Let’s talk about it. When a woman is harmed—physically, emotionally, spiritually—one of the most common things we hear is:“I told her.”“I war
All we want is peace.
Let’s talk about it.
When a woman is harmed—physically, emotionally, spiritually—one of the most common things we hear is:
“I told her.”
“I warned her.”
“She didn’t listen.”
And just like that, the spotlight shifts.
It moves from the harm done to the ego of the person who issued a warning.
It moves from what the victim is experiencing to how right someone else feels.
Let’s be clear:
“I told her” is rarely about protecting the victim.
It’s often about protecting the speaker’s pride.
It’s about saying, “I saw it coming. She didn’t. That makes me smarter, wiser, better.”
But this isn’t a competition.
This isn’t about being right.
This is about someone’s life.
🛑 “I told her” doesn’t:
Stop the bleeding
Heal the trauma
Offer shelter or protection
Hold the abuser accountable
Create resources or support systems
What it does do is add another layer of pain:
Shame. Isolation. Blame.
It says to the victim, “I care more about being right than helping you.”
It says, “Your pain is a lesson to others—not a wound that needs care.”
💔 If you really care about her, center her.
Don’t center your warning.
Don’t center your ego.
Don’t center your frustration that she didn’t listen the first time.
Center her survival.
Center her healing.
Center her bravery for leaving, speaking out, or asking for help—no matter how long it took.
Because the truth is:
People stay for reasons you might never understand
Leaving is dangerous
Trust is complicated
And nobody deserves abuse, ever
🔁 Want to be helpful? Say this instead:
“I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
“How can I support you right now?”
“I believe you.”
“You didn’t deserve this.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Because what survivors need isn’t a reminder of what they missed—
they need support for what they’re facing now.
✨ This is how we shift the culture:
We stop using harm as a chance to elevate ourselves.
We stop centering our own narratives when someone else is in crisis.
We start centering victims—with care, compassion, and commitment.
Because the truth is:
Every time you say “I told her,” you might be silencing the next person who needs to come forward.
And if we’re not creating space for truth, safety, and support—then we are creating silence.
Let’s do better.
#WeSurviveAbuse
#CenterSurvivors
#StopSayingIToldHer
#SupportWithoutShame
#SurvivorCenteredCare
