If you’ve ever had to convince someone that what hurt you was actually wrong… this is for you.Some people don’t deny that harm happened.They just
If you’ve ever had to convince someone that what hurt you was actually wrong… this is for you.
Some people don’t deny that harm happened.
They just go straight to justifying it.
They excuse it.
They minimize it.
They spin it until you feel like you’re the one who’s “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “being negative.”
This is called harm justification—and it’s a powerful tool used by abusers and the systems that protect them.
🧠 What Does Harm Justification Sound Like?
“They didn’t mean it like that.”
“Well, it could’ve been worse.”
“That’s just how they are.”
“You have to understand what they were going through.”
“It’s in the past—why are you still bringing it up?”
“You should be over it by now.”
“You’re making them out to be a monster.”
“Nobody’s perfect.”
“They were just trying to help.”
“We don’t need to ruin someone’s life over this.”
⚠️ Why This Is Dangerous:
It shifts the focus from the harm to the harm-doer’s feelings or intentions.
It pressures the Survivor to explain, justify, or minimize their own pain.
It trains communities to protect the abuser, not the person who was hurt.
It makes future harm more likely—because nothing was interrupted or named.
🔍 Signs That Harm Justification Is Happening:
You feel like you’re “the problem” for bringing it up.
You’re being told to “see their side” before yours has even been heard.
You’re expected to care more about the harm-doer’s reputation than your own safety.
You’re asked to “move on” before there’s been repair, restitution, or truth.
You’re made to feel “divisive” or “unforgiving” for simply telling the truth.
🛡️Truth
Naming harm isn’t cruelty.
Wanting accountability isn’t revenge.
Wanting to be safe isn’t selfish.
Needing to heal isn’t “holding a grudge.”
Refusing to excuse someone’s violence isn’t an overreaction.
You’re not being “too much”—you’re being honest in a world that lies to keep the peace.
🧠 Reflection Questions:
When was I made to feel wrong for naming harm done to me?
Have I ever been pressured to “understand” someone who hurt me—before anyone understood me?
What justifications do I hear most often in my community or culture?
Who benefits when harm is explained away instead of confronted?
What would it feel like to stand in the truth without shrinking it to protect others?
🪷 Closing Reminder:
“Share if you feel safe and ready—your voice might be the lifeline someone else needs.” 🪷
And if you do share, remember to cite the messenger. Words carry legacy.
