundaries further and further, testing just how much someone will tolerate before speaking up.

4. Disbelief from Others

When neurodivergent people do reach out for help, they’re often met with doubt, condescension, or disbelief.

“You’re overreacting.”
“Are you sure that’s what happened?”
“You have a vivid imagination.”
“You’re just sensitive.”

This gives the abuser even more power. They know help is unlikely to arrive. And they know they’ve crafted a situation where they will be believed—and the Survivor won’t.

🧡 How Can Safe People Help?

When someone you love is neurodivergent and falling for someone new—especially someone who seems to be moving fast, controlling access, or dismissing boundaries—your support can be life-saving.

Here’s how to help:

1. Validate Their Desire for Love

Don’t shame them for wanting love, connection, or partnership.
That desire is human. Beautiful. Holy.

Shaming people for wanting love just makes them less likely to reach out when things go wrong.

2. Ask Gentle, Open Questions

Instead of accusing their partner, ask:

“How do you feel when you’re with them?”
“Do you feel more like yourself—or less?”
“What happens when you say no or ask for space?”

Let them reflect without pressure or judgment.

3. Normalize Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes people who have been overlooked feel like they have to accept anything to be loved.
Be the voice that says:

“Love shouldn’t confuse you.”
“Love shouldn’t isolate you.”
“Love shouldn’t take away your joy.”

4. Stay Consistent

Even if they pull away. Even if they lash out. Even if they stay with the person.
Stay.
Don’t shame. Don’t disappear. Don’t gossip.

Abuse isolates. Your consistent love can be a lifeline.

🌱 **If you’ve been targeted, please know this: It is not your fault.**
You are not broken.
You are not foolish.
You are not weak.

Someone saw your beauty, your softness, your longing, and your trust—and tried to twist it. That says everything about them. And nothing about your worth.

You are worthy of love that doesn’t manipulate.
Love that doesn’t hide.
Love that doesn’t ask you to shrink, silence, or suffer to be kept.

You deserve real peace. Real safety. Real love.

And we will fight for that with you.