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# WESurviveAbuse

Survivor Centered. Survivor Powered.

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## Posts

- [Why “The Last Recorded Lynching” IS NOT the Same As “The Last Lynching”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-the-last-recorded-lynching-is-not-the-same-as-the-last-lynching/) - Some people are still in the business of trusting the very institutions and systems that were doing killing to be honest about the killing. Injustice does not seek crowds or accuracy; it seeks forgetting. Oh the patterns of interrogation of sexual violence and racism are keeping true to their game I see. You know nothing,
- [Not Everyone Who Speaks the Language of Protection is Protecting the Same People](https://wesurviveabuse.com/not-everyone-who-speaks-the-language-of-protection-is-protecting-the-same-people/) - We love movies like 'Avengers' when beings from different walks of life come together to fight together against one common enemy. Transformers. Fantastic Four. Off-screen that isn't always possible. Not everyone who wants “justice” is walking toward the same destination. Not everyone who speaks the language of protection is protecting the same people. Not everyone
- [The Chloe Randolph Bill and Organization in Kentucky](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-chloe-randolph-bill-and-organization-in-kentucky/) - Some losses change the shape of a family forever. There are moments when language becomes too small for what a mother, a father, a sibling carries in their chest. When a name becomes both a blessing and a wound. When love has nowhere to go but into memory. Chloe Randolph’s story is one of those
- [When "Nothing is True": The Erosion of Shared Reality Through Mandated Language](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-nothing-is-true-the-erosion-of-shared-reality-through-mandated-language/) - For some of us who have worked with Survivors of abuse and violence, among them the least likely to be believed, we have strong concerns. For many women, particularly those who have worked in the fields of abuse survival or womanist advocacy, the "material reality" of the female body is not just an abstract idea;
- [When the Whole World Is Watching: It Takes a Super Human Commitment to Self-Care to Leave](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-whole-world-is-watching-it-takes-a-super-human-commitment-to-self-care-to-leave/) - updated from May 23 2025 Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy.But leaving while the entire world is watching?That’s a sacred act of radical self-care. When everyone has an opinion.When the abuser is beloved, powerful, or charming.When your pain becomes “content,” debated by strangers like it’s a reality show…Still, you choose you. That choice?It’s not
- [I’m Tired of Watching Women Pay the Price While Everyone Else Argues About Words](https://wesurviveabuse.com/im-tired-of-watching-women-pay-the-price-while-everyone-else-argues-about-words/) - We cannot keep living in a world where every tool meant to protect women and girls gets dragged into a tug of war. On one end, new ideas are twisted and stretched until they are no longer about women at all, quietly redirected to benefit men who present as harmless, progressive, or kind, but who
- [50 Times We Walked Past You—Our Hair Not to Your Liking, But We Were Dying Inside](https://wesurviveabuse.com/50-times-we-walked-past-you-our-hair-not-to-your-liking-but-we-were-dying-inside/) - updated March 27, 2025 You saw our hair. Not our fear.Not our exhaustion.Not our grief.Not our pain. Just our hair. You formed opinions. You whispered. You rolled your eyes.But you didn’t ask what we were going through.You didn’t know. You didn’t care to know. This post is for the Black women who have ever
- [They Love What We Give, Not Who We Are: The Quiet Erasure of Women’s Inner Lives](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-love-what-we-give-not-who-we-are-the-quiet-erasure-of-womens-inner-lives/) - When we say, “He objectified her,” we make it sound like mere casual disrespect. What really happens is extermination of recognition. She is not reduced to a sex object. She is reduced to nothing that could speak back. Silenced. Talked over. And that difference matters. Because women are not dying from "desire." They are dying
- [The Blurry Woman: How Society "Forgets" the Definition the Moment We Ask for Rights](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-blurry-woman-how-society-forgets-the-definition-the-moment-we-ask-for-rights/) - When she is a target for control or harm. Forced Sterilization (The Global Eugenics Playbook): From the targeted sterilization of Indigenous women in Peru and Canada to marginalized women in the United States and India, the state never has a "definition crisis" when identifying who to surgically prevent from reproducing. Child Marriage: In regions across
- [Inclusion Should Never Cost Girls Their Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/inclusion-should-never-cost-girls-their-safety/) - April is child abuse awareness month. When politicians twist the language of “inclusion” to force girls to surrender their safe spaces, they are not being progressive—they are being predatory. What they are doing is not about rights.It is not about kindness.And it is certainly not about justice. It is an abuse of power—and it needs
- [You Were Seeking Safety, Not Sex: A Truth for Survivors of Childhood Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-were-seeking-safety-not-sex-a-truth-for-survivors-of-childhood-abuse/) - When a child is sexually abused, too much of the truth gets twisted by more vocal and crafty adults. And children and those who are now adults struggle with whether or not they "went along". An adult commits a sexual criminal act. Violates the child. Crosses a sacred boundary. But the weight of that act
- [The Cost of Agreeability: How We Uphold the Barriers We Think We Are Fighting](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-cost-of-agreeability-how-we-uphold-the-barriers-we-think-we-are-fighting/) - I've served the women who responded to violence and were facing harsher punishment than any man would have for the same crime. No one was willing to hear her. Police, attorneys, her attorneys, the children's guardian ad litems, would come to the domestic violence advocate trying to "understand her". For a woman whose native language
- [It’s Not About Tradition, It’s About Freedom: The Power of Dropping a Name That No Longer Fits](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-about-tradition-its-about-freedom-the-power-of-dropping-a-name-that-no-longer-fits/) - Last names are deeply personal women who live through violence, abuse, or attack. It should remain that way. Personal. Even when she chooses to reveal some of her reasoning for choosing this last name or that last name for herself or her children; we might want to treat last names like a boundary. Her choice
- [Fair is Fair: What The Legend of Billie Jean Teaches Us About the Inversion of Reality"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/19989-2/) - Imagine you’re watching a movie where a sneaky character does something mean to a classmate, like stealing their lunch. But as soon as a teacher walks in, the sneaky character starts crying and points at the other kid, saying, "They just tried to hit me!" That is The Inversion of Reality. It’s like a "Big
- [Why Is Every Problem Affecting Women Treated Like Feminism’s Job to Solve?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-is-every-problem-affecting-women-treated-like-feminisms-job-to-solve/) - "For example, it is estimated that one out of every three women in the world has suffered sexual assault or violence from an intimate partner .......one out of every five women in the world was a “child bride” and married before the age of eighteen. These shocking statistics that affect upwards of one billion women
- [Why I Believe Women When They Say They’re Afraid — And Why You May Want To Too (updated with podcast link)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-i-believe-women-when-they-say-theyre-afraid-and-why-you-may-want-to-too-updated-with-podcast-link/) - updated from June 28, 2024 Listen to this blog post here There are moments when listening is not polite or optional. Listening can save a life. Over the years, I have sat with countless women who were preparing to leave violent relationships. In those moments, I reminded them of something that often gets
- [Why Some Black Mothers Choose the Father's Last Name](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-some-black-mothers-choose-the-fathers-last-name/) - One of the reasons that I am not a feminist is because it does not make room for my reality. It asserts that "last names" are no big deal and that is not everyone's reality. "I keep seeing feminists critique women—like Rihanna—for giving their kids the father’s last name. But we need to talk about To suggest that last names "don't matter" is to speak from a place of immense privilege. It assumes a world where your presence is never questioned, your parenthood is never doubted, and your skin color isn't a "red flag" to a system looking for a reason to intervene (read-pounce or harass .....at a minimum.)
- [What Do People Mean When They Say “Misogyny Comes First”?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-do-people-mean-when-they-say-misogyny-comes-first/) - All women are not necessarily living the same patriarchal reality. This phrase comes up a lot in feminist discussions. It usually means: Sex-based oppression is older than racism Gender should be the main focus Other issues should wait Some people say this to argue for unity.But from an Afro-global lens, this idea does not hold
- [The Bird That Runs Scams Better Than Humans (And What It Teaches Us About Manipulation)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-bird-that-runs-scams-better-than-humans-and-what-it-teaches-us-about-manipulation/) - To some degree, we all have the capacity to manipulate, but some people make it a lifestyle and take advantage of the vulnerable. There’s a beautiful bird in Africa called the drongo. It doesn’t steal with claws. It doesn’t fight. It doesn’t chase. It lies. Not once. Not sloppily. Not impulsively. It runs a system.
- [Why Truth Is What Finally Sets Survivors Free After Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-truth-is-what-finally-sets-survivors-free-after-abuse/) - Truth is still in the business of setting people free. People often misunderstand what happens when a woman calls a domestic violence hotline or reaches out to an advocate. They imagine we tell her what to think. What to do. How to feel. That isn’t true. We listen. We listen carefully. Without rushing. Without judging.
- [✨ When Male Gentleness Is Assumed: Expanding Our Ears, Expanding Our Understanding](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✨-when-male-gentleness-is-assumed-expanding-our-ears-expanding-our-understanding/) - updated from December 11 2025 Myth: Straight men are the only danger to women. **Shayla told me about the male relative she grew up with who was a danger to children. He could be both sexually and physically violent. Every time someone ran to them her family looked the other way, dismissed it, or told
- [Power UP! Lauryn Hill and Doechi at Jazz in the Gardens](https://wesurviveabuse.com/power-up-lauryn-hill-and-doechi-at-jazz-in-the-gardens/) - updated from March 9 2025 You didn't ignore the neighborhood strays when you were sitting out on the porch. At first, their restless energy just seemed like play, but there was a rhythm to their panic. They knew. Long before your nose could catch that metallic tang of an approaching storm, they were already
- [Manhood Won’t Shatter If We Tell the Truth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/manhood-wont-shatter-if-we-tell-the-truth/) - There are men who prey on men. Go ahead and get the gasp out of the way. Because this seems to be a truth everybody sees but is afraid to say out loud unless we get to laugh. When a man targets, grooms, pursues, coerces, or violates another man, it is not a betrayal of
- [Ain't Nothing New About Your Victim Blaming Routine](https://wesurviveabuse.com/aint-nothing-new-about-your-victim-blaming-routine/) - We heard it alllll before..... 🖤 10 Affirmations for Speaking Unapologetically as a Survivor 🖤 My voice is not too loud. It is too long ignored.I will no longer lower my volume to comfort silence. I do not need permission to speak the truth
- [Myth: “If Women Just Spoke Up Sooner, They Could Have Stopped the Abuse”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/myth-if-women-just-spoke-up-sooner-they-could-have-stopped-the-abuse/) - Reality: Abusers Cultivate Silence, and Society Punishes Women Who Speak One of the most insidious myths about abuse is the idea that if women just spoke up sooner, the abuse wouldn’t have continued. This myth puts the responsibility for stopping harm on the victim rather than on the perpetrator or the systems that enable abuse.
- [🔥 “Why Does My Safety Offend You?” — When Women Ask for Boundaries and Other Women Dare to Try to Shut Us Down](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-why-does-my-safety-offend-you-when-women-ask-for-boundaries-and-other-women-dare-to-try-to-shut-us-down/) - “Only human beings can look directly at something, have all the information they need to make an accurate prediction, perhaps even momentarily make the accurate prediction, and then say that it isn't so.” Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear There’s a moment I recently revisited a long abandoned space to pick up some things.
- [⚖️So If Robin Fought. Sierah Shouldn’t Have Had To.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⚖️so-if-robin-fought-sierah-shouldnt-have-had-to/) - Some stories never stop echoing — they just move from one woman’s life to another’s. In 1990, a woman named Robin Gardner was riding her bicycle down a rural road in Fulton County, Ohio, when a man named James Dean Worley attacked her. He knocked her from her bike, struck her in the head with
- [Disturbing Someone’s Peace Like This Is VIOLENCE — And We Must Stop Pretending Otherwise](https://wesurviveabuse.com/disturbing-someones-peace-like-this-is-violence-and-we-must-stop-pretending-otherwise/) - For too long, people have treated women’s safety, children’s innocence, and the peace of vulnerable people as something small — something optional, something negotiable, something we “shouldn’t make too big a deal about.” But there is nothing small about harm. And there is nothing harmless about people who consistently disturb the peace of others. When
- [Women Are Not a Feeling. We Are Not Yours to Define.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-are-not-a-feeling-we-are-not-yours-to-define/) - There is a dangerous lie being whispered and shouted in this world:That a woman is a feeling.That our existence—our lives, our flesh, our blood, our history—is simply an emotion someone else can identify with. Let us be crystal clear: No one dares look a man in the eye and say, “You are just a feeling.”No
- [Why People Should Stop Asking Survivors of Abuse "Why Now?"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-people-should-stop-asking-survivors-of-abuse-why-now/) - Let's get in the habit of allowing people to survive the impact of harm first.- Tonya GJ Prince When it comes to domestic and sexual violence, most of us will never be asked to make a final, life-changing legal decision like a judge or a jury member. We may not sit in positions of power
- [Complacency Around Violence and Abuse: A longtime foe against women and children](https://wesurviveabuse.com/complacency-around-violence-and-abuse-a-longtime-foe-against-women-and-children/) - At some point, complacency feels like betrayal. It is exhausting and deeply painful to be a witness to complacency around violence and abuse. Complacency is an enemy to progress and to human safety. Because complacency isn’t neutral, though it can feel that way. It’s not “doing nothing.” Complacency silently sides with whatever harm is already
- [When “Woman Is a Feeling” Becomes Another Way to Erase Us](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-woman-is-a-feeling-becomes-another-way-to-erase-us/) - When People Say “Woman Is a Feeling,” Something Important Disappears We know that we were not born to give men feelings. We were made for so much more. Some repeat the phrase softly, like it’s gentle.Some repeat it fiercely, like it’s progressive. But to many of us, it doesn’t feel liberating. It feels erasing, silencing,
- [Forced Sterilization Never Ended — It Just Learned How to Hide (women's present day stories through videos)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/forced-sterilization-never-ended-it-just-learned-how-to-hide/) - The thing about 'female exams' is that we have to make our bodies available to doctors, but we have no idea what they may be doing to our bodies. People like to speak about forced sterilization as if it belongs to dusty history books. As if it ended with eugenics posters. As if it
- [The Double Standard Isn’t Cosmetic—It’s Controlling Us.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-double-standard-isnt-cosmetic-its-controlling-us/) - Plastic surgery was never just about beauty. It was always about control. Women have long been judged for what we do—or don’t do—to our bodies.She gets breast implants? “She’s insecure.”She doesn’t? “She let herself go.”She alters her face? “She’s fake.”She ages naturally? “She’s lost it.” But when a man undergoes the exact same procedures—Breast implants.
- [When Identity Becomes a Shield: Who We Protect When We Pretend Everyone Is Treated Equal](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-identity-becomes-a-shield-who-we-protect-when-we-pretend-everyone-is-treated-equal/) - The Lie We Tell to Stay Comfortable People say: “Rape is rape, it doesn’t matter who did it.” But that has never been true in practice. A wealthy man is treated differently than a poor man A white man differently than a Black man A heterosexual man differently than a gay man A beloved community
- [Pam Taught Us Some Things: Why Tichina Arnold Always Deserves Our Love](https://wesurviveabuse.com/pam-taught-us-some-things-why-tichina-arnold-always-deserves-our-love/) - I grew up in a generation that was outside. Young people watching Stranger Things still ask: "Were 80s kids really outside like that?" Yesssssss. We didn't have cell phones. We simply had to check in from time to time, and be home by the time the streetlights came on. Our aunts and uncles had the
- [9 Reasons Why Making Laws Around Beliefs That Serve a Few While Harming Most is Dangerous](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-much-longer-will-we-continue-to-make-laws-and-policy-around-beliefs-that-serve-a-few-while-harming-most/) - Laws are meant to serve and protect everyone, not just a chosen few. But time and time again, history shows us what happens when laws are built around the personal beliefs of a small group—while the rest suffer the consequences. When laws are shaped to control rather than uplift, they become tools of harm, oppression,
- [10 Rights Every Child Deserves Without Compromise](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-rights-every-child-deserves-without-compromise/) - Children Have the Right to Set the Following Boundaries: Bodily Autonomy: They have the right to say “no” to unwanted touch or affection, even from familiar adults. Personal Privacy: Children are entitled to privacy over their bodies and personal space. Voice and Consent: Their voices deserve to be heard and respected without fear of punishment
- [✂️ Unlearning the Lie: When “Being a Good Person” Means Upholding Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✂️-unlearning-the-lie-when-being-a-good-person-means-upholding-harm/) - Some of us were taught that being a “good person” meant keeping quiet.Smoothing things over.Soften the blow.Protect their reputation.Look the other way.Pretend you didn’t hear what you heard.Didn’t see what you saw. We were taught that being a “good person” means: Upholding the lies of those who harm others Softening the language around abuse, betrayal,
- [The Costliest Mistake We Make When Women Speak About Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-you-have-the-platform-have-the-courage-too/) - Some people have the loudest mics.The branding that screams “progressive,” “feminist,” “for the people.” But when Black women raised concerns about fairness, safety, and truth?You went quiet.Or worse—you turned on us. Not with slurs, no. That would be too obvious.But with condescension. With finger-wagging. With half-hearted calls to “pray for them” or “love them through
- [There Are No Magic Words That Grant Access to Our Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/there-are-no-magic-words-that-grant-access-to-our-boundaries/) - There are no magic words. No title, no role, no identity, no costume, no tone of voice, no declaration of who you claim to be— grants you automatic access to our bodies, our spaces, or our trust. Yet predators have always tried to convince us otherwise. They rely on magic words—phrases and identities they believe
- [We Need Politicians Who Center Women’s Real Lives](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-need-politicians-who-center-womens-real-lives/) - We need politicians who center women. Full stop. Not just women who marry.Not just women who mother.Not just women who serve the goals of men. We mean all women. Women who choose education over tradition.Women who choose healing over silence.Women who work two jobs and still walk home with keys gripped between their fingers.Women who
- [Who Will Find Missing Women and Girls?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/who-will-find-missing-women-and-girls/) - updated from September 25, 2023 For over thirty years I have been dedicated to working to end violence against women and girls. Along the way, I worked closely with law enforcement. That is something I will always stand by—because that work was never about institutions.It was about women.It was about children.It was about families trying
- [Harm-Jacking: When Your Pain Becomes Someone Else’s Weapon](https://wesurviveabuse.com/harm-jacking-when-your-pain-becomes-someone-elses-weapon/) - There have always been obstacles—but there have also always been real ones by our side, standing strong with us to rise above with them. It’s been around forever—In movements.In families.In workplaces.Even online. But there has also been something different. What is it?It’s like hijacking—but with emotional harm.Someone witnesses your mistreatment, then uses your pain to
- [Failure to Listen to Women Is the Red Flag](https://wesurviveabuse.com/failure-to-listen-to-women-is-the-red-flag/) - We talk a lot about red flags.But let’s be honest.Refusing to listen to women? That’s the first red flag. It doesn’t always come with shouting or slamming doors.Sometimes it comes dressed in soft words, polite smiles, and polite nods—while ignoring everything a woman just said. It’s the job interviewer who cuts you off when you
- [Stephan Smerk Pleads Guilty in 1994 Slaying of Virginia Mother Robin Lawrence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stephan-smerk-pleads-guilty-in-1994-slaying-of-virginia-mother-robin-lawrence/) - *48Hours had a female FBI expert who shared valuable insight. In her opinion the murder was likely pre-planned. If you get an opportunity to watch or listen to that episode I think that you will find that it was handled in a manner that was both informative and respectful to the victim and her
- [This Never Happens: Happens Again](https://wesurviveabuse.com/this-never-happens-happens-again/) - updated from March 20 2022 “That never happens.” Not because people who say it are always cruel.Often, afraid of truths that could make the world appear any darker. Or avoiding their own pain. Remembering. Or speaking from the limits of their own experience. But still—it is not a sentence we can afford when it comes
- [Jennifer’s Law Exists Because Too Many Women Are Not Believed Until Too Late](https://wesurviveabuse.com/jennifers-law-exists-because-too-many-women-are-not-believed-until-too-late/) - update from April 25, 2025 We honor the lives of Jennifer Farber Dulos and Jennifer Magnano, two women whose stories pierced the silence surrounding a form of abuse that for too long had no name: coercive control. Because of them—and those who loved them enough to fight in their names—Jennifer’s Law was born in
- [Why Are Women's Rights Treated Like Optional Add-Ons?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-are-womens-rights-treated-like-optional-add-ons/) - For generations, conversations about women’s rights have been derailed by demands to prioritize men’s comfort, reputations, or emotional reactions. Whenever women raise issues that directly affect their bodies, safety, careers, or futures, someone inevitably redirects the spotlight—insisting that men’s feelings, fears, or frustrations deserve center stage. This inversion of concern turns women’s realities into side
- [I'm Not Angry at Other Women — I’m Committed to the Whole Truth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/im-not-angry-at-other-women-im-committed-to-the-whole-truth/) - I'm not angry at other women.Not even the ones who shame, silence, or mock.Not even the ones who call truth-telling "too much," "too angry," or "too divisive." I understand the fear.I understand the conditioning.I understand the cost of standing alone against a tide. But understanding is not the same as agreement. Because I believe this
- [Rosa Parks: A Stealth Strategist Against Deceit, Manipulation, and Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/rosa-parks-a-stealth-strategist-against-deceit-manipulation-and-violence/) - updated from January 6, 2025 with new links and information Let's be honest, the word "gaslighting" gets thrown around a lot these days. But for those of us who've lived it, it's not a trendy buzzword; it's real. It's the insidious erosion of your self-worth and the slow twisting of your perception until you question
- [Gaslighting Isn’t Love: Red Flags Black Women Can Choose to Name Out Loud — and Walk Away From](https://wesurviveabuse.com/gaslighting-isnt-love-red-flags-black-women-can-choose-to-name-out-loud-and-walk-away-from/) - updated from April 7, 2023 Sometimes they try to make you feel like you're “too emotional,” “too sensitive,” or “doing too much.” But the truth is: when something feels off, it usually is. Gaslighting works by making you doubt your own eyes, your own memories, your own hearts. And for Black women, that confusion hits
- [You Were Always Worth Loving—They Just Weren’t Capable of Giving It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-were-always-worth-loving-they-just-werent-capable-of-giving-it/) - There are people who will make you question everything good about yourselfbecause they were never capable of loving you well. And yet—you tried.You gave.You waited.You overextended.You bent until it felt like breaking, and even then, you whispered,“Maybe if I just love harder, they’ll change.” But love doesn’t require disappearing.Love doesn’t demand that you shrink to
- [Myth: It Doesn't Hurt Women and Girls to 'Be kind"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/myth-it-doesnt-hurt-women-and-girls-to-be-kind/) - Stop the lies. Trusting the wrong folks gets untold numbers of people violated and killed every single day. Everyone over a certain numeric IQ knows this. Enietra Washington, the only known Survivor of the Grim Sleeper (Lonnie Franklin Jr.). Her story is chilling because it shows exactly how predators weaponize stereotypes about Black women’s kindness and
- [Red Flags in Relationships: Recognizing Silent Signals of Control](https://wesurviveabuse.com/red-flags-for-women-silent-signals-of-control-in-relationships/) - updated from January 12 2025 Here is when I knew. I was riding in the car with my date. Our first date. He picked me up. He brought me a single gorgeous rose. (First time that had been done since my prom days) He was dressed handsomely and polished. A gentleman. I was feeling
- [How People Lose Themselves: One Compromise at a Time](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-people-lose-themselves-one-compromise-at-a-time/) - We don't do any of ourselves any favors when we believe that coercion, abuse, and loss of rights happen to "stupid or weak people". People in abusive relationships rarely wake up one morning and say: “Today is the day I disappear.” It doesn’t happen like that. They lose themselves slowly — almost invisibly — one
- [For Women Autonomy Is Not Teflon Against Violence and Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/for-women-autonomy-is-not-teflon-against-violence-and-abuse/) - Autonomy is powerful.But it is not a shield.Not in this world. A woman can know herself.She can have boundaries, voice, purpose, and strength.And still be harmed. She can choose her words with care.She can live by principle.She can be brilliant, successful, deeply loved—and still experience abuse, manipulation, or violence. That’s not weakness.That’s the world we
- [“Why Are Women Still Cleaning Up the Violence Men Refuse to Name?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-are-women-still-cleaning-up-the-violence-men-refuse-to-name/) - 🩸 Say It Plain. The crimes that males commit?They’ve become unsayable on social media—but not uncommittable in real life. Every day, someone is harmed.Every day, women and children pay the price. And somehow…we’re the ones asked to clean it up.To “understand.”To soften our words.To create safety for the very people whose violence made this
- [🛑 When “Being Nice” Becomes Dangerous: Reclaiming Boundaries After Trauma](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-truth-about-survivors-of-sexual-and-domestic-violence-and-boundaries/) - The Very Idea For years, people walked all over my boundaries. And I let them. Not because I didn’t care.Not because I wanted mistreatment. I let them because I didn’t even know what a boundary was. I understood fences around land.I understood locks on buildings. But people? Personal space. Emotional space. Spiritual space. No one
- [True Rights Protect—They Don’t Endanger Women and Children](https://wesurviveabuse.com/true-rights-protect-they-dont-endanger-women-and-children/) - Access to women's private spaces is not a matter of "human rights". Access to women's private spaces is a matter of women's rights. As soon as we say that access to those spaces is a matter of "human rights" and that men can have access, women lose the right. -Gary Francione One of the reasons
- [Unlock Your Inner Power: Recognize Gaslighting Insults and Empower Yourself](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unlock-your-inner-power-recognize-gaslighting-insults-and-empower-yourself/) - Originally posted March 27, 2024 Affirmation: I am the catalyst for change, the voice that speaks truth to power. Gaslighting insults are designed to undermine the victim's reality, self-esteem, and sense of trust. They are used to manipulate and control the victim, making them doubt their own perceptions, judgment, and worth. Motives
- [Safe Space LIVE: Trevor Noah Honors Black Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/safe-space-live-trevor-noah-honors-black-women/) - The older you get, the more you appreciate the wind beneath your wings.
- [The Performance of Ignorance: How Men Pretend Sexual Violence Is News.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-performance-of-ignorance-how-men-pretend-sexual-violence-is-news/) - There is a peculiar kind of amnesia that grips men whenever the subject turns to sexual violence—an amnesia so convenient, so well-practiced, it deserves its own holiday. A woman stated online that 80% of women have experienced sexual violation—and right on cue, here came the men: Not to ask,Not to sit with the horror,Not to
- [Green Flag: Safe Adult Males Stay Out of Female Spaces and Advocate for It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/green-flag-safe-adult-males-stay-out-of-female-spaces-and-advocate-for-it/) - Miss us entirely with all of your hurdles for women to clear demonstrating that we can "be kind" in a world does nothing to make this world safer for women and children. Everyone breathing air knows that male violence is a threat to us all, but especially the most vulnerable, women, children, the elderly, and
- [Green Flags: The Quiet Ways People Show You They’re Safe](https://wesurviveabuse.com/green-flags-the-quiet-ways-people-show-you-theyre-safe/) - 💚 Green Flags in Other People 🟢 They listen to understand, not just to respond.🟢 They honor your boundaries without making you explain them like a courtroom witness.🟢 Your joy doesn’t threaten them—it inspires them.🟢 They don’t just say “I support you”—they show up when it counts.🟢 They take accountability without making it about how
- [Survivor Affirmation: I Will NOT Shrink Truth to Comfort Those Who Fear Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmation-i-will-not-shrink-truth-to-comfort-those-who-fear-boundaries/) - Boundaries are love not hate. They are love in action — love for your peace, your time, your healing, and your future. Saying “no” is not cruelty; it’s clarity. Protecting your space is not rejection; it’s self-respect. Sometimes, people who have been conditioned to live with little or no boundaries will shame others for setting
- [When One Gets Through, Others Follow: The Open Door Metaphor in Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-one-gets-through-others-follow-the-open-door-metaphor-in-abuse/) - There’s a pattern in abuse that doesn’t get talked about enough. Not in training rooms. Not in courtrooms. Not even in some support groups. But Survivors know it. We’ve lived it. We’ve seen it. It goes like this: The first person who harms you doesn’t always act alone, even if they don't know the next
- [Survivor Rachel Williams Highlights Strangulation Timeline](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-rachel-williams-highlights-strangulation-timeline/) - Strangulation is often viewed as a very casual thing these days. Too few appreciate how dangerous it truly is. Domestic violence abuse Survivor Rachel Williams who writes that she was shot & beaten, highlights the very real dangers of strangulation. (From X): Nonfatal strangulation timeline:6.8 seconds loss of consciousness 14 seconds an anoxic seizure 15 seconds bladder incontinence 30 seconds
- [They Called It Victimhood. I Call It Rising.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-called-it-victimhood-i-call-it-rising/) - After abuse, it’s common to be met with silence when you’re hurting — and then judgment when you begin to glow. They did not think this part through when they were doing what they were doing to you. This-calling YOU a victim after they victimized you_ is an attempt at clean up and reputation management.
- [What the Sonya Massey Law Means — A Win for Vulnerable Women and Police Accountability in Illinois](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-the-sonya-massey-law-means-a-win-for-vulnerable-women-and-police-accountability-in-illinois/) - On August 12, 2025, Illinois lawmakers signed Senate Bill 1953, the landmark reform known as the Sonya Massey Law, into law. This critical legislation mandates that every law enforcement agency in the state must investigate and disclose an applicant’s complete employment and disciplinary history before offering a badge.ABC7 Chicago+15AP News+15Yahoo+15 Why This Matters — Especially for
- [Your Defense of Them Is a Betrayal of Me](https://wesurviveabuse.com/your-defense-of-them-is-a-betrayal-of-me/) - Let’s say this out loud—for the ones still doubting themselves.For the ones grieving the loss of community, connection, or even family: You are not wrong for disconnecting from people who defend someone who hurt, harmed, or traumatized you. You are not overreacting.You are not being dramatic.You are not required to make peace with betrayal just
- [Women Are Not Required to Be Available](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-are-not-required-to-be-available/) - No one could have predicted how this year would end. It bent sharply. Again and again. Just when people thought they understood the terrain, the road changed beneath their feet. And in the middle of all that movement, one truth kept revealing itself—quietly, unmistakably. Women were never wrong for wanting to be safe. What deserves
- [The Culture That Questions Women Before It Stops Men](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-culture-that-questions-women-before-it-stops-men/) - Femicide. We keep saying it. “We can’t bring her back, but justice was served.” We say it after the trial. After the sentencing. After the cameras leave. And every time, it lands the same way—hollow. Because what often follows that declaration of “justice” is not healing. It is a prison-for-profit system that keeps running. A
- [Give Yourself a Gift That Keeps You Moving Forward](https://wesurviveabuse.com/give-yourself-a-gift-that-keeps-you-moving-forward/) - Give yourself a gift going forward. Not something wrapped in paper or tied with a bow — but something far more powerful. Give yourself the gift of truth. The truth to speak, even when when it costs you comfort. The truth to live, even when it asks you to change. The truth to protect what
- [💔 Understanding Marital Rape: Consent Still Matters](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-understanding-marital-rape-consent-still-matters/) - In too many parts of the world—and even in the minds of too many people—rape inside of marriage is still not fully recognized as a crime. But here’s the truth: Marriage is not a license to someone’s body. Consent must exist every single time. When one partner forces, coerces, or pressures the other into sex,
- [A Brief Timeline: Marital Rape Laws in the West](https://wesurviveabuse.com/a-brief-timeline-marital-rape-laws-in-the-west/) - A tremendous amount of work went into giving spouses legal recourse if they are assaulted by their spouse. Prior to this work, you couldn't even bring it up in court or to church leaders. It just wasn't a thing. Silence. 📍 United States For most of U.S. history, marital rape was not considered a crime.
- [🖤 Why Would Anyone Be Against Your Empowerment?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/16206-2/) - If someone has a problem with you being empowered, you have to ask: why? Why would anyone be against a Black woman reclaiming her voice, her peace, her time, her body, her freedom? Isn’t that what liberation movements, healing spaces, and faith itself are supposed to lead us toward—wholeness? So when someone calls you “too
- [Why Are Women’s Demands for Boundaries and Safe Spaces Being Compared to Segregation?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-are-womens-demands-for-boundaries-and-safe-spaces-being-compared-to-segregation/) - Too many women—especially monitored, poor, rural, disabled, and older women—do not have easy access to digital spaces. And many who do are walking away from big platforms because they will not tolerate the constant harassment, abuse, and silencing. Now we’re watching a disturbing pattern: men hijacking the language of oppression and using it against women.
- [Alleged "Male Loneliness" is Causing Men to Come Up With Bizarre Ideas](https://wesurviveabuse.com/alleged-male-loneliness-is-causing-men-to-come-up-with-bizarre-ideas/) - Women, start flipping tables everywhere you go. How hard is it to just stop being violent and abusive? How difficult is it to finally recognize that women are human beings with needs and desires? How difficult is it to notice that women want our boundaries honored? No man is entitled to a woman. We are
- [Imagine How Women Escaping Domestic Violence Feel](https://wesurviveabuse.com/imagine-how-women-escaping-domestic-violence-feel/) - Mom, 34, Allegedly Killed by the Father of Her Children During a Custody Swap After the Kids' Christmas Visit When my home state got a new governor, among his first targets was domestic violence funding. Budgets were slashed. Programs were cut. And just like that, part of my grant disappeared. In the scramble, I found
- [When Belief Becomes a Cage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-belief-becomes-a-cage/) - Belief is powerful. It shapes how we see the world, how we raise our children, how we decide what is right and what is wrong. But belief can also be twisted. In too many lives, it becomes less about sacred wisdom and more about control. For women, belief has often been weaponized to keep us
- [You Can’t Unsee What You Survived](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-cant-unsee-what-you-survived/) - They thought if they said sorry enough times,you’d forget how many times they weren’t. They thought that time would blur the memories,that soft words could cover sharp harm.That if they lowered their voice,you’d forget they once raised a hand.Or a threat.Or an eyebrow that made your breath catch in your chest. But what they
- [Survivors Who Speak Up Become Light for the Rest of Us](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivors-who-speak-up-become-light-for-the-rest-of-us/) - Young people say: I don't believe women and girls should have to be stronger. We ought to be fighting for a world that gives us all less to survive. I'm tired of hearing the word "strong" used in relation to women and girls-especially Black women and girls. I hear the heart in that statement —
- [8 Strategies to Help Survivors Get Over Guilt](https://wesurviveabuse.com/8-strategies-to-help-survivors-get-over-guilt/) - Feelings of guilt are distressing and draining. There doesn’t seem to be an escape. As you are healing, you realize that you’ve done or said something you regret. You’re uncomfortable without an obvious solution. It is irritating. What can be done about it now? One of the least talked about issues that some Survivors
- [This Isn’t “Just Drama.” This Is Coercive Sex Trafficking](https://wesurviveabuse.com/this-isnt-just-drama-this-is-coercive-sex-trafficking/) - There is a deep and dangerous misunderstanding about the case involving Sean Combs and what it means to traffic someone through coercion. So let’s make this plain. Coercive sex trafficking is not always someone being chained to a wall.It’s not always someone being kidnapped or dragged across a border.It’s also: Someone with immense power using
- [What to Say to the Inner Voice That Still Blames You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-to-say-to-the-inner-voice-that-still-blames-you/) - (And Why That Voice Isn’t the Truth) You’ve left the relationship.You’ve named what happened. Maybe you’ve even started to heal.But some days… the voice still creeps in: “You should’ve known.”“You let it happen.”“You stayed too long.”“You’re the one who caused it.” This voice can show up out of nowhere—quiet but cruel, familiar but false.It sounds
- [Why “I Don’t Care About Potential Harm-Doers” Sounds Empowering But Isn’t](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-i-dont-care-about-potential-harm-doers-sounds-empowering-but-isnt/) - We get it.You’re tired of tiptoeing.You’re tired of warning signs, red flags, and feeling like you have to carry the burden of watching your back all the time. So when someone says,“I don’t care about potential harm-doers anymore.”—it sounds like strength.It sounds like freedom.It sounds like power. But underneath that?It might be exhaustion.It might be
- [The Truth From Pam and Aunt Esther: Naming the Disrespect Women Were Taught To Ignore](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-truth-from-pam-and-aunt-esther-naming-the-disrespect-women-were-taught-to-ignore/) - There are men who speak to women with deep disrespect — regularly. And we rarely show it honestly. Some folks will get offended if you joke about weight or relationships…but won’t blink when men: belittle women in public talk down to us like children mock our bodies humiliate us to get a laugh threaten, undermine,
- [Concern Trolling: When Fake Concern Masks Control Over Women’s Lives](https://wesurviveabuse.com/concern-trolling-when-fake-concern-masks-control-over-womens-lives/) - "I'm just looking out for you." "I'm just trying to help you out." January 13, 2025 (original) Concern trolling is a tactic that shows up wearing a friendly mask. It looks like care.It sounds like advice.It pretends to be guidance. But underneath, it’s a way of policing women’s bodies, choices, and autonomy —
- [🌿Healing Without Being Pulled Into Someone Else’s Agenda](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿healing-without-being-pulled-into-someone-elses-agenda/) - Survivors are not projects to be shaped.They are people who deserve safety, clarity, and freedom. Many Survivors have lived through: coercive partners manipulative leaders cult dynamics spiritual abuse sexual and physical violence systems that dismissed their warnings and punished their instincts In those environments, one theme repeats: “Silence your own intuition — and obey our
- ["They’ll Be Raped Anyway” Is Not a Strategy—It’s Cowardly a Surrender](https://wesurviveabuse.com/theyll-be-raped-anyway-is-not-a-strategy-its-cowardly-a-surrender/) - Some people are not "foxhole" people. They surrender mid-battle. You say,“Well, women will be raped anyway…”as if that justifies handing predators the keysto every room we bled to build. You say,“What’s the difference? Bad men are everywhere…”So you swing the doors open widerand call that progress?No. That’s betrayal dressed up in buzzwords. If we’re “raped
- [Why ‘Being Loyal’ Shouldn’t Cost You Your Safety, Dignity, or Peace](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-being-loyal-shouldnt-cost-you-your-safety-dignity-or-peace/) - One of my all-time favorite jazz tunes is "My Man." “My Man” is, in many ways, a love song about endurance, not just devotion.Billie Holiday, the original vocal artist (as far as I am aware) sings it with such tenderness that it feels romantic on the surface. But underneath, the lyrics reveal a woman who
- [Why Did Our Grandmothers Have So Many Children — and Why It Wasn’t About Sex or Desire](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-did-our-grandmothers-have-so-many-children-and-why-it-wasnt-about-sex-or-desire/) - Alright — let’s tell the truth with love and with fire. When people today look back at photos of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers — surrounded by eight, ten, twelve babies — there’s a quiet judgment that slips in. “Whew… she must’ve loved having sex.” No.That’s not the story. Most of those women didn’t live in
- [Future-Proofing Your Mind in an Unpredictable World](https://wesurviveabuse.com/future-proofing-your-mind-in-an-unpredictable-world/) - From guest contributor Jonathan Garner/shamekills.info. This blog post contains affiliate links. If you click on these links and make a purchase, the author may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. WSA only recommends products and services that we believe will add value to our readers. People with anxiety know this truth better
- [Halle Berry Did Something Rare for These Days — She Spoke Directly for Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/halle-berry-did-something-rare-for-these-days-she-spoke-directly-for-women/) - When Halle Berry stood up and challenged Governor Gavin Newsom, she wasn’t dabbling in a new lane, chasing headlines, or borrowing talking points. She was moving in familiar territory — territory she’s earned her way through with work, not just words. In recent years, women have been coached — groomed, really — into believing that
- [Red Flag Alert: Unhinged Game Fans](https://wesurviveabuse.com/red-flag-alert-unhinged-game-fans/) - Man Fatally Shoots Wife And Critically Injures Stepdaughter After Fight Over ‘Monday Night Football’: Sheriff updated from 4/5/24 You know these people. They’re not on the team.They hold no stock in the game.Maybe they don’t even have money riding on it. The players, the coaches, the trainers, the staff, the custodians — none of them
- [No One Hands Women Safety. We Claim It, Protect It, and Pass It Forward.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/no-one-hands-women-safety-we-claim-it-protect-it-and-pass-it-forward/) - I'm sorry. People talk as if women’s safety is something governments eventually “figure out,” like a policy glitch that just needs an update. History doesn’t tell that story. It tells another truth — one far less convenient: Women’s safety has never been government-first work. It has never been medical-first work. It has never been politician-first
- [Jingle Bells Too: When People Pretend the Story Ended at “Slavery Ended”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/jingle-bells-too-when-people-pretend-the-story-ended-at-slavery-ended/) - This isn't about a song but like most art, it offers life lessons. Jingle Bells” was written in 1857 by James Lord Pierpont, a white composer who worked in minstrel circuits and wrote songs that were explicitly racist. He mocked the torture of Black people. He found it entertaining. Many of us have heard it
- [Honoring the Courage of James Ransone Who Walked in Truth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/honoring-the-courage-of-james-ransone-who-walked-in-truth/) - James Ransone was not courageous because he suffered.He was courageous because he told the truth anyway. Living openly as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse—especially as a man, especially in a culture that rewards silence, minimization, and “toughness”—does require a rare kind of courage. Not flashy courage. Not performative courage. But the kind that asks
- [When “I Am” Becomes a Demand](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-i-am-becomes-a-demand/) - “I am…”Two of the most powerful words a person can speak. In the right hands, they build identity.They anchor us in truth.They tell the world who we’ve chosen to be. But in the wrong hands, “I am” becomes a demand.A tool of pressure.A way to override boundaries, silence resistance, and force compliance. 🚨 The Manipulation
- [Access to Women Is Not a Male Human Right](https://wesurviveabuse.com/access-to-women-is-not-a-male-human-right/) - There is something deeply revealing about the world we live in. You cannot rent a car without agreeing to terms....and a credit card. You cannot lease a home without stringent conditions. (Thus the unhoused crisis) You cannot store your belongings, ride a city bike, or use a shared space without rules, deposits, and accountability. Predominately
- [When Cruelty Pretends to Be Care: The Lie Behind ‘I Was Just Teaching You a Lesson](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-cruelty-pretends-to-be-care-the-lie-behind-i-was-just-teaching-you-a-lesson/) - All of this, "we didn't do the right thing to to teach you a lesson." Yeah, that's bs. They want control. Over YOU. When someone tries to convince you that their cruelty, meanness, or abuse was actually done for your own good or to teach you a lesson, that’s a form of emotional manipulation—specifically a
- [False Strength vs. True Safety: What Real Protectors Look Like](https://wesurviveabuse.com/false-strength-vs-true-safety-what-real-protectors-look-like/) - It isn’t enough to expose the myths about unkind men pretending to be protectors. Survivors, women, and communities also need to know what real protection looks like. Protection isn’t about control, intimidation, or domination. Real protection is about creating conditions where women and children feel safe, respected, and free to thrive. Here are ten signs
- [Why We Must Update Our Own Personal Privacy Policies Too](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-we-must-update-our-own-privacy-policies-too/) - [WeSurviveAbuse.com] Companies update their privacy policies all the time. It’s usually tucked away in a long email that most people don’t read, but it matters. Why? Because the world is constantly changing—new laws, new threats, new technology, and new ways that people try to exploit others. Updating privacy policies helps companies adjust their protections, clarify
- [Does Naming Ourselves Hurt Anyone? No. Erasing Us Does.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/does-naming-ourselves-hurt-anyone-no-erasing-us-does/) - If the harm is sex-specific, the language has to be sex-specific.Especially for Black women.Especially in maternal health. Black women have always understood the power of naming. (My own mother adorned me with a name that has deep symbolic and guiding light meaning. We talked about it often throughout my childhood. Wings for the treacherous
- [Lena Baker: The Innocent Woman America Executed | True Story of Injustice and Redemption](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lena-baker-the-innocent-woman-america-executed-true-story-of-injustice-and-redemption/) - You have no business waiting for anyone to tell you that you are in danger. Believe yourself the first time. ⚖️ Lena Baker: She Believed Herself Lena Baker’s story is not only about injustice — it’s about what happens when a woman dares to trust her own truth in a world that punishes
- [You Don’t Get Grievance Without a Vacuum of Accountability](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-dont-get-grievance-without-a-vacuum-of-accountability/) - Grievance doesn’t grow in a vacuum. It grows where accountability is absent, deferred, or endlessly redirected. This is a profound distinction. You’re describing the difference between a wound that heals and a wound that becomes an infection. 1. The Weight of the "Unsaid" Think of a grievance as a heavy stone you’ve been forced to
- [When Power and Control Speaks, It Uses the Same Language](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-power-and-control-speaks-it-uses-the-same-language/) - "I get to treat you horribly because I have decided that you are less than me." Power and control don’t always look the same.But they always speak the same language. The target may change.The setting may change.The excuse may change. The words do not. That’s how you recognize it. Power and control are not about
- [Our Mental Health Crisis is a Values Crisis](https://wesurviveabuse.com/our-mental-health-crisis-is-a-values-crisis/) - We have made a choice. Not quietly.Not accidentally.Not without consequence. We have chosen to be a nation that does not guarantee authentic and truthful mental health care around the clock.That does not ensure affordable housing, stable utilities, or reliable access to food.That keeps long-term, safe, kind—yes, even luxurious—mental health care out of reach for the
- [20 Affirmations and A Note for Those Who Feel Troubled by What They’re Seeing.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/20-affirmations-and-a-note-for-those-who-feel-troubled-by-what-theyre-seeing/) - Until we choose to have honest, difficult conversations about sexual violators and those who cause harm, they will continue to multiply. Silence protects them.Avoidance strengthens them. Good people will keep getting injured—and some will not survive. When we refuse to name harm clearly, society flips the story.Violators are seen as "powerful protectors."Those who were harmed
- [12 Things About the Female Body Many Men Do Not Understand](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-things-about-the-female-body-many-men-do-not-understand/) - Pain is routinely normalized for womenMen are often treated quickly for pain. Women are more likely to be told it’s “stress,” “hormones,” or something to endure—sometimes for years. Hormonal cycles affect the whole body, not just moodHormones influence energy, pain sensitivity, digestion, sleep, immune response, focus, and emotional regulation—not just feelings. Women’s bodies are constantly
- [Why Listening to Women’s Pain Feels Hard—And Why It Matters More Than We Admit](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-listening-to-womens-pain-feels-hard-and-why-it-matters-more-than-we-admit/) - I was confused by my own exhaustion. I had spent years doing what some people think is the hardest part of advocacy. Helping women find shelter Securing funds for rent and utilities Tracking down gas money so she could get to work Finding diapers, food, school supplies, medicine Sitting in courtrooms Standing beside women while
- [His Truth Does Not Need a Permission Slip — Even When It Makes People Squirm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/his-truth-does-not-need-a-permission-slip-even-when-it-makes-people-squirm/) - This post is dedicated to James Ransone, who died by suicide two weeks after this was written. James spoke openly about being violated by a tutor in Baltimore at the age of twelve. Naming that truth required immense strength. When he was able, he reported the abuse—to the police and to the school—doing what survivors
- [Weight Gain After Trauma Isn’t Just Emotional—It’s Biological](https://wesurviveabuse.com/weight-gain-after-trauma-isnt-just-emotional-its-biological/) - Let’s stop lying to Survivors. Let’s stop telling people who have lived through violation, abandonment, abuse, and neglect to just “push the plate away” like food is the problem—when safety was the thing stolen from us all along. You can’t portion-control your way back into a body that doesn’t feel safe.You can’t shame yourself thin
- [Why Some People Fear the Truth About Domination](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-some-people-fear-the-truth-about-domination/) - There’s a strange thing happening in our world today—especially online—where people want to argue about the words we use instead of facing the truth behind them. Take the word “dominate.” Some folks want to make it sound playful, harmless, or just a personality quirk. They’ll jump in and correct you—quickly—if you say someone dominates others
- [A Woman-Centered Truth About FGM We Cannot Abandon (w/list of resource organizations)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/a-woman-centered-truth-about-fgm-we-cannot-abandon/) - FGM victims’ fury as academics compare practice to cosmetic surgery Any honest critique of global efforts to address female genital mutilation must begin here: Girls’ bodies were altered without their consent.That harm is real.It is embodied.And it does not disappear when the response to it is imperfect. We can—and must—hold complexity without loosening our grip
- [Before Social Media, Women Told Stories—Did We Forget How to Listen?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/before-social-media-women-told-stories-did-we-forget-how-to-listen/) - Before critique culture.Before hot takes. Before performance listening.Before everyone felt required to respond. Women told stories.And other women sat with them. Not to analyze.Not to correct.Not to diagnose.Not to “balance the narrative.” They listened to hold, not to judge. How Women Historically Sat With Stories 1. Storytelling was relational, not consumable Stories were not offered
- [When the Truth Ain’t Enough, They Spread Lies: How Rumors Were Used to Silence Civil Rights Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-truth-aint-enough-they-spread-lies-how-rumors-were-used-to-silence-civil-rights-women/) - They built movements.They led revolutions against wrongs, violence, and abuse they never should have to deal with.And when that wasn’t enough to break them—they were buried under whispers, lies, and poison-tipped rumors. 🗣 Claudette Colvin:At just 15 years old, she stood tall and refused to give up her seat.But instead of lifting her up,
- [🧩 Oppressive Systems Are Built to Erase Specificity](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧩-oppressive-systems-are-built-to-erase-specificity/) - We must say it plainly: Oppressive systems are designed to flatten, generalize, and erase. They pretend to be “fair” by treating everyone the same—but they know full well that we are not treated the same. When people talk about justice for all, too often it’s really justice for the few—while everyone else is expected to
- [💔 They Don’t Say She Was Loved — They Say She Stayed](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-they-dont-say-she-was-loved-they-say-she-stayed/) - Previous generations of women had different concerns because they had fewer options. Let’s start there. Many of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers didn’t compare notes with one another the way we do now. They could not. Safety and silence were the price of survival. They often did not have the option to leave, to separate and
- [What Knowledge Are Black Women Assumed Not to Have?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-knowledge-are-black-women-assumed-not-to-have/) - Black women are often assumed not to know: Our own history Political theory Feminist scholarship Legal realities Medical facts Global context This assumption shows up quietly, but constantly. It appears in the way our statements are questioned before they are heard.In the way our observations are treated as opinion rather than insight.In the way we
- [Why They Call It Identity Politics When We’re Just Naming the Wound](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-they-call-it-identity-politics-when-were-just-naming-the-wound/) - The term “identity politics” has become almost like a lightning rod in modern conversation. But beneath the noise, the resistance to it reveals a deeper tension: people’s discomfort with whose stories and needs get centered. 🌍 1. The Language Got Distorted Originally, identity politics wasn’t about exclusion or division — it came from the Combahee
- [If the Harm Is Precise, Our Words Must Be Precise](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-the-harm-is-precise-our-words-must-be-precise/) - I see you. You see me. We see one another. There are groups who are targeted because of who they are — yet the moment they try to name that truth, people rush to silence them. Let’s be specific, because the harm is specific. The crosshairs are specific. And Survivors deserve language that reflects reality,
- [Forced Sterilization Wasn’t a Mistake. It Was Misogyny and Racism Working Together.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/forced-sterilization-wasnt-a-mistake-it-was-misogyny-and-racism-working-together/) - "All they know about is slavery" Do we? Or is that all you heard before you stopped listening so people stopped sharing with you? Because there is too much more. Like all Survivors there are worlds of untold stories. Forced sterilization is one of the clearest, most brutal examples of misogyny and racism colliding—and reinforcing
- [Why Is Black Women’s Truth Treated as Disloyalty?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-is-black-womens-truth-treated-as-disloyalty/) - There is a name for what happens when Black women are pressured to abandon our Blackness in order to be accepted as “real” women. Racial Gatekeeping of Womanhood. It shows up when white women—explicitly or subtly—decide that womanhood has a single center, a single priority, and a single voice.And that voice is not ours. The
- [Black women are not fragments.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-women-are-not-fragments/) - We are not pieces to be sorted.Not halves to be prioritized.Not parts to be muted so others feel whole. We do not live our lives in sections—race on one day, womanhood on another.Our experiences arrive together,move together,press on us together. Asking Black women to choose which part matters moreis not clarity.It is distortion. We are
- [Why Are Black Women Always Told to “Educate” Others?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-are-black-women-always-told-to-educate-others/) - Because our knowledge is often treated as public property rather than personal wisdom. There is an unspoken expectation that Black women should always be ready to explain—calmly, patiently, and on demand—what we already live with every day. Our experiences are treated like open-access material instead of hard-earned understanding shaped by history, survival, and deep observation.
- [When White Women Say “Misogyny Is Older,” What’s Really Happening](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-white-women-say-misogyny-is-older-whats-really-happening/) - That move is often about re-centering. When Black women name race and gender together, the response isn’t just disagreement—it’s anxiety about losing narrative control. Saying “misogyny is older” becomes a way to: Reassert a single hierarchy of harm Keep the conversation legible to white experience Avoid reckoning with racial accountability Frame complexity as distraction It’s
- [Who Gets Believed Without Footnotes?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/who-gets-believed-without-footnotes/) - People closest to power. Belief, in our world, is not evenly distributed. It flows along familiar lines—toward those whose voices already sound “right,” whose language fits established norms, and whose presence feels comfortable to institutions. Those who are believed without footnotes tend to speak in ways that match: Institutional language Academic tone Cultural comfort Dominant
- [What Does It Cost to Constantly Prove You Know Your Own Life?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-does-it-cost-to-constantly-prove-you-know-your-own-life/) - It costs energy—the kind your body needs to rest and repair. It costs peace—the quiet that allows your nervous system to settle. It costs trust—in yourself, in your knowing, in your memory. It costs joy—because joy cannot thrive under interrogation. It costs time—time that belongs to your healing, not your defense. Being forced to explain
- ["Why Do Her Posts Always Seem to Reassure Men, Not Women?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-do-her-posts-always-seem-to-reassure-men-not-women/) - First of all, before I say anything else, for your own survival, believe her. You are growing awareness of who benefits from these declarations. When a woman writes a post like “Things that don’t bother me”and the list is filled with harms that overwhelmingly impact women,she is sending a message. Not a neutral one.Not a
- [What Does a Feminism That Includes You Actually Require?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-does-a-feminism-that-includes-you-actually-require/) - It requires wholeness, not performance. A feminism that includes Black women does not ask us to arrive as fragments—carefully edited, softened, or stripped of context. It does not demand that we perform pain in acceptable ways or speak only when our words are easy to receive. True inclusion begins with the understanding that Black women
- [🚨 25 Items & Systems That Risk Women’s Lives Because They Don’t Accommodate Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-25-items-systems-that-risk-womens-lives-because-they-dont-accommodate-women/) - Printable PDF Women and girls are frequently sent the message that demanding accommodations for our health and safety are "selfish." And, DEI is a sin, you know. Meanwhile, there are many everyday products, designs, and “safety” standards built around the “default male body” that put women at increased risk for harm, injury or even death.
- [Truth Over Tropes in True Crime Storytelling](https://wesurviveabuse.com/truth-over-tropes-in-true-crime-storytelling/) - Let me say this plainly, first and always: What Noel Stevens did was horrific.Shauna Tiaffay is the victim.Her children are victims.Nothing about this conversation excuses violence.Nothing shifts responsibility away from the harm done. And still—we deserve truth when these stories are told. The Problem With the “Street Smart” Trope In many true-crime documentaries, Noel Stevens
- [“Why Are Women Still Told to Have Faith in Men Who ‘Rebrand’ Themselves?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/16516-2/) - “If his change requires your suffering to prove it, it isn’t change — it’s another performance.” — WeSurviveAbuse.com Somehow, we allowed ourselves to believe that when a man says he’s “changed,” women are the ones who should get to work — proving it, supporting it, forgiving it, managing it. We become the validators, the witnesses,
- [A Checklist for Anyone Claiming to Care About Women and Children’s Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/a-checklist-for-anyone-claiming-to-care-about-women-and-childrens-safety/) - No matter how you identify, if you continuously show up only to argue that women shouldn’t fight for our own health, opportunity, and safety, then the pattern speaks for itself. This checklist names what true support looks like. If these boxes stay empty, it’s fair to conclude you are not advocating for women or children
- [What Happens When the People Stop Listening to Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-happens-when-the-people-stop-listening-to-women/) - These stories are unsettling. I do hope that male podcasters, influencers, and journalists are covering these stories and not just waiting for the stories that advance misogyny, racism, and other hateful agendas. We need lifesaving change.
- [When Belonging Breaks: Surviving in Truth When Cultures Defends Abusers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-belonging-breaks-surviving-in-truth-when-cultures-defends-abusers/) - I get when some groups defend some aspects of abusers. I've slipped (more than once) and done it too. I'm a human. I still have a duty to push back because some victims are surviving and that's their absolute best. Others, aren't here anymore to have their say. The pain others have no time, balm,
- [He Harmed Who He Harmed — Not Who He Told the World He Wanted](https://wesurviveabuse.com/he-harmed-who-he-harmed-not-who-he-told-the-world-he-wanted/) - People keep acting like a man’s sexual identity is a character reference. They say things like: “He likes women.”“He has a girlfriend.”“He wouldn’t do that.” As if attraction is a moral credential. But when you use who he claims to want to dismiss what he actually did, that’s not logic — that’s rape-apologist language. When
- [You Can’t Reason With People Who See Facts as a Personal Attack](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-cant-reason-with-people-who-see-facts-as-a-personal-attack/) - One of life’s hardest lessons is this: you cannot reason with people who treat facts and reality as a personal attack. No matter how carefully you explain, no matter how gently you deliver the truth, they will twist reality into something it never was. Here are truths to remember when dealing with people who resist
- [The Real Locker Room Talk: Men Don’t Need Cheerleaders—They Need Witnesses](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-real-locker-room-talk-men-dont-need-cheerleaders-they-need-witnesses/) - Let’s stop dancing around what everybody can feel but few want to say: Men are not suffering because women won’t let them cry.They are suffering because other men will not let them be human. Women have been holding emotional space for men since the beginning of time—listening, soothing, forgiving, and absorbing the damage when those
- [The REAL Reason Nursing Got Downgraded (No One Will Say This) | Nyesha Nicole](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-real-reason-nursing-got-downgraded-no-one-will-say-this-nyesha-nicole/) - Health and healing are too sacred for this. We need nurses. Women — and girls — need nurses who see trauma for what it is. Nurses who recognize the histories carried in our bodies. Nurses who treat with dignity, affirmation, and understanding. NCBI+1 We need social workers. We need teachers. Child-care workers. We need institutions
- [Why Do So Many Lies Feel True? The Hidden Psychology No One Talks About](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-do-so-many-lies-feel-true-the-hidden-psychology-no-one-talks-about/) - There is a moment in every soul’s journey when the world begins to whisper: “This must be the truth—everyone is saying it.” But repetition is not revelation.And loudness is not legitimacy. What most people call truth is often only familiarity wearing a crown. A lie rehearsed long enough begins to feel like ancestral memory. A
- [Prevent it-Trauma is Traumatizing.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/prevent-it-trauma-is-traumatizing/) - This poster could not be more correct. You do not do this work without encountering people who do not recover. Some are in prison. Some are in bondage in some fashion. Some will never be safe to be around. Some are no longer here. Some took people with them. Not everyone recovers. Not because they
- [Minimizing Chronic Pain Can Be Dangerous and Deadly (impactful Tiktok video story)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/minimizing-chronic-pain-can-be-dangerous-and-deadly-impactful-tiktok-video-story/) - Pain hurts in a way that words fail. Pain doesn’t announce itself politely.It arrives like weather—uninvited, undeniable, and immune to reason. Pain is a shadow you can’t outrun,a ghost that follows you into the grocery store,into the car, into the bed where rest should be.It curls itself into your joints,learns the architecture of your spine,and
- [She Spoke Truthfully -And Nothing Has Been the Same Since (Update on Nurse Jennifer Melle)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-spoke-truthfully-and-nothing-has-been-the-same-since-update-on-nurse-jennifer-melle/) - When did we all agree to make professional female carers and providers the new global target? Which political leaders are speaking for women's professional rights? So just to catch you up, here is a link to the last post on Nurse Jennifer Melle---->>>> “The Jennifer Melle Case: When Women’s Safety Loses to Male Protection —
- [🕯️ Sandy’s Law: The Price She Paid, The Road She Built](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🕯️-sandys-law-the-price-she-paid-the-road-she-built/) - [WeSurviveAbuse.com] There are women today who believe that feminism is no longer needed.But sometimes the only reason it feels unnecessary is because you are walking a little safer on roads other women built with their lives. One of those women was Sandra "Sandy" Berfield. 📍Who Was Sandy? Sandy Berfield was a hardworking waitress in Massachusetts.
- [Megan Thee Stallion: They Can Fake Your Image, But They Can’t Rewrite Your Worth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/megan-thee-stallion-they-can-fake-your-image-but-they-cant-rewrite-your-worth/) - Some of us didn’t need a courtroom to tell us that digital harm is real. We felt it in our bones the moment someone used our name, our picture, or our body like we were scenery in their show. For a long time, folks tried to convince us that online violation was “no big deal.”
- [“She Was No Angel” — But What If She Was Hurting?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-was-no-angel-but-what-if-she-was-hurting/) - People say it like a verdict. “She was no angel.” But I’ve sat across from women others were quick to throw away. Once they started speaking and telling me their stories, I didn’t see enemies of progress. I saw pain. You see somebody’s baby girl who was told to survive what no one should ever
- [Words Matter: Why Calling ALL Older Woman-Younger Man Relationships "Grooming" is Harmful](https://wesurviveabuse.com/words-matter-why-calling-all-older-woman-younger-man-relationships-grooming-is-harmful/) - Language matters. It shapes how we think, how we write laws, how we protect—or fail to protect—the vulnerable. That’s why we must be precise when using terms like grooming, a word created to name and fight a specific kind of manipulation and abuse. But lately, there’s a troubling trend: people labeling consensual relationships between older
- [The Real Exclusion Happens When We Refuse to Face the Truth: Male on Male Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-real-exclusion-happens-when-we-refuse-to-face-the-truth-male-on-male-violence/) - It is not women who are being exclusionary when we protect our spaces.It is not women who are the barrier to real, lasting change. When people refuse to recognize that many males are vulnerable to male violence, they are the ones being exclusionary.They are the ones ignoring the full, complex truth. That disabled males, poor
- [When Our Words Teach Them What’s “Normal” About Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-our-words-teach-them-whats-normal-about-violence/) - If we’re spending more time excusing violence—saying we “understand” or “forgive” men who hurt women—than we are affirming what love and safety look like, then we’re part of the problem. Think about how often we say things like: “He had a hard childhood.” “She says she’ll always love him.” “You’re excusing this person, but not
- [Scouts Honor: The Secret Files of Boy Scouts of America is on Netflix](https://wesurviveabuse.com/scouts-honor-the-secret-files-of-boy-scouts-of-america-is-on-netflix/) - This is another MUST-SEE! From this storytelling perspective we can see: Avoidance & discouragement of parental notification Deep denial on behalf of leaders charged with keeping children safe. Deeply entrenched ignorance on behalf of leaders charged with keeping children safe. Experts who know what they are talking about being ignored, shunned, and silenced. Blame
- [Let’s Be Honest: It’s Past Time for Men to Show Up for Each Other](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lets-be-honest-its-past-time-for-men-to-show-up-for-each-other/) - For far too long, society has quietly and dangerously assigned the role of protector, counselor, and emotional caretaker to women and girls—even when the harm in question is coming from men. Especially: The oldest The darkest The heaviest The one labeled as not as pretty as other The 'tomboy' Even the least mobile (perhaps because
- [The Myth of Neutrality: Why Identity Blindness Fails Survivors Every Time](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-myth-of-neutrality-why-identity-blindness-fails-survivors-every-time/) - There’s a phrase people love to say when conversations get uncomfortable: “I don’t see gender, race, sexuality, or identity. I treat everyone the same.” It sounds enlightened. It sounds fair. It sounds like progress. But for Survivors of violence, that kind of neutrality doesn’t feel like safety.It feels like erasure. It feels like someone saying,“Your
- [When Identity Becomes a Shield: Why Accountability Must Stay Human-Centered](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-identity-becomes-a-shield-why-accountability-must-stay-human-centered/) - This is a tender area. Many people tense up the moment sexual violence and sexual orientation appear in the same conversation. The fear is understandable: historically, LGBTQ+ communities have endured horrific stereotyping, false accusations, and violence fueled by lies. No one with a conscience wants to repeat that harm. But there is another truth —
- [Austin Wolfe Sentencing: What It Means for Survivors, Justice, and the Black Gay Community (w/audio)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/austin-wolfe-sentencing-what-it-means-for-survivors-justice-and-the-black-gay-community/) - The news of Austin Wolfe’s sentencing has landed heavily. Once a visible figure in the adult entertainment industry, he now faces the consequences of crimes that cut to the core of human dignity—enticement of a minor and the distribution of child sexual abuse material. His conviction is not just about one man; it is about
- [When Older Women Are Told to Give Until It Hurts](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-older-women-are-told-to-give-until-it-hurts/) - The internet will have you believe something very simple and very cruel, and in my view, is rooted in misogyny: If younger people cut you off, it must be your fault. If a relationship with your adult child is strained, you must have failed. If a younger person is angry, the story ends with your
- [30 Signs of a Dangerous Person: How to Protect Yourself from Manipulators & Predators](https://wesurviveabuse.com/30-signs-of-a-dangerous-person-how-to-protect-yourself-from-manipulators-predators/) - Unsafe people don’t always reveal their true nature immediately. They test boundaries, manipulate emotions, and gain trust before showing their worst behaviors. Whether in relationships, workplaces, friendships, or even online interactions, it’s crucial to recognize red flags before harm is done. Some dangerous people are master manipulators. Others lack empathy entirely. Some may not be
- [We Didn’t Come This Far for Crumbs](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-didnt-come-this-far-for-crumbs/) - A handful of men hold the feast, while women and darker-skinned people are told to survive on crumbs. Why are we accepting this as normal? For too long, we’ve watched resources flow upward into the hands of a select few, as if the rest of us were born to endure hunger—not just for food, but
- [Tina Turner Survived Through Hell and NOTHINg About That is Funny](https://wesurviveabuse.com/tina-turner-survived-through-hell-and-nothing-about-that-is-funny/) - elink.io | See Original
- [Megan Thee Stallion 101: You Don’t Break Me in Public and Expect Me to Heal in Silence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/megan-thee-stallion-101-you-dont-break-me-in-public-and-expect-me-to-heal-in-silence/) - Why are people angry? I will tell you. This happens to nearly every victim who chooses themselves and the truth. After a season of ambivalence and uncertainty, (not uncommon & normal, because when have you seen the world stand up and cheer when a Black woman came forward about being victimized by a man) Megan
- [When the Harm Comes for Us First: Updates on the Megan Thee Stallion Case](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-harm-comes-for-us-first-updates-on-the-megan-thee-stallion-case/) - Black women have always been expected to endure harm quietly, yet blamed when we finally speak it plainly. The updates around Megan Thee Stallion remind us why naming the harm matters so much for us: because the harm finds us, hunts us, and tries to silence us first. When we tell the truth about what
- [When Technology Becomes a Weapon: What You Need to Know About Cyberstalking and Deepfake Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-technology-becomes-a-weapon-what-you-need-to-know-about-cyberstalking-and-deepfake-abuse/) - People like to be casual about it, but cyberstalking is a crime. Cyberstalking looks like: Following you from platform to platform, even after you block them Flooding your inbox with unwanted messages Watching your posts, tracking your movements, studying your life Using fake accounts to get close when you shut the door Hacking into your
- [Black Women Have Always Spoken Truth to Power — and We Still Will](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-women-have-always-spoken-truth-to-power-and-we-still-will/) - In the end anti-black, anti-female, and all forms of discrimination are equivalent to the same thing: anti-humanism. Shirley Chisholm From the earliest movements for freedom, Black women have never hesitated to speak truth — not only to their oppressors, but to their own allies when necessary. 🗳️ 19th & Early 20th Century: Speaking Truth
- [When Courage Takes the Mic: Tish Hyman Speaks Truth to Leaders About Protecting Women and Children](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-courage-takes-the-mic-tish-hyman-speaks-truth-to-leaders-about-protecting-women-and-children/) - She is facing opposition from all directions. But, that doesn't always mean that you go silent. She is adjusting her mic and turning it up.....for women and children. In a moment that has moved millions, Tish Hyman, the gifted singer, songwriter, and proud lesbian advocate, stood before political leaders and spoke what too many are
- [🌿 Who Still Treats Women’s Safety as Sacred?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-who-still-treats-womens-safety-as-sacred/) - “When a woman says, ‘I don’t feel safe,’ she’s not creating a problem — she’s revealing one.” There was a time when the safety of women was understood as sacred. Communities built walls around it. Faith honored it. Elders guarded it like a flame that kept the whole village warm. Now, too often, women’s safety
- [💭 Why Do Women Always End Up Doing All the Emotional Work?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💭-why-do-women-always-end-up-doing-all-the-emotional-work/) - You’re not imagining it. Every time peace needs patching, someone turns their eyes toward a woman. Every time rage fills a room, someone expects a woman to whisper it back into calm. And when the dust settles, the world forgets who caught the storm. That’s labor. It’s not “personality.” It’s not “just how you
- [Political Action Alert: Where Can Any of Us Afford to Go If Home is a Violent Space?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/political-action-alert-where-can-any-of-us-afford-to-go-if-home-is-a-violent-space/) - For years, people asked, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” That question is evaporating—not because we finally understand domestic violence, but because something far more sobering is happening: Where can she possibly afford to go? We are living through a housing crisis that is reshaping safety itself. The high cost of living—rent, mortgages, deposits, utilities—has quietly
- [The Savvy Working Mom: Setting Intellectual Boundaries At Work](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-savvy-working-mom-setting-intellectual-boundaries-at-work/)
- [Not Every Wound Needs a Healing Deadline](https://wesurviveabuse.com/not-every-wound-needs-a-healing-deadline/) - I am growing in curves, not in straight lines. My journey bends like water and still arrives on time. We are not okay everyday....and that is okay. Have you ever had a spot like a pimple or a mark on your face and the more you tried to make it go away, the digger it
- [Heal—So They Can’t Use Your Wounds Against You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/heal-so-they-cant-use-your-wounds-against-you/) - One of the hardest, most necessary truths:Unhealed wounds are vulnerable to manipulation. There are people who don’t want you whole.They want you fractured.They want you tired, tender, off-balance—because it’s easier to twist your truth when you’re still bleeding. They study your insecurities.They weaponize your loneliness.They mirror your desires and rehearse your fears—not to love you,
- [Boundaries Are Freedom in Disguise: Reclaiming What History Tried to Take](https://wesurviveabuse.com/boundaries-are-freedom-in-disguise-reclaiming-what-history-tried-to-take/) - We talk about boundaries so often here because for women—especially Survivors—boundary setting is not just a life skill. It’s liberation. For centuries, laws, customs, and traditions were built to erase a woman’s right to say no. Since the beginning, the message has been clear: a woman’s body, labor, and voice belongs to someone else. Boundaries
- [Healing Is Not Linear—It’s Rhythmic](https://wesurviveabuse.com/healing-is-not-linear-its-rhythmic/) - I take what nourishes, I leave what drains. My spirit knows the difference like rivers know the rain. Indigenous practitioners, rootworkers, somatic healers, and mystics teach that healing moves in cycles: contraction and expansion quiet and expression solitude and connection Your body, your energy, your intuition—they all carry old intelligence.They do not respond well to
- [Living in Hiding: Why Survivors Change Their Names to Stay Alive](https://wesurviveabuse.com/living-in-hiding-why-survivors-change-their-names-to-stay-alive/) - For some women, "deadnaming" is a strange concept. Deadnaming is said to be when someone refers to a transgender person by their birth name (the name they no longer use), rather than their chosen name. Tireless and dedicated women's advocate Danni Brener brought something to mind for me today. Women have had to change their
- [You’re Not Broken. You Were Trained to Survive Chaos.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/youre-not-broken-you-were-trained-to-survive-chaos/) - Some of us were raised in rooms where silence was survival. Where love came with conditions, and peace was always paid for in self-abandonment. We learned to read moods like weather forecasts. We learned to apologize for existing. And for a long time, we thought that was love. But it wasn’t. It was training. Training
- [When the Request for Truth Is Framed as Hate](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-request-for-truth-is-framed-as-hate/) - It’s an old tactic.Polished. Weaponized.Still as effective as ever. When someone—especially a woman, especially someone from a minoritized group—asks for the truth, the pushback is swift: “You’re being divisive.” “That’s hateful.” “You’re attacking people.” “You’re dangerous.” But let’s name this tactic for what it is: reversal.It flips the roles of harm and accountability, so the
- [When Leaders Put Special Interests Above Public Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-leaders-put-special-interests-above-public-safety/) - Leaders who put special interests above the well-being of the people are not truly leading. They are making deals that auction off community safety for short-term gain. Safety should never be negotiable.When those in power trade our protection for political favors or financial backing, they show us who they serve—not the people, but profit. True
- [Until Respect for All Includes Respect for Women’s Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/until-respect-for-all-includes-respect-for-womens-boundaries/) - There is no hate here. No hatred of any man, or of how he chooses to live or express himself. Not even who he chooses to love.WeSurviveAbuse was never built on hate—it was intentionally built on healing, protection, love, hope, joy, and truth. But love and safety are not built on surrender.It is not in
- [When Human Resources Protects Power, Not People: What the Sean Combs Case Reveals](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💼-when-human-resources-protects-power-not-people-what-the-sean-combs-case-reveals/) - The trial against music mogul Sean Combs is not just about one man’s alleged abuse—it is about the systems that allowed it to persist for decades. One of those systems is Human Resources (HR). Testimonies reveal a disturbing pattern: some staff who witnessed or experienced harm went to HR—but were met not with support
- [How to Know if an Abuser’s Remorse Is Real](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-to-know-if-an-abusers-remorse-is-real/) - When Survivors hear “I’m sorry,” it can stir hope. How could it not? There's love or at least caring there. But apologies from abusers are often tangled with manipulation, pressure, or empty promises. Real remorse looks different from regret at being caught. Here are signs to watch for: 1. They Stop Making Excuses No more
- [Stop Calling It Respect When It’s Really Silence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stop-calling-it-respect-when-its-really-silence/) - When children are trapped in abusive homes, they’re not just harmed by the acts themselves. They’re trained through language. Words become cages. The same phrases that should nurture them are twisted into commands of silence, compliance, and confusion. Here are some of the words abused children hear — and the ways society still echoes them
- [Why Women’s Rights Vary by State—and Men’s Don’t: A Breakdown of Legal Inequality in America](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-womens-rights-vary-by-state-and-mens-dont-a-breakdown-of-legal-inequality-in-america/) - Do you see all this debate over "women's spaces" and NONE over men's spaces? There’s a line from a 1976 film that still echoes today: “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” In the movie Network, an exhausted news anchor—fed up with lies, corruption, and public apathy—loses it live
- [If Women Are ‘Imagining It,’ Why Is Someone Making Money From It?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-women-are-imagining-it-why-is-someone-making-money-from-it/) - It’s wild how quickly the world silences women.The minute a woman says she’s uncomfortable, cautious, or afraid, people look at her like she’s exaggerating.Like she’s fragile.Like she’s imagining things. They question her instincts more than they question the behavior that triggered them. But here’s the part almost no one wants to say out loud: There
- [Gaslighting with a Grin: What Covert Bullying Really Looks Like](https://wesurviveabuse.com/gaslighting-with-a-grin-what-covert-bullying-really-looks-like/) - What Is Covert Bullying? The Abuse You Can’t Always See Not all bullying looks like yelling, pushing, or name-calling.Some of the most damaging harm happens in the shadows—quiet, calculated, and hard to prove.That’s called covert bullying. It’s abuse that hides behind smiles, silence, and manipulation. Covert bullying can fly under the radar, especially in schools,
- [Why Females Are the Most Vulnerable Group of Human Beings](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-females-are-the-most-vulnerable-group-of-human-beings/) - Across cultures, eras, and systems, females are positioned as the most vulnerable group of human beings — not because of weakness, but because of the world’s long-standing appetite for controlling, accessing, and exploiting the female body. Women and girls carry vulnerabilities that are structural, physical, economic, legal, and cultural. They are layered on us before
- [Do Not Throw “Studies” in Our Face](https://wesurviveabuse.com/do-not-throw-studies-in-our-face/) - Women know this story all too well: We raise alarms. We say, this is unsafe, this will hurt us, this will hurt our children. And what do we hear back? “Don’t worry.”“There’s no data.”“Studies show it’s fine.” But we’ve lived long enough to know that waiting for studies means waiting for casualties. Women Are Never
- [Holiday Boundaries: Your Voice, Your Choice, Your Healing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/holiday-boundaries-your-voice-your-choice-your-healing/) - The holidays carry a weight most people never see. For Survivors, gatherings can be a battlefield of memories, expectations, and unspoken wounds. Your voice may tremble with truth, or it may choose silence as its sanctuary. Both are valid. Both are powerful. You are not obligated to perform your healing for anyone. You owe no
- [Angels Need Rest Too: Why Demanding a Sanctuary Is an Act of Survival, Not Selfishness](https://wesurviveabuse.com/angels-need-rest-too-why-demanding-a-sanctuary-is-an-act-of-survival-not-selfishness/) - Women, we are always there for everyone else. This season, this THANKSgiving season, among the many things that I am truly thankful for is women. We have spent too many years carrying the weight of the world on spines that were never meant to bear it alone. We have been the mules of the earth,
- [Why It’s So Hard to Leave: The Hidden Barriers Survivors of Domestic Violence Face](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-its-so-hard-to-leave-the-hidden-barriers-survivors-of-domestic-violence-face/) - “Why didn’t they just leave?” It’s a question asked far too often and far too casually.But the real question is: Why do we keep asking that, instead of asking what made them stay—and what we can do to help them safely go? The truth is, leaving an abusive relationship is never simple. Survivors of domestic
- [20 Common Misconceptions About When and Why Survivors "Should Be Over the Pain"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/20-common-misconceptions-about-when-and-why-survivors-should-be-over-the-pain/) - Our nervous system doesn't comprehend "forgive & forget." We can try to not think about trauma that happened to us-- but then we end up feeling "crazy" when our body & reflexes continue responding to, i.e., "remembering," something we've consciously tried to "forgive & forget." Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle Healing from abuse is not
- [Do All Men Use Their Podcasts to Harm Women? I’m Beginning to Wonder.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/do-all-men-use-their-podcasts-to-harm-women-im-beginning-to-wonder/) - Some days I sit with this question—not because I want to, but because the evidence keeps stacking itself in front of me. A man shot a Black woman. A man shot Megan Thee Stallion. A man with everything to lose took out a gun and shot her. Where I come from, when someone gets shot,
- [⭐ Why I Resist Diluted Language Like “Birthing People”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⭐-why-i-resist-diluted-language-like-birthing-people/) - There is a kind of language floating around today that sounds gentle on the surface — soft, neutral, inclusive. Words like: “birthing people” “people who give birth” “the body that menstruates” “parental carriers” “pregnant bodies” “we are one” “we’re all the same” “everyone experiences this the same way” But here’s the truth: This language may
- [⭐ Signs Black Women Describe When They’re Being Treated Poorly During Pregnancy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⭐-signs-black-women-describe-when-theyre-being-treated-poorly-during-pregnancy/) - These stories in the news around Black maternal health always hit home for me. I have publicly shared my pregnancy ordeal and how horrible racism is in the medical community when women are most vulnerable. It wasn't the first time I experienced medical racism but there is something really terrifying about experiencing it while you
- [🖤 “They Couldn’t Deny What They Never Gave”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🖤-they-couldnt-deny-what-they-never-gave/) - ✊🏾 1. Many Black women rejected the idea that womanhood flows from whiteness. Throughout history, Black women have critiqued the idea that womanhood must be defined by white standards—whether in looks, roles, or social status. Womanist thinkers like Alice Walker, Clenora Hudson-Weems, and Amina Mama have affirmed that Black womanhood is culturally, spiritually, and communally
- [Truth-Telling Is Not “Race Talk.” It’s Course Correction.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/truth-telling-is-not-race-talk-its-course-correction/) - Saying “Black woman” is not race discourse.It’s not divisive.It’s not inflammatory.It’s accuracy in the field of violence and abuse — a field that has avoided telling the truth for far too long. For decades, this work has tiptoed around the realities that Black people live with every day: Black women and girls harmed and unheard
- [🌿 You Cannot Fight for Black Maternal Health While Erasing Black Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-you-cannot-fight-for-black-maternal-health-while-erasing-black-women/) - We cannot protect what we refuse to name. And we cannot save Black women’s lives while allowing the world to blur, dilute, or silence the very people most affected. These two realities cannot coexist. Because every kind of erasure — historical, medical, linguistic, statistical, spiritual — weakens the ground we stand on when we fight
- [⚡ Trust Yourself — Without Apology](https://wesurviveabuse.com/17178-2/) - “They may call you hateful. But what they won’t call you is gone — because you trusted yourself.” Ignore the noise of people who do not know better. Lack of self-trust around abusive men can cost you your life — sometimes in the very next second. Let them call you hateful. What they won’t call
- [23 Common Excuses Used to Downplay Safety Risks for Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/23-common-excuses-used-to-downplay-safety-risks-for-women/) - IF we truly want to end violence against women, scapegoating women for male violence must end. You cannot scapegoat women for male violence on one day and then claim to want violence against women to end on the next day. No matter how many followers, clients, parishioners, or subscribers, you have we all must break this
- [🥊 Christy Salters: The Fighter Who Refused to Stay Down](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🥊-christy-salters-the-fighter-who-refused-to-stay-down/) - I admired her healing journey before the movie. The number of times I sat with women (the park ranger, the martial artist, the cop, the welder, the construction manager, the professor, the school principal, the law maker, the minister, the business owner...from diverse backgrounds) as judges minimized their testimony of being abused by their husbands
- [May We Never Forget the Battles: When Pregnancy Was a Fireable Offense](https://wesurviveabuse.com/may-we-never-forget-the-battles-when-pregnancy-was-a-fireable-offense/) - It has gotten to the point where many of us in the West were not there in the days when a woman could be fired because she was pregnant. Society has always rushed to the front to judge, shame, and have a say over women and our bodies. Every single day without interruption.
- [✅ Moral Gaslighting: When Women Asking for Safety Are Treated Like the Problem](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✅-moral-gaslighting-when-women-asking-for-safety-are-treated-like-the-problem/) - What is moral gaslighting? Moral gaslighting happens when women speak up for their own safety, and instead of being heard, they are shamed, discredited, or reframed as the villain. It’s when leaders, media, or institutions twist your valid, self-protective concern into something hateful, small-minded, or “wrong.” It’s not just manipulation. It’s manipulation with a moral
- [Red Flags: Why Am I Feeling Unseen Here? Clues Survivors Notice First.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/red-flags-why-am-i-feeling-unseen-here-clues-survivors-notice-first/) - To be clear: People are not going to always feel seen. This is a huge planet. We are specifically talking about spaces, and conversations around violence, abuse, and Survivors....but harm doers are centered and catered to. The focus shifts to the feelings of the accused Suddenly the priority becomes protecting reputations, careers, or “misunderstandings,” while
- [When Power Aligns Against a Black Woman: Why Megan’s Case Still Matters for Every Survivor](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-power-aligns-against-a-black-woman-why-megans-case-still-matters-for-every-survivor/) - There are times in this work where you have to resist the urge to cuss everybody clean out. Just tell people the truth with no filter. That's why I wish I could rap. There are moments in our culture that quietly expose how unsafe it can be for a woman to tell the truth. The
- [Why Do Some Men Bash Good Men Rather Than Learning From Them?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-do-some-men-bash-good-men-rather-than-learning-from-them/) - Facts…why men rush to social media to bash Klay Thompson and Russell Wilson. pic.twitter.com/7O3U0642rm — Fck_Yaya🎧✍️🏾 (@FckYaya) November 20, 2025 He’s calling out a truth many of us have watched for years: Far too many men don’t learn how to be good men from good men.They learn from the loudest, angriest voices in the room
- [Some of Us Can’t Pretend Institutions Are Harmless](https://wesurviveabuse.com/some-of-us-cant-pretend-institutions-are-harmless/) - It’s a strange kind of exhaustion—working beside women who understand abuse in private relationships, yet act confused when the same dynamics show up in systems and institutions. They can name coercive control in a marriage.They can spot manipulation in a partner.They can explain grooming, silence, punishment, and power plays in a heartbeat. But when those
- [📣 Period Poverty in the U.S.: A Crisis of Dignity, Health & Equity](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📣-period-poverty-in-the-u-s-a-crisis-of-dignity-health-equity/) - As women advocates, we must name this clearly: the struggle to afford menstrual products is not a private issue—it is a public health, racial justice, and gender justice issue. Key Stats You Need to Know Around 16.9 million people who menstruate in the U.S. live in poverty. Ballard Brief+1 About 1 in 4 students (teens)
- [Women Who Menstruate Have Every Right to Speak with Authority on Periods](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-who-menstruate-have-every-right-to-speak-with-authority-on-periods/) - Women have every right to speak with authority about menstruation. Maybe it’s those old television commercials—the ones with smiling, carefree women twirling in white pants—that convinced people that periods must be “easy,” “light,” or “barely noticeable.”Because if you believe that fantasy, you truly won’t understand why any woman would be offended when males
- [🎯 What We Will Not Be Prioritizing When Women Demand Safety, Health & Well-Being](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎯-what-we-will-not-be-prioritizing-when-women-demand-safety-health-well-being/) - When women cry out for justice, safety, healing, and the right to exist without fear, the response is too often not action—but distraction. Instead of addressing the harm, society interrogates the woman: What does she look like?How does she say it? Did she ask nicely? Did she say pretty please? Did she show some thigh?
- [How Audre Lorde Taught Us to See Women Fully](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-audre-lorde-taught-us-to-see-women-fully/) - Audre Lorde wasn’t just a poet—she was a warrior. A Black feminist, lesbian, mother, and activist who refused to let society define womanhood in narrow, limited terms. She showed us that gender can’t be discussed without race, class, and sexuality. If we want to truly understand oppression, we have to look at all the ways
- [When Stalking Isn’t Just "Annoying" — It’s a Real Threat to Girls and Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-stalking-isnt-just-annoying-its-a-real-threat-to-girls-and-women/) - INVESTIGATIVE: One stalking victim's mother speaks after man kills woman, sets himself on fire Stalking is often dismissed as “harassment” or brushed off as “creepy behavior.” But for many girls and women, it is much more than that — it’s a deeply traumatic violation of dignity, privacy, and safety. What the Numbers Say In 2019,
- [12 Ways Communities & Families Normalize Predators — and Destroy Survivors in the Process](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-ways-communities-families-normalize-predators-and-destroy-survivors-in-the-process/) - The truth is not quiet. The truth is not polite. The truth is not neutral. And neither are predators. Too many of us watched it happen in real time.People made jokes. Played the music. Quoted the lyrics.And danced on the backs of Black girls and women whose pain they refused to face. It wasn’t just
- [When Women’s Murders Are Hijacked: How Race, Politics, and Silence Derail the Fight Against Male Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-womens-murders-are-hijacked-how-race-politics-and-silence-derail-the-fight-against-male-violence/) - Too often, when a woman is murdered, the conversation shifts quickly away from her life, her safety, and the systemic failures that left her vulnerable. Instead, certain men hijack the tragedy and redirect it into their own culture wars. They are loud, but they bring no solutions—only rage. Take the awful and horrific murders of
- [Women WILL Make a Scene When We Do Not Feel Calm When a Male Enters a Female Space](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-will-make-a-scene-when-we-do-not-feel-calm-when-a-male-enters-a-female-space/) - From the time we are little girls, the world trains us to keep the peace.To stay quiet.To stay pleasant.To never upset anyone — especially men. We are raised to apologize before we speak, to soften our voices, to fold ourselves small even when we’re uncomfortable.But all of that training evaporates the moment a male enters
- [🛑 12 Reasons “She Should’ve Known Better” Does Nothing to Keep Women Safe](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-12-reasons-she-shouldve-known-better-does-nothing-to-keep-women-safe/) - We’ve heard it too many times: “She made a bad choice.”“She knew he was violent.”“We warned her.”“Why can’t I say that out loud?” Here’s why: Because that kind of judgment doesn’t stop violence. It just shifts the blame. If we really want safety, healing, and accountability—we need to stop pointing fingers at victims and
- [From Koketia King to Lisa Marie Riley: The Danger Didn’t End. It Just Changed Addresses.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/from-koketia-king-to-lisa-marie-riley-the-danger-didnt-end-it-just-changed-addresses/) - In 2010, Florida boxer Yathomas Riley was arrested after his then-girlfriend, Koketia King, was shot in the head inside his Miami apartment.Riley claimed it was self-inflicted. King survived the shooting but maintained that Riley had shot her during an argument. Riley faced attempted murder and child abuse charges — including allegations that he’d sexually abused
- [When Niceness Becomes a Trap: Why Women Deserve the Bottom Line, Not Confusion](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-niceness-becomes-a-trap-why-women-deserve-the-bottom-line-not-confusion/) - Women are often encouraged to be kind, accommodating, flexible, and understanding — even when our safety is at stake. We are told to “be nice.” We are told not to “make a scene.” We are socialized to think that saying no is rude. And we are punished when we enforce boundaries that other groups take
- [Why Are Women Told to Stay Calm About Things That Should Horrify Everyone?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-are-women-told-to-stay-calm-about-things-that-should-horrify-everyone/) - When women, girls, and children talk about boundaries, it’s not hate speaking. It’s concern. It’s exhaustion. It’s survival language. Too often, those who have been harmed or frightened are accused of being judgmental or “anti-something” when they speak about safety. But boundaries are not rejection. Boundaries are protection. They are what love looks like after
- [When Women Are Violated by Men, Don’t Police Our Tone — Restore Our Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-women-are-violated-by-men-dont-police-our-tone-restore-our-safety/) - Men should never expect a polite, dainty response when they violate women’s spaces.When you disrupt our safety, you activate our nervous systems — and we will respond. Don’t tell us to calm down.Women deserve calm spaces.If the space is no longer calm, it is because someone disturbed it — and that someone was not us.
- [The Cost of Lying for Men: What Happens When Women Are Expected to "Protect Feelings" Instead of Tell the Truth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-cost-of-lying-for-men-what-happens-when-women-are-expected-to-protect-feelings-instead-of-tell-the-truth/) - We’ve all seen it. Felt it. Been told to do it. "Don't embarrass him." "He's under a lot of stress.""Don’t ruin his life." "It costs nothing to be kind." "What difference does it make?""Just say it didn’t happen like that.""Don’t make it a big deal.""That’s just how he is." Many of us—whether we want to
- [Why It’s Wrong to Call Women “Hateful” for Demanding Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-its-wrong-to-call-women-hateful-for-demanding-safety/) - When Black and Indigenous Women Are Called “Hateful” for Demanding Safety For centuries, whenever Black and Indigenous women raised their voices for safety, they were met with the same accusation: “angry,” “hateful,” “troublemakers.”This silencing tactic on US soil: from slavery and colonization to the present day. Black Women Enslavement: Black women resisting sexual violence or
- [💭 When Women Don’t Prioritize Our Own Safety, the World Learns How to Ignore It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💭-when-women-dont-prioritize-our-own-safety-the-world-learns-how-to-ignore-it/) - When women are conditioned to put everyone else’s comfort above our own safety, we begin to disappear—slowly, quietly, obediently. We learn to smile through unease. We learn to downplay threats. We learn to make excuses for people and places that make us feel unsafe. And the world takes notes. It learns that women’s boundaries are
- [💔 When She Protects Herself, He Cries Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-when-she-protects-herself-he-cries-harm/) - [wesurviveabuse.com] There are men—too many—who believe that a woman harms them simply by refusing to be harmed by them. She sets a boundary.She tells the truth.She leaves.She survives. And suddenly she is the dangerous one.Not him who broke her body, her spirit, her peace.But her, for daring to name what happened.For refusing to carry his
- [Abuse Isn’t About Rage. It’s About Control.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/abuse-isnt-about-rage-its-about-control/) - 👁️ See It Clearly Watch who people protect — and who they hurt. Watch who they challenge — and who they stay silent around. Women. Children. The elderly. Minorities. These are often safe targets for abusive people — because abusers choose what’s easy to overpower, not what’s strong enough to fight back. When someone constantly
- [✊🏾 Teaching Before the Harm: The Difference Between Comfort and Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✊🏾-teaching-before-the-harm-the-difference-between-comfort-and-safety/) - “We learn too late because no one taught us soon enough. Let this be the generation that teaches before the harm.” Comfort feels nice. Safety keeps you alive. Too often, women and girls are encouraged to stay “comfortable” — to smile, to be kind, to give the benefit of the doubt. But comfort can make
- [🕯️ No Screening?  No Safety.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🕯️-no-screening-no-safety/) - “There is no screening process for the males who are allowed into women’s spaces. That silence is the policy.” 🌾 1. The Hidden Reality Across gyms, shelters, restrooms, hospitals, and schools, males are allowed into women’s spaces without any screening, oversight, or risk assessment. No background checks. No trauma-informed procedures. No boundaries women can depend
- [🌱 If Stress Can Shrink Your Brain, Can Healing Grow It Back?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌱-if-stress-can-shrink-your-brain-can-healing-grow-it-back/) - For years, people thought that once trauma reshaped the brain, the damage was permanent. But we now know the truth: the brain is alive, adaptable, and capable of repair. Yes — stress can shrink the brain.But healing can grow it back. 🧠 What Stress Does to the Brain When we live in constant survival mode
- [When Misinformation Spreads, Survivors Suffer: Meghann Cuniff’s Steady Voice in a Chaotic Case](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-misinformation-spreads-survivors-suffer-megan-cuniffs-steady-voice-in-a-chaotic-case/) - So, Meghann Cuniff. The Megan Thee Stallion case didn’t just expose a violent act.It exposed a culture — one that treats Black women’s pain like a spectacle, a meme, a debate topic, or entertainment. While countless voices online turned the case into chaos, fan wars, and conspiracy theories, one reporter did the opposite:Meghann Cuniff stayed
- [“She Went Off”: Why Women Are Expected to Stay Calm While Being Violated](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-went-off-why-women-are-expected-to-stay-calm-while-being-violated/) - Every time a woman raises her voice about a violation, someone appears — online, in the comments, in the community — to say: “She went off.”“She overreacted.”“She should have handled it better.” As if the woman is the disruption.As if the violation is not the first violence.As if the tone is worse than the terror.
- [When is "All Skin Folk Ain't Kin Folk" Going to Apply to Those Who Kill Us?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-is-all-skin-folk-aint-kin-folk-going-to-apply-to-those-who-kill-us/) - "All skin folk ain't kin folk" really ought to start applying to people who maim, murder, & leave children parentless in the Black community. "All skin folk ain't kin folk" This is taken from the writings of the great author Zora Neale Hurston. It means all people who are Black do not have
- [What Really Protects Women: Moving Beyond Racial Myths and Toward Real Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-really-protects-women-moving-beyond-racial-myths-and-toward-real-safety/) - For generations, women have been taught to fear the wrong things.We were warned about dark alleys, strangers, and the “unknown man” who might leap out of the shadows. But the numbers tell another story.And so do the lives of millions of Survivors. Women are overwhelmingly harmed by men they already know.Their own circles.Their own homes.Their
- [Why Defending Your Boundaries Doesn’t Make You Hateful—It Makes You Strong](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-defending-your-boundaries-doesnt-make-you-hateful-it-makes-you-strong/) - And we know how people feel about strong women. It is deeply disrespectful to violate women’s boundaries. Boundaries are not optional; they are expressions of dignity, safety, and humanity. When someone ignores or pushes past a woman’s “no,” they are disregarding her right to decide what happens to her body, her space, her time, and
- [💔 “I Was Coerced by Someone I Trusted. I Didn’t Say No. Is It Still Assault?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-i-was-coerced-by-someone-i-trusted-i-didnt-say-no-is-it-still-assault/) - This is one of the most common — and most heartbreaking — questions Survivors ask. And it deserves a clear, loving, truthful answer. Yes. Coercion is assault. Let’s talk about why. 🕊️ What Is Coercion? Coercion means being pressured, manipulated, or threatened into doing something against your will.It’s when someone takes away your freedom to
- [Because I Don’t Want To: The Power of Women’s Final Answer](https://wesurviveabuse.com/because-i-dont-want-to-the-power-of-womens-final-answer/) - There is a battle still being fought—quietly, daily, in the hearts, homes, and conversations of women across the world. A battle for a basic, sacred right: The right to say no. To say yes. To say later.The right to say, simply and clearly, “Because I don’t want to.” For centuries, women have been trained to
- [The Unseen Burden: Black Eldest Daughters and the Weight of Expectations](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-unseen-burden-black-eldest-daughters-and-the-weight-of-expectations/) - In many Black families, eldest daughters are celebrated as leaders, protectors, and role models. But behind that honor often lies a heavy, unspoken truth: eldest daughters are expected to carry more than any child should. These expectations can build resilience and wisdom—but they can also create vulnerabilities to violence, abuse, and deep emotional wounds that
- [Her VOICE is Terrifying But Not His Violence?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/her-voice-is-terrifying-but-not-his-violence/) - Some men (and women) don’t define harm as what they’ve done.They define harm as a woman’s refusal to keep quiet about it. In this upside-down worldview, her voice becomes the villain.Her survival becomes sabotage.Her honesty becomes betrayal. It’s not:🗣️ “I caused harm, and I need to change.” It’s:🧍🏾‍♂️ “She’s ruining my reputation.”🧍🏾‍♂️ “She’s making me
- [When Love Is a Lie: Understanding Grooming Beyond Childhood](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-love-is-a-lie-understanding-grooming-beyond-childhood/) - Because grooming doesn’t stop at 18. It just gets harder to prove. We are taught to see grooming as something that happens to children.But many Survivors know the truth: Adults are groomed too. In romantic relationships.In faith communities.In the workplace.In activism.In spaces that claim to be safe. This form of manipulation is so smooth, so
- [Gender Critical Thinkers: How Can We Speak of Freedom When So Many Women Still Can’t Speak at All?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/gender-critical-thinkers-how-can-we-speak-of-freedom-when-so-many-women-still-cant-speak-at-all/) - A womanist does not enter this conversation as a spectator — we enter it as those who have lived inside the body that the world debates. Long before words like gender ideology or gender critical ever appeared, women — especially Black women — were already being told what we could call ourselves, where we could
- [When Male Pain Is Exploited, Women and Children Pay the Price](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-male-pain-is-exploited-women-and-children-pay-the-price/) - A woman named Poinsettia Grant-Parks was preparing to move in with her sister—just two days away from escaping a stalker and abusive ex-boyfriend. She worked as a security guard. She was doing what so many Survivors do: planning, hoping, reaching for safety. But she never made it. Her ex-boyfriend, already on parole, killed her after
- [🛡️ Survival Required Specificity](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛡️-survival-required-specificity/) - 🛡️ Survival Required Specificity We don’t survive by blending in.We survive by knowing who we are,what harmed us,and what helps us heal. Oppressive systems thrive on confusion.They pressure us to be vague, quiet, and palatable.But when your life is on the line,vagueness can be a death sentence. 📣 Specificity is not a luxury. It’s a
- ['Playing Victim’: How Racism Silences Black Voices and Blocks True Healing in America](https://wesurviveabuse.com/playing-victim-how-racism-silences-black-voices-and-blocks-true-healing-in-america/) - Wherever there is harm—whether domestic violence, sexual violence, stalking, or racism—there is often the same pattern: minimization, denial, and reverse blaming. Survivors are shamed for naming the truth, while those who cause harm deflect accountability. This cycle is not an accident; it is part of the harm itself. And it is universal. Reflection: “Playing Victim”
- [Playing Victim or Using Wisdom to Protect Yourself? Why Wise Women Recognize the Pattern of Abuse Before Others](https://wesurviveabuse.com/playing-victim-or-using-wisdom-to-protect-yourself-why-wise-women-recognize-the-pattern-of-abuse-before-others/) - She told a friend once: “The first time he raised his voice again, I knew.” Her friend asked, “How could you know? Maybe he was just upset.” But she remembered the pattern—the way anger entered the room before he even said her name. The way his body took up space until hers shrank smaller. When
- [When the Lure Comes Wearing a Smile](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-lure-comes-wearing-a-smile/) - Trust is a powerful gift—but we must share the message with one another that even seemingly safe hands can hide danger. We grow up learning to see women as safe. And most of the time, that’s true. By a wide, wide mile, men are still the greatest danger to women and girls. There is no
- [When Parties Tell Women What to Want Instead of Listening](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-parties-tell-women-what-to-want-instead-of-listening/) - Political parties in the U.S. don’t seem to hear themselves. To many women, their voices aren’t raised for our dignity, our safety, or our futures. Instead, they shout about what they want us to believe. They flood the airwaves with strategies to contour our thinking—while leaving our lived realities on mute. Both sides behave as
- [Raising Children, Keeping House: Unpaid Labor Has a Cost](https://wesurviveabuse.com/raising-children-keeping-house-unpaid-labor-has-a-cost/) - We say, “It takes a village.” But more often than not, “the village” means the women. The ones who give their time, their rest, their breath, and their dreams. 💸 The Invisible Cost of Unpaid Labor Raising children.Keeping the house clean and livable.Planning meals.Running errands.Doctor appointments.Soothing fears.Managing school, emotions, routines, and transitions. This is labor.This
- [Sometimes the Lessons From Your Lived Experiences Intimidate Others](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sometimes-the-lessons-from-your-lived-experiences-intimidate-others/) - This "teacher braiding" conversation speaks to a much larger issue. The inability to hv conversations around 'boundaries' without gutter-low accusations of 'trauma projection' being slung around. This “teacher braiding” conversation speaks to something much bigger —the growing inability to have honest, respectful conversations about boundaries without being met with gutter-low accusations like “trauma projection” or
- [🛑 You Can’t Build Something Sacred on Disrespect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-you-cant-build-something-sacred-on-disrespect/) - Let’s speak truth—because Survivors on healthy authentic healing journeys know this better than anyone: You cannot build healthy relationships with people or groups who do not respect boundaries. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them.It doesn’t matter if they say they love you.It doesn’t matter if they’re “family,” part of a healing circle, or
- [Myth: “Women Are Safe as Long as There Are Good Men Around”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/myth-women-are-safe-as-long-as-there-are-good-men-around/) - Reality: Women Are Only as Safe as the Boundaries and Protections We Demand One of the most misleading and harmful ideas about women’s safety is the belief that “women are safe as long as there are good men around.” This myth lulls people into thinking that the presence of well-intentioned men is enough to deter
- [When Chaos Becomes Normal: Relearning the Language of Calm and Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-chaos-becomes-normal-relearning-the-language-of-calm-and-boundaries/) - Some of us grew up learning to breathe in the middle of storms. We learned to sleep through shouting, to laugh through danger, to keep functioning through heartbreak. We learned to manage everyone else’s moods just to keep a sliver of peace. That’s what they call chaos tolerance—the skill of surviving instability so long that
- [🌿 Healing Means Lowering Your Chaos Tolerance](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-healing-means-lowering-your-chaos-tolerance/) - Healing involves lowering chaos tolerance—not by becoming fragile, but by refusing to live in constant emotional emergency. This might mean: Choosing peace over intensity. Learning that quiet does not equal danger. This is why women reject systems and policies that keep setting us up as caretakers of other people’s storms. Recognizing that predictability is not
- [When Women Must Explain Their Boundaries, Society Has Already Failed Them.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-women-must-explain-their-boundaries-society-has-already-failed-them/) - No male is explaining his right to boundaries, just women and girls. That is by design. When a society demands that women justify their discomfort instead of honoring it, it quietly dismantles generations of progress. When a society makes women explain why they feel uneasy around males in spaces meant for rest, healing, or
- [Respect Without Surrender: When Rights Don’t Mean Access](https://wesurviveabuse.com/respect-without-surrender-when-rights-dont-mean-access/) - The Foundation of True Respect Respect is not ownership.And justice does not mean surrender. We live in a world that often confuses access with equality. Some people believe that being “included” means being entitled — entitled to your time, your work, your attention, your body, your peace. But that’s not how respect works. A person
- [What Does It Really Mean To Be Socialized As a Woman?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-does-it-really-mean-to-be-socialized-as-a-woman/) - To be socialized as a woman means to be trained — subtly and overtly — in what the world expects from those born female. It’s a lifetime of unspoken lessons, reinforced through family, school, religion, media, and community. From the moment she can walk and talk, a girl is taught the art of adjustment. She
- [💛 They Warned Her to Stay Quiet. Tish Hyman Turned Up the Volume (UPDATE)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💛-they-warned-her-to-stay-quiet-tish-hyman-turned-up-the-volume/) - *We wrote this post when the woman cried out. It is an international story now because the man has some slurs and yelling to do. His voice and actions made the world pay attention. At We Survive Abuse, we know that art can be a voice for truth, for safety, and for survival. And when
- [Juneteenth: Proof That Even Our Freedom Is Seen as “Too Much"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/juneteenth-proof-that-even-our-freedom-is-seen-as-too-much/) - Juneteenth is not just a holiday. It is a mirror—reflecting how this nation has long believed that Black people deserve nothing more than scraps. Even when we fight for basic dignity, for acknowledgment of stolen time and stolen lives, we are met with resistance. With dismissal. With people—yes, even some white women and white
- [Medical Sexism and Misogyny: The Harm in "Assigned Female at Birth"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/medical-sexism-and-misogyny-the-harm-in-assigned-female-at-birth/) - Often used in medical and social contexts, this phrase can inadvertently reinforce harmful stereotypes, limit individual identities, and perpetuate societal norms that restrict personal freedom. This highlighted version of a recent podcast episode is a timely take on women's continuing challenge to the outdated language and views on women's health, well-being,
- [Why Do They Say We’re “Against Men” Just Because We Want to Be Safe?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-do-they-say-were-against-men-just-because-we-want-to-be-safe/) - Don’t fall for it. Promise yourself that you will not fall for it. Don’t fall for the guilt traps, the twisting of truth, the smooth talk that tells you you’re “against men” because you stand up for your right to be safe. Don’t fall for the lie that demanding health, peace, and fairness makes you
- [Why Do People Call Gender-Critical Women “Extremists” When We’re Just Talking About Safety?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-do-people-call-gender-critical-women-extremists-when-were-just-talking-about-safety/) - Survivor advocacy has always required naming what endangers women and children — even when it’s unpopular. This isn’t the kind of work that earns applause or bright lights. In more than thirty years of doing it, the truths, the facts, and the stories I share have rarely been met with cheers or admiration. But we
- [Why Don’t We Talk About Black Men Who Survived Childhood Abuse?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-dont-we-talk-about-black-men-who-survived-childhood-abuse/) - There are stories we rarely let breathe. The stories of Black men who were once Black boys — hurt, silenced, told to “man up,” told that pain was weakness, told to fight but never cry. This silence has been inherited like an unwanted heirloom, passed down from fathers who weren’t allowed to feel, to
- [What Happens When Women Fully Stop Performing Labor For the Male Gaze?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-happens-when-women-fully-stop-performing-labor-for-the-male-gaze/) - Words That Tried to Tame Women For generations, women have been shamed into labor — emotional, physical, spiritual — through language that sounds ordinary but carries violence underneath. These words were crafted to make women question their worth, soften their boundaries, and work harder to be accepted. Because language has always been one of the
- [12 Burdens Growing Up In Dysfunctional Families Teaches You to Accept-and Why We Must Reject Them](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-burdens-growing-up-in-dysfunctional-families-teaches-you-to-accept-and-why-we-must-reject-them/) - In dysfunctional families and abusive relationships, women are often asked—no, expected—to tolerate things that should never be tolerated. These are acts of survival masquerading as love, loyalty, or duty. But we are not here to merely endure. Despite what this world teaches, that is not the birthright of women and girls. We are here
- [We’re Done Paying the Toll for “Acceptance”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/were-done-paying-the-toll-for-acceptance/) - We are not what ignorance calls us. We are not who ignorance says we are. And we no longer owe our silence in exchange for phony belonging. Women are shedding the old obedience — the one that made us pretend not to see what harms us. We are done losing sleep, hair, and peace just
- [“Why Do We Treat Male ‘Change’ Like a Sacred Revelation Instead of a Responsibility?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-do-we-treat-male-change-like-a-sacred-revelation-instead-of-a-responsibility/) - A man "changes". Why do we women receive this as our "marching orders"? Do men do this? NO. They treat our changes and transformations as our personal issues. They barely notice. So why do we as women move as if we just received a legal amendment in an authoritarian society or a sacred revelation? Then
- [When Women Forget We Are Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-women-forget-we-are-women/) - When women stop listening to other women about safety—when you say, “That never happens,” or “Who cares?”—you hand over our collective protection. You turn the volume down on our warnings, our lived experiences, our patterns of survival. Our knowing. When you dismiss another woman’s concern about her body, her health, her boundaries, or her right
- [Remembering Patrick Swayze: When Art Becomes Healing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/remembering-patrick-swayze-when-art-becomes-healing/) - Patrick Swayze was more than a heartthrob. He was a force — a man who turned pain into rhythm, who moved through fire and somehow made it look like light. Behind the smiles, the smooth dancing, and the timeless performances was a boy who grew up in a home where love and harm allegedly lived
- [13 Essential Habits for Non-Misogynistic Ideologies](https://wesurviveabuse.com/13-essential-habits-for-non-misogynistic-ideologies/) - 13 Essential Hasbits of Non-Misogynistic Ideologies by Tonya GJ Prince
- [13 Essential Habits of Non-Misogynistic Ideologies (slide and ebook)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/13-essential-habits-of-non-misogynistic-ideologies-slide-and-ebook/) - Every belief system reveals itself by how it treats women.Not by its slogans.Not by its promises.But by its practices. If an ideology claims to stand for peace, progress, or freedom,yet still demands the silence, service, or suffering of women—it’s not liberation. It’s hierarchy dressed in new clothes. Non-misogynistic ideologies are built, not proclaimed.They are nurtured
- [If the Mind Believes What It Hears Most — What Are We Teaching It About Safety?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-the-mind-believes-what-it-hears-most-what-are-we-teaching-it-about-safety/) - There’s a reason children learn the alphabet through songs. There’s a reason faith traditions chant. There’s a reason we remember “I have a dream.” Our brains are built to believe what they hear — especially what they hear often. As an NLP coach, I teach that repetition is not about mindless habit. It’s about training
- [Avoid Praising Harm: How Women Can Break the Cycle of Defending Those Who Do Damage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/avoid-praising-harm-how-women-can-break-the-cycle-of-defending-those-who-do-damage/) - When women defend harmful behavior, they lose their sense of safety. Learn how awareness, honesty, and discernment can help break the cycle and restore inner power.
- [Holding Truth in Unequal Times: Responding to False Comparisons While Still Healing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/holding-truth-in-unequal-times-responding-to-false-comparisons-while-still-healing/) - Speaking truth while living through it takes courage — and grace that history rarely sees in real time. False equivalence can be extremely effective, especially in public discourse, because it simplifies complex power dynamics into something that feels emotionally relatable or fair — even when it’s misleading. Here’s why it works so well: Emotional resonance:
- [💡 Why the Protests Against Kamala Harris Are Making Her More Relatable (w/quotes from Shirley Chisholm)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💡-why-the-protests-against-kamala-harris-are-making-her-more-relatable/) - "We have been so patient and loyal ... and what has it gotten us? We want our full share now." ~ Shirley Chisholm When critics and protestors attempt to tear down Vice President Kamala Harris, they unintentionally reveal how deeply racism and misogyny remain woven into political discourse. Their attacks are not exposing her flaws
- [My Partner Suddenly Changed His Beliefs or Lifestyle and Now Demands That I Change Too. Is That Normal?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/my-partner-suddenly-changed-his-beliefs-or-lifestyle-and-now-demands-that-i-change-too-is-that-normal/) - Here's the thing. “Real transformation invites partnership, not submission. True faith doesn’t need a cage—it needs room to breathe.” This is a pattern called ideological coercive control—when someone uses belief systems, values, or new personal “rules” to dominate or reshape another person’s life. It often hides under the language of love, faith, leadership, or family
- [How Many Warnings Does It Take Before We Protect Women Like Sonya Massey?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-many-warnings-does-it-take-before-we-protect-women-like-sonya-massey/) - You know what? We can’t afford to look at these cases as “isolated incidents.” We’ve got to look at patterns. Because what happened to Sonya Massey wasn’t random. Sean Grayson — the man who killed her — had already been fired by four police departments before he ever stepped into her home. Four. That’s four
- [Why Are Women Still Expected to Risk Our Safety Just to Exercise?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-are-women-still-expected-to-risk-our-safety-just-to-exercise/) - Like so many Survivors of childhood sexual violence — and other forms of abuse — I live with chronic pain. Some days, it’s excruciating. But nearly every medical professional I see says the same thing:“You’ve got to move. Exercise will help.” (I believe them, but it is easier said than done sometimes.) So when I
- [✊🏾 Since When Did a Man Saying He’s Changed Become a Gospel Truth?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✊🏾-since-when-did-a-man-saying-hes-changed-become-a-gospel-truth/) - She called me because I was serving as her victim advocate: His family is mad at me and now I'm so confused. "He is trying to change but sometimes he gets mad and forgets that he said he would never hit me again. They think that I'm not being patient. It does take time to
- [Twelve Steps to Danger: How Alcoholics Anonymous Can Be a Playground for Violence-Prone Members (from ProPublica)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/twelve-steps-to-danger-how-alcoholics-anonymous-can-be-a-playground-for-violence-prone-members-from-propublica/) - Karla Brada Mendez thought that she was getting a second chance on life when she started going to AA meetings. But instead she met Eric Allen Earle, an AA old-timer with a violent past. This story was originally published by ProPublica — an independent newsroom that investigates abuse of power. We are sharing it here,
- [🌿 Faith, Healing, and the Work of Safe People](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-faith-healing-and-the-work-of-safe-people/) - People who support Survivors—from all walks of life—should know this: many Survivors are people of faith. Not all. But many. Some draw strength from Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Catholicism, African traditional faiths, Indigenous spirituality, Buddhism, or personal, private beliefs that have no label at all. There are also those who do not believe in any higher
- [“Can an AI Aunt Teach Humanity the Compassion It Forgot?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/can-an-ai-aunt-teach-humanity-the-compassion-it-forgot/) - In South Africa, a woman built an AI “Aunt” — a digital guide designed to support women facing violence. It’s a beautiful innovation born from heartbreak. And it tells a story much bigger than technology. It tells us that once again, women are filling the gaps left by systems that should protect them. Women have
- [📌 Allyship Is Not a Dating Obligation](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📌-allyship-is-not-a-dating-obligation/) - Let’s make something abundantly clear: Being an ally to a group, a cause, or a community does not require that women date anyone in that group.Not ever.Not under pressure.Not to prove something.Not to earn approval. There are no romantic requirements in allyship.Allyship is platonic. Full stop. Just because you choose to advocate for someone’s
- [Around These Parts We Support Survivor Megan Thee Stallion](https://wesurviveabuse.com/around-these-parts-we-support-survivor-megan-thee-stallion/) - Megan Thee Stallion is more than a chart-topping artist—she's a symbol of resilience, strength, and unwavering courage. In July 2020, Megan was shot by fellow rapper Tory Lanez, an act of violence that led to his conviction on multiple felony charges in December 2022. Despite facing public scrutiny and online harassment, Megan stood firm, using
- [When Love Puts You in Danger: How Domestic Violence Impacts Friends](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-love-puts-you-in-danger-how-domestic-violence-impacts-friends/) - One day we will learn to stop blaming women and girls for the safeguarding and boundaries we deploy to protect ourselves from the ravages of male violence run amok. One day, but not today. Tonya GJ Prince Understand this. Girls and young women struggling to figure out how to support a friend
- [The Natural Hair Movement Cicely Tyson Inspired | Oprah's Master Class | Oprah Winfrey Network](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-natural-hair-movement-cicely-tyson-inspired-oprahs-master-class-oprah-winfrey-network/) - When Cicely Tyson wore her hair natural on national television in the 1960s, it wasn’t just a style—it was a statement of self-respect in a world built to deny her humanity. At a time when Black women were pressured to chemically straighten or cover their hair to appear acceptable, she chose truth over conformity. Her
- [12 Reasons Black Women Have Always Needed Womanism and Feminism](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-reasons-black-women-have-always-needed-womanism-and-feminism/) - It is so concerning that people who live within community with Black women don't really see or hear us beyond their need for us. There is a dangerous and false narrative that Black women never needed womanism or feminism—that somehow, we have always been free, always been included, always been protected within our communities. But
- [Women, Justice, and Mercy: A Call for Compassion in Incarceration](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-justice-and-mercy-a-call-for-compassion-in-incarceration/) - In the United States, a presidential executive order is ordering males out of women's federal prisons. Some people who were completely deaf to women raising awareness around "safety concerns" have now caught onto the phrase. (Welcome)BUT to cry out for the safety of select males. Not the following males:disabled males small statured malesmales with intellectual disabilitiesMeanwhile, very few
- [In Memory of Charisse Shumate: I Am Not Going to Stop Fighting Until My Last Breath is Out of Me.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/in-memory-of-charisse-shumate-i-am-not-going-to-stop-fighting-until-my-last-breath-is-out-of-me/) - I have long asserted that the concept of "self-defense" is a set-aside privilege for some people. Abused women are not in that group. Women with disabilities are frequently targeted by abusive individuals: From Max Dashu on X.com: Charisse Shumate (pictured) was a freedom fighter and a founder of CCWP (California Coalition for Women Prisoners) who
- [Believe in What Believes in You.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/believe-in-what-believes-in-you/) - Why spend your precious energy trying to prove your humanity to systems, circles, or people who have already decided they don’t see you? That they don't hear you. We believe in what believes in us.We walk with what honors our rights—as women, as human beings, as souls with needs, boundaries, and sacred frames that require
- [Women Have Every Right to Feel Safe Even If That Annoys You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-have-every-right-to-feel-safe-even-if-that-annoys-you/) - Immediately following the height of #MeToo women and girls have been inundated with messages like "be kind". If #MeToo got us talking and telling our stories, the years that followed pushed for "silence" and focusing on male feelings. Women who protect their safety and honor their feelings are told they are being "rude"
- [Self-Abandonment: How Survivors Can Come Home to Themselves](https://wesurviveabuse.com/self-abandonment-how-survivors-can-come-home-to-themselves/) - Self-abandonment is one of the most overlooked consequences of surviving abuse, harassment, or assault.It’s what happens when you learn—often in order to survive (poverty, abuse, violence, racism, sexism, misogyny, disability)—that your needs, voice, or pain must come last. For many Survivors, self-abandonment feels normal.You push through exhaustion. You silence your gut feelings.You stay in spaces
- [12 Things It Is Not Women’s Job to Fix](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-things-it-is-not-womens-job-to-fix/) - — Especially When We’re Still Doing Most of the Work for Less Pay This piece honors the fact that women perform approximately 76.2% of total hours of unpaid care work globally—three times more than men—according to the International Labour Organization (ILO). And despite this, the global gender pay gap remains at roughly 20%, with even
- [Courtney Stodden’s Lifetime Movie Exposes the Public Grooming of a Child Bride—and the Cruelty of Celebrity Culture](https://wesurviveabuse.com/courtney-stoddens-lifetime-movie-exposes-the-public-grooming-of-a-child-bride-and-the-cruelty-of-celebrity-culture/) - I wasn't deeply familiar with this young woman prior to watching the Lifetime movie. I'm a bit out of her target age range. But being a teenager and then enjoying + struggling to understand yourself throughout your 20s? Thank God I lived through that! And it was not because I made all the right moves.
- [Red Flags: Why Do Some People Refuse to Challenge Systems of Harm — and What Does that Reveal About Them?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/red-flags-why-do-some-people-refuse-to-challenge-systems-of-harm-and-what-does-that-reveal-about-themred-flags-why-do-some-people-refuse-to-systems-of-harm-and-what-does-that-reveal-about/) - Women’s safety movements grew from necessity — from the silences of law, the blind spots of culture, and the cruelty of normalized harm. Every woman learns early to read people and spaces like weather patterns: scanning for danger, manipulation, or hidden intentions. These instincts are survival intelligence. ⚠️ Red Flags for Unsafe or Manipulative People
- [Who Protects the Women Whose Stories Don’t Trend](https://wesurviveabuse.com/who-protects-the-women-whose-stories-dont-trend/) - The work of women's safety, women's rights, women's liberation and women's healing is not a music and entertainment battle. When our movements turn inward and begin to devour one another, oppressors can simply sit back and watch. The energy that could’ve gone toward changing laws, building sanctuaries, or educating the next generation gets burned up
- [Braid the Ladder:  Beautiful Non-Conforming Black Hair](https://wesurviveabuse.com/braid-the-ladder-beautiful-non-conforming-black-hair/) - By the way, unity does not come from everyone being the same. That is forced conformity to your image. Have you ever in your life seen a grown adult put out an ad in a newspaper against a teenage boy? Texas Superintendent Defends Suspending Black Student Over Locs Hairstyle in Full-Page Ad: ‘Being American
- [We Told You.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-told-you/) - We told you.We warned you.We begged you to listen. We tried to explain what was coming down the road.We cried out when the signs were subtle, when the red flags first went up, when the harm was still avoidable.But we were told to hush.We were told we were overreacting.We were told we were imagining things.We
- [I Choose to Heal: Quotes on Trauma Survival (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/i-choose-to-heal-quotes-on-trauma-survival-video/)
- [A Dangerous Silence: Domestic Violence Documentary](https://wesurviveabuse.com/a-dangerous-silence-domestic-violence-documentary/)
- [Why Women Should Fear Less About Being Called “Outsiders](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-women-should-fear-less-about-being-called-outsiders/) - The Power of Being Labeled an Outsider History shows us that women who were labeled “outsiders” often became the very women who changed the world. From Sojourner Truth to Anna Julia Cooper, from grassroots organizers to everyday mothers protecting their children, being dismissed as other was never the end of their story—it was the beginning
- [Mother of Environmental Justice: Hazel M. Johnson](https://wesurviveabuse.com/mother-of-environmental-justice-hazel-m-johnson/) - elink.io | See Original
- [🌿 You’re Not Required to March in Every Parade](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-youre-not-required-to-march-in-every-parade/) - Advocates are not required to be active in every cause. As human beings, we can’t do it — not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually. That’s honesty. That’s capacity. The world will always have more pain than one heart can carry. And even the most devoted voices for justice need silence, recovery, and time to tend
- [Say It With Your Chest: Black Victims Deserve Justice—No Exceptions](https://wesurviveabuse.com/say-it-with-your-chest-black-victims-deserve-justice-no-exceptions/) - Stop weaponizing white men’s impunity to excuse Black men’s predation. Accountability for Black predators is not— and will never be—measured against how many white men got away with it.That is not justice.That is a deflection soaked in cowardice and betrayal. If your standard is, “Well, the white man did it too,” then you are not
- [It’s Not About What You Told Her. It’s About What She Can Teach You.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-about-what-you-told-her-its-about-what-she-can-teach-you/) - So many rush to say: “I told her.”“She didn’t listen.”“She should’ve known better.” But this isn’t the moment to center your predictions—It’s the moment to open your ears. Because the most important thing is not what you told her.It’s what she can tell you. What she can teach you about: How manipulation works How fast
- [💔 Why Didn’t I Leave Sooner?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-why-didnt-i-leave-sooner/) - Abuse is confusing. It’s not constant — it shifts. Abusive people are not abusive all the time. That’s what makes it so complicated. When they’re not being cruel, you share real things. You laugh together. You share memories. You find common ground. You feel like maybe — just maybe — this time will be different.
- [Some Truths We’re Not Supposed to Say Out Loud- But We Will](https://wesurviveabuse.com/some-truths-were-not-supposed-to-say-out-loud-but-we-will/) - We see you.Not with malice.Not with envy.But with ancient knowing. We know when something in the milk ain't cleanWe know when a movement carries rot at the root. I’ve been sitting with something heavy. It’s uncomfortable, but so is silence. So here it is. We know when a movement carries rot at the root. I’ve
- [No Predator Has the Authority to Rename Violence As a “Right.”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/no-predator-has-the-authority-to-rename-violence-as-a-right/) - Abusers call what they do to women and children by many names. They dress it up with lies, excuses, and false respectability. They label it “love.” They call it “discipline.” They call it "child marriage" (even in the U.S.) They call it a "blessing" if the child is impregnated by the older boy or adult
- [It’s Not That They Can’t Hear You. They’ve Chosen Not To](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-that-they-cant-hear-you-theyve-chosen-not-to/) - “Oppression evolves. It trades the whip for the weary.” — WeSurviveAbuse.com When people stonewall you, they aren’t just ignoring you; they’re blocking movement. That’s deliberate. So the strategy must shift from persuasion to maneuvering around obstruction. Here’s how an advocate can approach it: ⚔️ 1. Identify the Stonewall Type Not all silence is equal. For
- [🧱 “You Just Keep Complaining”: How Abusers Use This Phrase to Stonewall You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧱-you-just-keep-complaining-how-abusers-use-this-phrase-to-stonewall-you/) - [WeSurviveAbuse.com] “You just keep complaining.”“You’re always bringing that up.”“You never let anything go.” If you've ever heard these phrases in a relationship—especially when you're trying to talk about harm, disrespect, or your emotional needs—please know: this isn’t about communication.It’s about control. 🚫 What Is Stonewalling? Stonewalling is when someone refuses to engage in a real
- [🚧 9 Signs You’re Dealing with a Stonewaller](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚧-9-signs-youre-dealing-with-a-stonewaller/) - And Why That’s Not Your Fault[WeSurviveAbuse.com] Stonewalling is one of the most soul-draining tactics used in abusive relationships. It’s when someone shuts you down—emotionally, verbally, or physically—so they never have to face what they’ve done. Stonewallers don’t fight fair.They don’t reflect.They don’t listen. They make sure you always feel like the problem for daring to
- [Black Women Are Not the Mules of the World—Not Then, Not Now, Not Ever](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-women-are-not-the-mules-of-the-world-not-then-not-now-not-ever/) - Black women said "no" and the burning crosses came out in force. Social media was lit up! Holding the torches were males of all 'identities'. Who even knew they could come together? AND, their backup singer of other Black women to tell the majority of Black women that their boundaries and energy was 'misplaced and
- [They Tell Us We Don’t Belong in What We Built (featuring K.Michelle short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-tell-us-we-dont-belong-in-what-we-built/) - Some people may see this clip of K. Michelle as just a moment. But we see history. Few dare to understand what it is like to come from a people—Black Americans—who have created, built, and birthed entire worlds of music, dance, language, and style… only to be told that we do not belong.Only to watch
- [Real Activism Protects Children, Not Egos](https://wesurviveabuse.com/real-activism-protects-children-not-egos/) - If the full extent of your “activism” against grooming is railing against age-gap relationships between older women and younger men, you might want to take another look at what you’re truly fighting for. Because grooming isn’t about age alone. It’s about power. It’s about manipulation, coercion, and deception—often by those who have social, spiritual, or
- [Black Woman, Begin With You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-woman-begin-with-you/) - They taught us to pour and pour and pour.To give ‘til we vanish. But Sis, your best love—your warmest care, your fiercest protection, your most nourishing "yes"—was never meant to be an afterthought. It belongs to you first.Not last. Not never.First. You are the root.Water yourself.And watch what rises. I give myself the love I
- [You Don’t Get to Speak on Our Hair Journey](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-dont-get-to-speak-on-our-hair-journey/) - For Black American women, the natural hair journey is deeply personal. It’s not a trend. It’s not a rebellion. It’s a reclamation. A quiet, daily act of truth-telling. We walk into workplaces where our tightly coiled crowns are seen as threats. Where jokes—masked as compliments—cut like blades: “Uh oh, you’ve got your Angela Davis hair
- [The BIG Boundaries Issue for Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-big-boundaries-issue-for-survivors/) - elink.io | See Original
- [✊🏾 When Policing Women Is Mistaken for Protecting Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✊🏾-when-policing-women-is-mistaken-for-protecting-women/) - “When a woman goes hungry, more than her body suffers — her dignity, her power, her future are all at risk. Food justice is more than feeding; it’s freeing.” Women around the globe are fighting for their lives — literally and spiritually. In some parts of the world, women are fighting to feed their families.
- [When We Overlook Violence, We Undermine Our Own Freedom](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-we-overlook-violence-we-undermine-our-own-freedom/) - When women overlook the violent histories of lawmakers, safety and progress are at risk. Healing and discernment are keys to protecting our rights and freedoms.
- [Why Women Deserve the Same Freedom We Give Men — Without Criticism or Control](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-women-deserve-the-same-freedom-we-give-men-without-criticism-or-control/) - “I get out of all your boxes, I get out.You can’t hold me in these chains.” Lauryn Hill/I Get Out” (MTV Unplugged 2.0) Freedom for women means accepting that women have the right to make our own choices — personal, spiritual, creative, and intimate — without commentary or criticism from other women. We rarely
- [Fire Test: When You Ask Women to Support Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/fire-test-when-you-ask-women-to-support-violence/) - You are sending forth aspiring leaders who have no history of standing against violence, no record of defending women or children, no evidence of compassion, protection, or justice — and yet, you pressure women to support them. That says a lot. It says everything, in fact — about them, and about you. You can’t build
- [The Hidden Bill: What Violence Against Women Really Costs](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-hidden-bill-what-violence-against-women-really-costs/) - When we talk about violence, we rarely talk about what the financial costs. Not just the broken bones or the heartbreak — but the billions of dollars society pays every single year for what we still dare to call “private” pain. According to the CDC, the lifetime economic burden of intimate partner violence in the
- [You’re Not Asking for Perfection—You’re Asking for Respect: Recognizing a Common Deflection Tactic](https://wesurviveabuse.com/youre-not-asking-for-perfection-youre-asking-for-respect-recognizing-a-common-deflection-tactic/) - 🎭 The Tactic When you call out something harmful—like antisemitism, racism, sexism, or rape apologia—and the person responds with: “So I guess you expect everyone to be perfect…” They’re shifting the focus from their harmful behavior to your alleged “unrealistic expectations.”This tactic is known as moral perfectionism framing or deflection through false equivalence. ⚙️ What’s
- [Respect Without Surrender](https://wesurviveabuse.com/respect-without-surrender/) - It is possible — and necessary — for people to be respected, valued, and protected by law without being granted unconditional access to you. Respect does not mean erasure. Rights do not mean takeover. Justice does not mean submission. Every human being is entitled to dignity, safety, and fair treatment. But that does not entitle
- [🎭 The Enforcer in the Room: When Women Police Other Women for Abusers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎭-the-enforcer-in-the-room-when-women-police-other-women-for-abusers/) - "I will give you something to cry out about" There is something few people want to talk about—but every Survivor knows it. In systems of abuse and exploitation,there is almost always a woman assigned to keep the others in line. In human trafficking, she’s called the “bottom.”She is often the woman who has been there
- [📍 Across Borders, Beneath Systems: The Global Face of Sex-Based Oppression](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📍-across-borders-beneath-systems-the-global-face-of-sex-based-oppression/) - Sex-based oppression is not confined to a single culture, continent, or community. It is a global reality—a multi-layered system of inequality rooted in how societies view, value, and control women and girls. 🔻 1. Violence Against Women In every corner of the globe, gender-based violence remains one of the most common and devastating human rights
- [When Leaders Forget Autonomy: A Reminder from Survivors Who’ve Had Enough](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-leaders-forget-autonomy-a-reminder-from-survivors-whove-had-enough/) - For Survivors, who are used to having their autonomy taken or dismissed, this can feel particularly uncomfortable.Leaders — whether public figures, advocates, or policymakers — would be wise to remember that there are many Survivors in every community. Survivors of abuse, assault, manipulation, medical neglect, spiritual coercion — they are everywhere: in pews, in classrooms,
- [If Any of Your Relationships Run on Silence and Lies, It’s Time to Reclaim Your Voice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-any-of-your-relationships-run-on-silence-and-lies-its-time-to-reclaim-your-voice/) - I need to speak to you plain today. There comes a time in healing when you must take a long, hard look around you and ask:Who benefits from my silence? Not just the people who harmed you. But the ones who gently, quietly, or even lovingly persuaded you not to speak on it.Not to “make
- [Enablers Aren’t Just Passive Bystanders—They Are Active Participants in Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/enablers-arent-just-passive-bystanders-they-are-active-participants-in-abuse/) - Survivor: “You saw what he did to me. Why didn’t you say anything?”Enabler: “I didn’t want to get involved. Besides, it’s not like he meant to hurt you.”Survivor: “Not getting involved IS being involved. You protected him.”Enabler: “I just didn’t want to pick sides.”Survivor: “You already did.” We have been fed a lie. An entire
- [WE Do Not Care Club Melanie on Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-dd-not-care-club-melanie-on-boundaries/)
- [A Society That Centers Harmful Males Will Never Have Trust—And It Doesn’t Deserve It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/a-society-that-centers-harmful-males-will-never-have-trust-and-it-doesnt-deserve-it/) - Trust is not a gift.Trust is built.Earned.Sustained through action, protection, and accountability. But what happens when a society builds its laws, culture, and institutions to shield, excuse, and uplift harmful males—even as women and children bleed, suffer, and disappear? What happens is what we are living now: Women who don’t report. Girls who don’t tell.
- [No, Feminists Didn’t "Give Up a Happy Home." We Fought to Escape a Cage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/no-feminists-didnt-give-up-a-happy-home-we-fought-to-escape-a-cage/) - And the walls of that cage were built with silence, shame, and sanctioned suffering. There’s a dangerous myth floating around like perfume on poisoned air:That feminism was about women “abandoning” love, children, and homes.That we marched away from good men, cozy kitchens, and cradle songs just to chase careers and coldness. But here’s what
- [🌿 What Is Healing?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-what-is-healing/) - I'm a plant Mom again. I didn't realize I was sensitive about it until I sent one of my relatives pictures of my plants. She didn't say anything. :-? I got in my feelings. "I comment on pictures and videos of her child". :cry: :-) So yes. I'm a plant Mom again and I am
- [🛑 Women's Safety Is Not Up for Debate: On Pressure, Autonomy, and Male Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-womens-safety-is-not-up-for-debate-on-pressure-autonomy-and-male-violence/) - We know that society still expects women to protect men’s reputations— especially when those men are climbing the ladder of power. Even if preserving his image means that women and children are harmed —or don’t survive at all. Every so often, single women and girls are pressured—covertly or outright—to date men they are uncomfortable with.
- [🌿 Healing After Emotional Abuse: You Are Not Broken, You Are Becoming](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌿-healing-after-emotional-abuse-you-are-not-broken-you-are-becoming/) - Healing after emotional abuse isn't about "getting back to normal."It’s about building a new normal — one where you trust yourself again, where your needs matter, and where your peace is sacred. Emotional abuse teaches you to doubt your instincts, your memories, your worth.Healing teaches you to believe in yourself again, even when your hands
- [What is Going on with Social Media Influencers and Domestic Violence?! Part 2](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-going-on-with-social-media-influencers-and-domestic-violence-part-2/) - Hell is Truth Seen Too Late. Thomas Hobbes elink.io | See Original
- [What is Going on With Social Media Influencers and Domestic Violence? Part 1](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-going-on-with-social-media-influencers-and-domestic-violence-part-1/) - Hell is Truth Seen Too Late. Thomas Hobbes elink.io | See Original
- [#IAmJada: She Spoke Fire Back Into Her Name](https://wesurviveabuse.com/iamjada-she-spoke-fire-back-into-her-name/) - They called it scandal. But it was sacrifice. A young girl’s truth laid bare on the altar of a watching world. They tried to make her shame go viral. But her courage caught flame instead. They mocked her body— a body that had already survived the unspeakable— and thought their laughter would drown her. But
- [Calling Out the Undermining of Women and Children's Rights](https://wesurviveabuse.com/transparent-hate-calling-out-the-undermining-of-women-and-childrens-rights/) - "We are living in times so strange that truth sounds like conspiracy, and kindness feels like rebellion."— Unknown Jonah Wheeler has been lectured and scolded about Jim Crow by a white man. A Black nurse from Uganda has been attacked while slurred with the n word. Black women used as a shield and likened to
- [When Women Excuse Violence, Everyone Pays: The High Cost of Ignoring Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-women-excuse-violence-everyone-pays-the-high-cost-of-ignoring-abuse/) - In politics, too many women of privilege in America give violent men a pass. They vote for them. They praise them. They scold other women for not leaning on wisdom and giving them another chance. Even when those men have histories of harming women — or defending those who do. But it’s an open-book test.
- [Why Leaders Who Excuse Abuse Can’t Build Safety—They Recreate Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-leaders-who-excuse-abuse-cant-build-safety-they-recreate-harm/) - When someone dismisses violence, mocks Survivors, or excuses abuse, they’re not neutral. They’re signaling the kind of safety they intend to build—one where harm is tolerated and truth is silenced. Leaders who excuse abuse don’t bring peace; they bring danger. They build environments where predators are protected, where victims are questioned, and where silence becomes
- [Bullies and Cowards: A Natural Alliance in the Abuse of Women and Vulnerable Adults](https://wesurviveabuse.com/bullies-and-cowards-a-natural-alliance-in-the-abuse-of-women-and-vulnerable-adults/) - If there is one thing history, society, and personal experience have proven time and again, it’s that bullies and cowards are natural allies. They move together, protect each other, and feed off of each other. Alone, a coward might hesitate. Alone, a bully might not have enough power. But together? They are a wrecking force
- [Until This Country Reckons with How It Treats Black People, It Will Never Heal Its Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/until-this-country-reckons-with-how-it-treats-black-people-it-will-never-heal-its-violence/) - Until this country reckons with how it treats Black people—how its systems treat Black people—how it still treats Black women carrying chronic illness passed down through bloodlines poisoned by mistreatment and systemic abuse—the wealthiest nation on Earth will never get a handle on violence. You cannot punish your way out of abusewhen your systems were
- [Jenifer Lewis Talks About Sexual Assault and Dealing with a Con Artist | Studio Q](https://wesurviveabuse.com/jenifer-lewis-talks-about-sexual-assault-and-dealing-with-a-con-artist-studio-q/) - This is a mighty woman! She survives AND she does the work to heal. A mighty woman indeed. Check out these jewels in the form of lessons that she shares. Put them in your pocket so you will have them if you need them. https://wesurviveabuse.com/lessons-from-survivor-jenifer-lewis-on-overcoming-shame-videos/ https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-ish-star-jenifer-lewis-on-sex-addiction-and-her-rise-to-fame-jezebel-quickies/
- [Weaponized Empathy Is Not Solidarity. It’s Coercion.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/weaponized-empathy-is-not-solidarity-its-coercion/) - Let’s be real. There is a difference between asking someone to care and asking someone to give themselves away. What we are seeing—too often, and too boldly—is weaponized empathy. A tactic where people appeal to your goodness, your heart, your moral compass…only to guide you off a cliff. They say:“If you were truly for justice,
- [When Survivors Speak, They Name the Wound—Not the Excuse (w/affirmations)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-survivors-speak-they-name-the-wound-not-the-excuse/) - For abusive persons, there are few human beings perfect enough to be worthy of justice. Tonya GJ Prince When Survivors speak, they talk about what was done to them—the pain, the trauma, the abuse. They are naming the wound so it can finally begin to heal. But abusers? They talk about the Survivor. They twist
- [Before You Judge, Listen: Black Men’s Medical Trauma Is Real](https://wesurviveabuse.com/before-you-judge-listen-black-mens-medical-trauma-is-real/) - I'm not just speaking from a place of advocacy to victims. I'm speaking as a relative and friend who has had occasion to come alongside a male and aid him in getting care. Not everyone encouraging men and boys to "seek help" is helpful. 🌍 Reflection: We All Have Stories Worth Hearing When we talk
- [🖤 It Isn’t Discipline. It’s Domination Disguised as a Lesson.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🖤-it-isnt-discipline-its-domination-disguised-as-a-lesson/) - (Inspired by “How Abusers Place Themselves Above Accountability” — WeSurviveAbuse.com) Racism often hides inside the language of lessons.It calls control care. It calls domination discipline.It justifies cruelty as character-building. Here’s how racism disguises itself as teaching or order—while still protecting power: 1️⃣ Rewriting the StoryHistory shifts so that harm appears noble.Brutality becomes “civilization.”Slavery becomes “training.”Jim
- [It’s Not Always Hate—Sometimes It’s Hurt: Learning to Hear Men’s Vulnerability](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-always-hate-sometimes-its-hurt-learning-to-hear-mens-vulnerability/) - Somewhere along the way, the right of men—especially Black men—to say no got tangled up in our cultural discomfort with seeing men as fully human. When Prince said no to the lyric “Your butt is mine” in Michael Jackson’s Bad, he wasn’t being difficult. He was setting a boundary. He was saying, that line doesn’t
- [Silence Keeps the Cycle Alive. Love Tells the Truth.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/silence-keeps-the-cycle-alive-love-tells-the-truth/) - When scandals break — like the recent Young Republicans (ages 18-40 including many influential professionals) chat leak — the pattern is familiar. The men are called out. The men are condemned. But notice who disappears into the background. White women often move quietly through these storms, untouched. No questions asked. No accountability demanded. Even when
- [Faith & Fire: Black Women Who Knew God and Justice Could Share the Same Space](https://wesurviveabuse.com/faith-fire-black-women-who-knew-god-and-justice-could-share-the-same-space/) - They’ll tell you that you can’t be a woman of faith and a feminist. That believing in God somehow means you must stay silent, small, or submissive.That faith and feminism can’t walk hand in hand. But they are wrong. Throughout history, Black women have proven that faith and feminism not only coexist — they ignite
- [Even Warriors Need a Well: Faith, Feminism, and the Right to Refuel (w/affirmations)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/even-warriors-need-a-well-faith-feminism-and-the-right-to-refuel/) - People may mean well. But to insist that women fighting for justice — especially women working to protect other women — must also abandon faith, spirit, or prayer?That’s not progress.That’s cruel. On par with men who want women to have nothing standing in the way of focusing solely on cooking, cleaning, and tending to their
- [When the Help Hurts: Understanding Institutional Betrayal](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-help-hurts-understanding-institutional-betrayal/) - There is a special kind of pain that comes when the place you turned to for help becomes the source of another wound.That is institutional betrayal — when a system, organization, or authority figure fails to protect you, ignores your plea for safety, or even punishes you for speaking up. This betrayal doesn’t always wear
- [Money, Morality, and Misunderstanding: Why Women Must See Clearly](https://wesurviveabuse.com/money-morality-and-misunderstanding-why-women-must-see-clearly/) - Sometimes we align with people because we believe we share values. But values that haven’t been tested by deprivation often lack depth. Women — especially women of darker hue — are the people on this planet with the least access to resources.That didn’t happen by accident. It was designed.Centuries of policies, cultural conditioning, and systemic
- [We Don’t Police Each Other—We Challenge Power](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-dont-police-each-other-we-challenge-power/) - Power.That’s the word they fear most when it rises in a Black woman’s mouth. Our liberation will never be foundin tearing down each other’s choices.Not in policing another woman’s healing,not in judging how she mothers, resists, loves, or believes. Our fight is not her womb.Our fight is not her wardrobe.Our fight is not her way
- [I uncovered the DARK TRUTH about my grandparents… | The Moth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/i-uncovered-the-dark-truth-about-my-grandparents-the-moth/) - Growing up, Angela loved spending time with her grandfather who became a widower at a young age. But when he passes, Angela learns the truth about her grandmother's death-- she was murdered. Years later, Angela must confront the family secret and a history of silence by bringing her grandmother's murder to light and laying her
- [Unbalanced: Society Polices Women and Pardons Men](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unbalanced-society-polices-women-and-pardons-men/) - We still live in a world where people -including women- nitpick women for their personal choices — what they wear, whether they worship, whether they marry, whether they have children, how they heal, even how they protect themselves. Meanwhile, violent choices — especially by men, and most especially by white or powerful men — are
- [We Warned You: The Deadly Price Black Women Pay for Social Justice Experiments by The Way She Came](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-warned-you-the-deadly-price-black-women-pay-for-social-justice-experiments-by-the-way-she-came/) - One thing I have learned about life on this planet, people just act like it goes against everything that they believe to listen to Black women. Then, when it all goes to hell, like we told you it would...... We Warned You: The Deadly Price Black Women Pay for Social Justice Experiments by The Way
- [Sex-Based Social Control Is Not About Beauty. It’s About Access to Humanity.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sex-based-social-control-is-not-about-beauty-its-about-access-to-humanity/) - Let’s talk about one of the most sinister tactics in the game:Sex-Based Social Control. On the surface, it may look like beauty standards, preferences, or cultural norms. But when you dig deeper, you’ll see it for what it truly is:A power play designed to control, punish, and divide women. Who gets safety? Who gets
- [Women Don’t Need Permission to Choose—We Need Power to Thrive](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-dont-need-permission-to-choose-we-need-power-to-thrive/) - Every woman has the right to make her own choices. Full stop.She doesn’t need approval, permission, or public debate. 💜 Her personal choices are hers alone: Her hairstyle or how she wears her crown. Whether she marries—or not. Whether she has children—or not. Whether she takes her spouse’s last name—or keeps her own. How she
- [Lucy Diggs Slowe: She Protected Us in Silence So We Could One Day Speak](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lucy-diggs-slowe-she-protected-us-in-silence-so-we-could-one-day-speak/) - “Because boundaried spaces don’t build themselves—someone has to brave the silence first.”[WeSurviveAbuse.com] Most people will tell you Lucy Diggs Slowe was a tennis champion.That she was the first Dean of Women at Howard University.That she co-founded Alpha Kappa Alpha.That she broke barriers for Black women in academia. All of that is true.But it is far
- [15 Powerful Lessons Women Can Learn from the Life of Gloria Richardson](https://wesurviveabuse.com/15-powerful-lessons-women-can-learn-from-the-life-of-gloria-richardson/) - Gloria Richardson wasn’t just part of history—she made it. A fearless strategist, unapologetic truth-teller, and radical Black woman who demanded justice on her own terms, Richardson’s legacy offers a masterclass in resistance, leadership, and what it means to take up space—fully and fiercely. As one of the most uncompromising leaders of the civil
- [The More You Heal, the More You Offend Those Who Don’t Want To](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-more-you-heal-the-more-you-offend-those-who-dont-want-to/) - Healing is sacred work. And yet, it can come with surprising backlash—not just from strangers, but from people you once trusted with your heart. What no one tells you is this:The more you heal, the more your wholeness unsettles people who benefit from your brokenness. ✨ Wait… Why Are They Mad I’m Getting Better? You
- [Boundaries Are Sacred: Honoring the Line Between Survival and Self-Betrayal](https://wesurviveabuse.com/boundaries-are-sacred-honoring-the-line-between-survival-and-self-betrayal/) - Boundaries aren’t walls.They’re doors you open for love — and shut to harm. For too long, women, especially Black women, have been praised for how much we can endure.How much we can carry.How much we can forgive.How long we can stay. But endurance without protection is not virtue — it’s slow death. And you were
- [The Gish Gallop: When Overload Becomes a Weapon Against Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-gish-gallop-when-overload-becomes-a-weapon-against-survivors/) - There’s a tactic that shows up in debates, politics, in online videos, and—far too often—in the lives of Survivors. It’s called the Gish Gallop. The Gish Gallop happens when someone throws out a rapid-fire stream of arguments, half-truths, and distractions. The goal isn’t clarity. It isn’t truth. The goal is to overwhelm. The Gish Gallop
- [Radical Self-Worth: A Woman is a Miraculous Human BEING](https://wesurviveabuse.com/radical-self-worth-a-woman-is-a-miraculous-human-being/) - updated August 2025 It has been my professional experience, working with violence and abuse victims, that the people yelling and demanding respect seem to have an impossible time respecting the more vulnerable. -Tonya GJ Prince This past week of women being harmed by fire has left me reflecting upon the women that I have worked
- [Candyman Movie Murder: Ruthie Mae McCoy Was the Woman No One Listened To](https://wesurviveabuse.com/candyman-movie-murder-ruthie-mae-mccoy-was-the-woman-no-one-listened-to/) - April, 1987. Chicago, Illinois. A woman makes a bizarre call to police about people coming through her bathroom wall. Her body is discovered in her apartment days later. Who killed Ruthie Mae McCoy? People do not listen to women. People do not listen to warnings from Black women. People die when people do not listen
- [She Didn’t Stay Because She Didn’t Know. She Stayed Because She Did.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-didnt-stay-because-she-didnt-know-she-stayed-because-she-did/) - People assume she stayed because she didn’t know. Didn’t know her worth.Didn’t know what he was doing to her.Didn’t know what love is supposed to look like. But that’s not the truth. She knew. She knew exactly what he was capable of. She knew how quickly the air in the room could change.How love could
- [Heads Up: Lying Is a Powerful Abuse Tactic](https://wesurviveabuse.com/heads-up-lying-is-a-powerful-abuse-tactic/) - Abusers don’t just harm; they manipulate reality itself. Lies are a tool used to maintain control, to confuse, and to isolate victims. If nothing is true then everything is possible. Every harmful act is defended against the truth. Violence and abuse thrive in darkness, silence, and spaces where truth is not the valued norm. Where
- ["She Wasn’t Told He Killed Before: The Tragic Workplace Murder of Kerri Harris and the Warning Signs We Can’t Ignore"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-wasnt-told-he-killed-before-the-tragic-workplace-murder-of-kerri-harris-and-the-warning-signs-we-cant-ignore/) - Women are significantly more likely to be victims of stalking. Approximately 1 in 3 women have experienced stalking at some point in their lives, compared to 1 in 6 men. The majority of stalkers are male. Studies indicate that approximately 80-90% of stalking perpetrators are male, and 67% of female victims were stalked
- [Changing Restrooms, Changing Questions: What You Should Know](https://wesurviveabuse.com/changing-restrooms-changing-questions-what-you-should-know/) - How come they can build these things that bring men in closer proximity to women and children but not more homes for the unhoused, affordable homes for working class folks, domestic violence shelters, rape crisis centers, or schools that protect children from school shooters? Across the world, some schools, airports, and workplaces are beginning to
- [Imagine If We Told Men to "Be Kind" as Often as We Tell Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/imagine-if-we-told-men-to-be-kind-as-often-as-we-tell-women/) - You can absolutely tell who is male and who is female. Men have been raging at NataleeBFitness all week long. Ever since she announced that her new fitness gym is for women only. Not just raging, but sending death threats to she and her supporters. Threatening to invade the establishment anyway. But guess what? No
- [🚩 Entitlement to Women’s Choices Is Misogyny—No Matter Who It Comes From](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚩-entitlement-to-womens-choices-is-misogyny-no-matter-who-it-comes-from/) - Some men hear “no” and immediately rewrite the story in their heads:“She just wants bad boys.”“She’ll date someone beneath her, but not me.”“She’s shallow, bitter, confused.” “She just doesn’t know a good man when she sees one.” "She requires "education". That’s not heartbreak.That’s not disappointment.That’s Entitlement to Women’s Choices—and it’s a form of misogyny. 📌
- [When Love Becomes a Warning: The Forgotten Conversation About Parricide and Estrangement](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-love-becomes-a-warning-the-forgotten-conversation-about-parricide-and-estrangement/) - There’s a growing trend across online spaces where people—especially younger adults—discuss estrangement from parents as if it’s a simple math equation:If a relationship with a parent is fractured, it must be the parent’s fault. Simple math, right? If there’s distance, it must be because of “bad parenting.” But life, love, and trauma are far more
- [They Hope You Never Realize How Powerful You Already Are](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-hope-you-never-realize-how-powerful-you-already-are/) - 🌹 They Hope You Don’t See It There is something they hope you never realize.Something that terrifies them. It’s not your weakness.It’s your power. For someone to have privilege, position, and protection—and still spend their energy trying to break you—that is not a reflection of your smallness.It’s evidence of your influence. Because when people waste
- [✨ If You Weren’t Powerful, They Wouldn’t Be Obsessed with Dimming You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✨-if-you-werent-powerful-they-wouldnt-be-obsessed-with-dimming-you/) - The world doesn’t chase what’s ordinary.It only tries to contain what shines. When you find yourself picked apart, ridiculed, or shut out,remember — people don’t spend energy trying to bury something that isn’t alive. You are alive.Your light agitates the darkness.Your voice rattles silence that was once comfortable.Your resilience reminds the world of what it
- [🕯️ When Power Spends Its Energy Trying to Break You, You’ve Already Won](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🕯️-when-power-spends-its-energy-trying-to-break-you-youve-already-won/) - Power never wastes itself on what is weak.It only fears what it cannot control. When the mighty bend their gaze toward you,when they twist rules, stories, and reputations to make you small —that is not proof of your failure.That is proof that your existence is interrupting something. They call you difficult because you cannot be
- ['Black-ish' Star Jenifer Lewis on Sex Addiction and Her Rise to Fame | Jezebel Quickies](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-ish-star-jenifer-lewis-on-sex-addiction-and-her-rise-to-fame-jezebel-quickies/) - Younger women falsely believe that women who survived and lived to see our mature years are "bitter" when we discuss sex. The men around them are drum majors of this idea because they stand to gain the most. The more they disparage women who have learned the lessons, the game, and the patterns; the less
- [Calling Women “Hateful” for Wanting Safety Is Abuse Dressed in Decorum](https://wesurviveabuse.com/calling-women-hateful-for-wanting-safety-is-abuse-dressed-in-decorum/) - Let’s name this for what it is: When politicians, media figures, or public influencers call women “hateful” for expressing concerns about our safety, they are not protecting peace—they are silencing pain. This isn’t civility.This isn’t leadership.It is cowardice masked as control. We have the right to: Ask questions Speak concerns Protect ourselves Name what makes
- [A Lot of Movements Need Black Women. But Do They Value Us?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/a-lot-of-movements-need-black-women-but-do-they-value-us/) - ....to gain some reciprocity Lauryn Hill/X Factor We see it every time there’s a crisis.Every time someone needs a turnout.Every time a campaign, a cause, a movement needs strength, strategy, or soul. They call Black women.To show up.To organize.To pray.To vote.To fix what’s broken.To bring the fire.To bring the forgiveness.To save the day. But here’s
- [When Poor Women Are Punished for Surviving Poverty in the US](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-poor-women-are-punished-for-surviving-poverty-in-the-us/) - This is what we mean when we say, "poverty is intentional." A Michigan woman, Talia C. Teneyuque, is reportedly charged with food stamp fraud. She allegedly used her Bridge Card (Michigan’s EBT / SNAP card) to buy ingredients (food) and then baked goods from those ingredients, which she sold. BIN: Black Information Network Authorities claim
- [Jim Crow and the Erasure of Black Womanhood](https://wesurviveabuse.com/jim-crow-and-the-erasure-of-black-womanhood/) - Jim Crow and the Erasure of Black Womanhood In the era of Jim Crow, Black women were denied full personhood. Their bodies were brutalized. Their cries were ignored. Laws designed to “protect” white women were never extended to them. We, who bear the scars of systemic harm, will continue to name — to call out
- [Protecting Your Spirit: What Spiritual Boundaries Are and Why They Matter](https://wesurviveabuse.com/protecting-your-spirit-what-spiritual-boundaries-are-and-why-they-matter/) - For people who work with and serve victims of violence and abuse, violation of spiritual boundaries is common. I have seen women's entire families go against them to support an abusive man in the name of "religion" or "faith". Do they practice your faith and get everything right? Probably not. Are they going to try
- [Domestic Violence Is Rising While Survivor Services Are Disappearing: What the Latest Data Reveals](https://wesurviveabuse.com/domestic-violence-is-rising-while-survivor-services-are-disappearing-what-the-latest-data-reveals/) - I don’t know if you saw this, but while overall violent crime is reportedly on the decline, domestic violence in the U.S. has actually risen by about 3% in major cities as of mid-2025. Even more alarming, advocacy groups are facing devastating funding cuts, with VOCA reductions and shrinking budgets forcing many programs to shut
- [Not All Submission Looks Like Sunday School](https://wesurviveabuse.com/not-all-submission-looks-like-sunday-school/) - Some women believe they've separated themselves from patriarchy because they don’t tell women to “submit to your husband.” But submission doesn’t always wear a long skirt and carry a Bible. Sometimes, submission sounds like: “Just hear him out.” “You could’ve said it nicer.” “Maybe he didn’t mean it like that.” “Don’t make a big deal
- [You Don’t Have to Keep Fighting. You’re Allowed to Heal.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-dont-have-to-keep-fighting-youre-allowed-to-heal/) - There comes a time when the world will keep handing you more work to do.More injustice to confront.More family pain to resolve.More people to carry. And often, they hand it all to the most burdened, the most compassionate, the most stretched-thin among us—Survivors. But hear this: ✨ You do not have to earn your healing
- [Difference Does Not Erase Consent: What Prince’s Refusal Teaches Us (w/audio story)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/difference-does-not-erase-consent-what-princes-refusal-teaches-us/) - I've listened. Far too many people within the LGBTQ+ community respond to Prince's response insist that he had no right to say no because he was perceived to be perhaps hypersexual and even bisexual. You can debate that amongst yourselves. What we can't debate is whether or not those perceptions, even if they are based
- [Claudette Colvin: The Young Revolutionary Who Moved a Nation](https://wesurviveabuse.com/claudette-colvin-the-young-revolutionary-who-moved-a-nation/) - Before Rosa Parks, there was Claudette Colvin. In March 1955, this 15-year-old Black girl in Montgomery, Alabama, did something radical—she refused to give up her bus seat to a white passenger. She didn’t move because the law was unjust, and she knew her rights. “It’s my constitutional right,” she declared. A child of the movement,
- [UnSilenced: Betty White](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unsilenced-betty-white/) - In the 1950s, a period marked by segregation and racial discrimination, Betty White made a bold move on her variety show, "The Betty White Show," by featuring Arthur Duncan, a Black tap dancer, as a regular performer​​ Given the societal norms of the time, this decision was considered controversial, taboo even. Despite receiving criticism and
- [Why We Must Stop Centering Discomfort Over Male-on-Male Sexual Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-we-must-stop-centering-discomfort-over-male-on-male-sexual-violence/) - When a male accuses another male of sexual harassment or assault, what do we often hear first? “The worst part is people are going to call him gay.”“Get ready for the jokes.”“That’s so embarrassing for him.” Just like that, we lose focus. We forget there’s a Survivor in the room.We ignore the pain it took
- [How Women Can Support Gay Men In Their Lives in Abusive Relationships](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-women-can-support-gay-men-in-their-lives-in-abusive-relationships/) - Abuse doesn’t care about gender or sexuality. It happens in all kinds of relationships—straight, gay, lesbian, and everything in between. But when it comes to gay men in abusive relationships, there’s an added layer of silence, shame, and stigma that makes it even harder for them to reach out for help. As women, as friends,
- [🩸 They’ve Always Watched the Womb: A History of Obsession, Control & Harm w/video featuring Michelle Browder, Mothers of Gynecology](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🩸-theyve-always-watched-the-womb-a-history-of-obsession-control-harm-w-video-featuring-michelle-browder-mothers-of-gynecology/) - 🩸 They’ve Always Watched the Womb: A History of Obsession, Control & Harm From the plantation to the present day, men—particularly those in power—have long been fascinated by female reproduction. But it has never been a harmless curiosity. They didn’t just wonder how the womb worked.They experimented on it.They didn’t just observe menstruation.They tried to
- [How Abusers Place Themselves Above Accountability](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-abusers-place-themselves-above-accountability/) - ✦ by WeSurviveAbuse.com One of the most dangerous traits of an abuser is not just the harm they cause—but the belief that they should never have to answer for it. Abusers build entire systems—emotional, social, spiritual, legal—to place themselves above accountability.And the more powerful or charming they are, the more people they recruit to protect
- ["Why Can't I Say She Made a Bad Choice?"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-cant-i-say-she-made-a-bad-choice/) - We hear it all the time. “She knew he was violent.”“We warned her.”“She got mad at us for trying to help.”“Why can’t I say she made a bad choice?” Here’s why: Because what you’re calling truth is actually just judgment dressed up in concern. It may make you feel smarter. It may help you feel
- [Your Opinion Is Not Protection](https://wesurviveabuse.com/your-opinion-is-not-protection/) - 🖤 WeSurviveAbuse.com Let’s get something straight: Your opinion about how she should’ve escaped, how fast she should’ve healed, how she should’ve talked, walked, stayed quiet, or spoken up— That is not protection.It is performance. Protection is showing up.Protection is listening without turning her pain into your platform.Protection is asking, “What do you need?” instead of
- [If You Have Nothing Healing to Say to Survivors, You Can Be Silent](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-you-have-nothing-healing-to-say-to-survivors-you-can-be-silent/) - In the early days of healing, Survivors are doing sacred, difficult work. They are not “just leaving.”They are grieving.They are remembering.They are mourning a version of love that betrayed them. They are trying to piece together a story that the world keeps denying even happened. They are detangling memories.Reclaiming dignity.Relearning how to trust their own
- [Ways Survivors Are Taught to Ignore Danger (And How to Relearn Safety)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/ways-survivors-are-taught-to-ignore-danger-and-how-to-relearn-safety/) - The Truth: Many of Us Were Taught to Ignore What We Knew Deep Down If you've ever said:“I should’ve known.”“I felt something was off.”“I saw the red flags but stayed anyway.” You're not alone.You're not broken.You're not foolish. You were taught—conditioned—to ignore danger.Not because you wanted harm.But because you were surviving in systems that made
- [You Shrink So Others Don’t Feel Threatened](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-shrink-so-others-dont-feel-threatened/) - But What Happens When You Stop? The Sign:You minimize your gifts, your pain, your truth—because you’ve been told your full presence makes people uncomfortable.So you soften your words, dim your story, or stay silent—just to avoid conflict or protect fragile feelings. The Healing:You don’t owe anyone a smaller version of yourself.Your brilliance, your grief, your
- [How to Know You’re Not Safe—Even If No One’s Hitting You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-to-know-youre-not-safe-even-if-no-ones-hitting-you/) - (And Why So Many Survivors Miss the Signs) If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this really abuse?” or told yourself, “At least they’re not hitting me,”—you’re not alone. For so many Survivors, danger doesn’t always look like violence. It looks like tension. Like pressure. Like emotional chaos dressed up as concern. And the truth is:Many of
- [12 Quiet Ways Self-Abandonment Shows Up](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-quiet-ways-self-abandonment-shows-up/) - (And How to Come Home to Yourself) Self-abandonment isn’t always loud. It often slips in quietly, disguised as being “easygoing,” “low maintenance,” or “strong.” For Survivors, self-abandonment can become a survival strategy—a way to reduce harm in unsafe environments. But over time, it can leave you feeling invisible, unheard, and deeply disconnected from your own
- [Silencing Is Always the First Strike](https://wesurviveabuse.com/silencing-is-always-the-first-strike/) - Survivors of violence—whether in war zones or in personal life—often face silencing first. Before the bruise,before the strike,before the world sees what happened,there is a quiet act of control: “Don’t speak.”“No one will believe you.”“You’re overreacting.”“If you say something, things will get worse.” Sound familiar? It should. Because this is a tactic as old as
- [It’s Not New to Center Men—It’s Just Repackaged](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-new-to-center-men-its-just-repackaged/) - Males demanding that the world stop, shift, and reshape itself—laws, policies, language, protections—all so more men can be “listened to,”even if they’re dressed differently this time? That’s not radical.That’s not new.That’s the oldest story on Earth. Systems bending over backward to center male voices—whether clothed in suits, softness, or slogans—has never been revolutionary.It’s just a
- [Don’t Be Tricked Into Serving What Would Never Save You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dont-be-tricked-into-serving-what-would-never-save-you/) - Avoid letting any man—no matter how soft his tone, poetic his struggle, or urgent his cause—trick you into laboring for him, defending him, uplifting himwhen he has shown he wouldn’t lift a finger for you in return. Women’s labor is valuable.It builds families, movements, communities, and empires—yet too many try to harvest it for free.Your
- [When Childhood Triggers Resurface: Healing Before It Becomes Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-childhood-triggers-resurface-healing-before-it-becomes-harm/) - You Do Not Have to Pass on Pain If you find yourself feeling anger rise around children—if you feel the urge to control, dominate, or humiliate—it is not the child who is the problem. Their innocence, their misbehavior, their neediness—these are not faults.But how you learned to respond to stress, power, and emotion is something
- [✊🏾 Women Deserve Safety Without Apology](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✊🏾-women-deserve-safety-without-apology/) - It is not hateful to name a reality:The same laws that allow trans-identified males to enter women’s spaces also open the door for any man—including those with predatory intentions—to simply claim a female identity and gain access to spaces where women are vulnerable. Women’s concerns are not rooted in hate. They are rooted in lived
- [Dear Survivor: You Were Not Born to Absorb Abuse or Protect Harmful Men](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dear-survivor-you-were-not-born-to-absorb-abuse-or-protect-harmful-men/) - A Message for Every Woman Who Was Taught to Shrink Herself to Keep the Peace The violence against oppressed communities is real, but they load the burden onto the wrong people. Growing up in a world that conditions girls to be human shields for broken, violent, neglectful, or emotionally unavailable males comes at a high
- [You Don’t Owe Closure to Danger](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-dont-owe-closure-to-danger/) - (And You Don’t Need the Internet to Validate Your Boundaries) Do not listen to people online who speak from comfort, not from experience. If someone has you questioning whether it’s safe to have a final “closure” conversation—skip it.Let them call it “ghosting.”Let them call it “immature.”Let them misunderstand you. Your safety is more important than
- [Aesthetic Gatekeeping: You Are Not Here for Their Approval Ratings](https://wesurviveabuse.com/aesthetic-gatekeeping-you-are-not-here-for-their-approval-ratings/) - Let’s talk about one of the oldest games in the patriarchy playbook—and baby, it’s still being played in 4K, HD, and every group chat:Aesthetic Gatekeeping. It’s when men—yes, men of all sexual identities—decide they’ve been divinely appointed as the judges of women’s appearances.Not just whether we’re attractive.But whether we are valuable, respectable, lovable, or even
- [When Beauty Becomes a Battleground: 7 Names for This Power Grab](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-beauty-becomes-a-battleground-7-names-for-this-power-grab/) - When men try to crown one woman and crucify another based on looks, that’s not preference—it’s control wrapped in a compliment. That ain’t admiration. That’s a system.And baby, we were never made to bow to it.We were made to shatter it, sanctify truth, and rebuild a world where we define ourselves. Because here’s the unshakeable
- [Why Must We Carry Everyone? The Heavy Expectation Placed on Black Women’s Healing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-must-we-carry-everyone-the-heavy-expectation-placed-on-black-womens-healing/) - She wasn’t just expected to heal. She was expected to heal everyone around her too—without flinching, without resting, without breaking.” Why is it that when a Black woman begins her healing journey, she’s so often met with another assignment? Carry him.Protect them.Educate them.Forgive them.Uplift the very ones who harmed you.Explain your pain while in pain.And
- [And Why Don't Black Women Call the Police? (Graphic video posted by Ben Crump)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/and-why-dont-black-women-call-the-police-graphic-video-posted-by-ben-crump/) - “The Constitution they wrote was designed to protect the rights of white, male citizens. As there were no black Founding Fathers, there were no founding mothers – a great pity, on both counts. It is not too late to complete the work they left undone. Today, here, we should start to do so.” ~ Shirley
- [They Want Us Only in the Streets—But We Carry Resistance Everywhere](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-want-us-only-in-the-streets-but-we-carry-resistance-everywhere/) - Resistance Wears Many Faces Too often, when people talk about resistance, they point only to one image: bodies in the streets. Specifically Black people in the streets. Only. Signs lifted high. Voices chanting in unison. And yes—protest in the streets has its place in history. But for Black people, that narrow vision of resistance has
- [Unheard Women and Children: The Struggle for Independence in West Papua](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unheard-women-and-children-the-struggle-for-independence-in-west-papua/) - In the heart of the Pacific, lies a group of islands known as West Papua, where the local Papuans strive persistently for their right to independence from Indonesia. A Historical Perspective: In 1963, West Papua was incorporated into Indonesia under controversial circumstances. The West Papuans argue that this process was illegitimate, asserting their right
- [If You Don’t Name It, You Can’t Protect It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-you-dont-name-it-you-cant-protect-it/) - *Note: This horrifying and tragic Dominican Republic story came to my attention because of white adult human females who identify as feminists. From the UK to be exact. Meanwhile the men people keep insisting are the "most vulnerable women" continue to use derogatory and threatening language about Black women that would make a powdered wig
- [🪞When Her Mirror Is a Mask: The Women Who Reflect Us—But Don’t Stand With Us](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🪞when-her-mirror-is-a-mask-the-women-who-reflect-us-but-dont-stand-with-us/) - Not every woman who looks like she’s with you is for you. Some women mirror your words, your struggles, your fire for truth—but deep down, they are wearing a mask. One shaped by fear. By image. By allegiance to men who harm. They nod in agreement while privately defending the very people you’re trying to
- [Sisterhood Can’t Be Real If It Skips Over Racism](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sisterhood-cant-be-real-if-it-skips-over-racism/) - Sisterhood can’t be real if it skips over racism. There are women who carry racist beliefs, jokes, or habits in their daily lives — yet they still expect trust, solidarity, and access to other women’s most sacred spaces. That is not safety. That is not love. Trust is earned, not demanded. And when you dismiss
- [Caution and Prevention is a Necessity for Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/caution-and-prevention-is-a-necessity-for-women/) - Women (and really, all people who want to stay safe) have always had to use discernment when encountering others. Questioning motives is not about being paranoid — it’s about being wise. Safety first: Violence, exploitation, and manipulation often come from people we thought were trustworthy. Asking “what might this person’s motives be?” may prevent harm.
- [HE Chose Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/he-chose-violence/) - Blaming women is the usual default setting but if a man is violent, let’s put the blame where it belongs. Because too many conversations around abuse and harm still start with:“She just picked the wrong man.”“She should’ve seen the signs.”“She should’ve known better.” But what if we started telling the truth? That some men choose
- [🔥 What Is Gaslighting?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-what-is-gaslighting/) - Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt your own reality—your memory, your feelings, your instincts, your truth. It’s not just lying.It’s lying with the intention to control you. 💡 What It Sounds Like: “That never happened.” “You’re being too sensitive.” “You always overreact.” “You’re imagining things.” “You’re crazy.” “No one else sees it
- [The Silent Season After Birth: Why Men Matter More Than Ever](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-silent-season-after-birth-why-men-matter-more-than-eve/) - Men should absolutely be made more aware of what happens to a woman’s body postpartum. Birth is not the end of the journey—it is the beginning of deep healing, physical change, and emotional adjustment. Societies must continue to encourage men to show up as partners, protectors, and nurturers in this season. Supporting a woman after
- [The Survival Doll Trap: A Caution](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-survival-doll-trap-a-caution/) - Stay away from people who can’t wait to see you step into danger, but never rejoice in your survival. These are the ones who treat your survival like a sideshow — clapping when you “pull off another trick,” urging you to perform like some Evil Knievel, but never showing gratitude, love, or care for the
- [The “Helper” Mandate is Hurting Us](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-helper-mandate-is-hurting-us/) - It whispers to Black people—especially Black women —that we are here to help.To soothe.To teach.To forgive.To make the world softer for others, even when that world has no softness for us. They don't have to say it out loud anymore. It's been passed down, inherited, modeled in our workplaces, our families, our so-called friendships.We know
- [9 Signs That Reveal Childhood Neglect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/9-signs-that-reveal-childhood-neglect/) - Healing is a journey.....
- ['ER' Star Anthony Edwards Says Hollywood Big Shot Molested Him As A Teen](https://wesurviveabuse.com/er-star-anthony-edwards-says-hollywood-big-shot-molested-him-as-a-teen/) - As an advocate, I have worked with male Survivors as colleagues, as a volunteer in organizations, and as the person that they confided in about being abused. Because of how our society operates, it can take males far longer to come forward to anyone. Perhaps women may confide in a friend, playmate. or relative but,
- [Black Male Survivors of Rape Deserve to Be Seen, Heard, and Healed](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-male-survivors-of-rape-deserve-to-be-seen-heard-and-healed/) - Black male rape victims of other males are real.They exist. They’ve always existed.But for too long, they’ve been shamed into silence.Dismissed. Mocked. Ignored.And that silence is not neutral—it’s violent. It is time to say this plainly: Males with platforms. Males in leadership. Males in community.Step forward.See these men.Listen to their stories.Do the work to build
- [10 Surprising Facts About Breast Cancer (for Women)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-surprising-facts-about-breast-cancer-for-women/) - Most breast cancers are not inheritedOnly about 5–10 % of breast cancers come from inherited genetic mutations (like BRCA1/2). The majority develop from other factors.👉 BreastCancer.org Breast pain is rarely linked to cancerLess than 1 % of women evaluated for breast pain are found to have breast cancer.👉 UNC Health Talk Not every lump is
- [CNN Heroe Shirley Raines Shares Her Story](https://wesurviveabuse.com/cnn-heroe-shirley-raines-shares-her-story/) - Toxic relationships are so violent. Please support her organization if you are able. Here’s a little bit about me… I thought people knew my story. CNN tells the most accurate story about me. pic.twitter.com/6kb9romK1L — Shirley Raines (@beauty2streetz) September 30, 2025 Domestic Violence Statistics In the U.S., over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and 1
- [When Propaganda is Used Against Abuse Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-propaganda-is-used-against-abuse-survivors/) - Propaganda isn’t just for politics or war; it’s a powerful tool that gets used to control narratives about abuse survivors, shape public perception, and protect perpetrators or systems. Here’s how it shows up: 🔄 1. Shifting Blame to the Survivor Tactic: Portraying the Survivor as unstable, vengeful, “angry,” or “bitter.” Effect: The public begins to
- [10 Radiant Traits of Women Who Love Themselves](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-radiant-traits-of-women-who-love-themselves/) - When a woman truly loves herself, you can feel it in her presence. Her steps, her choices, her voice—everything says: “I am worthy.” These women give us light and teach us by example. Here are 10 traits they often embody: She Walks Away from DisrespectNo explanations. No apologies. She knows her spirit is too precious
- [Feminism Can No Longer Afford to Be Generalized](https://wesurviveabuse.com/feminism-can-no-longer-afford-to-be-generalized/) - Feminism can no longer afford to live in generalizations.When it does, it leaves too much room for people to hide intent, to blur goals, to claim the word while working against the work. Why Specificity Matters Accountability: Vague feminism becomes a shield, not a practice. Protection from Co-optation: Lack of clarity lets harmful agendas sneak
- [🎤💰 Money, Respect & the Woman’s Mic: Black Women’s Songs About Money, Power, and Respect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎤💰-money-respect-the-womans-mic-black-womens-songs-about-money-power-and-respect/) - About money. About love. About what it means to be valued. This is not a new conversation. Long before internet debates and think pieces, Black women artists were laying down vocals that demanded respect, equity, and reciprocity. These weren’t just love songs. They were freedom songs. Strategy songs. Boundary songs. From vinyl to streaming, Black
- [Hate Makes the Mind Small: Freedom Lives in Openness](https://wesurviveabuse.com/hate-makes-the-mind-small-freedom-lives-in-openness/) - Hateful people say, "So you all are just these magical people walking around knowing everything hunh." Sometimes...... we do not have the words for what we see but we know that something looks strange. Less hate in the heart, more room for insight to come to the mind. Racism and hate don’t just
- [Which Women Do You Really Stand For? The Question Feminists Keep Dodging (updated)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/which-women-do-you-really-stand-for-the-question-feminists-keep-dodging/) - For those unfamiliar: Most Black women did not call for “unity.” We understood then, as we do now, that not all women are willing to give up the protection of what they value most. I am indeed part of the movement to end violence against women and children and a GenXer, so it has
- [The Lie She Tells Herself: When Women Protect the Men Who Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-lie-she-tells-herself-when-women-protect-the-men-who-harm/) - "I'd lie for you. I'd die for you. Ride or die for you"- a woman or girl for a a man she admires/likes/loves There’s a saying that floats around online:“If a woman likes you, you don’t even have to lie too much. She’ll start lying to herself on your behalf.” Whew.It cuts deep.Because for too
- [Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Expanding the Conversation to Cohabitation Spaces](https://wesurviveabuse.com/domestic-violence-awareness-month-expanding-the-conversation-to-cohabitation-spaces/) - October reminds us to shine light on the realities of domestic violence. Too often, our discussions focus narrowly on what happens behind the closed doors of private homes. But abuse doesn’t only live there. It follows people wherever they share space—college dorms, shelters, group homes, and military housing. Why Cohabitation Matters When people live together,
- [You’re Not Her Judge. You’re Not Even Helpful.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/youre-not-her-judge-youre-not-even-helpful/) - 🖤 WeSurviveAbuse.com The internet is full of people who think that offering opinions on a Survivor’s choices is the same as offering help.It’s not. You weren’t there.You didn’t live it.And you don’t get to decide what she should’ve done when the walls were closing in. This is not your courtroom.This is her life. Her trauma.
- [Loneliness vs. Depletion: Why Women Need Safe, Reciprocal Companionship—Not One-Sided Connections](https://wesurviveabuse.com/loneliness-vs-depletion-why-women-need-safe-reciprocal-companionship-not-one-sided-connections/) - Loneliness is real, but being drained by one-sided “connections” is far worse than being alone. Here’s an expanded version with more life-giving examples of what women actually long for in companionship — not depletion, not transactional demands, not danger: Loneliness vs. Depletion When women post online about loneliness, too often the immediate response from men
- [The “Dying Alone” Myth: A Fear Tactic to Control Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-dying-alone-myth-a-fear-tactic-to-control-women/) - One of the most persistent, tired myths used to scare women into compliance is the idea that if we follow feminism, womanism, or choose to remain unmarried, we are doomed to “die alone.” This fear-mongering narrative is nothing more than a control tactic, built on outdated assumptions and deliberate distortions of reality. Let’s dismantle it
- [10 Clear Signs He Doesn’t Respect You (And How Survivors Can Break Free From the Programming That Keeps Us Silent)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-clear-signs-he-doesnt-respect-you-and-how-survivors-can-break-free-from-the-programming-that-keeps-us-silent/) - Respect isn’t what he says in public. It’s how he moves when no one is watching, and how he treats your truth, your boundaries, and your dignity. Here are questions that cut through the noise: 1. Does he listen when you speak—really listen—or does he interrupt, dismiss, or talk over you? Respect shows in the
- [Ignored Crimes Become Generational Crises: A Tale As Old As Time](https://wesurviveabuse.com/ignored-crimes-become-generational-crises-a-tale-as-old-as-time/) - History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.-Maya Angelou From the very first pages of Scripture, we are warned what happens when wrongdoing is ignored. When Cain killed his brother Abel, he tried to deflect responsibility with the haunting words: “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
- [How to Respond with Strength When Abusers Accuse You of Playing the ‘Victim’](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-to-respond-with-strength-when-abusers-accuse-you-of-playing-the-victim/) - Abusers accuse victimized people of “playing victim” because it serves as a power tactic. Here are the key reasons: 1. Deflection of Responsibility If the abuser labels you as “playing victim,” it shifts the spotlight away from their harmful behavior. Instead of facing accountability, they make you defend yourself — “I’m not exaggerating, I’m not
- [From Michael Harriot: How a City Ignored the (Systemic) Rape, Murder and Terrorism of Black Women for Four Decades](https://wesurviveabuse.com/from-michael-harriot-how-a-city-ignored-the-systemic-rape-murder-and-terrorism-of-black-women-for-four-decades/) - "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." -James Baldwin Sincere conversations around ending violence against women and girls in the US must include the courage to confront our entire history. When people say, "No one is a slave today. Slavery is over." This
- [An Ancestor Remembered: Carol Denise McNair](https://wesurviveabuse.com/an-ancestor-remembered-carol-denise-mcnair/) - She would have been 73 years old today. May she rest in power.🕊 elink.io | See Original
- [The Cage Looks Different, But It’s Still a Cage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-cage-looks-different-but-its-still-a-cage/) - Some men enforce gender roles by pushing women into cages: Be obedient. Be soft. Be nurturing. Be silent. Other men wear those same gender roles like a costume and declare: This is what makes a woman. I embody it better than you. The strategy looks different, but the effect is the same. Women’s voices are
- [Signs of Covert Abuse and Why It is So Harmful](https://wesurviveabuse.com/signs-of-covert-abuse-and-why-it-is-so-harmful/) - Covert abuse is abuse that hides in plain sight. It’s harm done in ways that are subtle, disguised, or easily denied, making it harder for the victim—and often outsiders—to recognize it as abuse. Unlike overt abuse, which is loud and obvious (like shouting, hitting, or name-calling), covert abuse operates quietly and often appears “reasonable” or
- [When Your Needs Go Unmet](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-your-needs-go-unmet/) - There is a particular kind of heaviness that comes from pouring into everyone else’s needs while your own remain empty. It doesn’t happen all at once. It builds slowly, quietly, over years. At first, you tell yourself you’re strong enough. You convince yourself that “someday” you’ll get to rest. But as time stretches on, the
- [What Happens When Women Reach Their Breaking Point: The Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Cost of Carrying Too Much for Too Long](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-happens-when-women-reach-their-breaking-point-the-physical-emotional-and-spiritual-cost-of-carrying-too-much-for-too-long/) - When a human being, especially a woman who has been carrying others for too long, reaches her breaking point, several things can happen—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 🌑 1. The Body Keeps Score The body begins to manifest what the spirit has been carrying. Exhaustion that sleep can’t fix. Illnesses that arise from stress and suppression.
- [It Is Not Women Who Should Be Shamed for Protecting Themselves.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/it-is-not-women-who-should-be-shamed-for-protecting-themselves/) - Society has done an awful, weak, and half-hearted job of protecting women and children. Too often, when a woman sets boundaries or takes steps to safeguard herself, she is mocked, ridiculed, or interrogated. Put in prison for a lengthy sentence with a violent male for an added touch of injustice. But we ought to be
- [Stop Shaming Women for Protecting Themselves](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stop-shaming-women-for-protecting-themselves/) - Too often, when a woman dares to speak up about her own safety needs, she is shamed. Other women tell her she’s “overreacting,” “paranoid,” or “making men look bad.” But listen—every woman’s safety needs are individual. What one woman feels comfortable with, another may not. What one woman can tolerate, another cannot. And that is
- [Men Have a Duty to Be Safe Around Women and Children](https://wesurviveabuse.com/men-have-a-duty-to-be-safe-around-women-and-children/) - We need to say this more often, and we need to say it without apology: men have a duty to be safe around women and children. Do not cross boundaries. Do not interrogate or mock the reasons women and children set boundaries in the first place. Do not lie about statistics or twist studies to
- [It is Important to Ask Yourself: Who taught you to downplay the importance of your safety?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/it-is-important-to-ask-yourself-who-taught-you-to-downplay-the-importance-of-your-safety/) - Too many of us were conditioned to silence our instincts, ignore our boundaries, and minimize our fears. But that conditioning didn’t come from love—it came from control. They received and deeply embedded that conditioning from another source. Ask yourself: Who taught you to minimize your safety?Was it family who told you to “be nice”? Was
- [You Don’t Have to Prove Your Worth: Reclaiming Women’s Right to Safety, Dignity, and Respect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-dont-have-to-prove-your-worth-reclaiming-womens-right-to-safety-dignity-and-respect/) - Dominance: Turning every women's space into "his" too but in different font. Too often, women are pushed into defending our own dignity. We’re told to explain why we need safety, justify why we want fairness, or prove why our boundaries matter. But here’s the truth: your worth is not up for debate. We see it
- [Red Flag #1: If They Won’t Let You Have Privacy, They Don’t See You as Human](https://wesurviveabuse.com/red-flag-1-if-they-wont-let-you-have-privacy-they-dont-see-you-as-human/) - When Privacy Is Forbidden—It’s a Deadly Warning Some people believe that their partners, children, or family members do not deserve privacy. That belief is not just a red flag. It is a blaring siren. A line crossed. A truth revealed. In this series, we’re naming one of the most overlooked warning signs in abusive households:
- [When You’re Silenced: How You Might Respond & Why It Matters](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-youre-silenced-how-you-might-respond-why-it-matters/) - When people are silenced—whether by fear, trauma, or pressure from others—they don’t just stop talking. They find other ways to cope. Some of those ways may seem harmless at first, but over time, they can take a heavy toll. If you've ever felt shut down or like your voice doesn’t matter, you might recognize some
- [🌍 When People Say "No" — And Mean It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌍-when-people-say-no-and-mean-it/) - Recently, a young YouTuber was arrested after sneaking onto North Sentinel Island, home to the Sentinelese—one of the last uncontacted peoples on Earth. Let’s pause there:He snuck onto their home.Without permission.After being told “No.”Knowing it could kill them. And still—still—many in the comment sections asked: “How do they get to say no?” “Why are they
- [Lifting As We Climb: The Radical Blueprint of the Black Women’s Club Movement](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lifting-as-we-climb-the-radical-blueprint-of-the-black-womens-club-movement/) - When Black women were excluded, they built their own. They didn’t wait for permission. They didn’t wait for safety to be handed to them.They created spaces of power and protection—brick by brick, idea by idea, prayer by prayer. In the face of racism, sexism, classism, and indifference, the Black Women’s Club Movement (late 1800s–early 1900s)
- [Misogyny Hides Well, Until Women Rise.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/misogyny-hides-well-until-women-rise/) - When women step into leadership with truth on our tongues, the hidden misogyny from all sides crawls into the light. The world is comfortable with us nurturing, fixing, and loving pain away—but not with us leading, calling out, or refusing to soothe what harms us. Men can fail and be handed another chance. Women speak,
- [❓FAQ: What’s Going On With Untested Rape Kits?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/❓faq-whats-going-on-with-untested-rape-kits/) - Q: What is a rape kit? A rape kit (also called a sexual assault forensic evidence kit) is used to collect DNA and physical evidence from a person who has experienced sexual assault. The process can be invasive, lasting several hours, often undertaken while the Survivor is already in shock, pain, or distress. It’s not
- [Narrative Control: One More Way Survivors Get Silenced](https://wesurviveabuse.com/narrative-control-one-more-way-survivors-get-silenced/) - There’s something you need to know about how survivors are treated after they speak out. It doesn’t always look like disbelief.It doesn’t always look like yelling or threats.Sometimes, it shows up dressed in politeness, concern, or “just trying to help.” It’s called narrative control—and it’s one of the most common ways Survivors are silenced. 💬
- [Hidden Misogyny: The Kind That Smiles in Your Face](https://wesurviveabuse.com/hidden-misogyny-the-kind-that-smiles-in-your-face/) - Not all misogyny shouts. Some of it whispers. Some of it comes dressed as politeness, concern, or tradition. It’s when women are praised for being “selfless” while their needs go ignored. It’s when girls are told to “be nice” instead of being taught to be safe. It’s when promotions are given to men who are
- [12 Things Men Say “I’m Not Worried About” — While Treating Women’s Concerns as Silly](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-things-men-say-im-not-worried-about-while-treating-womens-concerns-as-silly/) - Men love to say it with a shrug, a smirk, sometimes even a laugh: “I’m not worried about that.” The arrogance in that statement is thick enough to cut. And here’s the thing—arrogance doesn’t make anyone safer. It only causes grief when it leaves families without sisters, mothers, daughters, nieces, or friends. But by then,
- [How 'WE the People' Violate Women in Prison Today](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-we-the-people-violate-women-in-prison-today/) - elink.io | See Original
- [She Caught the Girls Before They Fell: Victoria Earle Matthews and the War Against Trafficking (1861–1907)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-caught-the-girls-before-they-fell-victoria-earle-matthews-and-the-war-against-trafficking/) - 10 Incredible Facts About Victoria Earle Matthews 1. She Was Born Enslaved and Rose to Lead Victoria Earle Matthews was born enslaved in Fort Valley, Georgia, in 1861. Despite this beginning, she became a fierce advocate, intellectual, and protector of Black girls and women. 2. Her Mother Escaped and Secured Her Children’s Freedom Her mother,
- [Victim-Blaming Is Enabling Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/victim-blaming-is-enabling-abuse/) - Let’s name it plain:Victim-blaming doesn’t protect anyone. It protects abusers. When people say: “Why didn’t she just leave?” “She must’ve done something.” “She’s just trying to ruin his life.” “Well, I wouldn’t have let that happen to me…” What they’re really doing is shifting the blame away from the person who chose to harm—and placing
- [📢 Hidden Herstory: The Leesburg Stockade Girls](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📢-hidden-herstory-the-leesburg-stockade-girls/) - In the heat of July 1963, a group of Black girls in Americus, Georgia—aged just 12 to 15—were arrested for marching peacefully against segregation at a whites-only movie theater. Their simple demand: freedom and dignity. Their punishment: they were disappeared into a rotting civil war-era jail called the Leesburg Stockade. This was Jim Crow in
- [FAQ: Common Perpetrators, Race, and Bias — What U.S. Parents Must Know About CSAM](https://wesurviveabuse.com/faq-common-perpetrators-race-and-bias-what-u-s-parents-must-know-about-csam/) - You can't find what you are not looking for. Knowledge is power. And when adults refuse to see the truth, perpetrators are protected, children are harmed, and Survivors are betrayed. It is time to strip away the myths and face reality. 1. Are perpetrators ever identifiable by race? Yes. Race shows up in official U.S.
- [The Economist: Why Nations that Fail Women FAIL](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-economist-why-nations-that-fail-women-fail/) - Please do not watch this pretend that the West is exempt or any political party is "different". It is 2025 and no group of males is doing well at listening to much less protecting the rights of women. Not in the north, east, west or south.
- [Facing Evil with Survivor Maya Angelou](https://wesurviveabuse.com/facing-evil-with-survivor-maya-angelou/) - The future is shaped by the hands of empathetic, morally upright, and wise women who dare to build it.
- [When Writing Becomes Duty](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-writing-becomes-duty/) - We don't talk enough about women who have written their way through pain and abuse. Across history, when power concentrates in ways that silence people, writing becomes one of the strongest tools of resistance. Bearing Witness: Authoritarian people and systems thrive on erasure and distortion. Writing records what happened so it cannot be easily rewritten.
- [The World Loves Powerful Men. Even When They’re Violent.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-world-loves-powerful-men-even-when-theyre-violent/) - Let’s tell the truth today. The world loves powerful men. Even when they’re violent.Especially when they’re violent. It doesn’t matter if he’s a cop, a coach, a clergy member, a CEO.If he’s charming, confident, successful, or speaks well on TV—he’s protected. Not because he’s innocent. But because power, in this world, is too often worshiped
- [When the Bank Said No: How Credit Laws Once Trapped Survivors in Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-bank-said-no-how-credit-laws-once-trapped-survivors-in-abuse/) - Before we begin, a word to younger generations: Please extend grace to the women who came before you. Many older women didn’t stay in abusive relationships because they were weak or unaware.They stayed because the law, the banks, and the entire system gave them almost no options.Before 1975, simply applying for a credit card or
- [Why Doesn’t She Leave? Because Leaving Costs Money](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-doesnt-she-leave-because-leaving-costs-money/) - Why doesn’t she leave? Because leaving costs money. She needs first and last month’s rent just to secure a place, plus moving expenses—a truck, deposits, and more. Then there are moving expenses—hiring a truck, paying for gas, transferring utilities, and maybe even buying basics like a bed or kitchen supplies if she leaves everything behind.
- [Our Rights Are Not Disposable](https://wesurviveabuse.com/our-rights-are-not-disposable/) - Women's rights are not up for elimination.Not now. Not ever. Our rights are not conditional based on someone else's discomfort.They are not meant to be negotiated away behind closed doors or on social media timelines.They are non-transferable. They are non-refundable. They are not up for grabs. We must speak this truth plainly: Women’s rights—our safety,
- [Courtesy or Compelled Speech? Why the Difference Matters](https://wesurviveabuse.com/courtesy-or-compelled-speech-why-the-difference-matters/) - There’s a difference between choosing courtesy and being forced into compelled speech. Courtesy is voluntary. It’s when you call someone “Liz” instead of Elizabeth, or when you say “Your Honor” in a courtroom even though the judge is not your personal honor. Courtesy smooths social life—it’s a choice you make. Compelled speech is different. It
- [Every Woman Deserves to Be Heard in the Delivery Room](https://wesurviveabuse.com/every-woman-deserves-to-be-heard-in-the-delivery-room/) - Please pay close attention to this woman's story and her words. ‘The day I was reduced to a Black birthing body.’ A doctor reflects on pregnancy by Alisha Liggett, M.D. I've shared the story around delivering my child and why I stand against the phrase "birthing body"...how I wasn't heard. On the day
- [Reclaiming Anna Julia Cooper: Why Black Women’s Liberation Is Not a Call to Self-Sacrifice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/reclaiming-anna-julia-cooper-why-black-womens-liberation-is-not-a-call-to-self-sacrifice/) - 1. The Distortion of Cooper’s Vision Some have taken Cooper’s line to mean that Black women must always be the “gateway,” carrying everyone else on their backs. That it’s our duty to fight for others while ignoring when our own rights are trampled. This framing turns her empowering declaration into a burden — erasing her
- [65 Beliefs Some Men Hold About Women: Control, Boundaries, and the Fight for Choice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/65-beliefs-some-men-hold-about-women-control-boundaries-and-the-fight-for-choice/) - For some women, these beliefs work just fine. And I believe in ladies choice. Women should have what they want. If you like it, I love it—so long as it is safe-mentally, physically, and spiritually- for you and for your children. I'm good. I make choices myself, and have plenty of gratitude and appreciation for
- [We Are Not Meant to Disappear Inside Someone Else’s Reflection](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-are-not-meant-to-disappear-inside-someone-elses-reflection/) - There is a quiet war being waged on selfhood.A thousand little whispers telling women—and especially Black women, Indigenous women, and other women of color—that our worth lies in how well we serve others, how well we shape-shift, silence, and sacrifice. Be agreeable.Be adaptable.Be less.Be for them. We are pressured to betray our own instincts.
- [Survivor Affirmations:  I  Have a Right to Safety and Dignity Regardless of Male Desires](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmations-i-have-a-right-to-safety-and-dignity-regardless-of-male-desires/) - We do not have to hold on to the potentially dangerous idea that a male's needs come first. Above all others. Above our own. Above our children's. Many males out there are great human beings but we must put ourselves and our children's safety FIRST more often than we do because those
- [Only 2% “Owned” Slaves?”: Slavery and Slaveholding in the United States Facts (Part 3)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/only-2-owned-slaves-slavery-and-slaveholding-in-the-united-states-facts-part-3/) - Slavery and Slaveholding in the United States, 1860 Introduction On the eve of the Civil War, slavery was the backbone of Southern life and one of the most defining institutions in American history. The 1860 U.S. Census, alongside research from the National Park Service, Duke University’s Cook Center, PolitiFact, and the University of Houston’s Digital
- [Why Men Don’t Belong in Healing or Decision Groups for Women: Protecting Safety and Trust](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-men-dont-belong-in-healing-or-support-groups-for-women-protecting-safety-and-trust/) - “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” — Zora Neale Hurston And see, I think about things like this when I think about a longtime mutual social media follower (we have since blocked each other) who got pretty upset with me that I disagreed with her
- [10 Ways Women Are Coerced in Daily Life—And Why It’s a Problem](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-ways-women-are-coerced-in-daily-life-and-why-its-a-problem/) - Coercion isn’t always obvious. It can be subtle, disguised as “concern,” “tradition,” or even “love.” Many women experience coercion in daily life without realizing it—until they start questioning why they feel trapped, guilty, or powerless. Here are some ways coercion happens every day: 1. Being Guilt-Tripped into Emotional Labor Women are often expected to be
- [Misogynist Gaslighting: The Reversal That Keeps Women Unsafe](https://wesurviveabuse.com/misogynist-gaslighting-the-reversal-that-keeps-women-unsafe/) - Misogynist gaslighting is not just individual.It's systemic, strategic, and silencing. Here’s how it works—over and over again: 1. Women Set Boundaries → Labeled Aggressors When women say no, draw a line, or claim space—they’re accused of being mean, bitter, hostile, or “too emotional.” 2. Self-Protection is Framed as Hate A woman says: “I don’t feel
- [Survivors Speak Truth: John Lewis Speaks Truth on Black America’s Fight for Justice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivors-speak-truth-john-lewis-speaks-truth-on-black-americas-fight-for-justice/) - Proverbs 12:19 puts it this way..... “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.” When victims of abuse summon the courage to tell their stories, someone says, as a matter of fact too many someone's say: "Why now? Why not say this years ago?" I say: "There is never a bad
- [You Have the Right To: Speak Your Truth Without Being Punished](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-have-the-right-to-speak-your-truth-without-being-punished/) - So many Survivors—especially women and girls—are taught that “peace” means keeping quiet. That “respect” means swallowing the truth. That “love” means shrinking. Let’s be honest:That’s not peace. That’s submission.That’s not love. That’s control.And deep down, many of us know it.We feel it in our chest, in our throat, in the words we hesitate to speak.
- [10 Dangerous Beliefs That Have Harmed Women Around the World](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-dangerous-beliefs-that-have-harmed-women-around-the-world/) - Some lies don’t look like lies.They wear the clothing of “tradition,” “culture,” “love,” or “femininity.”But if you look closer, you’ll see the bruises they leave behind. Here are 10 dangerous beliefs that have harmed women across time, language, and land—beliefs passed down like folklore, buried like landmines in our stories, our laws, our households, and
- [📘 Some Words Need Defining—Like Victimhood](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📘-some-words-need-defining-like-victimhood/) - “If they took your voice, take it back. If they laughed at your story, tell it louder.”— Survivor Affirmations There are some words that come into the conversation already carrying baggage. They show up dressed in tone, shade, and judgment.And suddenly, whole communities, experiences, and lifetimes get reduced to one insult: "Victimhood." But let’s pause
- [Conniving Distractions: What Was She Wearing?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/conniving-distractions-what-was-she-wearing/) - When the focus is on the what the victim was wearing and not on the behavior and actions of the person who harmed the victim. Men raped women dressed just like the woman in this image. elink.io | See Original
- [Male Access Supremacy: When Entitlement Disguises Itself as Equality](https://wesurviveabuse.com/male-access-supremacy-when-entitlement-disguises-itself-as-equality/) - There is a belief too many refuse to name—because to name it would reveal the lie. It is the belief that: “No space should ever be off-limits to males.” Not even when that space was created for healing.Not even when that space was created for safety.Not even when women fought for years to carve it
- [🚫 STOP ASKING US TO GET USED TO BEING HARMED](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚫-stop-asking-us-to-get-used-to-being-harmed/) - People don’t listen to women and children. Not when we whisper.Not when we scream.Not even when we show up with a mountain of evidence, hospital records, text messages, restraining orders, bruises, trauma, or the lifeless eyes of a child who saw too much too young. And yet you dare to tell us: “Let them in.
- [She Knows What He’s Capable Of—Do You?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-knows-what-hes-capable-of-do-you/) - Why doesn't she leave? Because domestic abuse is not a disagreement. It’s a terror campaign. Because domestic abuse isn’t a disagreement.It’s a campaign of terror—planned, persistent, and deeply personal. Because when the abuser holds power—whether he’s a celebrity, a cop, a prosecutor, or a government official—she knows he can reach her. Anywhere. Anytime. Because you
- [The Disposability of the “Wrong” Women: A Call to Conscience (w/Affirmations)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-disposability-of-the-wrong-women-a-call-to-conscience-w-affirmations/) - There is a silence that wraps itself around certain women like a shroud—thick, suffocating, strategic. It’s the silence reserved for women who are poor, prostituted, racialized, addicted, mentally unwell, undocumented, disabled, or come from families society has labeled “broken.” These women are not seen.Not as daughters. Not as sisters.And certainly not as victims worthy of
- [Black Women: Unshakable, Unstoppable, Unquestionable](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-women-unshakable-unstoppable-unquestionable/) - When people build entire campaigns against you, they recognize your power even if YOU do not. Black womanhood has never been up for debate. It has never been something to prove, negotiate, or justify. The world may have tried to gaslight us, but let’s get something straight—no one has ever had the power to take
- [Losing Three Icons, Carrying Their Light: The Power of Musical Legacy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/losing-three-icons-carrying-their-light-the-power-of-musical-legacy/) - Angie Stone’s Music Pulled Us Through—And Now, She’s Gone. Angie Stone has passed, and somehow, it still doesn’t feel real. During one of my lowest valleys, her music became my guide, my comfort, my reassurance that I wasn’t alone. Her voice wrapped around my wounds like a balm, reminding me that healing was possible, that
- [When Black Women Are Targeted for Questioning What Others Pretend Not to See](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-black-women-are-targeted-for-questioning-what-others-pretend-not-to-see/) - There was another time I learned just how selective feminism and women's work can be. After 30 plus years of service, there are too many. That time when writer and actor Lena Dunham was being lifted by "feminist and women's" organizations—even national rape organizations—while questions swirled about her claims in her book, and what happened
- [Black and Missing Foundation and Washington Association of Black Journalists Release Groundbreaking Media Guide for Reporting on Missing Persons](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-and-missing-foundation-and-washington-association-of-black-journalists-release-groundbreaking-media-guide-for-reporting-on-missing-persons/) - LINK TO FULL PRESS RELEASE (Hyattsville, MD) – The Black and Missing Foundation, Inc. (BAMFI), in partnership with the Washington Association of Black Journalists (WABJ), today announced the release of The Media Guide for Reporting on Missing Persons, a comprehensive resource designed to address long-standing disparities in media coverage of missing persons cases, especially those involving people
- [💣 In Just One Second: 12 Ways People Tell You They’re Pro-Abuser](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💣-in-just-one-second-12-ways-people-tell-you-theyre-pro-abuser/) - (And Maybe Capable of Abuse Themselves) Sometimes it doesn’t take a full conversation.Sometimes it takes just one sentence, one smirk, one moment of silence—to tell you who a person really stands with. Here’s how people reveal their alignment with abuse, often without realizing just how loudly they're speaking. 1. "There are two sides to every
- [Lessons from the Murder of Tonie Nicole: The Family Shares](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lessons-from-the-murder-of-tonie-nicole-the-family-shares/) - I came across and compiled this years ago. I was struck by how the family members brought her to life for us....shared her with us. It saddens me that she is gone now but I believe in storytelling. I believe in the lessons being passed on to others. May she now rest and our sincere
- [Survivor Affirmations: Protecting MY Empathy, Protecting Me](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmations-protecting-my-empathy-protecting-me/) - People tend to treat Black women like our empathy is a faucet that you can turn on and off at will. When it doesn't work they actually complain like we are a utility service! Listen, empathy is a beautiful gift—it connects us, softens us, and helps us understand one another. But when it gets twisted,
- [When They Can’t Control You Anymore, They Try to Control How People See You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-they-cant-control-you-anymore-they-try-to-control-how-people-see-you/) - One of the realities of working with women trying to get away from an abusive relationship is the difficult work that must be done long after the break up, the division of property, the divorce, ...all of that. A new abusive campaign begins. One of the hardest truths Survivors face is this: abuse doesn’t always
- [Survivor Affirmation: I Honor My Journey and Reclaim My Energy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmation-i-honor-my-journey-and-reclaim-my-energy/) - Anytime you put your time, energy, and heart into something you take a risk. It may not turn out as you had hoped. That part always hurts. Still in the days and months ahead, what you gained will become clear. The task is done, promise yourself you will honor your journey AND reclaim your energy.
- [Affirmations for Strength and Boundaries Around Black Women's Humanity: Rooted in Baldwin’s Wisdom](https://wesurviveabuse.com/affirmations-for-strength-and-boundaries-around-black-womens-humanity-rooted-in-baldwins-wisdom/) - "We can disagree and still love each other, unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist." -James Baldwin 🔥 Soulful Affirmations Rooted in Sacred Love of Black Women I will not call oppression “a difference of opinion.” My spirit is too mighty to shrink to
- [Performative Allyship: When the Applause Is Louder Than the Protection](https://wesurviveabuse.com/performative-allyship-when-the-applause-is-louder-than-the-protection/) - There’s a kind of allyship that shows up only when the lights are on.When there's an audience.When speaking up will gain applause, followers, or favor. But where are these men when women arefleeing the house that broke them?silenced at work for naming what he did?grieving children they weren’t able to protect because the system failed
- [Collusion Without Conversation: The Code of Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/collusion-without-conversation-the-code-of-abuse/) - They’ve never met. Different backgrounds.Different languages.Different cultures.Different religions.Some in suits, some in uniforms, some behind pulpits, others behind closed doors.Yet, without a single meeting, conference call, or secret group chat…They agree. Abusers—those who harm, silence, and violate—seem to always know the terms and conditions. They agree that women should be quiet, even when we’re bleeding.They
- [🎯 Pattern Denial: The Sinister Art of Pretending Not to Know](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎯-pattern-denial-the-sinister-art-of-pretending-not-to-know/) - Some truths are not too complex to understand—they're just too inconvenient to admit. Even toddlers can identify patterns. I once babysat a precious little girl who would simply run up to me, point to her sisters, and yell, “Her!”Translation: They did it again. Make it stop.She didn’t need fancy language. She had clarity. Now imagine
- [Selective Advocacy Syndrome: When They Show Up for Ego, Not Justice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/selective-advocacy-syndrome-when-they-show-up-for-ego-not-justice/) - They say they care about equality.They say they believe in fairness.They say they’re here for liberation. But watch when they speak up—and who they speak for. Because when girls are hurt,when women are harmed,when our bodies are brutalized or our rights are erased—they disappear. This is Selective Advocacy Syndrome (nothing new about it) And here’s
- [I’m Not Bitter—I Just Finally Know Better](https://wesurviveabuse.com/im-not-bitter-i-just-finally-know-better/) - They’ll say you’re angry now.That you’re bitter.That you’ve changed. And you have changed.But not in the way they’re trying to spin it. You're not bitter.You're just no longer naive. You're no longer swallowing lies just to keep someone’s ego fed.You’re no longer pretending crumbs are enough to live on.You’re no longer mistaking emotional labor for
- [🚩 Red Flags: When “Allies” Are Really Just Bullies](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚩red-flags-when-allies-are-really-just-bullies/) - In advocacy, passion often draws people in—it can light up a room, stir emotions, and rally attention. But not every loud voice is a trustworthy one. Outrage can look like solidarity, yet underneath, the motivations can be very different. Some anger rises from lived pain: the anger of Survivors, the sick, the oppressed. That fire
- [Survivor Affirmation: Courage Launches Me Above My Fears](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmation-courage-launches-me-above-my-fears/) - Courage launches me above my fears.Fear is a natural and healthy feeling necessary to survive. Instead of buckling in the face of fear, I use it to stir my courage. Fear makes it possible for me to experience a degree of bravery stored inside of me.Courage is the presence of action in the midst of
- [Strength for the Journey: Resilience Through the Wisdom of Dr. Clenora Hudson-Weems](https://wesurviveabuse.com/strength-for-the-journey-resilience-through-the-wisdom-of-dr-clenora-hudson-weems/) - Not every name that carries wisdom is known in every household. Some voices travel quietly, like rivers underground, shaping the landscape even if we cannot always see them. Dr. Clenora Hudson-Weems is such a voice. She is the creator of Africana Womanism, a way of seeing the world that rises from the experiences, faith, and
- [10 Rights of Survivors When An Abusive Person Dies](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-rights-of-survivors-when-an-abusive-person-dies/) - "Be a good girl"😡 We are indeed all the villain in someone's story. We are all flawed and imperfect. But there are degrees to this. This morning though, I want to focus on Survivors of villainous tactics and their rights. As we are still in the process of learning how to listen
- [🚨 Silence Isn’t Neutral. It’s Permission.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-silence-isnt-neutral-its-permission/) - Let’s talk about the men who say: “I don’t get involved in drama.”“That’s between them.”“Not all men are like that.”“I’d never do that, but I’m not about to check another grown man.” These statements aren’t harmless.They’re not peaceful.They’re not respectable. They are passive permission slips for violence to continue. Because what they’re really saying is:
- [You Do Not Have to Apologize for Knowing What Danger Looks Like](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-do-not-have-to-apologize-for-knowing-what-danger-looks-like/) - You’ve seen too much.Lived too much.Heard the stories no one else wanted to hear. And still, they want you to second-guess yourself. They say:“Don’t be paranoid.”“Give people a chance.”“You’re being dramatic.”“That’s not what they meant.” But you know what danger looks like.You’ve seen it dressed in charm, titles, and good intentions.You’ve seen it wait patiently,
- [💔 If I’m Healing, Then Why Am I Hurting?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-if-im-healing-then-why-am-i-hurting/) - A gentle truth for the days when healing aches more than harm ever did. We don’t talk about this part enough. The part where healing hurts. The part where, after leaving the relationship…after naming the truth…after choosing yourself…you lie in bed and wonder why your chest still aches like you’ve lost everything. You did.
- [The War We Ignore: Violent Men, Mental Health Cuts, and the Cost to All of U.S.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-war-we-ignore-violent-men-mental-health-cuts-and-the-cost-to-all-of-u-s/) - Mental health systems have been gutted. Until we stop making excuses and start building solutions that protect the vulnerable, we will continue to cycle through tragedies that could have been prevented. At some point we must Invest in THIS WAR.
- [Why Women Must Use Our Labor Wisely: From Survival to True Progress](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-women-must-use-our-labor-wisely-from-survival-to-true-progress/) - In my early 30's I realized that I had three female conditions brewing inside me. And they had been there for a long time. In spite of me getting regular and routine pap smears for awhile, since giving birth in my mid twenties, and continuing on....not one of the conditions was caught. Doctors seemed focused
- [Remembering the Women Silenced by Political Violence in America (w/womanist film recommendations)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/remembering-the-women-silenced-by-political-violence-in-america-w-womanist-film-recommendations/) - 💡 Pattern to Notice: Most of these women were killed not just for themselves but because they stood between power and the vulnerable—protecting miners, children, Black voters, Indigenous rights, or simply refusing to be silent about violence, unfair practices, and injustice against vulnerable persons in society. Their deaths were intended to send a message of
- ["Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: How Fannie Lou Hamer Speaks to Us Today](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sick-and-tired-of-being-sick-and-tired-how-fannie-lou-hamer-speaks-to-us-today/) - The Great Fannie Lou Hamer- Flipbook of Quotes
- [Dear Women: No Man’s Negative Voice Belongs in Your Head](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dear-women-no-mans-negative-voice-belongs-in-your-head/) - Dear women, let’s get this straight: no man’s negative voice deserves rent-free space in your mind. Too many men have tried to shrink us with words: You’re not that special. You’re not as beautiful as you think. No one is really looking for you. You’re not admired as much as you believe. And too often,
- [Eve’s Legacy Is More Than Music—It’s a Blueprint for Reinvention](https://wesurviveabuse.com/eves-legacy-is-more-than-music-its-a-blueprint-for-reinvention/) - Eve is more than a mic and a moment—she’s a one woman movement.From Philly cyphers to global stages, from "Love Is Blind" to Emmy-winning co-host, and actress, from lyrical fire to emotional clarity—Eve has shown us what it looks like to grow, evolve, and heal out loud. She didn’t just give us music, film,
- [Betrayal Blindness: The Cost of Ignoring Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/betrayal-blindness-the-cost-of-ignoring-harm/) - Betrayal is not always loud. It does not always come with a clear sign or a dramatic confrontation. Sometimes, it comes wrapped in silence, in denial, in the willful act of looking away. This is betrayal blindness—a survival mechanism that allows individuals, communities, and even entire societies to ignore harm when acknowledging it feels too
- [10 Signs You Can’t Reason With Someone](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-signs-you-cant-reason-with-someone/) - Reasonable conversations require honesty, humility, and respect. But sometimes, you run into people who treat reality like an enemy. They don’t want truth—they want control, comfort, or a shield for their pride. You could bring facts, compassion, and clarity, but still find yourself drained because reasoning with them is impossible. Here are 10 clear signs
- [🌺 Affirmation Post: “I Will Not Apologize for Surviving”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌺-affirmation-post-i-will-not-apologize-for-surviving/) - A truth spoken from generations who endured, to those rising now. I will not apologize for surviving.Not for growing wiser. Not for finally speaking the truth that once sat like a stone in my chest. I have endured what should’ve broken me.I stitched myself back together when the world had no thread to offer.And still—some want
- [How to Stop Pouring Into What Doesn’t Grow](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-to-stop-pouring-into-what-doesnt-grow/) - Water does nothing for fake flowers. So why are women still told to pour? Women are always told to give.To support, love, uplift, and protect—especially men.Even when those same men offer them nothing in return.Not safety.Not dignity.Not peace.Not even basic respect. And still, the message echoes: “Go back.”“Try again.”“Pray harder.”“Cover him with your love.”“He’s struggling—you’re
- [💔 When Sisterhood Is a Silencer: Spotting the Wounds Behind the Smile](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-when-sisterhood-is-a-silencer-spotting-the-wounds-behind-the-smile/) - Some women walk with us in sisterhood—but not in solidarity. They speak our language. Quote the affirmations. Light the candles. Clap at the empowerment conferences. Sit in the women’s circles. Cry with us during the hard parts. But when it comes time to speak the truth about abuse, manipulation, and harm—especially when the harm doer
- [Catching Up On Some Reads (Great Books)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/catching-up-on-some-reads-great-books/) - elink.io | See Original
- [10 Hard Truths About Men Who Have Been Violent in Relationships](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-hard-truths-about-men-who-have-been-violent-in-relationships/) - Safety never comes from cruelty. One of the strongest predictors of future abuse is past abuse. Men who have harmed partners before are likely to repeat the pattern—because abuse is not about a “moment of anger,” but a mindset of entitlement and control. Here are ten truths about men who have been violent in relationships,
- [When Thinness Was a Virtue: 1980s Body Ideals and the Cost to Women’s Health](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-thinness-was-a-virtue-1980s-body-ideals-and-the-cost-to-womens-health/) - We woke upto pastel lycra and a bounce in the beat—We started with aerobics at dawn,counted every calorie by noon,and aimed for a “beach body” by dusk. Jump, twist, squeeze, breathe—Richard Simmons told us we were fabulous,while the scale told us we were not.Jane Fonda said "feel the burn,"and oh, we did—not just in our
- [The Dangerous Myth: Why Unkind Men Are Not Protectors of Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-dangerous-myth-why-unkind-men-are-not-protectors-of-women/) - Hollywood movies and the biased media have taught us well. Too well. One of the most dangerous myths we carry is the belief that men who are unkind, rude, or harsh somehow make better protectors. We confuse domination with strength, and cruelty with safety. But this is not protection—it’s just another form of control. Here
- [Unmasking Abuse by Proxy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unmasking-abuse-by-proxy/) - Abuse by proxy isn’t only used by individuals—it is also wielded by organizations, well funded interest groups, corporations, religions, and (political parties)governments. This tactic allows powerful people to appear as if they have “clean hands” while acts of racism, misogyny, and bigotry are carried out in broad daylight through policies, procedures, or loopholes. Examples of
- [She Lied to Herself First: How Women Protect Harmful Men—And Turn on Other Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/she-lied-to-herself-first-how-women-protect-harmful-men-and-turn-on-other-women/) - There’s a quiet lie that echoes through many women’s lives.A lie whispered in silence. Repeated in prayer. Spoken with eyes closed tight. It goes something like this: “He’s not like that.”“He didn’t mean it.”“She must be mistaken.”“People are just trying to take him down.” But the deepest lie? “If I believe in him hard enough,
- [When Women’s Values Are Tested: The Fight to Protect What’s Sacred](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-womens-values-are-tested-the-fight-to-protect-whats-sacred/) - People who get confused about what is best for their own lives seem to spend an excessive amount of time telling women what is best for their lives. Please avoid trusting these people with keys to your life.- Tonya GJ Prince Some women were taught to guard their bodies like sacred ground.Some women carry wisdom
- [🚫 Where the Real Toxicity Lies: Boundaries, Consent, and Culture](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚫-where-the-real-toxicity-lies-boundaries-consent-and-culture/) - In recent years, we’ve seen debates play out over whether actors—or anyone in the public eye—should agree to certain scenes, roles, or performances. Sometimes, when an actor says “No, I don’t want to do that,” the refusal is twisted into accusations: “They must be hateful,” “They’re closed-minded,” or “They’re toxic.” But let’s pause and name
- [Respect the “No”: Why We Must Use Caution in Entertainer Interviews](https://wesurviveabuse.com/respect-the-no-why-we-must-use-caution-in-entertainer-interviews/) - When an actor or entertainer says they do not want to engage in certain kinds of scenes—intimate, violent, or otherwise—that boundary deserves respect. Man or woman. Period. Too often, instead of respecting that “no,” the public digs up an old scene from 30 or 40 years ago: “You did it then, why not now?” And
- [The Truth About Bias Against Black Hair in Professional Spaces](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-truth-about-bias-against-black-hair-in-professional-spaces/) - It is never about who wears what hairstyle. Or who wore it first. That's about choice and style. The question is who is making change so that everyone can wear the hair they were born with. That is about health, wellness, and equity.-Tonya GJ Prince Afro textured hair is outstanding in its uniqueness. It attracts
- [It’s Not Just in Your Head: Trauma, Migraines, and the Truth About Pain](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-just-in-your-head-trauma-migraines-and-the-truth-about-pain/) - You’ve been told your migraines are emotional.“Just relax,” they say.But your head doesn’t pound from willful choice.It pounds because your body remembers. 💥 Central Healing Truth Migraines can be physical echoes of trauma—proof that your body still carries what it survived. 💬 Survivor-Rooted Insights Childhood abuse raises migraine risk by nearly 70%—especially when combined
- [When Political Parties “Care” — But Only in One Corner of Our Lives](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-political-parties-care-but-only-in-one-corner-of-our-lives/) - Political parties love to remind women and minorities: We care about you.But too often, their care is narrow. Conditional. Safe for their talking points. The Pattern We’ve Seen for Generations When women’s boundaries clash with other groups’ demands, our needs are quietly pushed to the side to avoid “internal conflict.” We are told to yield
- [When Setting Boundaries Feels Wrong (But It’s Actually You Healing)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-setting-boundaries-feels-wrong-but-its-actually-you-healing/) - "We don't warn one another how hard this part is." Sometimes setting a boundary feels less like self-care and more like you’re about to get in trouble. You feel it in your body—tight chest, racing thoughts, guilt. But that fear isn’t proof you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you’re doing something new. Something
- [Why We Can’t Mourn Without Changing Our Behavior](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-we-cant-mourn-without-changing-our-behavior/) - “He had a hard childhood.” “She says she’ll always love him.” “You’re excusing this person, but not that person.” “You just have to let that hurt go.” "We can't all be perfect" "Forgive" "Stop hating/judging" “He’s so talented—even though I thought he was better.” These familiar refrains—spun out to soften abuse—are not harmless. They are
- [Why Leaving an Abusive Relationship Is a Process—Not Just a Decision](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-leaving-an-abusive-relationship-is-a-process-not-just-a-decision/) - Because: leaving an abusive relationship is not a single event—it’s a complex, emotional, and often life-threatening process. Here are the real reasons why leaving takes time, planning, and an enormous amount of courage: 🔒 1. Abusers Often Escalate When You Try to Leave Leaving is one of the most dangerous times for a Survivor.Abusers feel
- [Don’t Be Fooled: Giving Away Your Rights Isn’t Liberation](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dont-be-fooled-giving-away-your-rights-isnt-liberation/) - They told you it was clever.Told you it was edgy.Told you it was revolutionary. But let’s talk about what it really is when you hand over your rights, your language, your spaces, your protections, your boundaries—only to watch those same rights slide right back into the hands of men.Where they’ve always been.Where they were never
- [When Admiration Clouds Judgment](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-admiration-clouds-judgment/) - She missed the signs that her "friend" was setting her up for what was to come that night because she admired her. She missed that "friend" was more of an ally to men who take what they think that they are entitle to than ever could be to her. -Tonya GJ Prince/veteran advocate for abused
- [Why Wise Women Guard Their Circles: Avoiding Those Who Defend Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-wise-women-guard-their-circles-avoiding-those-who-defend-violence/) - This is must not only for your survival, but the quality of your living days. Avoid people who are close to those who do not like you or disrespect you. That may sound harsh, but it is wisdom born from generations of our survival. When someone keeps company with people who insult you, belittle you,
- [I Disagree with a Lot of Women—That’s Life. But Misogyny? That’s Where You Lose Me.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/i-disagree-with-a-lot-of-women-thats-life-but-misogyny-thats-where-you-lose-me/) - Let’s get something straight: I disagree with a lot of women. Philosophically. Politically. Spiritually. That’s life. That's family. That's culture. That's community. That’s freedom. That’s what it means to be grown. But the moment I hear you drag a woman over her looks, her weight, her skin, her age, her relationship status—or any of the
- [Women's Rights Are Fragile (video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/womens-rights-are-fragile-video-short/) - Please, never get so complacent about women's rights that you believe that we have rights to spare or take for granted. I promise you that we do not. - Tonya GJ Prince I see these women yelling at other women about being "hateful" towards males for not allowing males to doormat them in their own
- [🎬 We’re Not Just Watching the Story—We’re Being Told Who We’re Allowed to Be](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎬-were-not-just-watching-the-story-were-being-told-who-were-allowed-to-be/) - At We Survive Abuse, we talk a lot about truth, survival, and the power of reclaiming your story. But what if I told you that even the stories we watch—on screens big and small—are quietly shaping how we see ourselves as women and Survivors? Let’s talk about narrative control. Not just in the obvious sense—like
- [Janet Jackson Protected Eve—But Why Did She Have to? (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/janet-jackson-protected-eve-but-why-did-she-have-to/) - Rapper and actress Eve shared a moment that many women in entertainment—and beyond—know far too well. At an industry party, someone tampered with her drink. Before she even realized what was happening, Janet Jackson sprang into action, protecting her like the legend she is. We share these stories not to scare women, but because warning
- [Coercive Sex Trafficking: What People Don’t Understand](https://wesurviveabuse.com/coercive-sex-trafficking-what-people-dont-understand/) - That line is more fragile than people think. Too many people in the U.S. still picture sex trafficking as some shadowy van pulling up to snatch a girl off the street.That does happen. But that’s not the full truth. What’s far more common—and more insidious—is coercive sex trafficking.And most people don’t even recognize it when
- [Motherhood in the Shadow of Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/motherhood-in-the-shadow-of-violence/) - Motherhood has often been romanticized in myths and sentiment, yet the brutal reality remains: for many women, pregnancy and early motherhood are high‑risk periods—especially when violence is part of that reality. Shattering the Myth: When Homicide Becomes the Leading Killer In the United States, homicide surpasses preeclampsia, hemorrhage, and cardiovascular issues to become the leading
- [“The Forgive and Overlook Habit”: Why the Crisis of Child Predators Isn’t Going Anywhere](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-forgive-and-overlook-habit-why-the-crisis-of-child-predators-isnt-going-anywhere/) - The crisis of child predators isn’t going anywhere. Unless the adults change our harmful ways and change them right away. Because the pressure has always been placed especially on female victims—to forgive, forget, and move on.Never on male predators—to heal, to stop preying, to change. The truth is:Most male predators have multiple victims.📌 For example:
- [How Domestic Violence Fuels the Cycle of Poverty](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-domestic-violence-fuels-the-cycle-of-poverty/) - For many victims, domestic violence traps them in a cycle of poverty. Abusers know that keeping the victim financially reliant makes it harder for them to leave the relationship. (embedded view below) Why doesn't she just leave? To the questioner: You must be new here. But it is never, ever that easy. Aside from
- [🧨 Myth-Busting the “Racial Harmony” Era: What We Weren’t Supposed to Say](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧨-myth-busting-the-racial-harmony-era-what-we-werent-supposed-to-say/) - Many believe the 1980s to early 2000s were a time of racial harmony in America, especially within the women's movement to end violence. But for Black, Indigenous, and other marginalized people, the silence around colonialism, slavery, systemic racism, and generational trauma told a very different story. 💥 The Myth: “It Was Peaceful, Post-Racial, and Unified”
- [🛑 Start Noticing: Saying No Is Not Hate](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-start-noticing-saying-no-is-not-hate/) - You may want to start observing the number of times men declare that women saying no—is hate.Not submitting? Hate.Setting a boundary? Hate.Walking away? Hate.Choosing peace over performance? Hate. We’ve been conditioned not to flinch when we hear it.To let it slide.To believe that our resistance to being used or overrun must come from a
- [Uncovering Our TRUE Stories:  Docs and Movies Featuring Whistleblowers, Informants, and Teachers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/uncovering-our-true-stories-docs-and-movies-featuring-whistleblowers-informants-and-teachers/) - In 1975, school teacher Marva Collins took $5,000 from her retirement fund and opened the low-cost Westside Preparatory School on the second floor of her home in Chicago. She started with four students, including her own daughter, and began welcoming students that others had labeled “unteachable.” Her success led newspapers such as the Chicago Sun-Times
- [The Delay Is the Damage: How Abusers Use Time to Their Advantage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-delay-is-the-damage-how-abusers-use-time-to-their-advantage/) - from WESurviveAbuse.com The truth about violence and abuse rarely rushes out of the shadows.It creeps.It stutters.It fights its way through shame, silence, and fear. And abusers?They count on that. They Know It Takes Time for the Truth to Breathe Abusers understand something the rest of the world often forgets: Victims may not speak up right
- [Her Story Isn’t About Weakness. It’s About Knowing Who Can’t Be Trusted](https://wesurviveabuse.com/her-story-isnt-about-weakness-its-about-knowing-who-cant-be-trusted/) - Celebrity trials that encompass domestic violence and rape annoy me. A whole lot of people get to talking about victims like they know them. People who never met the victim want to tell her story for her. They’ll say she was naive.Too trusting.Too weak.They’ll say she should have known better. But let’s get something straight:
- [You Were Expected to Bleed Quietly So They Could Stay Comfortable](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-were-expected-to-bleed-quietly-so-they-could-stay-comfortable/) - They didn’t just hurt you—They expected you to stay silent about it. Smile through it.Show up anyway.Carry the family name, the relationship title, the broken trust—like a badge, not a wound. They wanted your mouth shut, your eyes dry, your heart grateful.They wanted you to act like survival was a gift they gave you. Let’s
- [RED FLAG:🚩 Quick Love Can Be a Cage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/red-flag🚩-quick-love-can-be-a-cage/) - When Fast Turns to Fear: What We’re Not Talking About Enough They came on strong.Said all the right things.Made you feel seen, heard, adored.And before you had time to breathe, let alone think, it was official:You were in a relationship. But here’s the part no one warned you about:That “quick connection” can be a mask.A
- [“Is It Toxic or Is It Abuse?” — When You're Trying to Name What’s Happening](https://wesurviveabuse.com/is-it-toxic-or-is-it-abuse-when-youre-trying-to-name-whats-happening/) - She sat in her parked car for 32 minutes before going inside. She wasn't avoiding anyone—he wasn't even home. She just… didn’t want to walk into her own place. And she couldn’t figure out why. His words never hit like fists. Not exactly. But they landed just the same. She’d hear things like: “You’re so
- [Why Sexual Orientation Has Nothing to Do with School Shootings](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-sexual-orientation-has-nothing-to-do-with-school-shootings/) - So after yesterday's tragic shooting in Minneapolis, Minnesota-which took the lives of two innocent children, injured 18 others, and traumatized too many more -various people posted some version of this: A breakdown of mass shooters: Straight males: 98% Straight white male: 57% Trans: .13% Then: You don't care about kids if you're focusing on .....
- [When the World ONLY Rewards Women for Being Agreeable](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-world-only-rewards-women-for-being-agreeable/) - "Be kind." As if this hasn't been a necessary part of most (not all-and not based on color alone) women's survival toolkit since the beginning of time. The world has always liked women who are agreeable. Women who nod along. Women who don’t raise questions. Women who smile politely, even when something deep inside is
- [The Pressure to “Be Nice” While Male Violence Goes Excused](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-pressure-to-be-nice-while-male-violence-goes-excused/) - If ever you have any question about which people in the room are women: It will be the ones in the room pushed to "be nice" or "be kind" The ones being told that they have no right to define themselves The ones constantly told to move over and give over their spaces and opportunities.
- [When Male Violence is Excused, Progress Stalls](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-male-violence-is-excused-progress-stalls/) - If females were the majority of mass shooters, the world would treat it very differently. There would be no long delays in public debate, no endless detours about “sexual identity” or other stall tactics. Instead, women as a whole would be blamed, mothers would be shamed, and society would demand swift change. We know this
- [Rest in Peace and Power Detroit Nurse Latricia Green](https://wesurviveabuse.com/rest-in-peace-and-power-detroit-nurse-latricia-green/) - Phillip Lewis, Ross Jones, and other journalists have kept this very tragic story alive even through the tragedies and chaos of our days so that we can learn these lessons. We have lost a precious life that was using her skills and knowledge to care for others. That's about what we have left now. The
- [To the Misguided, Misdirected, Mislead, and Misinformed, about Child Sexual Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/to-the-misguided-misdirected-mislead-and-misinformed-about-child-sexual-abuse/) - Back in 2016 this post was inspired when a very famous celebrity publicly blamed how young girls dress for males in schools being sexually tempted. I was so angry and disappointed. Originally published 4/15/16 Myth: Young girls can stop males from raping them if they just wear more layers of clothing. We thought they
- [Sherrice Iverson: The Deadly Danger of Deprioritizing the Safety of Girls](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sherrice-iverson-the-deadly-danger-of-deprioritizing-the-safety-of-girls/) - On 5/28/23 I posted about one of the worst murder cases seen in Nevada casino history. The murder of little Sherrice Iverson. "Do not make it easier for males to be in isolated spaces with helpless little girls & do God knows what to them. Make every girl safer so she can grow up to
- [The Good Stuff: Why Are Violent Killers Almost Always Men?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-good-stuff-why-are-violent-killers-almost-always-men/) - Now, if women had made this video it would be hated and slurred beyond belief. Like when women demand safety, safe spaces, and protection for ourselves and children and people call us hateful. Yeah, that's not crazy at all.
- [Released From Jail But Still a Danger to Women and Girls](https://wesurviveabuse.com/released-from-jail-but-still-a-danger-to-women-and-girls/) - @carloswins #torreymoore #maryland #foryou #fyp ♬ original sound - Carlos Reminder: Males who are released from prison may still pose a danger to women and girls. Collectively we must demand that society do more to keep women and girls safe. Sometimes there is pressure placed upon young women in various communities to share
- [When Control Becomes Abuse: Recognizing Coercive Control in Relationships](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-control-becomes-abuse-recognizing-coercive-control-in-relationships/) - 🚩 Concerning Signs of Abuse and Control How Loss of Autonomy Mirrors the Pain of Imposter Syndrome 🔒 Loss of Autonomy Every adult has the right to make their own decisions.But when someone else begins to control how you live—what you wear, who you see, what you do—it quietly strips away your freedom, your voice,
- [🔇 Respectable-Silencing Is Still Silencing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔇-respectable-silencing-is-still-silencing/) - 🔇 Respectable-Silencing Is Still Silencing And it’s one of the most dangerous kinds. Some people won’t yell over you.They won’t insult you.They won’t throw slurs. They’ll just gently, subtly, consistently ask you to tone it down.To make your truth easier to swallow.To “not make it about race,” or “not bring gender into it,” or “just
- [Why Boundaried Spaces Matter for Women and Girls](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-boundaried-spaces-matter-for-women-and-girls/) - Spaces Are Never Neutral Every room, circle, or gathering carries intention. A healing circle, a classroom, a women’s group—it’s not just walls and chairs. It’s purpose, energy, and protection. When boundaries are blurred or ignored, outside forces—predators, biases, cultural myths—bend the original intention until harm takes root. Boundaries Are Survival For women and girls, boundaried
- [The Salem Witch Trials Were Never Just About “Witches”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-salem-witch-trials-were-never-just-about-witches/) - History likes to tell it as if Salem was a fever dream about broomsticks and black cats. That has always been the cover story. You need one when you are doing others wrong. You have to make people believe that "those people" deserved it. And now your wrongdoings look heroic, or at least justified. Understandable.
- [❓ FAQ: What Do Terms Like Gaslighting, Emotional Abuse, Grooming, and Coercion Really Mean?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/❓-faq-what-do-terms-like-gaslighting-emotional-abuse-grooming-and-coercion-really-mean/) - Language is power. Survivors often feel the harm long before they can name it. Having the right words is not just about vocabulary—it’s about dignity, clarity, and the ability to take action. Below are clear definitions of terms that people are searching for when trying to understand violence, manipulation, and control. Gaslighting A form of
- [Holistically Rah:  You need to stop being nice and start being selfish](https://wesurviveabuse.com/holistically-rah-you-need-to-stop-being-nice-and-start-being-selfish/) - Like Holistically Rah, I once built my whole personality around being nice and got the same results. I like people. Stories. Laughter. How we experience life so differently. I believe in carrying one another's burden's. But you can give so much that it hurts you and they still walk away truly believing you never gave
- [Do Not Tell Black Women We Are Ineligible for Sex-Based Safety Measures Because Someone Else is Ignorant](https://wesurviveabuse.com/do-not-tell-black-women-we-are-ineligible-for-sex-based-safety-measures-because-someone-else-is-ignorant/) - Some people will hate themselves, then get furious with you because you do not hate yourself too. Tonya GJ Prince People will never run out of excuses to deny Black women their right to safety. EVER. Thrive anyway. Go on and thrive just because. This may be a disempowering time for women—but only if
- [8 Signs You're Being Used, Not Loved](https://wesurviveabuse.com/8-signs-youre-being-used-not-loved/)
- [🔥 “You Look Like a Man”? That’s Not an Observation. That’s an Attack. 🔥](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-you-look-like-a-man-thats-not-an-observation-thats-an-attack-🔥/) - Still, I Rise BY MAYA ANGELOU You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies......... A moment of truth. When someone says, “You look like a man,” they know exactly what they’re doing. That’s not about observation. That’s about erasure. That’s about tearing down women. Because you know—you know—I’m a woman. You recognize
- [The Resistance of Celia: The Enslaved Black Girl Who Fought Back](https://wesurviveabuse.com/celias-resistance-the-forgotten-fight-for-black-womens-justice/) - updated for 2025 Celia’s name should be spoken not just as a victim, but as a woman who resisted, who fought for her dignity when no one else would. The Resistance of Celia: A Woman Who Fought Back ✊🏾 Celia was not just an enslaved girl in Callaway County, Missouri—she was a fighter, a survivor,
- [The Power and Authority of Womanhood: A Call to Honor and Protect Female Voices](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-power-and-authority-of-womanhood-a-call-to-honor-and-protect-female-voices/) - In a world that has long defined women through the narrow lenses of tradition, patriarchy, and power, it’s time to reclaim the narrative. As women, our experiences are rich, complex, and beautifully layered. Our stories are vast, our struggles are mighty, and our victories are nothing short of miraculous. We stand on the shoulders of
- [The Old Code of Chains: A Timeline of Control Over Women’s Privacy and Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-old-code-of-chains-a-timeline-of-control-over-womens-privacy-and-safety/) - Women who demand male free spaces are not hateful but have you explored the possibility that you may be? Are you carrying on the ancient global wide tradition of oppressing and silencing women? At the very least being insensitive and refusing to hear the concerns of women? There is nothing new or "progressive" about ignoring
- [Gaslighting on a National Scale: Why Treating Black Women Like a Burden Is Abuse, Not Oversight](https://wesurviveabuse.com/gaslighting-on-a-national-scale-why-treating-black-women-like-a-burden-is-abuse-not-oversight/) - Don’t Call It a Favor The nerve—the absolute gall—to act like you're doing us a favor by ending discrimination. By “allowing” Black people, especially Black women, to access jobs, homes, healthcare, and dignity.As if justice is charity.As if equity is generosity.As if inclusion is some handout. This is not inclusion.This is repair.This is correction.This is
- [We Must Unlearn the Misplaced Blame We Inherited](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-were-taught-to-survive-not-to-be-soft-its-time-to-unlearn-that/) - I am a Black woman.I was raised as a Black woman in the United States of America.Raised to be strong, to be smart, to see danger from around the corner.Raised not to cry in front of y'all.Raised to endure. And I have sat in rooms—rooms full of Black women seeking shelter, seeking help, seeking
- [Ride Hail Assault Isn’t Rare—It’s Underreported](https://wesurviveabuse.com/ride-hail-assault-isnt-rare-its-underreportedrideshare-assault-isnt-rare-its-underreported/) - updated August 2025 Every day, people step into rideshare vehicles hoping to get from point A to point B. But some never make it there safely. Ride hail assault is more common than most of us think—and tragically, far less reported than it should be. 🚨 Here’s what you need to know: New York Times
- [Mail Order Domestic Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/mail-order-domestic-violence/) - (revised from original post 7/1/15) After the RiceLila married Jack. Things were fairy tale for a long time. And then the abuse started. Then it stopped. Then it never stopped. Lila Lila was gorgeous. In a way that was genuinely unforgettable. Meet her one time and you would remember both her name and
- [Beliefs vs. Facts: A Roadblock to Women’s Rights](https://wesurviveabuse.com/beliefs-vs-facts-a-roadblock-to-womens-rights/) - Belief vs. Fact — What’s the Difference? 1. What is a Belief? Definition: A personal conviction, opinion, or interpretation that someone accepts as true — even if it can’t be proven. Nature: Can be shaped by culture, religion, personal experience, or emotion. Examples: “I believe kindness always wins in the end.” “I believe this policy
- [🚫 You Can Be in a Movement—and Still Be Submissive](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚫-you-can-be-in-a-movement-and-still-be-submissive/) - Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said enough: Just because you’re in a space that calls itself progressiveor radical, or revolutionary…doesn’t mean you aren’t still being conditioned to be meek, agreeable, and submissive. Some women believe they’ve escaped obedience because they’re no longer in church, or no longer listening to their elders, or
- [What Stays When You Start Healing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-stays-when-you-start-healing/) - We talk a lot about what you lose when you heal:The people who walk away.The identities you shed.The illusions you release. But let’s talk about what stays.Because everything doesn’t fall apart.Some things stay and hold you steady.Some things are planted deeper the moment you choose to rise. 🌱 What Stays? Your soul’s wisdom—the part of
- [How We Villainize Black Women Who Disagree with Males: C. Delores Tucker](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-we-villainize-black-women-who-disagree-with-males-c-delores-tucker/) - How We Villainize Black Women Who Disagree with Males C Delores Tucker When history talks about hip hop, C. Delores Tucker’s name often surfaces as one of its fiercest critics. But her story is deeper than a headline. She was a civil rights leader, politician, and one of the first public voices to call
- [Boundaries Are Living Proof That You Believe Your Life Is Worth Protecting](https://wesurviveabuse.com/boundaries-are-living-proof-that-you-believe-your-life-is-worth-protecting/) - Systems will tell you that you are safe.Systems will tell you they exist to protect you.But when danger comes, when violence shatters lives, when harm happens on their watch —systems often protect themselves first. And what do they use?Polished PR statements.Canned apologies.Well-worn phrases designed to move the public along while leaving Survivors to pick up
- [If Only WE Could Talk Openly About Maternal Health](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-only-we-could-talk-openly-about-maternal-health/) - elink.io | See Original
- [Leadership Failure: How Leaders Are Failing Women Who Ask for Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/leadership-failure-how-leaders-are-failing-women-who-ask-for-safety/) - When Women Say, “I Don’t Feel Safe” That’s not a threat.It’s an invitation to build something better. But when leaders double down on silencing instead of listening,they show us:They were never focused on wellness, healing, or protection in the first place. True leadership doesn’t fear truth.It follows it. What Is This Called? ✅ Institutional BetrayalWhen
- [WE Survive Abuse: Adenomyosis Awareness Month](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-survive-abuse-adenomyosis-awareness-month/) - elink.io | See Original
- [Unchain the Warrior Within: Empower Yourself as a Woman Who Fights for Herself](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unchain-the-warrior-within-empower-yourself-as-a-woman-who-fights-for-herself/) - 1. "I just want y'all to be honest about......"YOUR hair Seriously? All these obstacles women and girls face and that's what you want to discuss?! Who asks males about the weaves, toupees, or hair replacements that they are wearing AND to be accountable? No one asks males where they stand on shaving. Where do
- [Respecting Black Women's Hair: Embracing Autonomy and Wellness](https://wesurviveabuse.com/respecting-black-womens-hair-embracing-autonomy-and-wellness/) - We don't often speak about the impact that trauma has on hair. Maybe we should. Throughout my healing journey, my hair has told on me. And the women around me have asked, critiqued, or shamed me about my hair far more than they have asked: "How are you? Are you okay? Is there something I
- [Rise Above Endo Gaslighting:Empowerment Through Endometriosis Awareness](https://wesurviveabuse.com/rise-above-endo-gaslightingempowerment-through-endometriosis-awareness/) - elink.io | See Original
- [When We Look Away: The Cost of Animal Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-we-look-away-the-cost-of-animal-abuse/) - Every minute in the United States, at least one animal is abused. That’s not metaphor—it’s fact. Behind every tick of the clock is a life mistreated, neglected, or destroyed. Each year, nearly 10 million animals die from abuse or cruelty in the U.S. alone. Law enforcement recorded 16,573 animal cruelty offenses in 2021, with Texas
- [🌀 Absent Boundaries, Beliefs Can Penetrate and Redefine a Space](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌀-absent-boundaries-beliefs-can-penetrate-and-redefine-a-space/) - Absent boundaries, anyone can use their beliefs to penetrate a space. History shows us this truth. From the earliest days of colonization, invaders used belief systems to walk into spaces they did not belong in — declaring dominion, distorting traditions, and dismantling safety. They called it “civilization” or “progress,” but in reality, it was intrusion.
- [Why Declaring Women’s Right to Privacy and Safety Means Rejecting Male Entitlement](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-declaring-womens-right-to-privacy-and-safety-means-rejecting-male-entitlement/) - When we declare that women and girls have the right to privacy, dignity, and safety, we are also declaring something deeper: 🚫 What It Means We Reject Our bodies are not instruments for male pleasure, control, or domination. Our lives are not here to satisfy male wants. Our boundaries are not negotiable. ✅ What It
- [Why Women Say ‘Text Me When You Get Home’: The Everyday Safety Steps Men Rarely Think About (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-women-say-text-me-when-you-get-home-the-everyday-safety-steps-men-rarely-think-about-video/) - Our continued thoughts and condolences to the family and loved ones of Nia Wilson. May she rest in peace and power. When women say “Text me when you get home,” it isn’t just courtesy—it’s survival wisdom passed down like an heirloom. Men rarely have to build this practice into their lives. Why? Because the world
- [The Warrior Women from History](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-warrior-women-from-history/) - elink.io | See Original
- [Our Safety Isn't a Punchline: Standing Strong Against Ridicule](https://wesurviveabuse.com/our-safety-isnt-a-punchline-standing-strong-against-ridicule/) - Women’s safety isn’t a joke. Ain't a damn thing "funny" about it. Yet, whenever we gather the courage to openly discuss our unique safety challenges, there are those who respond not with empathy or compassion, but with ridicule and mockery. Unfortunately, it's not only some men who react dismissively, but also certain women who echo
- [International Holocaust Remembrance Day: Violence Against Women in the Holocaust](https://wesurviveabuse.com/international-holocaust-remembrance-day-violence-against-women-in-the-holocaust/) - I'm not always certain what the "right thing" to say on important days like these. Painful days. Excruciatingly painful days that ripple through families and communities for generations. And so I'm learning to say through action and deed: "I see you. " "I hear you." "I will keep listening to you and your
- [African Women Will Not Be Silenced: How the Continent is Rising Against Gender-Based Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/african-women-will-not-be-silenced-how-the-continent-is-rising-against-gender-based-violence/) - "If the lion does not tell her story, the hunter will." — African Proverb Across Africa, women are rising—not just in protest, but in power. They are standing against violence, reclaiming their ancestral voices, and rebuilding systems of safety that colonialism, war, poverty, and patriarchy tried to erase. From bustling capitals to remote villages,
- [Acid Is Not Just a Weapon—It’s a Message Meant to Silence Her Forever](https://wesurviveabuse.com/acid-is-not-just-a-weapon-its-a-message-meant-to-silence-her-forever/) - There are few acts of violence as deliberately cruel and permanently scarring as an acid attack. When a woman is attacked with acid, it is not just her skin that is targeted.It’s her face, her identity, her spirit.Her power.Her voice.Her refusal. These attacks are not random.They are punishment. A punishment for saying no.For choosing freedom.For
- [We See What Silence Costs — And We Won’t Pay It (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-see-what-silence-costs-and-we-wont-pay-it-video/)
- [Support Women, Listen to Women #womensupportingwomen  #womensrights #wom...](https://wesurviveabuse.com/support-women-listen-to-women-womensupportingwomen-womensrights-wom/)
- [Today's Mood Board: You Are in Charge of Your Celebrations #strongerthan...](https://wesurviveabuse.com/todays-mood-board-you-are-in-charge-of-your-celebrations-strongerthan/)
- [Are Women Amplifying Women's Voices? #womensrights #womensupportingwomen... (video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/are-women-amplifying-womens-voices-womensrights-womensupportingwomen-video-short/)
- [Breaking Free: The Power of Stepping Beyond Your Comfort Zone](https://wesurviveabuse.com/breaking-free-the-power-of-stepping-beyond-your-comfort-zone/)
- [Male Violence Against Women Must End Now (video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/male-violence-against-women-must-end-now-video-short/)
- [⚖️ The Fight for Protection: What You Should Know About U.S. FGM Laws](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⚖️-the-fight-for-protection-what-you-should-know-about-u-s-fgm-laws/) - In the United States, Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is illegal under federal law.But it took decades of struggle, advocacy, and survivor voices to get here. And the fight isn’t over. 🧠 What Is FGM? FGM refers to the partial or total removal of external female genitalia for non-medical reasons.It is a violation of human rights
- [Non-Stranger Assault: Why Self-Doubt is Part of the Trauma, Not the Truth (Infographic)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/non-stranger-assault-why-self-doubt-is-part-of-the-trauma-not-the-truth-infographic/) - Non-Stranger Assault: Why Self-Doubt is Part of the Trauma, Not the Truth by Tonya GJ Prince elink.io | See Original
- [Facing Reality: Identity Does Not Erase Patterns of Male Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/facing-reality-identity-does-not-erase-patterns-of-male-violence/) - We cannot fix what we refuse to face. And when it comes to the safety of women and girls, sidestepping truth in favor of comfort serves no one. There is a persistent and dangerous myth circulating: the idea that identifying as transgender somehow alters the patterns of male violence against women. This is simply not
- [Stephanie Lyn: How to Distance Yourself](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stephanie-lyn-how-to-distance-yourself/) - I like this video because it speaks to a very real danger. Emotionally abusive people are a threat to health and safety and sometimes distance is the best choice for your particular season in life. Years ago I gave a speech on an experience that I had. Two of the women at the speaking engagement
- [Don’t Say You’re in Our Corner—Fight Like It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dont-say-youre-in-our-corner-fight-like-it/) - “What we’re fighting for is not a privilege. It is a right.” – Fannie Lou Hamer Don’t say you’re in my corner—fight like it.Don’t post slogans and hashtags—move like you mean it. Too many people claim to be “on the side of women.”They claim they’re not misogynistic.They claim they’re not sexist.They say, “I would never…”They say, “I
- [The Healing Isn’t in the Headlines. It’s in the Listening](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-healing-isnt-in-the-headlines-its-in-the-listening/) - There is a rhythm that the media loves:Shock. Outrage. Silence.A Survivor comes forward.The story catches fire.It lands in headlines, hashtags, and trending feeds.And then… it disappears. But healing doesn't work like that. Healing doesn’t come on schedule.It doesn’t arrive with ratings.It isn’t fed by headlines. Healing happens in the quiet. In the corners. In the
- [When Safety Isn’t Simple: How Domestic Violence Hits Differently for People with Neurodivergence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-safety-isnt-simple-how-domestic-violence-hits-differently-for-people-with-neurodivergence/) - Tonya GJ Prince | We Survive Abuse There’s something the world needs to say out loud more often: Safety isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. Especially not for people who experience the world differently. When someone is neurodivergent—Autistic, ADHD, OCD, sensory-sensitive, or living with cognitive or learning differences—the experience of domestic violence can be uniquely layered,
- [Nic Ferguson: 4 Types of Boundaries and How to Communicate Them](https://wesurviveabuse.com/nic-ferguson-4-types-of-boundaries-and-how-to-communicate-them/) - Having boundaries is one thing. Learning how to communicate them is another......
- [Umoja: Belief as a Source of Strength, Not Control](https://wesurviveabuse.com/umoja-belief-as-a-source-of-strength-not-control/) - Umoja is a Kiswahili word that means "unity" Your beliefs—whether they come from religion, personal values, or life experiences—are yours. They shape who you are and guide how you move through the world. We all have beliefs that mean the world to us. But here’s the truth: what motivates me might not resonate
- [💭 Gullible Isn’t Always What You Think It Is: 10 Questions to Reclaim Your Mind](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💭-gullible-isnt-always-what-you-think-it-is-10-questions-to-reclaim-your-mind/) - Some women believe that as long as they aren’t like those religious women, those traditional women, those sheltered women—they must not be gullible. But gullibility isn’t about the aesthetic.It’s not about being conservative or liberal.It’s not about wearing makeup or a head covering.It’s about whether your beliefs are truly yours—or simply convenient. In a world
- [If the Silencing Isn’t for Women or Children… Then Who Is It For?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/if-the-silencing-isnt-for-women-or-children-then-who-is-it-for/) - Silence is powerful. It can be sacred. Healing. Necessary for rest, prayer, and wisdom. But when silence is demanded—not chosen—when it’s forced upon women and children who have been harmed, we must ask: who does this silence serve? 🧩 Because if the silencing... Doesn’t protect women from harm, Doesn’t center the healing of Survivors, Doesn’t
- [🧨 Myth: "Abuse Survivors Are Just Broken People Who Pick Bad Partners"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧨-myth-abuse-survivors-are-just-broken-people-who-pick-bad-partners/) - Truth: No, they are not.[WeSurviveAbuse.com] This one’s personal. This one’s painful. And this one gets repeated far too often—in whispers, on podcasts, in therapy offices, and even from people who claim to care. Let’s break it down. 🚫 The Myth: “Survivors keep ending up with abusers because they’re broken.”“They have bad judgment.”“They’re trauma magnets.”“They must
- [When Violence Enters the Home, Children Bleed Too—Even Without a Bruise.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-violence-enters-the-home-children-bleed-too-even-without-a-bruise/) - Let’s stop pretending. Let’s stop pretending that domestic violence is something that only happens “between the adults.” Let’s stop pretending that children are “too young to understand” when a parent is punched, pushed, cursed out, belittled, or terrorized. Let’s stop pretending that kids are “resilient” enough to bounce back from watching the person who nurtures
- [Your Self-Righteousness Will Not End Domestic Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/your-self-righteousness-will-not-end-domestic-violence/) - So you were “right.”You “saw the signs.”You “told her he wasn’t good.”You “would’ve left sooner.”You “would never let that happen to you.” But here’s the truth:Your self-righteousness will not protect her.Your judgment will not change the system.And your attitude will not save the next woman. While you’re busy being “right,” here are 25 things still
- [Let’s Make It Plain: Jim Crow and Sex-Based Boundaries Are Not the Same Thing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lets-make-it-plain-jim-crow-and-sex-based-boundaries-are-not-the-same-thing/) - Some people are confused.Some were misinformed.Some are using half-truths to guilt others into giving up spaces that were built for survival. So let’s slow down, breathe, and make this plain—for anyone who truly wants to understand. ✊🏾 What Was Jim Crow? Jim Crow laws were a system of racial segregation and oppression.They were designed to
- [Words Matter: Owned vs. Enslaved](https://wesurviveabuse.com/words-matter-owned-vs-enslaved/) - When we talk about slavery, the language we choose can either uphold lies or restore truth. 🚫 The Problem with “Owned” Frames human beings as objects Normalizes the oppressor’s perspective Suggests legitimacy in the idea that a person can be property ✅ The Power of “Enslaved” Centers the human being, not the oppressor Shows that
- [Only 2% "Owned" Slaves?” Hannah Nikole Jones Adds More Context (Part 2)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/only-2-owned-slaves-hannah-nikole-jones-adds-more-context-part-2/) - Hannah Nikole Jones creator of the 1619 Project makes valid points about how we look at who "owned" slaves. Only 2% "Owned" Slaves?” The Dangerous Game of Subtracting Context https://wesurviveabuse.com/only-2-owned-slaves-slavery-and-slaveholding-in-the-united-states-facts-part-3/ Jim Crow Power, Abuse, and Control: Emmett Till (1955): Brutally murdered in Mississippi for allegedly whistling at a white woman. Lynching Epidemic: Thousands of Black
- [Only 2% "Owned" Slaves?” The Dangerous Game of Subtracting Context](https://wesurviveabuse.com/only-2-owned-slaves-the-dangerous-game-of-subtracting-context/) - We’ve all heard it: “Only 2% of white people "owned" slaves.”It’s a talking point tossed around to downplay history. But here’s the truth: it’s not the full story. 🚨 The Problem With That Statistic Yes, in 1860 about 1.5% of white Americans owned enslaved people. But that left out: Entire households (wives, children, extended family)
- [The Deadly Danger of Eroding Girls' Boundaries: Black Women Murdered Among Friends (audio)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-deadly-danger-of-eroding-girls-boundaries-black-women-murdered-among-friends-audio/) - elink.io | See Original
- [The Overlooked Truth: Asexuality, Boundaries, and Survivor Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-overlooked-truth-asexuality-boundaries-and-survivor-safety/) - Conversations about safety, consent, and boundaries are vital, yet there is a community that often gets overlooked: asexual individuals. Asexuality is not simply the absence of sexual attraction—it is a valid, complex orientation with unique vulnerabilities, particularly when it comes to coercion, abuse, and societal pressure. If we do not acknowledge these realities, we fail
- [Stop Recasting Boundaries as Ignorance](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stop-recasting-boundaries-as-ignorance/) - With all my heart and soul I hate when men do this, Too often, when women say “no”—especially in conversations about safety, space, and autonomy—we are met with a manipulative refrain: “If you just got to know us…” As if our boundaries are born of ignorance instead of lived experience. As if our resistance
- [10 Common Myths About Grooming (and the Truth Survivors Need to Know)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-common-myths-about-grooming-and-the-truth-survivors-need-to-know/) - Grooming is one of the most misunderstood forms of abuse. Many people still believe dangerous myths that downplay the harm or shift blame onto survivors. These misconceptions make it harder for survivors to recognize what happened to them—and easier for predators to keep exploiting others. Let’s break down 10 common myths about grooming and
- [Maybe They Never Hit You... But Maybe They Do This.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/maybe-they-never-hit-you-but-maybe-they-do-this/) - Some of us were taught to only watch for bruises. But there are people who will never lift a hand—and still tear your spirit down piece by piece. So maybe they never hit you...But maybe they: Make you feel like you're never enough, no matter how hard you try. Make you feel hopeless because, if
- [Why Manipulators Pretend to Share Your Values (Even When They Don’t)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-manipulators-pretend-to-share-your-values-even-when-they-dont/) - Some people don’t believe in your mission, your healing, or your values.They just learn to sound like they do—because it gets them something. Here’s what they’re really after: 1. To Get Close Without Earning TrustThey mimic your language so you’ll let your guard down fast. 2. To Borrow Your ReputationWhen you vouch for them, others
- [We Survive Abuse: Weekly Spiritual Health Habits Tracker](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-survive-abuse-weekly-spiritual-health-habits-tracker/) - Weekly Spiritual Health Habits Tracker by Tonya GJ Prince
- [When Movements Mimic Religious Shunning: Why Silencing Dissent Won’t Build a Just World](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-movements-mimic-religious-shunning-why-silencing-dissent-wont-build-a-just-world/) - Some of today’s loudest movements say they’re about justice, liberation, and community. But too often, when someone disagrees—or simply asks a question—the response is silence. Or exile. Or a quiet, collective turning away. No discussion. No dialogue. Just a digital cold shoulder wrapped in the language of “safety,” “alignment,” or “harm reduction.” It’s shunning in
- [They Weren’t Just Controlling—They Were Consuming](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-werent-just-controlling-they-were-consuming/) - Survivors often face: the coercion to disappear inside someone else’s reflection. Some people weren’t looking for love.They were looking for someone to become them.To abandon their own voice.To live in quiet agreement.To be a mirror—not a person. They didn’t want connection.They wanted reflection. 🪞 Survivors Know This All Too Well. So many of us have
- [In Safety-Centered Spaces—Let’s Tell the Truth About Invasion](https://wesurviveabuse.com/in-safety-centered-spaces-lets-tell-the-truth-about-invasion/) - When it comes to women and girls, invasion looks like: Forcing male presence into spaces where women go to breathe, to heal, to be safe without question. Overriding the will and consent of Survivors who already had to claw their way to sanctuary—only to be told their safety is “exclusionary.” Demanding entry into circles, rooms,
- [Power Doesn’t Always Mean Protection—And That’s the Problem](https://wesurviveabuse.com/power-doesnt-always-mean-protection-and-thats-the-problem/) - I’ve worked with women in power.Judges. Prosecutors. City council members. Mayor.Some of them carried that power with integrity. Some used it to protect.But others?They got so close to power, they forgot the very thing that made their rise possible: The vulnerability of womanhood. 🧱 When Women Align with Power, Not Protection This isn’t new.We’ve seen
- [The Numbers Do Not Lie, So Stop Asking Women to Accept Less Safety (UPDATE)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-numbers-do-not-lie-so-stop-asking-women-to-accept-less-safety-update/) - Organizations around the world have been distracted. Consumed with chastising women and pushing us to "be kind". Silencing us. De-platforming us. Dis-inviting us. Ignoring us. Defunding us. Openly mocking our concerns for our safety. Pretending not to even know what a woman is. It's actually pretty easy. We're the ones being violated, trespassed upon, raped,
- [Even in Progressive Spaces, Systems Still Fail Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/even-in-progressive-spaces-systems-still-fail-survivors/) - In many justice-minded communities, we say the right things: 🟩 Believe Survivors.🟩 Abolish harmful systems.🟩 Center the most marginalized.🟩 Practice accountability and restorative justice. And yet—when someone is raped, abused, stalked, or harmed—even these spaces can fail them. They speak up.They name their harm.They ask for safety.They ask for distance from the person who hurt
- [Coercion in Disguise: When Love Asks You to Lie](https://wesurviveabuse.com/coercion-in-disguise-when-love-asks-you-to-lie/) - When someone pressures a woman to lie, to go against her beliefs, her conscience, her values, her faith, or her integrity—that is not love. That is coercive control. It doesn’t matter how gentle the voice.How tender the apology.How familiar the face.How long the history. If she has to bend herself into a lie to prove
- [Survivor Affirmation: I Love and Approve of Myself No Matter What](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmation-i-love-and-approve-of-myself-no-matter-what/) - 🌟 Affirmation I love and approve of myself, no matter what. I am a valuable person and make worthwhile contributions to the world. Each day, in big and small ways, I remind myself of this. In any circumstance, I know that I am worthy. Knowing my value is important to me. Therefore, I cultivate thoughts
- [Personal Sovereignty: The Right to Rule Your Own Life](https://wesurviveabuse.com/personal-sovereignty-the-right-to-rule-your-own-life/) - Personal sovereignty isn’t just for nations. It’s for us too.It’s the power to say: I belong to me. My body, my mind, my time, my spirit. Here’s what that looks like in real life: 🌱 What Is Personal Sovereignty? The ability to make choices without manipulation. Knowing your “yes” and your “no” are sacred. Setting
- [What Is Strength (For a Survivor)?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-strength-for-a-survivor/) - They told us strength meant being hard.Tough. Silent. Unshakable.They told us it meant never falling apart.Never crying.Never walking away.Never saying, “This hurts me.” They were wrong. Because here’s what real strength looks like—for a Survivor: 🕊 Strength Is Soft and Sacred Strength is whispering your story out loud for the first time—even when your voice
- [Keeping Children Safe in School: Body Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/keeping-children-safe-in-school-body-safety/) - Learning from the Loudon County Tragedy (updated) | WE Survive Abuse WE Can't Afford to Repeat the Mistakes of (PIE) Paedophile Information Exchange | WE Survive Abuse Surviving Daily: Child Safety Books & Lessons | WE Survive Abuse Sexual Violence Against Black Males: No Video, No Witnesses, and It IS Killing Them | WE Survive
- [What We’ve Carried Was Never Meant for Us](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-weve-carried-was-never-meant-for-us/) - They taught us early how to carry it. The silence.The secrets.The shame.The duty. They said it was our role. Our burden. Our badge of strength. They didn’t always say it with words—sometimes it was the way our tears were dismissed. The way the room shifted when we named our pain. The way we were told
- [Your Safety Is More Important Than Politeness.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/your-safety-is-more-important-than-politeness/) - When you leave a relationship, your top priority is not etiquette.It’s not closure.It’s not being polite.And it’s certainly not obeying the so-called laws of “ghosting.” Something made you decide that you no longer want to be in that relationship.Honor that voice.Not the voice of “proper” behavior.Not the one that tells you to explain, to soften
- [Where Coercion Is the Law, Truth Cannot Live](https://wesurviveabuse.com/where-coercion-is-the-law-truth-cannot-live/) - Where coercion is the law, truth cannot live. When the rules are written to force silence,to demand submission,to prioritize appearances over reality—truth gasps for air. Truth withers.Truth is hunted. Survivors know this better than anyone.When coercion is built into the very laws that govern our lives, Survivors cannot tell the full truth about what they
- [7 Lessons from Gina’s “Push” Scene on Martin: Setting Boundaries & Demanding Respect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/7-lessons-from-ginas-push-scene-on-martin-setting-boundaries-demanding-respect/) - When this Martin episode dropped, Black Gen Xers were tuned in heavy like we did every week. We knew Tisha Campbell didn’t need help singing a note—her hit “Push” was already on BET, Black radio, and in our cassette players. We had seen her sing, dance and act in School Daze, Rags to Riches, Little
- [What the Church and People of Faith Can Do to Help Victims of Sexual and Domestic Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-the-church-and-people-of-faith-can-do-to-help-victims-of-sexual-and-domestic-violence/) - Updated 8 21 2025 original March 2016 About sixteen years ago, I was sitting in service while Pastor Lance Watson preached a sermon on relationships. To be honest, I wasn’t paying much attention that morning. I wasn’t in a relationship, so I figured much of it didn’t apply to me. But then—right in the middle
- [Remaining Calm in the Face of Abuse: A Survival Tactic We Can All Learn From](https://wesurviveabuse.com/remaining-calm-in-the-face-of-abuse-a-survival-tactic-we-can-all-learn-from/) - We have never given domestic and sexual assault victims the credit that they deserve. -Tonya GJ Prince Too often, people assume that victims of domestic violence are “stupid” for staying, for "not fighting back", or for appearing quiet in the face of abuse. Nothing could be further from the truth. Separation is the most dangerous
- [Cultural Complicity: The Silence That Hurts More Than the First Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/cultural-complicity-the-silence-that-hurts-more-than-the-first-harm/) - He Did the Harm. They Held the Door. Sometimes it’s not just the person who hurts you. It’s the people who stay quiet. It’s the family who says,“Don’t bring that up around your grandfather.” It’s the church that says,“You need to forgive—he’s repented.” It’s the friends who say,“She’s always been a little dramatic.” It’s the
- [You Can Support Human Rights and Ask for Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-can-support-human-rights-and-ask-for-safety/) - You are allowed to care about people—and care about your own protection. You are allowed to believe in justice—and believe that boundaries save lives. You are allowed to support dignity for all—and say,“This space, this policy, this change… doesn’t feel safe for me.” Here’s what they won’t say out loud: "You’re being pushed to believe
- [They Don't Deserve to Witness the Healed You if They Mocked the Broken You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-dont-deserve-to-witness-the-healed-you-if-they-mocked-the-broken-you/) - Can we romanticizing reconciliation with people who ridiculed your pain? If they laughed when you were gasping for air—If they rolled their eyes when you tried to explain the harm—If they whispered about you when you finally spoke your truth— Then no,they do not deserve to be front rowto your healing. They don’t get to
- [Listen When People Tell You About Their Hunt for Victims](https://wesurviveabuse.com/listen-when-people-tell-you-about-their-hunt-for-victims/) - "When people tell you who they are, believe them the first time." -Maya Angelou People with lesser knowledge or those who have not spent time examining human predatory behavior, will frequently accuse Survivors of "projecting". Projecting is a psychological term that most people tossing it around can't truly define without assistance from
- [Ignite Change: Affirmations to Amplify Women's Rights Worldwide](https://wesurviveabuse.com/ignite-change-affirmations-to-amplify-womens-rights-worldwide/) - When people finally take off the mask they wear to hide misogyny they may say things to women like: Ugly/Unworthy "You look like a man." "No man would have you." "You can't get a man" "You do not look like a woman." "You are ugly." Unimportant "Women's rights are not that important anyway."
- [Dance Is a Weapon, a Womb, a Way Back to Ourselves](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dance-is-a-weapon-a-womb-a-way-back-to-ourselves/) - They tried to bury us, but they didn’t know we were seeds. And we dance where they tried to end us.” Across time and across oceans, African peoples have danced through grief, joy, resistance, and survival. For us, dance has never been just art or entertainment—it has always been a tool. A tool for healing,
- [💔 When the Weight Is More Than Weight: Understanding the Link Between Trauma and Body Size](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-when-the-weight-is-more-than-weight-understanding-the-link-between-trauma-and-body-size/) - I know. This is sensitive territory. This is my battle too. As a Survivor, I know how heartless, cruel, and unkind people can be to those of us on healing journeys. The world often shows more patience for pain that stays silent than for pain that speaks up or shows itself in ways people
- [Rethinking ‘Capitalist’: Point It Toward Human Traffickers, Not Black Communities](https://wesurviveabuse.com/rethinking-capitalist-point-it-toward-human-traffickers-not-black-communities/) - For the love of money....... Some of us grew up knowing what capitalist meant.It wasn’t a cheap clapback.It was a serious word—meant to name and challenge the systems and people who profit from exploitation, who squeeze entire communities dry. Yet somewhere along the way, the word started getting tossed at ordinary Black Americans—folks just trying
- [Joan Little: First Woman Acquitted of Murder for Defense Against Sexual Assault](https://wesurviveabuse.com/joan-little-first-woman-acquitted-of-murder-for-defense-against-sexual-assault/) - updated 8/19/2025 I want to make this clear. There is no bragging in this post. No, "look the first woman was Black." That is extremely interesting yet I am not surprised because the community came together to make this happen. Still, it appalls me that it took so long for a woman to get victory
- [When Did You Decide That Female Human Beings Are Not Even Worthy of Having a Word to Describe Themselves?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-did-you-decide-that-female-human-beings-are-not-even-worthy-of-having-a-word-to-describe-themselves/) - For your consideration: Female erasure is hardly a new concept. It is estimated that nearly due to female infanticide and sex-selective abortion, an estimated 50 million women and girls are missing from the population. Consider this when you hear about the "male loneliness epidemic". So exactly when did you decide that female human
- [✨ Boundaries Don’t Meaningfully Harm Relationships — Disrespect Does](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✨-boundaries-dont-meaningfully-harm-relationships-disrespect-does/) - 🚫 The Myth “If you set boundaries, you’re being cold.” “If you draw lines, you’re pushing people away.” “If you say no, you’ll lose love.” ✅ The Truth Boundaries protect connection. Healthy love respects limits. What truly harms trust and intimacy is disrespect: ignoring your no, dismissing your needs, crossing your lines. 🌱 The Bigger
- [Surviving Abuse Daily: Every Month is Male Discomfort Awareness Month](https://wesurviveabuse.com/surviving-abuse-daily-every-month-is-male-discomfort-awareness-month/) - elink.io | See Original
- [Unshackled: Black Women, Boundaries, and the Right to Rest](https://wesurviveabuse.com/5243/) - I saw a video short this morning where a young woman stated that we women were talking about a few things a little too much. Among those was: divine femineity, 4B movement, female genital mutilation. To the creator of this video, talking about these things "masquerades as bigotry", "alt right pipeline feminism" or "gender
- [📺 Television Is Not Liberation](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📺-television-is-not-liberation/) - (No matter how many awards, episodes, or characters say otherwise) 🎭 Television Is Entertainment—Not Protection TV is not systemic change. TV is not a shield from injustice. TV is not a cure for centuries of harm. 🩺 Debbi Morgan Played a Doctor… She won Daytime Emmys and NAACP Image Awards. She is phenomenal—I once had
- [This Is Why Victims Sue: It's Not About Greed. It's About Survival.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/this-is-why-victims-sue-its-not-about-greed-its-about-survival/) - They say it’s a “cash grab.”They roll their eyes.They whisper behind hands.They ask: Why didn’t she just go to the police? But we know better. We’ve lived it. We know how the system plays deaf when we scream,how the courtroom becomes a stage where we are on trial,and how Survivors can lose everything and still
- [Missing Black Girls: Still Invisible](https://wesurviveabuse.com/missing-black-girls-still-invisible/) - How dare you make laws and policies that make our girls less safe!-Tonya GJ Prince Every single year, thousands of Black girls vanish from our communities. Their faces barely flicker across a TV screen. Their names rarely trend. Their families are forced to become their own investigators, organizers, and warriors—shouting into a silence that should
- [Why Every Generation Thinks It’s “Right” (And Why That Changes)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-every-generation-thinks-its-right-and-why-that-changes/) - I'm really starting to feel like we need to bring back those stickers. You know the content warning stickers? "Pg-13" and such. Gen X is the reason for those by the way and we are proud of that. So it is a bit un-comfy that it is our turn to have our art interrogated. Every
- [When "Sisterhood" is a Setup: The Weaponization of Love Bombing to Enforce Male Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-sisterhood-is-a-setup-the-weaponization-of-love-bombing-to-enforce-male-violence/) - Watching this got me thinking....... Because at her lowest, a woman who seemed kind. Who seemed to be kind. Led her into a path of prostitution. Then when she wanted to leave, she told her that she owed her. What a wicked thing to do. Love bombing is often described as overwhelming someone with affection,
- [When “Anti-Carceral” Becomes a Back Door for Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-anti-carceral-becomes-a-back-door-for-abuse/) - Survivors of violence, harm, and abuse know full well what "no justice, no peace" means. We live it. -Tonya GJ Prince Justice for Survivors Is Not Optional The word carceral was meant to shine a light on harmful prison systems, mass incarceration, and state violence. It was supposed to be a tool for dismantling cruelty,
- [When They Say Speaking About Racism is the Problem: The Same Old Victim-Blaming Playbook](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-they-say-speaking-about-racism-is-the-problem-the-same-old-victim-blaming-playbook/) - There is a pattern. A Survivor of abuse speaks up, and the world responds: "Why now?" "You’re just being divisive." "Talking about it only makes things worse." "You’re dwelling on the past—move on." A Black person speaks about racism, and the script is exactly the same: "Why bring up race? That’s what causes division." "Talking
- [The Truth We Don’t Want to See About Trauma and the Body](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-truth-we-dont-want-to-see-about-trauma-and-the-body/) - Meeting men and women in their final years teaches you something—something that cuts right through the polite praise we give people for not having an alleged “victim personality” or for appearing to have “moved on.” As an advocate, I’ve met many elders carrying the hidden weight of trauma. Some live with trauma-related illnesses—head injuries from
- [My Mother Sold Me To a Pimp-Keysha Tells Her Story](https://wesurviveabuse.com/my-mother-sold-me-to-a-pimp-keysha-tells-her-story/) - I want you to understand.....women and children who try to stand their ground are punished with jail. Meanwhile, men who prey on women and thrive. That is intentional. At 17, when Keysha harmed the person preying on her and younger girls, they jailed her for manslaughter. As we listen to Keysha may we remind ourselves
- [Understanding Ethnic and Gender Differences is Survival](https://wesurviveabuse.com/understanding-ethnic-and-gender-differences-is-survival/) - I keep seeing people wave off gender and racial differences as "social constructs." This would be fine if the people asserting the words "social constructs" didn't also seem to use this phrase to imply that people should move through life as if they do not matter because ultimately they aren't essential to life, well-being, and survival.
- [Songs Survivors Play to Survive Disaster](https://wesurviveabuse.com/songs-survivors-play-to-survive-disaster/) - I Tried One day years ago I was trying to make it through a challenge. In order to get through it I came up with a solution. I was going to flood my mind with positive words. I chose to listen to my pastor's sermons every time that I was in the car, which happened
- [Women & Children Should Never Be Pressured to Lower Their Boundaries for Anyone—No Exceptions](https://wesurviveabuse.com/4880/) - Women and children are often told—explicitly and implicitly—that their boundaries don’t matter. That they should bend, break, or erase them altogether for the comfort of others. That they should make exceptions based on relationships, identities, or circumstances. No. Boundaries protect. Boundaries safeguard. Boundaries are a right. Here’s a list of who you never owe access
- [Pimps Are Always Bad: The Unseen Ways Men Traffic and Exploit Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/are-pimps-good-or-bad-depends-on-who-you-ask/) - Pimps are not icons. They are not comedic relief. They are not "cool." They are not "bosses." They are exploiters, traffickers, and predators who profit from the most vulnerable people in our communities. And yet, in pop culture, pimps have been dressed up in gold chains, draped in mink, and paraded across our screens
- [When Overpolicing Silences Survivors of Domestic Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-overpolicing-silences-survivors-of-domestic-violence/) - When you work in organizations that address violence against women, middle class women-especially those who are not minoritized- do not get this part. They think that heavy policing makes women safer in Black communities. They think that women who fail to work with police "just don't understand what they are up against." They don't mind
- [Black Women Have Been Warning You: Fascism Has Always Seen Us as the First to Silence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-women-have-been-warning-you-fascism-has-always-seen-us-as-the-first-to-silence/) - Black women don’t need a textbook to recognize fascism on this planet.We’ve felt it creeping under the door, showing up in church bulletins, classrooms, courtrooms, and dinner tables.We’ve survived it wearing Sunday hats, head wraps, and babies on our hips.And we’ve warned you. Over and over. Because when fascism comes, it doesn’t start with the
- [Why “Not a [Insert Person]” Is Dangerous for Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-not-a-insert-person-is-dangerous-for-survivors/) - Let’s tell the truth:Adults have power. Children don’t. Even the most vulnerable adult usually has more access to voice, resources, legal systems, and public platforms than a child does. So when harm is exposed—When someone dares to speak up—And the first thing out of someone’s mouth is:“Not a [insert person]…”they’re not just defending an individual.
- [The Hidden Role of Women in Child Exploitation: Kenya’s “Madams”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-hidden-role-of-women-in-child-exploitation-kenyas-madams/) - SELF CARE ALERT This one minute clip is difficult to watch. Please take care of yourself. "They’re still children, so it’s easy to manipulate them by just handing them sweets."#BBCAfricaEye investigates how women known as "madams" are exploiting children for sex in Kenya. 🎥 Watch the documentary here: https://t.co/yHBuGBVWuz pic.twitter.com/oJWPSkVuUx — BBC News Africa (@BBCAfrica)
- [Please Stop Signaling Support to Grown Men Accused of Harming Children](https://wesurviveabuse.com/please-stop-signaling-support-to-grown-men-accused-of-harming-children/) - Start Showing Up for the People Who Need It Most When someone is arrested for harming a child,we do not need adults jumping online or into rooms to signal: “I’ve got your back, brother.”“Not a man like that.”“Let’s wait and see.” Cut it out.We are not here to comfort accused adults.We are here to protect
- [What Is Group Loyalty Bias? And Why It Can Silence Survivors Without You Even Realizing It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-group-loyalty-bias-and-why-it-can-silence-survivors-without-you-even-realizing-it/) - 🧠 Group Loyalty Bias (GLB), in simple terms: It’s a mental shortcut where we: Protect our people Defend our group’s image Ignore or minimize harm if it comes from “one of us” 💬 You’ve seen it before: “He’s a good guy. He would never…”“She’s done so much for the community.”“We don’t need to air this
- [🕯️ “Are they truly on the side of children… or just pretending to be?”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🕯️-are-they-truly-on-the-side-of-children-or-just-pretending-to-be/) - Because in this world—especially now—some people wear the mask of concern, but their actions, silence, or alliances tell the real story. Here’s how you can tell the difference: 🚸 People Truly on the Side of Children: Protect even when it costs them something (relationships, money, status) Believe children without demanding perfect words or “proof” Say
- [Celebrating Her Voice: Women's Voices Belong to Women (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/celebrating-her-voice-womens-voices-belong-to-women-video/) - In this video we celebrate the strength and resilience of women who refuse to be silenced. This video is a call to all women to speak their truth boldly and a reminder to everyone that their voices deserve to be heard. Let’s uplift women and create a world where every woman’s voice matters. Survivors! Committed
- [The Myth of Racial Harmony (1980s–2000s): What We Were Told to Forget](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-myth-of-racial-harmony-1980s-2000s-what-we-were-told-to-forget/) - 🧨 The Dangerous Myth: “We Were All Getting Along” From the 1980s through the early 2000s, a comforting myth took hold: “We were united.”“There was harmony.”“Everyone was represented.” TV had Black families. VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) had passed. Diversity panels were popping up.So why bring up race, poverty, or trauma now? But for
- [📺 "You Look Fine on TV..."How Media Representation Became a Distraction from Real Black Struggle](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📺-you-look-fine-on-tv-how-media-representation-became-a-distraction-from-real-black-struggle/) - "You looked fine." "I saw you on television." But what if that wasn't me?What if I wasn't on television? Maybe it was Will Smith. Or Oprah. Or Bill Cosby.Famous. Smiling. Dressed up. Entertaining. ✖️ The Lie of Representation as Reality Imagine you're from a people who have survived hell—Centuries of it.But your fellow citizens don’t
- [📺 The Objectification of Black People After the Civil Rights Movement](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📺-the-objectification-of-black-people-after-the-civil-rights-movement/) - How American Media Became a Gatekeeper of Perception—Not Progress 🧠 1. From Visibility to Commodification After the Civil Rights Movement forced open the doors of public visibility, media did not welcome Black people as full humans—it absorbed them as marketable images. Black faces were allowed on screen, but Black truths were filtered, softened, or erased.
- [🧨 Selective Empathy: Who Gets Compassion—and Who Gets Condemned](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧨-selective-empathy-who-gets-compassion-and-who-gets-condemned/) - ⚖️ "But His Parents Divorced..." As an advocate for victims of violence, abuse, and rape; I’ve sat in enough courtrooms to know this:When a white defendant stands accused, mainstream America often leans in with compassion. “He had a tough childhood.” “His dad wasn’t around.” “He struggled after the divorce.” Suddenly, trauma matters.It softens the blow.
- [Safety Requires Strategy — Not Just “Being Nice”!](https://wesurviveabuse.com/safety-requires-strategy-not-just-being-nice/) - As an advocate, I’ve aided thousands of women in creating safety plans to stay alive from people close to them — friends, family, spouses! Believing that safety for women is built on being kind and nice is a trauma response! It was passed down to us by women who were themselves conditioned to believe that,
- [When DEI Disappears, So Do the Safeguards for Victims and Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-dei-disappears-so-do-the-safeguards-for-victims-and-survivors/) - The Tech Transparency Project reports that Google removed 58 nonprofit organizations from a public list of those receiving “most substantial contributions” from its US Government Affairs and Public Policy team. What many people won’t see at first glance is this: many of the groups removed are not “diversity” organizations in the way the public often
- [When They Don’t See You as a Person, They Don’t Protect You as One](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-they-dont-see-you-as-a-person-they-dont-protect-you-as-one/) - The objectification of Black people doesn’t stay on screen.It follows us into courtrooms, hospitals, shelters, and survivor services—places where safety should be the priority, not perception. Too often, when a Black woman or girl seeks protection, she’s not being evaluated as a person with needs, pain, or trauma. She’s being scanned—subconsciously and systemically—for alignment with
- [Your Voice Was Never the Problem—Their Comfort with Harm Was](https://wesurviveabuse.com/your-voice-was-never-the-problem-their-comfort-with-harm-was/) - They told you to lower your voice.To be more careful.To stop "bringing it up."To let it go. But let’s name what was really happening: Your voice was never too loud.The truth was just too inconvenient. They didn’t want peace.They wanted quiet.They didn’t want healing.They wanted you to disappear your pain so they didn’t have to
- [Truth Heals: Why Forcing Survivors to Lie About Identity is Harmful](https://wesurviveabuse.com/truth-heals-why-forcing-survivors-to-lie-about-identity-is-harmful/) - Survivors Deserve to Speak the Truth Survivors of abuse, assault, and violence have long been silenced—by shame, by fear, by systems that prioritize the comfort of abusers over the dignity of those harmed. One of the ways this silencing happens today is through forced language—compelling Survivors to call a lie the truth. When we tell
- [“The Jennifer Melle Case: When Women’s Safety Loses to Male Protection — Even for a Convicted Child Predator”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-jennifer-melle-case-when-womens-safety-loses-to-male-protection-even-for-a-convicted-child-predator/) - Nurse Jennifer Melle was doing what few people would want to do: providing care — intimate, necessary, and skillful care — to a male prisoner convicted of child sexual abuse. A man the state had chained for good reason. A man who, by any sane measure, had long forfeited public trust. Yet when he slurred
- ["Demand Transparency When Women’s and Children’s Safety Is at Stake”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/demand-transparency-when-womens-and-childrens-safety-is-at-stake/) - Too many are hiding behind titles and faceless entities — the council, the board, the institute, the trust — when they make decisions that do not protect women and children.When they make decisions that strip us of safety, rob us of opportunities, and leave us exposed. Enough. If this society truly wants to claim it’s
- [Politicians Must Stop Dismissing Us: Women's Safety is Non-Negotiable](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stop-dismissing-us-womens-safety-is-non-negotiable/) - Political leaders must prioritize the rights women need in our own right—not just the ones tied to men. Yes, women must have the right to make our own medical decisions. But women’s safety, dignity, and independence go far beyond reproductive rights. When we say “freedom of choice,” we mean: Reproductive choices – without interference or
- [Why We Teach Girls to Approach Women First](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-we-teach-girls-to-approach-women-first/) - Because safety isn’t about luck — it’s about strategy. In July 2017, a 14-year-old girl was raped twice in one night.The first attack happened in a secluded part of Witton train station in Birmingham. Shaken and terrified, she did what we’ve all told our daughters to do: find help. She waved down a car. Inside
- [The Shifting Burden of Safety — And Who’s Carrying It Now](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-shifting-burden-of-safety-and-whos-carrying-it-now/) - In recent years, the responsibility for keeping peace, avoiding danger, and anticipating harm has landed—again—squarely on women’s shoulders.Not because women are the cause of harm, but because women are expected to manage it. 1. From Systemic Safety to Self-Policing Once upon a time, the conversation was about changing dangerous systems. Now, women are told to
- [Affirmation:  I Am My Own Unique Self-Special, Creative, and Wonderful](https://wesurviveabuse.com/affirmation-i-am-my-own-unique-self-special-creative-and-wonderful/) - updated for 2025 ✨ Affirmation: I Am My Own Unique Self I am my own unique self—special, creative, and wonderful.No one in the entire universe is like me. My Creator made me with a special assignment in mind.When I remember this, it helps me strive to reach my full potential. Of all the people in
- [The Mothers of Modern Gynecology: Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsey](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-mothers-of-modern-gynecology-anarcha-lucy-and-betsey/) - The True Story Behind the Surgical Legacy Built on Black Women's Pain Between 1845 and 1849, in Montgomery, Alabama, three young enslaved Black women—Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsey—were subjected to brutal, repeated, and non-consensual gynecological experiments by Dr. J. Marion Sims. Today, Sims is often glorified in medical history as the “father of modern gynecology.” But
- [Who’s Really Saying “Stop Harming Her”?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/whos-really-saying-stop-harming-her/) - You want women to fight for men when those same men will not even say, “Stop doing that.” Too often, when violence is committed against a woman, men’s responses follow a predictable script: blame her, shame her, guilt her. Pick apart her choices. Question her behavior. Search for the flaw in her instead of the
- [Why Women Must Stop Handing Power to Our Oppressors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-women-must-stop-handing-power-to-our-oppressors/) - Some of us have been told since girlhood that our main purpose in this life was to support men.To smile when they win.To clap for their rise.To smooth their path, even when it’s built on our backs. And too many of us… still do it.Still pour our time, our sweat, our strategy into elevating males
- [Ugandan British Nurse Punished for Calling Convicted Male Pedophile "Mr" (update)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/from-christian-concern-ugandan-nurse-punished-for-calling-convicted-male-mr/) - Updated 8/3/25 So the latest update is that Jennifer Melle has been suspended. Extremely disappointing. She was providing care to a male prisoner. Nurse Melle is a veteran professional who was doing her job for a patient few have a lot of empathy for. And this is how she is repaid. Reports confirm that Jennifer
- [Mood Board: Thy Name is Serwa](https://wesurviveabuse.com/mood-board-thy-name-is-serwa/) - Origin:Ghanaian Meaning:Noblewoman; Rich Serwa is a girl's name of Ghanaian origin. Meaning "noblewoman" or "rich", this name is for royalty and the queen of your heart alike. Serwa - Baby Name Meaning, Origin and Popularity (thebump.com) Mood Bood Serwa by Tonya GJ Prince
- [Who Really Benefits from DEI? It’s Not Just Who You Think](https://wesurviveabuse.com/who-really-benefits-from-dei-its-not-just-who-you-think/) - One of my clients as an Independent Living Coordinator was a young white teenager working his very first job. His loving, protective, and attentive father came with him for our first meeting. The young man was autistic. I got the message. "Take care of my son and do right by him. Please." (He didn't know
- [The Stubborn American Habit of Obstructing Black Girlhood](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-stubborn-american-habit-of-obstructing-black-girlhood/) - elink.io | See Original
- [5 Reasons Abusive People See Your Boundaries as Unnecessary](https://wesurviveabuse.com/5-reasons-abusive-people-see-your-boundaries-as-unnecessary/) - When you begin to heal, grow, or protect yourself, one of the first things you'll notice is how violently unnecessary your boundaries feel to the people who once benefited from your silence. If you've ever wondered why someone gets so offended when you simply say “no” or “I need space,” here’s why: 1. Your Boundaries
- [The Kentler Project: When the German State Gave Children to Pedophiles](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-kentler-project-when-the-german-state-gave-children-to-pedophiles/) - Yes, it is tragically true. From the late 1960s through the 1990s, West Germany—specifically the government in West Berlin—knowingly placed vulnerable children, particularly boys, into the care of known pedophiles. This was part of a deeply disturbing social experiment known as the Kentler Project. 🧾 What Was the Kentler Project? Named after: German sexologist and
- [Women's Rights - Women's Empowerment](https://wesurviveabuse.com/womens-rights-womens-empowerment/)
- [You Can Be Inclusive Without Abandoning Girls, Women, or Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-can-be-inclusive-without-abandoning-girls-women-or-survivors/) - Inclusion should never come at the cost of someone else’s safety. But lately, women and Survivors are being told to prove our goodness by staying silent. To sacrifice our boundaries to avoid being called hateful. To tolerate our own discomfort—for the comfort of others. That’s not inclusion.That’s pressure.That’s erasure. Here’s what real inclusion looks like:
- [When the Mourning Is Selective: A Reflection on Silence, Justice, and Sacred Courage(audio version included)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-mourning-is-selective-a-reflection-on-silence-justice-and-sacred-courage/) - updated from 2022 LISTEN HERE Black women also experience significantly higher rates of psychological abuse — including humiliation, insults, name-calling and coercive control — than do women overall. American Psychological Association From the people who brought us this: National Black Church Initiative Denounces #MeToo Movement; Local Leaders Respond https://t.co/x5j9VrDHMk via @MinReporterROC — Black News
- [Unloving the People We're Told to Never Give Up On](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unloving-the-people-were-told-to-never-give-up-on/) - “But That’s Your Family…” There’s a sacred pain that often goes unnamed.The kind of pain that comes from realizing that someone you are related to has broken your heart—not through misunderstanding or distance, but through violation, disrespect, betrayal, neglect, or sustained harm. And when you finally choose to stop loving them in the way you
- [Revisting the Silencing of Silenced Women and Girls: R Kelly](https://wesurviveabuse.com/revisting-the-silencing-of-silenced-women-and-girls-r-kelly/) - When the groundbreaking documentary Surviving RKelly (produced by Dream Hampton) came out, people were amazed. How did this go on in front of everyone's eyes for 20?! Who listens to the cries and concerns of Black girls? Who listens to the cries and concerns of Black women? That's how. elink.io
- [The Relationship Between Power and Truth: Why Survivors Must Be Free to Speak](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-relationship-between-power-and-truth-why-survivors-must-be-free-to-speak/) - So women all over the globe started telling truths around violence, abuse, and sexual harassment. The next thing you know it became taboo for women to speak truth. Well whaddya know? Power and truth have always been intertwined. Those who hold power often control the narrative, deciding whose voices are heard and whose are
- [What Is Trauma? A Simple Explanation (w/Quotes)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-trauma-a-simple-explanation/) - *Note: This is meant to be an elementary explanation. It came out of a conversation. Sometimes you realize you are speaking but your words are not reaching the listener. Not everyone who survives domestic violence, rape, child abuse, terror, or global conflict connects their inability to move forward in life or deal with their emotions
- [When Power Wants Control, It Takes Over Your Safe Spaces](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-power-wants-control-it-takes-over-your-safe-spaces/) - If you’ve ever survived domestic violence, you already understand how oppression works. Abusers don’t just use brute force—they use control. They isolate you. They turn your safe spaces into traps. They twist your support system until you feel like there’s nowhere left to go. Oppression works the same way. When women, Black communities, Indigenous people,
- [10 Reasons Men Invading Women’s Spaces—No Matter How They Identify—Is Abusive, Misogynistic, Gynophobic, and Sexist](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-reasons-men-invading-womens-spaces-no-matter-how-they-identify-is-abusive-misogynistic-gynophobic-and-sexist/) - Women’s spaces exist for safety, healing, solidarity, and empowerment—yet, men demanding access to these spaces is a continuation of male entitlement, coercion, and societal misogyny. Here’s why: 1. It Violates Women’s Boundaries (Abuse & Entitlement) Women set boundaries for their own spaces—whether it’s shelters, bathrooms, sports, or support groups—for safety and support. Men who override
- [How People Prompt or Lure Women to Prove Their Worth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-people-prompt-or-lure-women-to-prove-their-worth/) - "Why doesn't she leave? Why did she go back?" We don't spend a lot of time examining what makes women doubt themselves. I look forward to the days when we do. We interrogate women who remain in violent relationships without questioning how people respond to women when they speak up around their own safety concerns.
- [Naming is Healing. Naming is Legacy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/naming-is-healing-naming-is-legacy/) - There is power in a name. When you name an experience, you call it out of the shadows.When you name an injustice, you make it undeniable.When you name yourself, on your own terms, you reclaim what oppression tried to erase. Too often, Survivors are told: “Don’t be dramatic.” “That wasn’t abuse.” “That’s just how it
- [Perpetrator Fragility: When He Fears Exposure More Than Reflection](https://wesurviveabuse.com/perpetrator-fragility-when-he-fears-exposure-more-than-reflection/) - Perpetrator fragility is a concept used to describe how individuals—most often abusers or those in power—respond with defensiveness, victim-playing, or aggression when they are confronted about their harmful behavior. Instead of taking responsibility, they center their own feelings and discomfort, making the act of being held accountable seem like an act of harm against them.
- [Can We Have a Diverse Society and a Trusting One?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/can-we-have-a-diverse-society-and-a-trusting-one/) - That’s not deep thinking. That’s dressed-up racism. Let’s get right to it. There’s a question floating around that sounds intellectual, but it’s rooted in fear, ignorance, and historical amnesia: “Can you have both a diverse society and a high-trust society?” The real question being asked is: “Should we blame diversity for our broken systems?” The
- [The Ongoing Tragedy of Abuse of Child Stars in Film, TV, and Music](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-ongoing-tragedy-of-abuse-of-child-stars-in-film-tv-and-music/) - elink.io | See Original
- [The Truth About Catfishing: It’s Not Harmless. It’s Harm.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-truth-about-catfishing-its-not-harmless-its-harm/) - Catfishing isn’t just a little lie or a “lonely person trying to connect.” It’s deception wrapped in manipulation. People build entire false identities—photos, names, stories—just to gain access to your emotions, your trust, sometimes your money, and often your body or safety. And when the truth finally unravels, it can leave deep scars: Betrayal trauma
- [The Algorithms Are Watching Him, Too: When Coercive Control Targets Men and Boys](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-algorithms-are-watching-him-too-when-coercive-control-targets-men-and-boys/) - Shame is a prison. Silence is the lock. Technology is the new weapon. There’s a myth that keeps far too many men trapped:“If you’re a man, it’s not abuse. It’s just a bad relationship.”“If you’re a boy, and a girl’s doing it—count yourself lucky.” “If you didn’t say no out loud, you must’ve meant
- [Get Caught Up and Protect: FBI Sextortion Warning](https://wesurviveabuse.com/get-caught-up-and-protect-fbi-sextortion-warning/) - elink.io | See Original
- [American Greed: Inside The Episode with Jenifer Lewis | CNBC Prime](https://wesurviveabuse.com/american-greed-inside-the-episode-with-jenifer-lewis-cnbc-prime/) - You can do everything right and still meet people whose only plan for you is deception, manipulation, and harm. I loved watching how Jenifer Lewis handled this betrayal because of the lessons within it. She shared them with the rest of us. She could have wrapped this thing and PR and that would have been
- [Jim Crow Was About Stripping Boundaries-Not Setting Them](https://wesurviveabuse.com/jim-crow-was-about-stripping-boundaries-not-setting-them/) - Someone is telling on themselves....... In Jim Crow America, Black people—especially Black women and girls—were forbidden from having boundaries: A Black woman couldn’t say no to a white man’s advances without risking death. A Black mother couldn’t protect her child from violence without facing jail or lynching. A Black girl couldn’t demand privacy or dignity.
- [What Is a Rape Apologist?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-a-rape-apologist/) - People catch on to the fact that victims get blamed and no one tells men to stop harming women and girls. Ever. -Tonya GJ Prince A rape apologist is someone who defends, excuses, minimizes, or justifies acts of sexual violence—whether directly or indirectly. This can look like: Blaming the victim: “Well, what was she wearing?”
- [Catholic Abuse Crisis Isn’t Over: The Urgent Need to Keep Listening to Victims](https://wesurviveabuse.com/catholic-abuse-crisis-isnt-over-the-urgent-need-to-keep-listening-to-victims/) - For decades, Survivors of child sexual abuse within the Catholic Church have bravely stepped forward—risking everything to tell the truth. Their testimonies ignited global outrage, investigations, reforms, and reckoning. But as headlines fade and legal battles shift, many survivors are once again left in silence, watching the world move on. This post serves as a
- [The Parable of Silencing, Denial, and the Truth That Returned](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-parable-of-silencing-denial-and-the-truth-that-returned/) - 🕯 The Parable of the Crooked Weaver Once, in a small village wrapped in forest and silence, there lived a skilled weaver named Marron. He was known far and wide for his fine threads and the way he spun stories as easily as he spun silk. But Marron’s thread was not just cloth—it was control.
- [RECANT: She Just Wanted Her Life Back](https://wesurviveabuse.com/recant-she-just-wanted-her-life-back/) - There is a lot going on in the world. But the pain of sexual violence, and the complicated aftermath that follows, never hits “pause.” It doesn’t wait for the news cycle, or for when we’re ready to listen. And it sure doesn’t follow the tidy, one-hour script of Law & Order: SVU. When a person
- [You Can’t Protect Survivors and Still Make Space for Predators](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-cant-protect-survivors-and-still-make-space-for-predators/) - You must choose a side. There are things we don’t say often enough—because saying them out loud means we can’t unhear them. Here’s one of them: Most men who sexually abuse children have a lifelong sickness. They don’t stop. They study. They stalk. They adapt. They violate a child, then wait for the storm to
- [Columbus Day: As Long as You Know What You Are Celebrating](https://wesurviveabuse.com/columbus-day-as-long-as-you-know-what-you-are-celebrating/) - A letter from Michele de Cuneo, Columbus’ shipmate during his second voyage, talks about how the “Lord Admiral” (AKA Columbus) kidnapped a woman for de Cuneo to rape. After Reading This You Won’t Feel Like Celebrating Columbus Day elink.io | See Original
- [🛑 They Hate Questions. That’s the Red Flag.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-they-hate-questions-thats-the-red-flag/) - Manipulators. Abusers. Tyrants.They don’t like questions.They don’t like debate. They do not want to be challenged.Because questions open the door to truth. And truth threatens their power. When someone says, “Just go along with it.”When they say, “Don’t ask too many questions.”When they say, “That’s not for you to know.”You’re not being protected.You’re being controlled.
- [When Communities Celebrate Predators: The Cost of Uplifting R. Kelly in Black Spaces](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-communities-celebrate-predators-the-cost-of-uplifting-r-kelly-in-black-spaces/) - Stop making abuse a softer crime just because the beat is familiar. Let me just get this sentence out so I can be done: Must we use every Black occasion or collective cultural embrace to reach back and play R. Kelly? This week, Malcolm-Jamal Warner passed. A respected Black actor. A cultural icon.And yet—of
- [Her Name Was Nicole Beverly](https://wesurviveabuse.com/her-name-was-nicole-beverly/) - And she should still be here, holding her son. Nicole Beverly was a Black mother of four living in Detroit. She was soft-spoken, nurturing, and trusted people far more than they ever deserved. She lived with a developmental disability—but that never stopped her from trying to build a good life for her children. She did
- [How Your Brain Has Amazing Power to Overcome Trauma and Thrive](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-your-brain-has-amazing-power-to-overcome-trauma-and-thrive/)
- [Alley Greening: A Safety Solution Rooted in Justice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/alley-greening-a-safety-solution-rooted-in-justice/) - Because forgotten spaces shouldn’t become hunting grounds. There’s a part of the city we don’t talk about enough. Not the main roads. Not the bright lights.The in-between places.The side paths. The shortcuts. The alleys. For generations, alleys have been neglected—left overgrown, unlit, and unpatrolled.But for women, children, elders, and Survivors, alleys are often necessary paths,
- [Parents of Woman Murdered in Domestic Violence Ambush Involving NYC Cop Speak Out](https://wesurviveabuse.com/parents-of-woman-killed-in-love-triangle-involving-nyc-cop-speak-out/) - Nearly everywhere refers to this tragedy as a woman "killed in a love triangle." As others in the comment section of this video also noted, this was not a "love triangle" as the media has chosen to frame it. Ex-girlfriend Jenny Li, 34 had begun dating someone new, Jamie Liang, 24. They were on
- [Survivors, Ask the Questions. And Keep Asking. It’s Sacred Work.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivors-ask-the-questions-and-keep-asking-its-sacred-work/) - If you’re a Survivor, you’ve probably heard it all before: "You’re just being paranoid.""You’re overreacting.""You need more therapy.""You’re damaged goods.""You see abuse everywhere.""You need to let that go already." And what they really mean is:“Stop being inconvenient. Stop disrupting our comfort.” But here’s the truth: Asking questions is a sacred part of safeguarding. It doesn’t
- [Black Women’s Safety Is Not Optional: It’s a Justice Issue](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-womens-safety-is-not-optional-its-a-justice-issue/) - 1. We Are Often the First to Speak Up—and the Last to Be Protected Black women are frequently the ones raising the alarm about injustice. Yet when it comes time to fund protection, change laws, or build policy—it’s our needs that are treated as optional or “too complicated.”We are not complicated. We are under-protected. “We’ve
- [The Algorithms are Watching Her, Too: Coercive Control in the Digital Age](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-algorithms-are-watching-her-too-coercive-control-in-the-digital-age/) - Technology didn’t invent abuse—it just made it harder to escape. She didn’t hand him a knife.She handed him a password.She didn’t give him permission to track her every move.She just wanted him to feel secure.He said, “If you’ve got nothing to hide, why not share your location?” What she didn’t realize—until it was too late—was
- [You May Think He Was Misunderstood—But What He Did Was Evil](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-may-think-he-was-misunderstood-but-what-he-did-was-evil/) - And the damage may last for lifetimes. We live in a world where the predator’s pain often gets more airtime than the Survivor’s truth. He had a rough childhood.He didn’t have a father figure.He was struggling with his identity.He was hurting.He didn’t know better. He made a mistake. And so the spotlight shifts.The shame gets
- [💔 Why It’s Harder: Unique Barriers Rural Women Face When Seeking Help for Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-why-its-harder-unique-barriers-rural-women-face-when-seeking-help-for-abuse/) - When a woman living in a rural area makes the courageous decision to seek help, she’s not just up against her abuser—she’s up against an entire system that often isn’t built to protect her. Here are some of the unique obstacles rural women face when trying to escape abuse: 🚫 1. Lack of Confidential Services
- [The Ancient Words of Womanhood: Feminine Power Before 'Femininity'](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-ancient-words-of-womanhood-feminine-power-before-femininity/) - Know this: Long before present day calls for women to embrace our power, women have been embracing our birthright power!- Tonya GJ Prince In today’s world, we often speak of femininity as a set of qualities or traits associated with being a woman. But what if we told you that long before the word femininity
- [It Wasn’t Just His Girlfriends: A Pattern of Harm, a Society of Silence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/it-wasnt-just-his-girlfriends-a-pattern-of-harm-a-society-of-silence/) - Too often, when men like Sean “Diddy” Combs are accused of violence, public conversation zeroes in on his romantic partners—on their choices, their silence, their timing. But this is not just a relationship problem. This is a violence problem. And violence does not respect relationship titles. From editors and clubgoers to alleged victims who
- [📣 When Vulnerability Is Met with Violence: What the Numbers Refuse to Let Us Ignore](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📣-when-vulnerability-is-met-with-violence-what-the-numbers-refuse-to-let-us-ignore/) - It amazes me that people call others "hateful" for speaking up for their right to safe boundaried spaces. You have no idea what another individual's personal, mental, or physical health needs are. What their unique special needs and accommodations are. And it is not our business. 💔 12% of the U.S. population lives with a
- [Journal Prompts: Listening to Ourselves and Respecting Other Women's Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/journal-prompts-listening-to-ourselves-and-respecting-other-womens-boundaries/)
- [Justice for All: The Overlapping Paths of DEI and Disability Rights (Updated w/related links)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/justice-for-all-the-overlapping-paths-of-dei-and-disability-rights-updated-w-related-links/) - We need RIGHTS—not just kindness. Because while kindness is beautiful, it is not dependable policy. And when it comes to protecting your children, your family, and your future—you need guarantees, not handshakes. Laws. Policies. Rights. So ask yourself this: What exactly are the men leading the charge to take away rights offering you in return?
- [What Does Violence Against Women Really Look Like Today?  Truths You Can’t Ignore](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-does-violence-against-women-really-look-like-today-truths-you-cant-ignore/) - Women with Disabilities Face Higher Risk Women and girls with disabilities are more than twice as likely to experience sexual violence. Yet many shelters, resources, and safety plans fail to meet their accessibility needs. Many Survivors Never Report the Abuse Due to shame, fear, or distrust in the system, more than 60% of victims never
- [Did You Hear the Joke about Blue Ivy, Brown Girls & Sexual Abuse? ME NEITHER](https://wesurviveabuse.com/did-you-hear-the-joke-about-blue-ivy-brown-girls-sexual-abuse-me-neither/) - updated from August 2015 People often assume that if you’re bold on the page, you must be loud in person. But many of us who speak boldly in public, especially about trauma and truth, are the quiet ones in the room. That silence makes some people uncomfortable. I’ve been told as much. But introverts know:
- [Sexualization of "School Girls" Online](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sexualization-of-school-girls-online/) - Stop Blaming Girls. Start Naming the Truth. Let’s be honest. The phrase “fatherless girls” is too often thrown around to explain why girls are preyed upon, hypersexualized, or struggling.But here's the truth: Girls aren't to blame for absent fathers. That failure lies with the men who walked away from responsibility—not with the daughters
- [When the Harm Comes from Another Child: Why We Must Take Intra-Child Sexual Abuse Seriously](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-harm-comes-from-another-child-why-we-must-take-intra-child-sexual-abuse-seriously/) - Updated from Oct 2016..... Sexual violence at the hands of children is just as destructive as any violation by an adult. It’s hard being the victim of an older child. In the back of our collective mind, society still treats it as somehow less harmful than being violated by an adult. But for the Survivor,
- [Robin Givens' Courage: Society's Response to Domestic Violence Has Not Changed Enough Since 1988](https://wesurviveabuse.com/robin-givens-courage-societys-response-to-domestic-violence-has-not-changed-enough-since-1988/) - >>"Robin Givens was expected to LIE to shield a man."
- [How Vanessa Williams Overcame Bias and Industry Backlash to Reinvent Herself—and Win Anyway"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/happy-birthday-to-legendary-survivor-vanessa-williams/) - This is how you do it! It was 1984. Vanessa Williams was surrounded on all sides. Some people were angry when she won Ms. America including some prominent members of the Black community. As if that was not enough. A so-called "men's magazine" posted pictures she took in college. The kind of pictures a young
- [Raising Our Brave Kids!](https://wesurviveabuse.com/raising-our-brave-kids/) - Child-centered news round-up
- [The Eye of the Child Sexual Abuse Survivor: A Black Man Takes the Mic](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-eye-of-the-child-sexual-abuse-survivor-a-black-man-takes-the-mic/) - It is my honor to highlight the words of author Tremayne Moore as he courageously shares his story and offers advice for healing: Hi. My name is Tremayne Moore and yes, I’m a sexual abuse survivor. Most children are raped/abused by someone that they or their family/friends know well. My uncle came to live with
- [The Book I Avoided—Until I Couldn't Anymore](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-book-i-avoided-until-i-couldnt-anymore/) - By a Survivor Who Now Understands Why the Caged Bird Sings I’ve always been a voracious reader. Since as far back as I can remember, my mother required that all three of her children read at least two books every day. Not just once in a while—every day. I don’t recall being read to as
- [The Historic Demand from White  Women for Black Women's Labor: "Legalization"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-historic-demand-from-white-women-for-black-womens-labor-legalization/) - It has always been this way. It has long been a challenge for Black women and white women to come together—and stay together—when working on women’s issues. That’s not because the work isn’t important. It’s because real, painful things have happened between us. And not all of those things are in the
- [Mirror Reflections: How What We Don't Know About Suicide is Killing People](https://wesurviveabuse.com/mirror-reflections-how-what-we-dont-know-about-suicide-is-killing-people/) - updated from 7/1/2015 According to the CDC: In 2013 (the most recent year for which full data are available), 41,149 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. In that year, someone in the country died by suicide every 12.9 minutes. I recently read an article about a young,
- [Sarah Palin Was Right—This Time](https://wesurviveabuse.com/this-is-why-survivors-cant-have-nice-things-sarah-palin-was-right-yall-2/) - I don’t know if she and I will ever agree again.But today, on this?We stand on the same side of the truth. I Am a Survivor. I survived multiple perpetrators of child sexual abuse.And I wasn’t the first in my family line. I spent my son’s entire childhood doing everything I could to protect him
- [Why Does Society Make it Difficult for Survivors of Rape & Abuse to Come Forward? Part 1](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-does-society-make-it-difficult-for-survivors-of-rape-abuse-to-come-forward-part-1/) - I watched "Cosby: The Women Speak." Actually, I recorded it. This way, if I was triggered, I could watch it another time. But I was amid a writing project. So, I stopped by Twitter. It was like a horrible car accident, and I couldn’t look away. Most of
- [Women Should Try Being Kind to Other Women Too](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-should-try-being-kind-to-other-women-too/) - “There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." ― Madeleine Albright Since we are doing throw back comparisons these days, we could at least be accurate in our comparisons. In modern debates about sex-based spaces, when people push for women to share spaces with males (regardless of how those males
- [What Can We Learn From Alabama Mayor's Death That Allegedly Reveals More Victims (Update)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-can-we-learn-from-alabama-mayors-death-that-allegedly-reveals-more-victims-update/) - First, my prayers for comfort and healing go out to the family of Smiths Station Mayor F.L. “Bubba” Copeland. I mean that sincerely. That said, it seems that the following has been of major concern to both the general public and among clergy: "outing" "people being allowed to be who they are" "space for people
- [The Hideous Scars of Child Sexual Abuse: Self Doubt](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-hideous-scars-of-child-sexual-abuse-self-doubt/) - Self-doubt. I think that one reason that some people can't understand sexual violence is they don't understand just how complicated it really is. Some people think that after the physical assault, you should be emotionally hurt for a bit maybe. But you'll be fine, or rather you should be. But WE know that sexual
- [Drowning Out the Truth Creates Female Isolation](https://wesurviveabuse.com/drowning-out-the-truth-creates-female-isolation/) - It is easy to the thing we fight against because we live in it and we were raised within it. We have to make sure that as a society, as a workplace, as a family, as a friend group...that WE are not the people sending these abusive messages. "Do not speak truth." "No one can save
- [Why Does Society Make it Difficult for Survivors of Rape & Abuse to Come Forward? Part 2](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-does-society-make-it-difficult-for-survivors-of-rape-abuse-to-come-forward-part-2/) - Original post 9/23/15 7. Every choice that you ever made (sexually) is scrutinized. They have questions. Q: How many intimate partners have you had? Q: How quickly do you usually decide to sleep with them? Q: Do you usually sleep with them on the first date? Q: What type
- [Sexual Violence at American Festivals:  Prevention Tips for Organizers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/sexual-violence-at-american-festivals-prevention-tips-for-organizers/) - Festivals, concerts, and other large gatherings are prime locations for people to come together and enjoy themselves. However, these events can also be breeding grounds for sexual violence. Sexual violence at festivals has been a pervasive issue for many years. In 2019, the Guardian reported that UK police had seen a 21% increase
- [In California, Will a Male Mass Shooter Serve His Life Sentence in a Male or Women's Prison? (upated)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/in-california-will-a-male-mass-shooter-serve-his-life-sentence-in-a-male-or-womens-prison-upated/) - This family is never going to leave my soul I see. I keep cleaning off my PC, but never their family picture. The one with Benny in a suit surrounded by the two women who gave him love. The special kind. Mom love. This story makes me sad. Even sadder, is all the special accommodations
- [Predators: Reviled serial killer Dana Sue Gray bares all about her 'terrifying and disgusting' sex attack at the hands of her trans prison cellmate](https://wesurviveabuse.com/predators-reviled-serial-killer-dana-sue-gray-bares-all-about-her-terrifying-and-disgusting-sex-attack-at-the-hands-of-her-trans-prison-cellmate/) - Story Link ***Reminder: Level up support for Tomeika Johnson All this alleged "care & concern" for the people and little of it is directly benefitting female human beings in need. Interesting. elink.io | See Original
- [Predators Are Not Always Charismatic—Don’t Be Fooled by the Stereotype](https://wesurviveabuse.com/predators-are-not-always-charismatic-dont-be-fooled-by-the-stereotype/) - Many people have a picture in their minds of what a predator looks like: charming, confident, manipulative, always in control. But let’s be clear—predators come in all forms. Some are awkward. Some are socially inept. Some seem unsure of themselves, confused, or even pitiable. And yet, they can still be dangerous. Predators Use Different Strategies
- [30 Red Flags of Unsafe People: How to Spot Them Early](https://wesurviveabuse.com/30-red-flags-of-unsafe-people-how-to-spot-them-early/) - Some people are simply unsafe. Whether in personal relationships, workplaces, social settings, movements, politics, or online spaces, unsafe individuals use manipulation, deception, and control to harm, exploit, or weaken others. Recognizing the red flags of dangerous behavior is essential for protecting yourself and those around you. If someone consistently exhibits multiple warning signs, it’s time
- [Children Deserve Truth—And They Deserve Protection Too](https://wesurviveabuse.com/children-deserve-truth-and-they-deserve-protection-too/) - In the wake of the Supreme Court decision regarding parental rights and LGBTQ+ curriculum opt-outs, many of us find ourselves sitting with complex emotions. This isn’t a simple matter—not for parents, not for educators, and certainly not for the children caught in the middle of it all. There are those who are deeply committed to
- [Divide, Distract, and Conquer: The Hidden Cost of DEI Myths](https://wesurviveabuse.com/divide-distract-and-conquer-the-hidden-cost-of-dei-myths/) - You know, in Black American wisdom, there’s a deep understanding that the most dangerous blow is the one you never saw coming. “Being blindsided isn’t the same as being beaten. But staying blind? That’ll do you in.” Myths and lies are designed to protect power. Lies are how power keeps its seat.They keep the same
- [Creating a Safety Plan: Essential Steps for Protecting Yourself from Stalking and Harassment](https://wesurviveabuse.com/creating-a-safety-plan-essential-steps-for-protecting-yourself-from-stalking-and-harassment/) - When faced with stalking, harassment, or any form of abuse, having a safety plan is a vital step toward reclaiming control and ensuring your well-being. A safety plan isn’t just a list of emergency contacts—it’s a personalized, strategic guide that helps you protect yourself, both physically and digitally. For survivors, safety planning can mean the
- [6 Common Behaviors of Female Enablers of Abusive Males (infographic)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/6-common-behaviors-of-female-enablers-of-abusive-males-infographic/) - When a woman stands up for herself and her rights, be a good person and get the hell out of her way. This world puts a lot of obstacles in front of girls and women. It takes a lot of courage for her to do that. Move and let her work. ~Tonya GJ Prince
- [After A Doctor Told Her There Was Nothing She Could Do About Her Diagnosis, Lupita Nyong'o Is Desperate To Make A Change For Other Women Who Might "Suffer In Silence"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/after-a-doctor-told-her-there-was-nothing-she-could-do-about-her-diagnosis-lupita-nyongo-is-desperate-to-make-a-change-for-other-women-who-might-suffer-in-silence/) - (updated) After A Doctor Told Her There Was Nothing She Could Do About Her Diagnosis, Lupita Nyong'o Is Desperate To Make A Change For Other Women Who Might "Suffer In Silence" 🧠 Emotional Toll Many women report feeling dismissed or invalidated, especially after being told fibroids are “normal” or “not serious.” Mental health can suffer
- [When Someone You Love Defends the People Who Harm Children](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-when-the-people-we-respect-are-rooting-for-the-predators/) - There are few heartbreaks more jarring than this:Realizing someone you admire is cheering for those who endanger children. And it cuts deeper when it’s not strangers.It’s… Beloved family members Respected colleagues Trusted friends Elders you once leaned on for wisdom When they side with those seeking unfettered access to children,something breaks wide open. 😔 What
- [That Never Happens: Sex Offender Identified as a Woman to Access Woman's Shelter](https://wesurviveabuse.com/that-never-happens-sex-offender-identified-as-a-woman-to-access-womans-shelter/) - "Just so we’re clear, men will go to the “effort” of identifying as a woman to gain access to what were once female-only spaces in order to sexually abuse women." -Sall Grover When women and children's rights
- [An Unsung GOAT of Women's Sports: Patsy Mink](https://wesurviveabuse.com/an-unsung-goat-of-womens-sports-patsy-mink/) - If you're a female athlete, you owe your opportunities and career (if you have/had one) to this woman. "What we tolerate is who we are." Congresswoman Patsy Mink. What we *tolerate* is who we are. Congresswoman Patsy Mink's unwavering advocacy has fueled the economic empowerment of countless young women, enabling them to shatter the
- [Objectification: When You Are Seen, But Not As a Whole Person](https://wesurviveabuse.com/objectification-when-you-are-seen-but-not-as-a-whole-person/) - We live in a world that too often reduces people—especially women—to parts, features, and functions. This is called objectification: when someone is treated not as a full human being, but as an object to be used, admired, consumed, or controlled. It’s not always loud.Sometimes it comes dressed as a compliment.Sometimes it hides behind tradition.But the
- [The Velvet Rope Tour’s Boldest Moment: Janet Jackson Confronts Domestic Violence Onstage](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-velvet-rope-tours-boldest-moment-janet-jackson-confronts-domestic-violence-onstage/) - I got the opportunity to see Janet Jackson on The Velvet Rope tour but I did not see "What About" performed live. I saw this on HBO with millions of others. Janet Jackson performed “What About” during her 1998 Velvet Rope Tour, and one of the most powerful televised performances of that song aired during
- [Della Reese Opens Up About Surviving Abuse: A Powerful Testimony of Strength](https://wesurviveabuse.com/della-reese-opens-up-about-surviving-abuse-a-powerful-testimony-of-strength/) - We all know Della Reese for her unmistakable strength, radiant beauty, and powerhouse talent. A legendary singer, actress, and spiritual leader, she graced stages and screens with a presence that commanded respect. But that’s the thing about domestic violence—it doesn’t care how gifted you are. It doesn’t care how beloved you are. It doesn’t care
- [Abuse of Power in Spiritual Leadership: When Faith Is Used to Conceal Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/abuse-of-power-in-spiritual-leadership-when-faith-is-used-to-conceal-harm/) - For many of us, faith is a lifeline. A compass. A sanctuary. But what happens when the very place we go to find peace becomes the stage for manipulation, harm, and control? In recent news, we’ve seen a heartbreaking pattern re-emerge—spiritual leaders using their authority to abuse, exploit, and silence. From the pulpit to the
- [7 Signs You're Not "Being the Bigger Person"—You're Being Eroded](https://wesurviveabuse.com/7-signs-youre-not-being-the-bigger-person-youre-being-eroded/) - You think you’re doing the right thing.Being nice.Being kind.Being patient.Taking the high road....just like you were taught. But when you're dealing with a manipulator, what you think is kindness…they see as weakness.They don't take your grace to heart—they take it as a green light. This is how people get chipped away—not all at once, but
- [Master Manipulators: 10 Disturbing Tactics They Use to Control and Confuse You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/master-manipulators-10-disturbing-tactics-they-use-to-control-and-confuse-you/) - They rarely come in screaming.They don’t wear signs.They don’t always raise their voice or raise their hand.But what they raise is doubt—in you, in your worth, in your memory, in your right to say no. Master manipulators don’t just lie to you—they teach you to lie to yourself.About what you felt. About what you saw.
- [Cathy Hughes and The Quiet Storm: Healing on the Airwaves](https://wesurviveabuse.com/cathy-hughes-and-the-quiet-storm-healing-on-the-airwaves/) - “Good evening, sweetheart…”Those few words, whispered through radios across America, weren’t just an introduction—they were an invitation. An invitation to breathe, to feel, to remember that you mattered. Behind that quiet revolution was a woman whose name deserves to be spoken with reverence: Cathy Hughes. Founder of Radio One (now Urban One), Cathy Hughes is a
- [Put Your Needs First Affirmations(video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/put-your-needs-first-affirmationsvideo-short/)
- [Survivor Affirmations: My Health Story Matters and My Voice is Unafraid (video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmations-my-health-story-matters-and-my-voice-is-unafraid-video-short/) - Survivor Affirmations: I Have a Disability and Reclaim My Voice (video short) | WE Survive Abuse
- [Lessons from Survivor Jenifer Lewis on Overcoming Shame (videos)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lessons-from-survivor-jenifer-lewis-on-overcoming-shame-videos/) - As incredibly talented as she is, Jenifer Lewis is also a teacher! She is a teacher to all who struggle with mental illness, racism, sexism, and abuse. She is open about getting knocked down by these things. But the wonderful blessing for us is that Jenifer Lewis is open about how to get up. When
- [Jenifer Lewis Says Pastor Took Her Career After Molestation| UnCensored](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10957/) - "Tell until someone listens"- Jenifer Lewis She Didn’t Whisper. She Roared. There is a particular kind of silence that lives in the shadows of pews and pulpits. Too many Survivors have been told to pray the pain away, to keep the secret, to protect the image of a man instead of the soul of a
- [Mahogany: Beyond Fashion, a Lesson in Power and Abuse 💔](https://wesurviveabuse.com/mahogany-beyond-fashion-a-lesson-in-power-and-abuse-💔/) - Mahogany is often celebrated for its style—but the film also quietly shows obsession, control, and emotional abuse. But beneath that glossy surface lies a cautionary tale about emotional abuse, coercion, and stalking—threads that deserve to be spoken about loud and clear. Key truths hidden in the narrative: Tracy’s journey isn’t just about runway dreams—it’s also
- [They Stopped Speaking to You: Navigating Religious Disconnection](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-stopped-speaking-to-you-navigating-religious-disconnection/) - Many faith communities, traditions, or denominations—across the world—have practices of disaffiliation or shunning, especially when someone is seen as: Rejecting or questioning core tenets (apostasy) Publicly diverging from doctrine or leadership Choosing a path that challenges group norms or authority structures Living in ways the community deems “unrepentant” or “worldly” It can look like: No
- [Getting Harder for Women Today: Know Your Manipulators](https://wesurviveabuse.com/getting-harder-for-women-today-know-your-manipulators/) - elink.io | See Original
- [MOOD BOARD: Women's Choices in Relationships (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/mood-board-womens-choices-in-relationships-video/) -  All Around the World Girls Matter
- [Women Challenging Violence in Their Lives (videos)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-challenging-violence-in-their-lives-videos/)
- [Survivor Affirmation Video: I Am My Own Best Cheerleader](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-affirmation-video-i-am-my-own-best-cheerleader/) - [wpdevart_youtube]Kqz9Xv6QGz0[/wpdevart_youtube]
- [Maryland Middle School Students Weigh in on Curriculum](https://wesurviveabuse.com/maryland-middle-school-students-weigh-in-on-curriculum/) - The voices of these children are only unheard if we choose not to listen. -Tonya GJ PrinceThe recent allegations are that these children and their families do not want to learn about persons who are LGBTQ. LGBTQ persons, like most demographics, have made significant contributions throughout history and have been a part of many of our
- [Child Sex Abuse is NOT a Team Sport (video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/child-sex-abuse-is-not-a-team-sport-video-short/) - If you are serious about preventing violence against children, you can't approach it like a team sporting event. There are groomers & pedophiles who are: republican, democrat, independent, pastors, priests, drag queens, fathers, coaches, gay, heterosexual, bisexual, trans, teachers.... May the adults in the room come against them all because all children deserve safety &
- [This Is For the Overcomers (videos)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/this-is-for-the-overcomers-videos/)
- [End Black Femicide! Black Women are Being Murdered (video short)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/end-black-femicide-black-women-are-being-murdered-video-short/)
- [Run Towards Truth #confidenceshorts #motivation #womenempowerment  #women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/run-towards-truth-confidenceshorts-motivation-womenempowerment-women/)
- [Why domestic violence advocates say the best way to help survivors is to give them back control](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-domestic-violence-advocates-say-the-best-way-to-help-survivors-is-to-give-them-back-control/) - Abusers control. That’s their No. 1 tactic to keep domestic abuse survivors simultaneously afraid of them and yet reluctant to leave them. Be it controlling a survivor’s ability to go places, hold a job or access money, see friends or family, keep their children, what sexual decisions to make, or, by using some other form
- [Using Michelle Obama’s Image to Justify White Supremacy Is a Self-Own—And a Betrayal](https://wesurviveabuse.com/using-michelle-obamas-image-to-justify-white-supremacy-is-a-self-own-and-a-betrayal/) - (Why Black women must speak for ourselves, gatekeep our image, and protect our humanity) Every so often-too often- I see it again:A meme, a tweet, or a post using Michelle Obama’s likeness to say something like: “This is why we have to support men. Look how they called Michelle a man.” Let’s pause right there.
- [12 Unapologetic Truths: Your Rights as a Woman Are Unconditional (Audio/podcast)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/12-unapologetic-truths-your-rights-as-a-woman-are-unconditional-audio-podcast/) - Your rights as a woman are not up for debate. You don’t need permission, validation, or a committee vote to own your power. In this bold and unfiltered episode of We Survive Abuse, Tonya GJ Prince lays down 12 undeniable truths about women’s rights, autonomy, and the refusal to shrink for anyone—no matter how
- [What Are Pseudoseizures? Understanding Psychogenic Seizures in Trauma Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-are-pseudoseizures-understanding-psychogenic-seizures-in-trauma-survivors/) - Remember, trauma lives in the body........ Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures (PNES), are seizure-like episodes that look and feel like epileptic seizures—but they’re not caused by abnormal electrical activity in the brain. Instead, they are psychological in origin, often deeply tied to trauma, especially chronic abuse or unresolved emotional distress. Let’s break this down with clarity and
- [When the Gate Swings Open: The Floodgate Effect and the Harm That Follows](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-gate-swings-open-the-floodgate-effect-and-the-harm-that-follows/) - Some harms don’t happen in isolation. They happen because someone was let in who shouldn’t have been.And then, no one shut the door behind them. In law and policy, this is often called the floodgate effect— The idea that once one is allowed through, many more will follow…And it becomes impossible to control what happens
- [25 Ways Society Sends Harmful Messages to Black Women About Our Safety and Worth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/25-ways-society-sends-harmful-messages-to-black-women-about-our-safety-and-worth/) - We carry so much. Too much.And still, society dares to question our right to safety. Black women are consistently sent harmful messages—spoken and unspoken—about our value, our pain, and our right to be protected. These messages are not random. They are embedded in systems, families, faith spaces, online spaces, entertainment spaces, and even activism spaces.
- [When Pretending You're Okay Is Wearing You Down](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-pretending-youre-okay-is-wearing-you-down/) - What to Do Instead of Faking It All the Time Some days, pretending to be okay feels safer than telling the truth. You already know what happens when you cry in front of the wrong people.You’ve seen how quick folks are to change the subject, offer empty advice, or use your honesty against you later.
- [Quick Tips for When You're Tired of Pretending You're Okay](https://wesurviveabuse.com/quick-tips-for-when-youre-tired-of-pretending-youre-okay/) - (For When You Can’t Fall Apart, But Can’t Keep Faking Either) 🎧 1. Use a “Voice Dump” App 📱 What to do: Open your voice recorder and just talk. No intro. No edits. No audience. Say everything you’re holding in. Don’t worry about coherence. When you’re done, name the file something soft like “Storm, passed.”This
- [5 Ways Women Are the Shock Absorbers of Patriarchy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/5-ways-women-are-the-shock-absorbers-of-patriarchy/) - Women are expected to absorb disrespect quietly, so systems can keep running smoothly. When men harm, women are often told to forgive, fix, or forget—for the sake of peace. Society calls it strength when women carry pain that should never have been theirs. Girls are taught early to bend, soften, and sacrifice so others won’t
- [They Mock You, Then Expect You to Serve—The Trap Ends Now](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-mock-you-then-expect-you-to-serve-the-trap-ends-now/) - May you never again fall into the trap of using your labor for an individual or group who calls your worth into question by... Mocking your beauty and then expecting your loyalty. Calling you “too emotional” while feeding off your care work. Undermining your intelligence but stealing your ideas. Making you the punchline and the
- [Why Black Women Must Define Our Own Misogyny: Because Being a Black Woman Is Different](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-black-women-must-define-our-own-misogyny-because-being-a-black-woman-is-different/) - Let’s imagine this. All the girls in the world are sitting around a big table.They’re laughing, learning, growing—but they’re also talking about the times they’ve been treated badly just for being girls.That experience has a name.It’s called misogyny—when the world punishes you just for being female.That’s one color of paint. But you see, Black girls
- [10 Signs You’re Being Dehumanized—Even by People Who Say They Support You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-signs-youre-being-dehumanized-even-by-people-who-say-they-support-you/) - This is a crucial question—because recognizing when you are being dehumanized is often the first step in reclaiming dignity, power, and boundaries. When people are used for their work, labor, genius, presence, or resilience—but not seen as human—there are patterns. These patterns span history, relationships, workplaces, movements, and even families. Here are some key signs—from
- [🚩 5 Signs You’re Facing Control Disguised as Concern](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚩-5-signs-youre-facing-control-disguised-as-concern/) - 1. They Center Their Comfort Over Your Safety If your boundary causes them to feel uncomfortable, they try to make you feel guilty for protecting yourself. They’re not checking on you—they’re checking your compliance. “Are you okay?” really means: “Why aren’t you doing what I want?” 2. They Frame Your Growth as a Problem As
- [We Carried the Battle. Don't Rewrite the War.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-carried-the-battle-dont-rewrite-the-war/) - Black American women do not own braids. Braids have lived on many heads across many cultures for centuries.But when it comes to who fought to wear them freely in America—we did. We did. Alone. We are the ones who walked into classrooms and corporate boardrooms and got told:“Unprofessional.”“Too ethnic.”“Against dress code.”“Disruptive to the learning environment.” We
- [Braids, Locs, and the Right to Be: The Truth About Black Hair Discrimination](https://wesurviveabuse.com/braids-locs-and-the-right-to-be-the-truth-about-black-hair-discrimination/) - We need less focus on aesthetics—less chatter about who’s worn braids, who’s styled locs, and who can trace it back to their culture. That conversation is convenient.Safe.Detached. It’s a neat way to talk around the truth without ever touching the fight. Because the truth is this: 🗣️ Black people—especially Black American women and children—have paid
- [Black Lesbian Voices That Shaped Culture, History, and Activism: Part 1](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-lesbian-voices-that-shaped-culture-history-and-activism-part-1/)
- [When Children Ask for Safeguards: Reflections on the Supreme Court, Safety, and Respect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-children-ask-for-safeguards-reflections-on-the-supreme-court-safety-and-respect/) - In the wake of the recent Supreme Court decision around parental rights and school curriculum, the conversation has grown louder. But beneath the noise, something sacred happened—children spoke up. Some students stepped forward and said they weren’t comfortable. They didn’t say, “Don’t teach us history.”They didn’t say, “We don’t want to know about people who
- [They Teach Us to Watch Our Cups, Not to Question the Pour](https://wesurviveabuse.com/they-teach-us-to-watch-our-cups-not-to-question-the-pour/) - 🍷headed into the fourth of July, right?.......Freedom? Because they’d rather keep us on defensethan dare teach him self-control. Because it’s easier to hand us rulesthan hold him accountable for crimes. Because it’s always “Don’t walk alone,”Never: “Don’t stalk women.” Because they raised whole generations of boysto believe violence is desireand silence is consent—and called it
- ['Go Along to Get Along’ Is How They Silence You—Here’s Why You Must Speak Anyway](https://wesurviveabuse.com/go-along-to-get-along-is-how-they-silence-you-heres-why-you-must-speak-anyway/) - Fellow women and please share this message with girls: You are not “difficult.”You are not “too sensitive.”You are aware.You are awake.You are wired for survival, and that’s not a flaw. That’s legacy. 🌿 The Central Healing Truth: If they ignore your safety concerns,they're not just dismissing your words—they’re trying to erase your being. 💬 Real
- [You Were Never Meant to Carry What He Refused to Unpack](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-were-never-meant-to-carry-what-he-refused-to-unpack/) - For the woman who’s been told her standards are too high—stand taller. Sister,Let’s tell the truth today. They say: “That’s just how men are.”“If you want love, you’re going to have to accept some baggage.”“Nobody’s perfect, so why are you being so picky?” But let me ask you this:When did being selective become a sin?When
- [You Don’t Have to Stay Where You’re Not Safe](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-dont-have-to-stay-where-youre-not-safe/) - Some of us are trying to bloom in gardens that were never planted for us. We show up with our hands full—bandages, truth-telling, receipts, prayers, statistics, candles, casseroles, court cases, and soul. But when we whisper the word “safety,”when we dare say “girls,”when we speak “female,” or name the violence from the mouths, hands, and
- [The Unseen Cage: What Coercive Control Really Looks Like](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-unseen-cage-what-coercive-control-really-looks-like/) - Because not all abuse leaves bruises—but it can still steal your freedom. Some cages are invisible.No bars.No bruises.Just a tightening around your life so slow and quiet, you don’t even know you’re trapped—until one day, you can’t move. This is coercive control. 🌫️ What Is Coercive Control? Coercive control is a pattern of behaviors used
- [Cold Water Calms the Storm: A Healing Tool Our Elders Already Knew](https://wesurviveabuse.com/cold-water-calms-the-storm-a-healing-tool-our-elders-already-knew/) - There are days when your body feels like a house on fire. Your heart races.Your chest tightens.Your thoughts scatter like dry leaves in a hard wind. It might happen in a flash—during a meeting, a memory, a sound, or silence. And someone might call you “dramatic.”Or say, “You’re overreacting.”Or worse: “Calm down.” But here’s the
- [The Unseen Cage: How Systems Use Coercive Control](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-unseen-cage-how-systems-use-coercive-control/) - When the hands that claim to help you are the ones tightening the grip. Not all abuse comes from partners.Sometimes, it comes from systems—the courtroom, the school, the hospital, the church, the shelter, the government office. Systems can control you with rules that shift.With voices that talk over yours.With help that comes at the cost
- [Black women in London facing ‘crisis’ as higher femicide rates revealed](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-women-in-london-facing-crisis-as-higher-femicide-rates-revealed/) - The figures have been obtained by the PA news agency from the Metropolitan Police in a Freedom of Information request. They show: Of the 21 femicide victims recorded by the Metropolitan Police in 2022, nine (43%) were black while eight of the 13 victims in 2023 (62%) were black. These figures
- [Civil Rights Treasures from the March on Washington: Gloria Richardson](https://wesurviveabuse.com/civil-rights-treasures-from-the-march-on-washington-gloria-richardson/) - Civil Rights Pioneer Gloria Richardson, 91, on How Women Were Silenced at 1963 March on Washington | Democracy Now! How Gloria Richardson's Look of Righteous Indignation Became a Symbol of No Retreat | At the Smithsonian | Smithsonian Magazine
- [Women’s Right to Choose: The Fight Isn’t Over](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-just-won-the-rights-for-women-in-the-1970s-notes-on-dating-choices-updated/) - "If it tries to diminish me, my health, my safety, my ascendance, or my rights, it is unacceptable, to me." Tonya GJ Prince Unhindered female choice in relationships is still a relatively new concept—even in the United States. It wasn’t that long ago that American women lacked access to:✅ Credit in their
- [Why We All Build Our Own Healing Spaces](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-we-all-build-our-own-healing-spaces/) - It may be noticed when specific groups build their own healing spaces but nearly everyone builds their own healing spaces where people who live, speak, cry, die, and sing like them feel welcome. They say, “Healing is for everyone.”But not every healing space is built for everyone. For so many of us—especially those who’ve been
- [The Injustice of Down Low Marriages: When Women Pay the Price for a Man’s Secrets](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-injustice-of-down-low-marriages-when-women-pay-the-price-for-a-mans-secrets/) - Everyone should get the opportunity to live this life loving who truly and authentically loves them back. There is nothing wrong with struggling with identity. But when a man—angry that he cannot fully live as himself—chooses to marry a woman as a cover, that is not just deception. It is an injustice. And like so
- [Don’t Share My Scars and Then Ask for My Help.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dont-share-my-scars-and-then-ask-for-my-help/) - Let’s talk about something that happens all too often—especially to women, especially to Survivors. Someone insults us.Mocks us.Lies about us.Disrespects our identity, our womanhood, our power, our pain. And then—days, weeks, or months later—someone else comes along and shares that insult.Not to call it out.Not to defend us.Not to stop the harm. But to say:“See?
- [Spotlight on IDVAAC: A Legacy of Protecting Black Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/spotlight-on-idvaac-a-legacy-of-protecting-black-survivors/) - Because we deserve more than band-aids. We deserve truth, safety, and justice—designed with us in mind. What Is IDVAAC? The Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community (IDVAAC) is a national research and advocacy institution founded in 1993 and based at the University of Minnesota. But it's more than that. It’s a sacred
- [Women Deserve Privacy, Safety, and Respect—Especially in Campus Athletics](https://wesurviveabuse.com/women-deserve-privacy-safety-and-respect-especially-in-campus-athletics/) - Across campuses, colleges have a duty: to protect all students. That includes the right to privacy, safety, and dignity—especially for young women participating in athletics. At the University of Pennsylvania, female athletes were required to share a locker room with a male teammate for over a year. Several times a week, they had to undress,
- [Why Abuse Leaves You with Chronic Self-Doubt](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-abuse-leaves-you-with-chronic-self-doubt/) - And Why That Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken There’s something few people talk about after abuse ends:The way self-doubt clings to you like a second skin. Even long after the harm has stopped…Even after the abuser is gone or justice is sought…Even when you’re doing well… That voice shows up again: “Are you sure?” “Maybe it
- [📢 Boundaries Are My Vitamins—And I Take Them Daily](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📢-boundaries-are-my-vitamins-and-i-take-them-daily/) - You ever been around somebody who drains your energy just by texting “hey”?Yeah. That’s why I take my Boundaries Supplement every morning—no water needed. Let’s make this loud for the people in the back:Boundaries aren’t just a “self-care” trend.They’re survival.They’re strength.They’re how we keep our spirits from flatlining. 🧘🏾‍♀️ Boundaries Are How I Stay Well
- [Saying Yes When You Mean No Is a Silent Form of Self-Betrayal](https://wesurviveabuse.com/saying-yes-when-you-mean-no-is-a-silent-form-of-self-betrayal/) - They will keep coming backto your spirit, your softness, your giving hands—as long as you let them. But you were never meant to be the onewho saves everyonewhile drowning quietly in your own dry well. 🌿 The Central Healing Truth: You betray yourself each time you say “yes” when your soul is whispering “no.”That’s not
- [It’s Not the Phrase. It’s the Harm.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/its-not-the-phrase-its-the-harm/) - Some folks are upset nowabout the phrase:“I don’t owe you.” Around here, we are retiring the phrase. But not because people do not like it, but because we have so much more to say and "I don't owe you" doesn't cover it all. But let’s be real—that phrase didn’t break the world.What broke us was
- [Instinct Is Not Ignorance. It’s Survival.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/instinct-is-not-ignorance-its-survival/) - There’s something sacred about a warning call in the wild. A rustle.A cry.A shift in the wind.The herd doesn’t debate.The birds don’t fact-check.The others don’t roll their eyes and say, “Here she goes again.” They move.They listen.Because their instincts are still alive. Still sharp. Still sacred. Now imagine this:A woman senses something’s off.A girl feels
- [Curves, Control & Convenient Amnesia: The 90s and Early 2000s Edition](https://wesurviveabuse.com/curves-control-convenient-amnesia-the-90s-and-early-2000s-edition/) - The 90s were velvet and vinyl,grunge and glitter, a time when girl groups rose—but the grip on our bodies never loosened. We still had to stay tight.Still had to smile bright.Still had to hold our stomachs inwhile holding up the world. Paula Abdul—sharp as a snap,fluid as wind—was a phenom,a dancer who defied gravity. But
- [Independence Day Special: Slavery Lawsuits](https://wesurviveabuse.com/independence-day-special-slavery-lawsuits/)
- [Privacy Is Not Prejudice. It’s Protection.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/privacy-is-not-prejudice-its-protection/) - Somewhere along the way, somebody got bold enough to say it out loud:"That makes me uncomfortable." She said it gently at first.A whisper in the locker room.A pause in the team meeting.A glance exchanged with a teammate who understood all too well. And then came the backlash.“You’re being difficult.”“You’re not inclusive.”“Maybe you’re just not evolved
- [Who Benefits From My Silence?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/who-benefits-from-my-silence/) - Every time I swallowed the truth, someone else got fed.Fed with power.Fed with protection.Fed with the benefit of the doubt. But it wasn’t me. 🗣️ Silence Is Not Neutral They tell us silence is peaceful.That it's the "mature" thing to do.That “not everything needs to be said.” But let’s ask the real question:Who benefits from
- [🎯 General Categories Protect the Powerful, Not the Vulnerable](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎯-general-categories-protect-the-powerful-not-the-vulnerable/) - We are often told that broad categories are a sign of unity.That we should all just fall under one banner: “Women.” “People of color.” “Survivors.” “Victims.” “Marginalized communities.” But general categories don’t protect everyone.They protect the already protected. 🏛️ Broad categories make it easy to sound fair—while doing nothing meaningful. When institutions say: “We serve
- [🚨 Signs of Harm Justification](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-signs-of-harm-justification/) - If you’ve ever had to convince someone that what hurt you was actually wrong… this is for you. Some people don’t deny that harm happened.They just go straight to justifying it. They excuse it.They minimize it.They spin it until you feel like you’re the one who’s “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “being negative.” This is called
- [The Gentle Man Effect: Good Men Make Safety for All Possible (short video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-gentle-man-effect-good-men-make-safety-for-all-possible-short-video/)
- [Creating Safe Spaces to Heal: How Black Women Make Room for Ourselves When the World Won’t](https://wesurviveabuse.com/creating-safe-spaces-to-heal-how-black-women-make-room-for-ourselves-when-the-world-wont/) - We weren’t handed safe spaces.We’ve had to build them from scratch— with whatever was in our hands,whatever was in our hearts,and sometimes, just with breath and hope alone. For generations, Black women have been the protectors, the defenders, the carriers of other people’s burdens—even while our own pain has gone ignored, doubted, or dismissed. We’ve
- [Grooming by Environment: When the System Softens the Ground for Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/grooming-by-environment-when-the-system-softens-the-ground-for-abuse/) - When most people hear the word grooming, they imagine a single predator targeting a person—saying the right things, isolating them, offering gifts, breaking down their resistance. But there’s another form of grooming. And it’s just as harmful, just as effective, and far more common. It’s called: Grooming by environment. 🔍 What Is It? Grooming by
- [Betrayal Blindness: When Your Brain Protects You… by Lying to You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/betrayal-blindness-when-your-brain-protects-you-by-lying-to-you/) - Let’s talk about something real. Have you ever looked back at a situation and thought—"Wait… that wasn’t okay. That was messed up"? Maybe it was a parent who “loved you so much” but scared the life out of you.Maybe it was a partner who “never laid a hand on you” but broke your spirit daily.Maybe
- [People Don’t Just “Ignore Red Flags” — They’re Protecting Something](https://wesurviveabuse.com/people-dont-just-ignore-red-flags-theyre-protecting-something/) - When someone stays silent about abuse, overlooks harm, or rewrites the story to sound softer than it was—it’s easy for outsiders to say: “Why didn’t you leave?” “How could you not see it?” “That’s just foolish.” But Dr. Freyd challenges that shallow view. Her work shows us that when people “don’t see” abuse or betrayal,
- [When Healing Language Gets Mocked: Gaslighting by Cultural Delegitimization](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-healing-language-gets-mocked-gaslighting-by-cultural-delegitimization/) - They asked you to speak. Or, it is time and space designed for speaking. To be honest. To open up. To tell your truth. They asked you to join groups. To heal. To grow.And when you finally did—when you finally started to name what happened,to call harm what it was,to speak your truth without flinching—they
- [9 Reasons Survivors Build Their Own Healing Spaces (and Why That’s Sacred, Not Segregated)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/9-reasons-survivors-build-their-own-healing-spaces-and-why-thats-sacred-not-segregated/) - People ask: “Why do you need your own healing space?” The answer is layered. Personal. Collective. Sacred. Here’s why so many of us—especially from marginalized, silenced, and richly rooted communities—seek healing spaces created for and by people who look like us, live like us, and carry stories like ours. 1. Healing spaces ask us to
- [Our Tongues Survived the Fire: The Story of Xhosa, Survival, and Respect](https://wesurviveabuse.com/our-tongues-survived-the-fire-the-story-of-xhosa-survival-and-respect/) - There are languages that carry the rhythm of a people’s soul.Languages that rise and fall like the breath of generations. Xhosa is one of those languages. A language born from the lips of ancestors—clicks, tones, and intonations that once filled the valleys and villages of South Africa. A language that colonization tried to erase.And yet…
- [Weaponized Witnessing: When They Watch You Fall, But Never Help You Rise](https://wesurviveabuse.com/weaponized-witnessing-when-they-watch-you-fall-but-never-help-you-rise/) - There’s a kind of watching that doesn’t come from love.A kind of watching that waits for you to stumble—not to catch you,but to collect the footage. It’s called weaponized witnessing. They don’t help. They don’t ask. They don’t offer softness or shelter.They just…watch.And when something breaks—when the job falls through,when the man you chose doesn’t
- [Gynophobia: The Fear That Shapes Our Stories and Our Lives](https://wesurviveabuse.com/gynophobia-the-fear-that-shapes-our-stories-and-our-lives/) - In a world full of contradictions, there is one fear that rarely gets named, but is woven into the seams of our cultures, systems, and stories: gynophobia. From the Greek gyno- (woman) and -phobia (fear), gynophobia describes more than just a fear of women. It describes a learned aversion—an embedded resistance to female power, female
- [Gynophobia Is Not New—We've Just Been Taught to Ignore It](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-truths-about-gynophobia-that-might-surprise-you/) - The word gynophobia—meaning fear or hatred of women—has existed for centuries. But while misogyny gets mainstream attention, gynophobia reveals something deeper: not just hatred, but a fear of women’s autonomy, agency, and power. This isn’t a trending buzzword.It’s a blueprint—one that’s shaped law, culture, religion, and violence. Let’s name what we were never meant
- [The Four Pillars of Oppression: Misogyny, Gynophobia, Sexism, and Patriarchy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-four-pillars-of-oppression-misogyny-gynophobia-sexism-and-patriarchy/) - Women do not suffer oppression by accident. The systems that harm us—misogyny, gynophobia, sexism, and patriarchy—are built into society, shaping the way women are treated, valued, and controlled. These systems reinforce each other, ensuring that power stays in the hands of men while women continue to fight for dignity, safety, and freedom. Understanding these forces
- [Naming the Chains: Understanding Misogyny, Gynophobia, Sexism, and Patriarchy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/naming-the-chains-understanding-misogyny-gynophobia-sexism-and-patriarchy/) - These systems and beliefs shape how society treats women and girls, often reinforcing oppression, inequality, and violence. While they overlap, each has distinct characteristics. 1. Misogyny – The Hatred and Contempt for Women Misogyny is more than just a dislike of women—it is a deeply embedded hatred, hostility, and resentment toward women and femininity. It
- [Safety Is Power. Access Is a Privilege.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/safety-is-power-access-is-a-privilege/) - People are always telling us about the habits of powerful people. Well, one thing that powerful people do is maintain strict boundaries. The average person can't access them. We are often told that “being accessible” is a virtue.That openness equals "kindness." That availability equals "goodness."But rarely do they ask: who does it serve? Because here’s
- [🕯️ The Truth About “Victimhood” as an Insult](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🕯️-the-truth-about-victimhood-as-an-insult/) - There is a lot going on in the world. But crimes against women—especially stalking, coercive control, and violence—don’t take time off. They don’t pause for elections, trends, or shifts in public attention. Every day, women across this country fight for safety, fight to be heard, and fight to be protected by laws that should already
- [How to Support Lesbian Friends in Abusive Relationships](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-to-support-lesbian-friends-in-abusive-relationships/) - As an advocate, you become familiar with the careful way that a woman tells you her story. She's testing your waters. Are you safe? Are you judgmental? Is your mind closed or limited to all the ways that domestic violence can play out in relationships? That's your choice of course. But if you are, she
- [🔁 Starting Over: A Sacred Act of Power, Not Failure](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔁-starting-over-a-sacred-act-of-power-not-failure/) - They don’t talk about how painful starting over can be.They don't talk about how holy it is either. Sometimes it doesn’t look like courage.It looks like sitting on the floor surrounded by bills and silence.It looks like crying over meals you used to share.It looks like filling out paperwork with shaky hands and no plan.
- [Domestic Abuse And Suicide Prevention: How To Help A Loved One](https://wesurviveabuse.com/domestic-abuse-and-suicide-prevention-how-to-help-a-loved-one/) - Heads up! This post comes from Michelle Peterson from RecoveryPride.org. Be very informed..... Domestic Abuse And Suicide Prevention: How To Help A Loved One Domestic abuse could affect up to one in three women during their lifetime, yet we still don’t know the full scope of partner abuse because only about half of
- [What the Olympic Boxing Debate Really Reveals About Gender, Power & Responsibility](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-the-olympic-boxing-debate-really-reveals-about-gender-power-responsibility/) - updated 2025 You know what truly angers and frustrates me about this Olympic boxing issue? It’s not just the debate—it’s the pattern. Whenever there’s a challenge involving identity, ability, or medical conditions, women are automatically expected to slide over, adjust, accommodate, and stay quiet about it. Be nice.Be friendly.Be gracious.Be “kinder.”Or else. If a woman
- [The Tender Hands the World Must Never Forget](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-tender-hands-the-world-must-never-forget/) - The Richard Speck murders had a deep and lasting impact on how America viewed women’s safety, personal security, and institutional responsibility, especially in urban settings and care-based professions like nursing. On July 13–14, 1966, Richard Speck broke into a townhouse in Chicago that served as a dormitory for student nurses from the South Chicago Community
- [Safe Father Figures: 5 Powerful Ways to Help Protect Children from Sexual Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/safe-father-figures-5-powerful-ways-to-help-protect-children-from-sexual-abuse/) - In a world where too many children face harm in silence, safe father figures—biological, step, chosen, or community-based—can be a powerful shield. When a child has at least one consistent, protective male figure who truly sees them and listens to them, that child is already safer. Here are five impactful, child-centered ways father figures can
- [Twice as Good Doesn’t Stop at the Boardroom](https://wesurviveabuse.com/twice-as-good-doesnt-stop-at-the-boardroom/) - Black Women Must Be Twice as Vigilant About Safety—Because We Are Rarely Given the Benefit of the Doubt We’ve heard it since childhood:“You’ve got to be twice as good for half as much.” We thought it only applied to school.To jobs.To professional spaces where we show up polished, practiced, and prepared to prove ourselves. But
- [Here He Is! The Man Who Started the Man vs Bear Debate Speaks](https://wesurviveabuse.com/here-he-is-the-man-who-started-the-man-vs-bear-debate-speaks/) - The debate around whether or not women would rather face a strange man in the woods or a bear took on a life of its own and the men are very angry. How could women choose a bear over a strange man? Of course they reasoned that women are "naive" "have no idea how vicious a bear can be""stupid,
- [Some of Us Refuse To Walk Back into Bondage Dressed as Progress](https://wesurviveabuse.com/some-of-refuse-to-walk-back-into-bondage-dressed-as-progress/) - Some folks treat danger like it’s a dare.They treat survival like it’s a thrill.They treat oppression like it’s a rollercoaster ride—they want to hop back on and drag you with them.But you, you didn’t get off that ride smiling. You got off wrecked. You got off bleeding. And the worst part?When the ride broke down,
- [Not All Prosecutors Are the Same: Why Survivors Must Look Deeper](https://wesurviveabuse.com/not-all-prosecutors-are-the-same-why-survivors-must-look-deeper/) - In Survivor Advocacy, Complexity Matters In today’s climate, it’s easy to fall into “for or against” narratives—especially when it comes to the justice system. Prosecutors, in particular, are often seen through a binary lens: either the villain or the hero. But when you’ve spent years walking alongside Survivors, listening to their stories, and fighting for
- [🕯️ For Those Who Never Reported: We See You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🕯️-for-those-who-never-reported-we-see-you/) - There are so many reasons Survivors don’t report.And not one of them makes your story less true. Some of you were children, trying to survive another day in a house that claimed to love you.Some of you were adults, told to hush for the sake of careers, churches, families, or reputations.Some of you didn’t have
- [When the World Misunderstands the Roots of “Choice”: A Survivor-Centered Look at Abuse, Neglect, and Prostitution](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-world-misunderstands-the-roots-of-choice-a-survivor-centered-look-at-abuse-neglect-and-prostitution/) - Too often, when the topic of prostitution or “sex work” comes up, the first question is: “Why did she choose that?”But I’ve been walking beside Survivors for over 30 years, and I’ll tell you this: that question is too small for a story this big. What people call “choice” is too often a cover for
- [Don’t Use Our History to Justify Our Endangerment](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dont-use-our-history-to-justify-our-endangerment/) - Jim Crow taught the world that Black girls and women existed to be used, violated, discarded. It wasn’t just about water fountains and buses. It was about making it legal and cultural to deny us safety, privacy, and rest. Anyone—no matter how “radical” they claim to be—who now says that Black women owe the world
- [Rosa Ingram’s Unyielding Courage: How Her Family's Struggle for Justice Changed History](https://wesurviveabuse.com/rosa-ingrams-unyielding-courage-how-her-familys-struggle-for-justice-changed-history/) - A Mother. A Defense. A Jim Crow Injustice. The story of Rosa Ingram and her two teenage sons, Haywood and George, is one of the most heartbreaking and revealing moments in the long fight against racial injustice in America. It is a story of how Black families were punished for surviving—and how the legal
- [Stop the Ahistorical Comparison: Jim Crow Was Violent, Girls’ Sports Does Not Have To Be](https://wesurviveabuse.com/stop-the-ahistorical-comparison-jim-crow-was-violent-girls-sports-does-not-have-to-be/) - This is so cruel. There’s a new talking point going around:That not allowing boys to compete against girls in sports is somehow the same as Jim Crow segregation. Let’s be absolutely clear: 👉🏾 Jim Crow was not about fairness. It was about domination.👉🏾 It wasn’t about inclusion. It was about exclusion, violence, and dehumanization.👉🏾 And
- [Sex-Based Boundaries Are NOT Jim Crow](https://wesurviveabuse.com/lets-not-confuse-two-different-struggles-jim-crow-and-sex-based-boundaries-are-not-the-same/) - Lately, we’ve seen more people comparing sex-based boundaries for women and girls (like in shelters, sports, prisons, bathrooms) to Jim Crow-era racial segregation. As a Black woman, I need to say this plainly:Those are not the same.And confusing the two does more harm to the most vulnerable than good. In fact, there is no good
- [🔥 "You Said I Look Like a Man? Let’s Break That Down."](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-you-said-i-look-like-a-man-lets-break-that-down-🔥/) - Subjective Much? “Looking like a man” is a subjective opinion, not a sacred truth.It reflects your perception, not my reality. Irrelevant. Entirely. Regardless of what you think you see, I will continue living my womanly life—With the expectations, labor, dangers, responsibilities, and systemic burdens uniquely and intentionally set up for female human beings.So again… who
- [Grief That Echoes: Honoring the Women Amiri Baraka Lost to Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/grief-that-echoes-honoring-the-women-amiri-baraka-lost-to-violence/) - There are wounds that don’t stop bleeding just because the headlines fade.There are names that deserve to be spoken with reverence—not only in tragedy, but in truth. We know Amiri Baraka by many names—poet, provocateur, father, revolutionary. A man who stirred fire in the bones of language. A man whose legacy is layered with brilliance,
- [What Is Agency—and What Does It Have to Do with Your Safety?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-is-agency-and-what-does-it-have-to-do-with-your-safety/) - ✨ You Hear It All the Time These Days: “Agency.” But What Does That Actually Mean? In conversations about trauma, healing, justice, and identity—we hear the word agency more and more. But when you’ve been through abuse, coercion, or long periods of being silenced, words like that can feel…abstract. So let’s make it plain. 🗣️
- [Unlearning Loyalty to Those Who Ask You to Lie](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unlearning-loyalty-to-those-who-ask-you-to-lie/) - “Power borrowed from fear never lasts" There comes a time when your soul grows too heavy to carry the weight of someone else's lies. At first, it felt like loyalty.Like love.Like duty.They told you it was protection.That silence meant honor.That bending the truth meant keeping peace. But let’s tell the truth now.It was never peace.
- [Survivor Q & A: What Do You Mean by "Sacred Castes" in Violence & Abuse? (video)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/survivor-q-a-what-do-you-mean-by-sacred-castes-in-violence-abuse-video/) - updated 2025 Below are 10 signs of a “sacred caste”—a group, ideology, or identity that becomes exempt from criticism, even when doing harm—especially when that harm threatens children’s safety. This framing draws on historical and modern patterns, and speaks directly to the danger of placing any group above accountability. These signs may apply in
- [Even When They Didn't Hear Your "No," You Still Deserve to Be Heard](https://wesurviveabuse.com/even-when-they-didnt-hear-your-no-you-still-deserve-to-be-heard/) - Sometimes the harm didn’t stop when you said no.Sometimes the people who should have protected you didn’t pause, didn’t question, didn’t care.And because they didn’t listen, you may have started to believe you weren’t loud enough. Clear enough. Strong enough.Or maybe that your “no” didn’t count at all. But beloved…You did say no.You did. Even
- [You Deserve Safety—Even When You’re Just Trying to Keep Going](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-deserve-safety-even-when-youre-just-trying-to-keep-going/) - Some of us were never told that we deserved to feel safe.We were told to keep going.To be strong.To not make a scene.To forgive.To forget.To move on. So we did.We pushed through exhaustion.We smiled when it hurt.We stayed in places that made us feel small, scared, or unsettled—because we didn’t think we had the right
- [Affirmations for Women Who Are Tired of Being Strong All the Time](https://wesurviveabuse.com/affirmations-for-women-who-are-tired-of-being-strong-all-the-time/) - Because you shouldn’t have to hold the whole world just to be loved, safe, or seen. 💬 For When You’re Exhausted from Holding It All Together: I am allowed to put the weight down. Resting is not weakness. It is wisdom. I do not need to earn rest with suffering. I am not a machine.
- [Reclaiming Autonomy: How Women Lose Control—And How to Take It Back](https://wesurviveabuse.com/reclaiming-your-power-recognizing-addressing-the-loss-of-personal-autonomy/) - 💡 Why This Matters Across history and in private moments, women have been stripped of personal autonomy.During wars, our bodies were battlegrounds.In cults, our individuality was erased in the name of obedience.In abusive relationships, control was disguised as love. It’s a story older than any one of us—and still too common today. But here’s the
- [The Manipulative Power of Changing Language](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-manipulative-power-of-changing-language/) - Her: I need a protective order. Judge: Did he actually say that he would kill you? Her: Well....no but he said, "That's okay I will take care of you once and for all." Judge: So he did not say that he would kill you. Protective order denied. "Why doesn't she just leave?" Language
- [Call Him What? When Abusers & Traffickers Demand to Be Named Something Special](https://wesurviveabuse.com/call-him-what-when-abusers-traffickers-demand-to-be-named/) - ✦ by WeSurviveAbuse.com In courtroom after courtroom, from high-profile celebrity trials to quietly buried local cases, a deeply disturbing pattern emerges:Abusers and traffickers often demand to be called certain names. Not just casually.Not playfully.But as a rule.As a requirement.As a form of domination. Whether it's “Daddy,” “Boss,” “Sir,” “King,” “Master,” or even a pet name
- [We Are Not the World’s Dumping Ground: The Sacred Art of Refusing Misplaced Blame](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-are-not-the-worlds-dumping-ground-the-sacred-art-of-refusing-misplaced-blame/) - Black women, how much of the world’s weight have you carried today? How many wounds have you stitched up that weren’t yours? How many fires have you put out while standing knee-deep in your own? How many sins have you been assigned that you didn’t commit? We know the pattern well. The world missteps, then
- [Ending the Brutality of Medical Racism Begins with Listening to Patients](https://wesurviveabuse.com/ending-the-brutality-of-medical-racism-begins-with-listening-to-patients/) - Choosing not to listen to and respond to the health needs of Black & brown persons is the primary driver of medical racism. Why Black Women Deserve Better in Healthcare—and in Words Many people who have experienced medical racism—especially Black women—describe the same pattern: "Unheard.""Talked over.""Dismissed.""Tossed aside.""Ignored." These are not just feelings. They’re warnings.
- [Don’t Erase Us to Include Others: The Cost of Confusing Oppressions](https://wesurviveabuse.com/5-truths-about-why-the-masculinization-of-black-women-is-not-transphobic/) - “Beware the man who calls you beast — he is preparing to be your cage or your butcher.” At We Survive Abuse, we speak truth — even when it’s uncomfortable — because Survivors deserve honesty and clarity. One thing we need to be clear about: Dehumanization of Black women is an old, well-documented form of
- [We Called It Rape Culture for a Reason. And That Reason Still Exists](https://wesurviveabuse.com/we-called-it-rape-culture-for-a-reason-and-that-reason-still-exists/) - There was a time when we named things clearly. We called it rape culture. Not to be provocative. Not to shock. Not to divide. But to survive. We used that term because it told the truth about what we were living through: A world where sexual violence was not just happening—but being enabled, excused, laughed
- [Unburdened: Breaking the Chains of Servitude and Reclaiming Rest for Black Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/unburdened-breaking-the-chains-of-servitude-and-reclaiming-rest-for-black-women/) - Breaking these chains requires a multi-layered approach that includes self-liberation, community support, and cultural shifts. Black women can break free from these harmful expectations by reclaiming autonomy, healing from internalized oppression, and setting new standards for how they are treated. 1. Reclaim Rest & Softness Without Guilt Reject the "strong Black woman" burden – Strength
- [When Men Define Womanhood: The Power, The Harm, and The Resistance](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-men-define-womanhood-the-power-the-harm-and-the-resistance/) - For centuries, men have claimed the authority to define what a woman is. From religious texts to medical books, from courtrooms to boardrooms, men have dictated the terms of womanhood—who qualifies, who doesn’t, and what the consequences are for those who dare to step outside their definition. But make no mistake—this has never been about
- [Why Does the Racist Masculinization of Women Obligate Us to Fight for Others—But Not the Other Way Around?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-does-the-racist-masculinization-of-women-obligate-us-to-fight-for-others-but-not-the-other-way-around/) - Remember when you were little and another kid hit you. Maybe you yelled back at the other kid. The adults would overhear the commotion and make both of you apologize to one another. Except, you didn't hit anybody so the response seemed unfair. Well this is worse. Adult Black women continue to be hit with
- [🌙 Future Faking: When Promises Become a Trap](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🌙-future-faking-when-promises-become-a-trap/) - Let’s talk about something a lot of Survivors don’t even know has a name—but once you see it, you can’t unsee it. It’s called future faking.And it’s one of the softest-sounding, most soul-draining manipulation tactics out there. 💭 What Is Future Faking? It’s when someone—often someone you love or trust—makes big, beautiful promises about the
- [10 Future Faking Abuse Statements Survivors Should Recognize and Trust Their Gut About](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-future-faking-abuse-statements-survivors-should-recognize-and-trust-their-gut-about/) - 10 Future Faking Abuse Statements “I’m going to get help—just give me a little more time.”Used to delay accountability and stop the Survivor from leaving. “Let’s have a baby… that’ll bring us closer together.”A way to bind the Survivor more tightly to the abuser through pregnancy or parenting. “Next year, I’ll finally take you on
- [When the System Calls It a Catfight: The Silencing of Black Lesbian Survivors](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-system-calls-it-a-catfight-the-silencing-of-black-lesbian-survivors/) - A Survivor-centered truth from an advocate who has witnessed too much silence Let’s tell the truth—because lives depend on it. I’ve worked with Survivors for over 30 years. Women from every background and every walk of life. And I’ve sat across from too many Black lesbian Survivors who were navigating something no one warned them
- [💣 Beauty as a Battlefield: When We Compete, They Win](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💣-beauty-as-a-battlefield-when-we-compete-they-win/) - Let’s tell the truth:This world wants women to be at war with each other. Not over justice.Not over safety.But over aesthetics. It’s no accident that we’re pitted against one another: Dark skin vs light Natural vs relaxed Big body vs small Loud vs quiet Modest vs sexy Young vs aging These are not just beauty
- [🔥 Self-Sourced Power: When the World Won’t Crown You, You Crown Yourself](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-self-sourced-power-when-the-world-wont-crown-you-you-crown-yourself/) - There comes a time in the life of every Survivor, every truth-teller, every woman who’s been underestimated, overlooked, or left to fend for herself—when she must look within and say: “I am the source. The fire is mine. The crown is mine. The power? It always was.” We grow up learning that strength must be
- [✨ Survivor Affirmations for the Women Who’ve Held Their Tongue Far Too Long](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✨-survivor-affirmations-for-the-women-whove-held-their-tongue-far-too-long/) - Let’s be honest. The people who critique dark-skinned Black women’s beauty?Often have deep gaps in their own appearance, character, and spirit that we could go in on—But we don’t. Not because we didn’t notice.Not because we can’t read a face, hear a tone, or clock a weak insult wrapped in fake concern.But because we are
- [When HR Doesn’t Protect You: What Survivors Deserve to Know](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💼-when-hr-doesnt-protect-you-what-survivors-deserve-to-know/) - Human Resources (HR) is often unreliable for sexual harassment victims—especially in systems where protecting the organization takes priority over protecting the people in it. This truth is painful, but it is necessary to name. Many Survivors step forward expecting care, only to be met with silence, delay, or betrayal. Let’s break down why this happens—and
- [When It’s No Longer Safe to Stay Attached](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-its-no-longer-safe-to-stay-attached/) - Move With a Flow That Honors You (inspired by your closing words—soft, powerful, rooted in survival and self-worth) We don’t always know what to call it when love starts to shift. When the words they use begin to sting just a little. (ok, a lot.)When what once felt like admiration turns into something twisted.When you
- [Why Body Safety for Black Women Must Include Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Reproductive Justice: Honoring Adriana Smith](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-body-safety-for-black-women-must-include-pregnancy-childbirth-and-reproductive-justice-honoring-adriana-smith/) - When we talk about Adriana Smith, especially online, we must remember: people around the world are entering this conversation from vastly different realities. In some countries, healthcare isn’t tied to employment.People with disabilities aren’t punished for needing care.The history of Black women being bred to build a nation doesn’t shape their daily lives. But here?
- [🎤 Survival, Sisterhood, and Triumph: Honoring Salt-N-Pepa Enter the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎤-survival-sisterhood-and-triumph-honoring-pepa-as-salt-n-pepa-enter-the-rock-roll-hall-of-fame/) - When Salt-N-Pepa burst onto the scene, they didn't just make music — they made space.Space for women's voices. Space for boldness. Space for honesty about love, heartbreak, desire, and survival. And now, as they are inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, it’s a moment to remember:This victory was hard-earned. This survival was
- [10 Powerful Facts About Hattie Canty – A Working-Class Warrior](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-powerful-facts-about-hattie-canty-a-working-class-warrior/) - Via social media, Attorney Ben Crump put me onto this amazing woman! Hattie Canty wasn’t born into power, money, or fame. She was a working-class Black woman who fought for justice, dignity, and fair pay for people like herself—hotel housekeepers, dishwashers, cooks, and janitors who kept Las Vegas running. Her story proves that struggling
- [🖤 Black Women Never Needed White Womanhood to Be Whole](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🖤-black-women-never-needed-white-womanhood-to-be-whole/) - “All women stand in their own magnificent uniqueness—white women, Black women, women across every land and lineage. Black women do not need to fight white women to be free; we need the freedom to define ourselves, not to be defined in opposition.” This post is a response to those who seek to weaponize and exploit
- [Great Re-Inventors: Eartha Kitt #courage #changeyourlife #comeback](https://wesurviveabuse.com/great-re-inventors-eartha-kitt-courage-changeyourlife-comeback/) - After being blacklisted in the United States in 1968, Eartha Kitt had several choices. She chose to find new doors and soar. Sometimes, doors that were once welcoming and always open to us, slam shut. Slam. Click. Lock. But we can choose to look for new doors. We can choose to walk through
- [Eartha Kitt: A Legacy of Growing Impenetrable Self-Worth and Standing on Truth & Justice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/eartha-kitt-a-legacy-of-growing-impenetrable-self-worth-and-standing-on-truth-justice/) - elink.io | See Original
- [🔥 Here’s How to Deal with Someone Who Always Chooses to Be Hurt](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-heres-how-to-deal-with-someone-who-always-chooses-to-be-hurt/) - When someone in your life always chooses to have hurt feelings, especially over things that aren’t intended to be hurtful, it can feel like walking through a minefield barefoot. You're always cautious, always adjusting, but never quite safe from their reaction. Let’s be honest: there’s a difference between being emotionally sensitive and weaponizing hurt feelings
- [7 Devastating Truths About the Atrocities Facing Women and Girls in Sudan (and Why the World Must Not Look Away)](https://wesurviveabuse.com/7-devastating-truths-about-the-atrocities-facing-women-and-girls-in-sudan-and-why-the-world-must-not-look-away/) - Women and girls in Sudan are facing unspeakable violence—sexual violence used as a weapon of war, mass displacement, and ethnic cleansing. These are not isolated tragedies. These are widespread, systemic, and urgent. The world cannot afford to remain silent. Here are 7 devastating truths you need to know: 1. Rape Is Being Used as a
- [🔥 We See the Lie. And We Will Not Be Silent.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-we-see-the-lie-and-we-will-not-be-silent/) - It is not hateful to say this out loud: The same laws that allow males to identify into women’s spaces—without any proof, process, or protection—are the same laws that make it legal for predatory men to follow women into restrooms, locker rooms, domestic violence shelters, hospital wards, prisons, changing areas, and anywhere else we once
- [🚨 Pregnancy Shouldn’t Be a Death Sentence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-pregnancy-shouldnt-be-a-death-sentence/) - Let’s tell the truth—pregnancy should never be a death sentence. But in the United States, the leading cause of death for pregnant and postpartum women isn’t a medical condition—it’s homicide. That means more pregnant women die from violence than from any single health-related complication. And the danger isn’t random. It’s often close. Intimate. Familiar. 💔
- [When the Body Wakes Up Fighting: Trauma, Anesthesia & Survival](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-the-body-wakes-up-fighting-trauma-anesthesia-survival/) - “My mouth had no words, but my body remembered everything.” There’s something we don’t talk about enough—not in hospitals, not in public, and certainly not in Survivor spaces. What happens when your body wakes up before the world expects it to?What happens when you metabolize anesthesia faster than average—and your trauma wakes up with you?
- [Is Face ID a Danger for Women in Abusive Relationships?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/is-face-id-a-danger-for-women-in-abusive-relationships/) - “Convenience shouldn’t cost you your safety.” We don’t always talk about this, but we should: Face ID (and other biometric features like fingerprint scans) can put women in danger—especially in abusive or controlling relationships. It’s marketed as secure. Seamless. Easy.But in the wrong hands, it becomes another way to invade your privacy, override your consent,
- [Thread Made Iconic: A Love Letter to Our Bodies and the Women Who Sew Beauty Into the World](https://wesurviveabuse.com/thread-made-iconic-a-love-letter-to-our-bodies-and-the-women-who-sew-beauty-into-the-world/) - My Granny used to take us to the sewing shop, her eyes scanning the rows of threads, fabrics, and patterns like she was looking at a shelf of dreams.Prom gowns. Wedding dresses. Church suits. Baby blankets.She could turn a girl's hope into a wearable miracle.With her hands. With her spirit. With her God-given vision. Without
- [When Chaos Is a Weapon: How Some Partners Use Crisis to Control You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-chaos-is-a-weapon-how-some-partners-use-crisis-to-control-you/) - And why you’re not “mean” for wanting peace It starts with a bad decision. Maybe a DUI.Maybe losing another job.Maybe a fight with the neighbors, or yet another bill they didn’t pay.And somehow, no matter what the mess is—you’re the one left to clean it up. Driving them around.Talking to their boss.Making excuses to the
- [Healing When Your Abuser Is Still Welcome at the Table](https://wesurviveabuse.com/healing-when-your-abuser-is-still-welcome-at-the-table/) - The betrayal no one wants to talk about—but every Survivor remembers. There’s a kind of betrayal that lives in the silence.In the sideways glances.In the excuses.In the celebrations and dinners and holidays where the person who harmed you still gets an invitation—and you’re expected to play nice. This isn’t just family drama.It’s a pattern—and it’s
- [🚩 When His Praise Requires Another Woman’s Demeaning: That’s Not a Compliment—That’s a Red Flag](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚩-when-his-praise-requires-another-womans-demeaning-thats-not-a-compliment-thats-a-red-flag/) - At first, you felt flattered.He spoke highly of you. Said you were different. Said you were “better” than the women of his own race. Smarter. Softer. More loyal. More attractive. More agreeable. And in a world where women are constantly fighting to be seen, heard, and respected—it felt good. At first. But here’s what’s so
- [⚠️ Sometimes Male Agitation Is Not Just a “Bad Mood”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⚠️-sometimes-male-agitation-is-not-just-a-bad-mood/) - It Can Be a Ramp-Up to Violence. Especially Against the Vulnerable. Too often, male agitation is brushed off.He’s “just stressed.”He’s “had a rough day.”“He didn’t mean it like that.” But let’s tell the truth: Male agitation—especially in someone already showing signs of emotional instability—is not something to ignore.It can be a red flag for escalating
- [💔 They’ve Been Ignoring Our Pain for Generations. But We Still Feel It.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-theyve-been-ignoring-our-pain-for-generations-but-we-still-feel-it/) - On yesterday there was a non-subtle outcry on at least one social media application calling for Black people to go to Los Angeles, California and get involved in the conflict between ICE, the National Guard, the military, and immigrants. Right now there are multiple cars on fire, humans being beaten, politicians in litigation, and it
- [Inclusion Includes Boundaries and Safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/inclusion-includes-boundaries-and-safety/) - Sometimes a mutual on social media posts something that makes you clarify your position even more. updated 2025 Sometimes a mutual on social media posts something that makes you clarify your position even more. I want to start by saying: I once enjoyed retro drag entertainment.I grew up watching shows like Bosom
- [🔥 Druella Jones (Aunt Jonas), Alabama, 1915: The Woman Who Lit A Fire Freedom Remembers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-druella-jones-aunt-jonas-alabama-1915/) - She lit a fire that freedom remembers. We don’t talk enough about her. Druella Jones, born into slavery under Thomas Ferrell in Alabama, did not wait for history to hand her liberation. She tried to set it ablaze. She lived through the Civil War. She lived through Emancipation. And by the time a camera captured
- [Why Setting Boundaries Feels Like Breaking Rules You Never Agreed To](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-like-breaking-rules-you-never-agreed-to/) - You finally speak up.You say, “I can’t do that.”You say, “I don’t feel safe.”You say, “That’s not okay with me.” And suddenly… it’s like you broke some secret law.People get cold. Defensive. Dismissive. Maybe even furious.All because you dared to protect yourself. But here’s the truth:You didn’t break the rules.You just stopped playing a game
- [Healing Alone Isn’t a Weakness—It’s a Sacred Survival Strategy](https://wesurviveabuse.com/healing-alone-isnt-a-weakness-its-a-sacred-survival-strategy/) - Some of us were raised in surveillance. Silence is sacred. Solitude is survival. There’s a rush these days—to gather, to circle up, to "process" everything together. And that can be beautiful. But too often, people—even healers—turn that rush into a scolding.A side-eye at the woman who pulls away. A judgment cast at the one who
- [The Manifestation of Emotional Abuse Can Alter Your Life? - Out Loud With Claudia Jordan](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-manifestation-of-emotional-abuse-can-alter-your-life-out-loud-with-claudia-jordan/) - “People think it’s easy to just leave a toxic relationship. But what they don’t see is how it starts. Just like Claudia said (on another show)—it begins with little things. You make small sacrifices, just to keep the peace. You adjust your tone, your schedule, your clothes, your smile. Not because you're weak—because you're trying
- [Claudia Jordan Opens Up About Her #MeToo Story and Defending Other Women | Cocktails with Queens](https://wesurviveabuse.com/claudia-jordan-opens-up-about-her-metoo-story-and-defending-other-women-cocktails-with-queens/)
- [❓ FAQ: Why Is It Sexist to Dismiss Women’s Boundaries and Need for Safety?](https://wesurviveabuse.com/❓-faq-why-is-it-sexist-to-dismiss-womens-boundaries-and-need-for-safety/) - Q: Is it really sexist to question or challenge women-only spaces? A: Yes. Dismissing, undermining, or demanding access to women-only spaces—especially when women express safety concerns—is a form of modern sexism. It sends the message that women’s lived experiences, boundaries, and safety needs are less important than men’s desires or feelings. ✳️ Definition of Sexism
- [🚫 It Violates Women’s Boundaries: Abuse Disguised as Entitlement](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚫-it-violates-womens-boundaries-abuse-disguised-as-entitlement/) - Women create boundaries to survive.To heal.To stay alive. Whether it’s women’s shelters, bathrooms, sports teams, support groups, or spiritual spaces, these boundaries are not about exclusion—they’re about protection. So when men ignore those boundaries, minimize them, or demand access in the name of "progress" or "inclusion," it’s not allyship.It’s entitlement.It’s abuse. ❗ This Is Not
- [Male Predators Are Male: Why Language Matters for Survivor Justice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/male-predators-are-male-why-language-matters-for-survivor-justice/) - There is a dangerous misconception that rape is simply about lust or uncontrolled sexual attraction. This is false. Rape is about power and control. It is about domination, humiliation, and the stripping away of another person’s autonomy. Rape Is an Act of Violence While it involves sexual acts, rape is not about attraction or passion.
- [🛑 Stop Saying “Men Wouldn’t Go That Far to Abuse Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-stop-saying-men-wouldnt-go-that-far-to-abuse-women/) - Please stop telling Survivors that "men wouldn’t go through the trouble of dressing up as women just to abuse women." We’ve heard it too many times. We’ve heard it from people who mean well, and we’ve heard it from people trying to gaslight us. But here’s the truth:Men have gone through great lengths—carefully, deliberately, and
- [10 Truths About Grooming: What It Is and What It Is Not](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-truths-about-grooming-what-it-is-and-what-it-is-not/) - Grooming is a word we hear often, but too many people still misunderstand what it truly means. That misunderstanding can lead to silence, shame, and even misplaced blame on survivors. It can also create confusion when people falsely equate grooming with simply having an age gap in a relationship. So, let’s set the record straight.
- [7 Ways People Manipulate: Recognizing and Resisting Control](https://wesurviveabuse.com/7-ways-people-manipulate-recognizing-and-resisting-control/) - Ain't nothing new under the sun. Manipulation is one of the oldest tools of control, and Gavin de Becker’s framework outlines the ways predators and abusers use it to gain power. When we recognize manipulation for what it is, we take back our agency, our choices, and our strength. At We Survive Abuse,
- [When Silence is Taught, Suffering is Inherited: How Childhood Conditioning Sets the Stage for Abuse](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-silence-is-taught-suffering-is-inherited-how-childhood-conditioning-sets-the-stage-for-abuse/) - Some lessons aren’t written in books.Some are taught in the hush of a disappointed glance, a side eye when you spoke up, punishment for being a naturally curious little human, the weight of words never spoken. "Be nice.""Don’t be so sensitive.""Other people have it worse.""Stop crying before I give you something to cry about." These
- [The Silent Scream: Women Murdered by Their Gay or Bisexual Husbands, and the World's Indifference](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-silent-scream-women-murdered-by-their-gay-or-bisexual-husbands-and-the-worlds-indifference/) - The real problem is violence, especially, a very specific strain of violence that seems destined to remain unanalyzed and unprevented. Violence against women and children. Our sincere condolences to the family and loved ones. elink.io | See Original
- [🚩 Red Flag: When Someone Is Offended by Your Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚩-red-flag-when-someone-is-offended-by-your-boundaries/) - Pay attention. If someone—a person, a group, a movement, a “friend,” a partner—gets angry, offended, or manipulative because you’ve set a boundary… That is your sign. Not to explain yourself.Not to shrink.Not to soften the edge.But to raise the boundary even higher and step back completely. 🔥 Why? Because people who honor you… Don’t need
- [It Wasn’t Rejection. It Was Redirection to Your Own Power](https://wesurviveabuse.com/it-wasnt-rejection-it-was-redirection-to-your-own-power/) - There was a time when you stayed in places that dimmed you.In love that drained you.In conversations where your truth had to whisper.In relationships where you had to be smaller to be tolerated. You called it love.You called it loyalty.You called it “trying.” But now? You call it what it was:A pattern of proving your
- [The Media Is Teaching Women to Be Silent About Violence. Even Women in Media.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-media-is-teaching-women-to-be-silent-about-violence-even-women-in-media/) - We need to name it. The media—mainstream and social—isn't just failing to protect women.It's teaching us to be quiet.To question ourselves. To shrink.To smile through what we know is wrong. Even women in media have joined this campaign of silence. They don’t need to use slurs.They just shake their heads.They finger-wag.They write think pieces that
- [Predators Don’t Play by the Same Rules](https://wesurviveabuse.com/predators-dont-play-by-the-same-rules/) - There’s something deeply dangerous about how we’re taught to think about harm—and especially about the people who cause it. We’re told:“If someone was really that bad, wouldn’t we know?”“If they did that to you, why didn’t I ever see it?”“That doesn’t sound like the person I know.” But here’s the truth that too many refuse
- [Healing Hurts—and It Hurts for a Long Time](https://wesurviveabuse.com/healing-hurts-and-it-hurts-for-a-long-time/) - Everyone wants to talk about healing like it’s a tidy process.A quick fix.A checklist.A makeover. But here’s the truth Survivors know too well: Healing hurts.And it doesn’t just hurt a little—it can hurt more than what you’re healing from.And it can hurt for far longer than anyone tells you. 🩸 The Truth About the Healing
- [You’re Not Failing—You’re Feeling](https://wesurviveabuse.com/youre-not-failing-youre-feeling/) - A post for Survivors who mistake emotional struggle for regression So often, when the tears come back, when the triggers resurface, when the grief grabs you by the throat again, the first thought is: “I must be going backwards.”“I thought I was better than this.”“Why am I still not over it?” But what if you're
- [Healing Changed Me—And Some People Only Loved the Version of Me Who Didn’t Know Her Worth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/healing-changed-me-and-some-people-only-loved-the-version-of-me-who-didnt-know-her-worth/) - A post for the Survivor who’s outgrowing relationships built on their silence, sacrifice, and self-erasure There’s a version of you they liked better. The one who didn’t speak up.The one who apologized first—every time.The one who bent, folded, and made herself small to keep the peace.The one who tolerated their disrespectbecause you hadn’t yet remembered
- [Who Leaves When You Start Healing](https://wesurviveabuse.com/who-leaves-when-you-start-healing/) - They don’t always leave when you’re breaking.Sometimes they leave when you start putting yourself back together. Healing has a way of revealing who was there for you—and who was only there for your silence. 🚪 Who Leaves? The ones who liked you better when you said yes to everything, even at your own expense. The
- [🔥 Dating Preference Policing Is Real — And It’s Disrespectful](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🔥-dating-preference-policing-is-real-and-its-disrespectful/) - “Why are you still single?”“You need to lower your standards.”“You're too picky.”“You’re too old/fat/educated to be asking for that.” We hear it over and over again.But let’s call it what it is: Dating Preference Policing. It’s the tired, controlling attempt to shame women out of their own desires, dreams, and discernment.As if a woman’s joy
- [🎯Weaponized Hypotheticals Are Not Harmless — They’re Punishment for a Woman’s Freedom](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🎯weaponized-hypotheticals-are-not-harmless-theyre-punishment-for-a-womans-freedom/) - Weaponized HypotheticalsDefinition: When people—often men—create imagined stories about a woman’s love life (“She probably dates losers”) to mock, shame, or discredit her for making her own choices. It sounds like:“Bet she dates bums though.”“She’s probably into toxic men.”“She friend-zoned a good man and picked a project.”“I’m sure she’ll regret this when she’s older.” But let’s
- [🚨 Fear-Based Manipulation Isn’t Love—It’s Control Dressed as Concern](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-fear-based-manipulation-isnt-love-its-control-dressed-as-concern/) - Fear-Based ManipulationDefinition: Using hypothetical threats or worst-case scenarios to control or limit a woman’s autonomy. It rarely sounds like outright abuse.More often, it sounds like “advice.”It sounds like “looking out.”It sounds like a concerned voice masking calculated control. 🔍 What it looks like in real life: “You don’t know what he’s really doing when you’re
- [⚠️ They Know. And Still, They Point You Toward the Danger.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⚠️-they-know-and-still-they-point-you-toward-the-danger/) - Understand this: When men tell you—warn you—joke with youabout how men operate… When they say things like: “Men are dogs.”“He’s probably cheating already.”“If he hasn’t hit you yet, he will.”“All men lie, you just have to choose which lie you like.”[laughs] “That’s just how men are.” And then…still push you to choose it.Still tell you
- [⚖️ The System May Not Bring Closure—But You Still Have a Right to Choose](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⚖️-the-system-may-not-bring-closure-but-you-still-have-a-right-to-choose/) - Let’s tell the truth:You may not find closure in the American justice system.Many Survivors don’t.Some find more harm.More dismissal.More delay.More erasure. As someone who served for years as a court advocate for victims of domestic violence, rape, stalking, and child abuse, I can say what many of us know deep down: This system was not
- [When Black Women Say No: The Punishment Is Public](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-black-women-say-no-the-punishment-is-public/) - "If I can’t have her love, I’ll go to war against her peace" Some men don’t just move on when Black women say no.They retaliate. They don’t just go date someone else.They craft a narrative.They log online.And they begin the punishment. “Black women are too angry.”“Too masculine.”“Too independent.”“That’s why I date outside my race.” Let’s
- [📣 A Hard Truth: You Do Not Have to Play the Role They Assigned You](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📣-a-hard-truth-you-do-not-have-to-play-the-role-they-assigned-you/) - Let’s begin here:You are not required to play a role in someone else’s story just because they’ve written you into it.Not as the forgiving one.Not as the supportive and understanding woman to harmful males.Not as the long-suffering partner, the silent daughter, the peacekeeper, the healer, the example, the redemption arc. You can be whoever you
- [Centering Safety: Honoring the Right to Request Female Carers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/centering-safety-honoring-the-right-to-request-female-carers/) - Some things should never be controversial.A disabled woman or girl requesting a female caregiver should not be met with outrage, mockery, or moral judgment. And yet—All too often, women with disabilities are labeled “difficult,” “hateful,” “hard to accommodate,” or even “delusional” when they set this boundary. They are made to feel like a burden.A problem.An
- [Dignity Is Not Bitterness: Elder Women Deserve Safety, Too](https://wesurviveabuse.com/dignity-is-not-bitterness-elder-women-deserve-safety-too/) - Aging should not mean surrendering safety.Growing older should not mean losing the right to be heard, respected, or protected. And yet—Too many elder women are dismissed, mocked, or ignored when they express basic needs: “I want a female caregiver.”“I don’t feel comfortable with this man in my space.”“He hurt me.” Instead of being honored, they
- [How Predators Use Technology to Target You and the People You Love](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-predators-use-technology-to-target-you-and-the-people-you-love/) - Awareness Times like these are ripe for awareness..... New technology always requires new laws to stop those who want to turn anything into a tool to violate the vulnerable. No sooner than it was common to have a computer in the home, with internet access no less, we had people using this great invention to:
- [It Won’t Stop Until Everyone Steps In—Including Men](https://wesurviveabuse.com/it-wont-stop-until-everyone-steps-in-including-men/) - Violence and abuse don’t just happen in a vacuum. They happen in a world that stays silent, makes excuses, or shrugs its shoulders when it should rise up. And here's the hard truth:Most of the violence in this country is committed by men. We don’t say that to shame. We say it to tell the
- [Detachment Is Not Coldness—It’s Protection](https://wesurviveabuse.com/detachment-is-not-coldness-its-protection/) - They told you to go back.To be patient.To “love him through it.”To pour water on a man who doesn’t grow, doesn’t change, doesn’t offer safety, doesn’t even acknowledge your pain. But here’s the truth they don’t want you to say out loud:Water does nothing for fake flowers. They may look the part.Smile for the camera.Wear
- [Respect Is Supposed to Be Mutual—But Women Know Better](https://wesurviveabuse.com/respect-is-supposed-to-be-mutual-but-women-know-better/) - Respect is supposed to be mutual.But you wouldn’t know that if you listened to today’s men speak. Somehow, women are expected to earn it, perform for it, suffer in silence for it, prove why we deserve it.Meanwhile, men just… exist—and claim they’re owed our trust, our space, our submission, and our silence. And the moment
- [⚖️ How Alternative Justice Can Mimic Harmful Forgiveness Pressure](https://wesurviveabuse.com/⚖️-how-alternative-justice-can-mimic-harmful-forgiveness-pressure/) - We live in a world where speaking out against violence—especially violence against women and children—should be a righteous act. A protected act. A respected one. But too often, it isn’t. And disturbingly, the same silence that once came from courts, families, schools, faith communities, and other institutions is now echoing inside movements meant to protect
- [🚨 When Power Imbalances Are Ignored—and Victims Get Hurt](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-when-power-imbalances-are-ignored-and-victims-get-hurt/) - In schools, faith communities, workplaces, and even families, efforts to keep the peace often ignore the power imbalance between abusers and Survivors. But when one person holds control through fear, manipulation, or violence, there is no balance—and pretending there is can cost lives. These are the spaces where power is often misused or covered up,
- [🛑 We don’t negotiate safety](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🛑-we-dont-negotiate-safety/) - ⚖️ Some Things Are Black and White Yes means safety.No means protection. Clear, certain, unapologetic boundaries are not cruelty.They are care—especially for the vulnerable. In a world that loves loopholes and excuses, bold boundaries say:“You will not harm here.”“You will not twist the rules to suit power.”“You will not step over the line just because
- [💔 Period Poverty: 12 Surprising Facts You Were Never Told](https://wesurviveabuse.com/💔-period-poverty-12-surprising-facts-you-were-never-told/) - Every day, around the world—including in wealthy nations like the U.S.—girls and women are suffering in silence simply because of their periods. They are missing school. Skipping meals to afford pads. Facing infections. Feeling humiliated. Period poverty is the lack of access to affordable, safe menstrual products and hygiene resources.And it is a justice issue.A
- [“Why All Women Deserve to Be Heard When Speaking About Violence and Abuse—Not Just the Powerful”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-all-women-deserve-to-be-heard-when-speaking-about-violence-and-abuse-not-just-the-powerful/) - For many men, all of life is a measuring contest.Who has more. Who is stronger. Who commands the most followers, the highest salary, the biggest platform.And too often, that mindset infects everything—including who is believed, who is heard, and who gets to speak about harm. In this world, the right to speak about violence and
- [When Men Encourage Boundary Violations, Women Pay the Price](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-men-encourage-boundary-violations-women-pay-the-price/) - Why It’s Wrong—And Sometimes Criminal—for Men to Overrule a Woman’s “No” In every corner of society—online and offline—there’s a dangerous pattern we must name: Men encouraging other men to override the boundaries, voices, and spaces of women. Whether it’s telling a friend to “go for it” when a woman clearly said no...Pressuring their way into
- [Period Huts: 10 Disturbing Facts You Didn’t Know About This Harmful Practice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/period-huts-10-disturbing-facts-you-didnt-know-about-this-harmful-practice/) - Why Women and Girls Deserve Safety, Not Isolation, During Their Periods In many parts of the world, menstruation is still treated as something shameful—something to hide, isolate, and silence.One of the most extreme examples of this is the continued use of period huts—small, often unsafe structures where girls and women are forced to stay during
- [When Women Say No: Why Men Mocking Our Boundaries Is a New Low](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-women-say-no-why-men-mocking-our-boundaries-is-a-new-low/) - We Are Protecting Our Bodies, Not Asking for Permission There’s something deeply broken and dangerous happening in the public square. Women and girls—Survivors, athletes, mothers, daughters, elders—are saying no to males in our spaces.No to being watched, measured, ignored, or replaced.No to silence. No to forced accommodation.No to being told we have no right to
- [Weaponized Moralism: The Silence That Screams](https://wesurviveabuse.com/weaponized-moralism-the-silence-that-screams/) - They call it compassion.But only when it protects male access. They call it justice.But only when women are asked to surrender boundaries. They call it hate,when women say no with their whole chestand mean it. But where are these loud voices when girls in shelters are silenced? Where are they when disabled children are hidden
- [You See Our Blackness, But Not Our Bruises](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-see-our-blackness-but-not-our-bruises/) - We are not just Black.We are not just women.We are Black women—and we need care, health, and safety. You don’t get to claim you care about justiceif disabled children, silenced girls, and war-torn mothersdon’t count because their healing would cost you comfort. You don’t get to use our magic,our music,our memes,our voices—but ignore our cries
- [📵 Why So Many Social Media Platforms Are Against Naming Harm](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📵-why-so-many-social-media-platforms-are-against-naming-harm/) - Let’s tell the truth:Most major social media platforms are not safe spaces for truth-tellers.Especially when that truth involves naming abuse, calling out violence, or standing with Survivors who have been hurt by powerful people or systems. They say they support “safety.”They say they believe in “free speech.”But what they really mean is:“Keep it soft. Keep
- [Surviving Stalking: It’s Surviving a Terror Campaign](https://wesurviveabuse.com/surviving-stalking-its-surviving-a-terror-campaign/) - You just can't even imagine. That’s not a cliché. That’s a fact. Unless you’ve lived it—being stalked, pursued, hunted—you don’t know what it’s like to be someone’s obsession. Stalking isn’t romantic.It’s not about love.It’s not “just a crush” or someone “not getting over you.” It’s a terror campaign. And the goal?To break you down.To wear
- [It Doesn’t Take Long: When Obsession Turns Deadly After Just a Few Dates](https://wesurviveabuse.com/it-doesnt-take-long-when-obsession-turns-deadly-after-just-a-few-dates/) - By Tonya GJ Prince | WeSurviveAbuse.com Some people believe that stalking only happens after long, intense relationships. They think, "Oh, she must’ve been with him for years."“Maybe he just couldn’t let go.”“There must be a deeper story.” But the truth is far more terrifying—and far more common. It doesn’t take long. Sometimes, just a couple
- [Access + Entitlement = Danger: What’s Really Putting Black Women and Girls at Risk](https://wesurviveabuse.com/access-entitlement-danger-whats-really-putting-black-women-and-girls-at-risk/) - There’s a dangerous math we don’t talk about enough: Access + Entitlement = Vulnerability to Violence. And Black women and Black girls?We are on the frontlines of that equation every single day. Not because we are weak.Not because we are naïve.But because the world has conditioned people to believe they have the right to reach
- [E. Lynn Harris: The Visionary Black Author Who Gave Us Stories We’d Never Seen—But Always Needed](https://wesurviveabuse.com/e-lynn-harris-the-visionary-black-author-who-gave-us-stories-wed-never-seen-but-always-needed/) - Long before mainstream platforms embraced diverse stories, he was doing the work. Out of the trunk of his car. In beauty salons. With Black women as his first and fiercest readers. Before the world caught up to the conversations he dared to write, E. Lynn Harris was already telling the truth. He wrote our complexities—Black,
- [Why Women Protect Single-Sex Spaces—Even from “Nice Guys”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/why-women-protect-single-sex-spaces-even-from-nice-guys/) - Women aren’t being mean. We’re being wise. We’ve learned—through generations of harm—that safe spaces must be protected. Not just in theory. But in practice. Here’s why we keep our single-sex spaces for women only: 1. “Nice guys” don’t make spaces safer.Safety doesn’t come from having men around who seem kind.It comes from knowing there are
- [✅ False Solidarity: When Institutions Use Guilt to Silence Women and Families](https://wesurviveabuse.com/✅-false-solidarity-when-institutions-use-guilt-to-silence-women-and-families/) - I'm a fangirl of unity too, but only authentic unity. Unity takes real work. Not B.S. in a box where you add water and serve it to people. They say they care about inclusion.They say they care about mental health.They say they care about safety. But when women, Survivors, and families raise real, specific, urgent
- [You Can Love People and Still Set Firm, Protective Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-can-love-people-and-still-set-firm-protective-boundaries/) - They’ll tell you that love means saying "yes".That love means flexibility.That love never closes a door. But love without boundaries?That’s not love.That’s surrender.That’s self-erasure. And you were not created to disappear in the name of compassion. Here’s the truth they don’t often tell you: ✅ You can love someone and still say: “You cannot speak
- [Being Protective Is Good: Why You Don’t Have to Choose Between Kindness and Boundaries](https://wesurviveabuse.com/being-protective-is-good-why-you-dont-have-to-choose-between-kindness-and-boundaries/) - In today’s world—especially in progressive spaces—many women are made to feel that if they truly care about human rights, they must stay quiet about their own safety concerns. You're told: “Be kind.” “Be understanding.” “Be open.” “Don’t be divisive.” But what they’re really saying is: Don’t speak up about what makes you uncomfortable. Don’t question
- [When Media Protects Abuse, It Makes the World Unsafe for Everyday Women](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-media-protects-abuse-it-makes-the-world-unsafe-for-everyday-women/) - We’ve said it before:What happens in media doesn’t stay in media. When journalists, commentators, celebrities, and influencers: Mock women who speak about harm Call Survivors “hateful,” “jealous,” or “crazy” Stay silent while powerful men harm women Normalize violence with soft language, comedy, or nostalgia …it doesn’t just damage headlines.It damages lives. Because when you frame
- [When They Say You’re ‘Not So Innocent’—You Still Deserve Justice](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-they-say-youre-not-so-innocent-you-still-deserve-justice/) - How to Stay Safe When You're Judged Instead of Believed In the quiet corners of our communities, there are Survivors who never got justice—not because there wasn’t harm, but because someone decided they weren’t “innocent enough” to deserve it. Maybe she fought back.Maybe she was loud, or angry, or didn’t cry in the “right” way.Maybe
- [The Question Was Safety—The Answer Was Shame](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-question-was-safety-the-answer-was-shame/) - She didn’t ask for special treatment.She didn’t ask for a platform, a parade, or a prize. She asked for safety.That’s it. That’s all. But the answer? Shame. Ridicule. Silence. Gaslighting. Not just from strangers. But from peers. From institutions. From the very people who claim to care. This is what women are met with when
- [The Real Fallout of Ignoring Women’s Warnings](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-real-fallout-of-ignoring-womens-warnings/) - When women speak, we are not guessing.We are remembering.We are connecting dots.We are drawing from lifetimes of warning signs ignored. So when the world silences women—and especially when high-profile women in media join in that silencing—the damage cuts deeper. Because we expected more. We expected you to listen, not lecture.To uplift truth, not parrot talking
- [Visibility Isn’t Safety. And Representation Isn’t Protection.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/visibility-isnt-safety-and-representation-isnt-protection/) - We were told more women in power would mean more safety for all women.We were told that when women rise, we all rise.But too many of us are still in danger—and now, some of the harm is coming from those who look like us. Let’s speak the truth: More women in media, in politics, on
- [🛑 Summer Safety Alert: Predators Count on Your Distractions—Don’t Let Them](https://wesurviveabuse.com/how-to-get-your-children-summer-ready-to-avoid-sex-offenders/) - Yes, it’s summer again. And while many of us are focused on camps, cookouts, rest, and routine changes—some people are focused on your children.I’m talking about predators—those who harm children.This is their season.I know. I’ve seen it. Up close. When school lets out, children scatter: Visiting relatives Bouncing between shared custody homes Joining summer
- [📚 Language Is Power. Categories Shape Policy and Perception.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/📚-language-is-power-categories-shape-policy-and-perception/) - Oppression is not only carried out with fists, laws, and locked doors.It is carried out with words. Words that erase.Words that confuse.Words that sanitize violence.Words that make it easier to ignore the people most harmed. That’s why they fight so hard over language.Because language determines what becomes real in the eyes of power. 🏛️ If
- [🧱 You Don’t Have to Build the House to Set the Fire:](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧱-you-dont-have-to-build-the-house-to-set-the-fire/) - The Truth About Harm Within Oppressive Systems Some people argue:“I didn’t build the system. So I can’t be responsible for the harm it causes.” Because our unique position in society—being both Black and women—gives us a front-row seat to how power works across race, gender, class, and more. We are often expected to stay silent
- [🖤 12 Ways Black Women Are Harmed When Men Weaponize Oppressive Systems](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🖤-12-ways-black-women-are-harmed-when-men-weaponize-oppressive-systems/) - 🖤 1. Demanding Grace While Denying Ours Black women are often expected to extend endless empathy, understanding, and forgiveness—especially to Black men navigating racism, trauma, or systemic stress. But when Black women express pain, need support, or set boundaries, they are met with mockery, blame, or silence. This imbalance reflects the very systems that require
- [🏛️ What Rural Women Need from Policymakers](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🏛️-what-rural-women-need-from-policymakers/) - My professional advocacy work in domestic and sexual violence began in racially and economically diverse rural areas. Rural women experiencing domestic violence face unique, compounded challenges—yet policy responses rarely account for these barriers. If we want to truly protect all Survivors, we need bold, inclusive, and localized action. Here’s what rural women need from political
- [Black Pride Is Not a Mask for Violence](https://wesurviveabuse.com/black-pride-is-not-a-mask-for-violence/) - We talk a lot about Black pride.We wear it.We speak it.We teach it to our children—so they walk with their heads high in a world that too often tries to bow them down. But we must tell the truth: Black pride is not real if it comes at the cost of silence around violence. It
- [When It’s Not Pride: 11 Ways Violence Against Black Women Hides Behind “Black Pride”](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-its-not-pride-11-ways-violence-against-black-women-hides-behind-black-pride/) - We lift up Black pride as sacred—a celebration of survival, brilliance, resilience, and the sacredness of our people. But pride without protection? Pride that silences the harmed to shield the powerful? That’s not pride. That’s betrayal. Here are 11 ways violence against Black women and children continues unchecked, disguised as community pride—and why we must
- [🚨 Listen Closely. Believe Them.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🚨-listen-closely-believe-them/) - Too many people overlook this. We want to believe that people are better than what they show us. But I urge you today:Listen—really listen—to people who empathize with abusive people. Not just the abuser’s mama, best friend, or lawyer.I mean anyone who consistently centers the pain, the reputation, the redemption arc of a person who
- [🧩 REARTICULATION: When the System Repackages Harm in New Clothes](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧩-rearticulation-when-the-system-repackages-harm-in-new-clothes/) - WARNING TO THE LOVING, THE NURTURING, THE HEALERS: The systems we fight do not always come with burning crosses or slurs. Sometimes, they show up as funding proposals, friendly slogans, or new "reform" laws. Sometimes they speak the language of care. That’s how rearticulation works. Power does not always destroy itself—it reshapes. It reinvents itself
- [🧭 QUESTIONS TO DETECT REARTICULATION IN ACTION](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧭-questions-to-detect-rearticulation-in-action/) - 1. Who is this “solution” really for? Does it center women and girls, or just placate the powerful? Who is being protected, and who is being managed? 2. What kind of harm is being renamed instead of removed? Are words like "rehabilitation," "empowerment," or "accountability" masking punishment, control, or surveillance? 3. Is this reform designed
- [🧩 The Price of Silence: Black Women, Coercive Control, and the Hidden Costs of "Unity"](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧩-the-price-of-silence-black-women-coercive-control-and-the-hidden-costs-of-unity/) - There is a kind of violence that doesn’t leave bruises.A kind that hides behind charm, culture, tradition, “community.”A kind that preys on the idea that Black women are unbreakable. "Unrapeable". Unworthy of protection. It’s called coercive control—and Black women and girls are uniquely vulnerable to it. 🕊️ Why? Because from birth, we are often taught
- [🧨 The Dangerous Oversight in Some "Alternative Justice" Conversations](https://wesurviveabuse.com/🧨-the-dangerous-oversight-in-some-alternative-justice-conversations/) - In the push for restorative or alternative justice, one painful reality is too often left behind: 👉🏾 Victims have a right to safety. Not imagined safety.Not theoretical safety.Not “community-accountability-if-everyone-agrees” safety. Real. Physical. Emotional. Psychological. Safety. And too often, alternative justice frameworks miss the mark entirely. 🔥 What’s Missing: Violence escalates.It almost never de-escalates on its
- [When Your Strength Makes Them Angry](https://wesurviveabuse.com/when-your-strength-makes-them-angry/) - Some people will try to make you feel like you did something wrong just for standing in your own power. You say no.You speak up.You leave.You choose peace.You protect yourself. And suddenly, they’re angry. Why? Because some people—especially abusers—don’t want you to have power over your own life.They don’t want partnership, truth, or healing.They want
- [Systems Often Fail to Protect Autonomous People](https://wesurviveabuse.com/systems-often-fail-to-protect-autonomous-people/) - We’re often told:“If you just speak up…”“If you leave…”“If you fight back…”“If you call the police…”“If you file a report…” ...then you’ll be safe.You’ll be believed.You’ll be protected. But for far too many people—especially women, Black women, poor women, disabled women, immigrants, and girls—that’s not the truth. They do speak up.They do walk away.They do
- [Some “Justice Movements” Are Enabling Harm Against Women and Children. We Need to Talk About It.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/some-justice-movements-are-enabling-harm-against-women-and-children-we-need-to-talk-about-it/) - Not every movement that says it stands for “justice” is safe for women and children. Some of them mean well. Some don’t.But too many of them are protecting abusers. Here’s how: They talk about forgiveness, but not safety. They talk about second chances for abusers, but not survival for the people they harmed. They push
- [Erin Justice: The Worst That Could Happen](https://wesurviveabuse.com/erin-justice-the-worst-that-could-happen/) - Women and girls do not always survive rape. Erin Justice was a teen being jointly raised by both of her parents. Erin notified police that after coming home from track practice her step-father, Laurence Lovejoy had sexually assaulted her. elink.io | See Original
- [You Weren’t Difficult. You Were Just Finally Done Pretending It Didn’t Hurt](https://wesurviveabuse.com/you-werent-difficult-you-were-just-finally-done-pretending-it-didnt-hurt/) - They called you difficult.Unreasonable.Too sensitive.Hard to love. But what they really meant was:You stopped making it easy for them to mistreat you. You stopped laughing at disrespect.You stopped minimizing the way your needs were ignored.You stopped letting people weaponize your kindness, your silence, your fear of being alone. You stopped betraying yourself to keep the
- [Take a Look at WHO Is Being Killed by Guns](https://wesurviveabuse.com/take-a-look-at-who-is-being-killed-by-guns/) - Who needs a war? Who needs expensive weapons if genocide is what you desire most? Just give everyone and anyone a gun anytime they want it. No additional funding for easy access to therapy. No additional funding for housing. No additional funding for health care. No additional funding for life. No additional funding for
- [What History Taught Us About Joining Hands Too Quickly](https://wesurviveabuse.com/what-history-taught-us-about-joining-hands-too-quickly/) - The phrase “we should all fight together because we are all minorities” can be aspirational and hopeful. But history teaches us—repeatedly—that without explicitly defining terms, roles, and shared principles of justice, these coalitions often fracture under the weight of unacknowledged power imbalances, racial hierarchies, and unspoken exclusions. When labor is demanded before clarity, equity, or
- [The Door Closes When You Choose Their Violence Over My Truth](https://wesurviveabuse.com/the-door-closes-when-you-choose-their-violence-over-my-truth/) - (Including the violence you want me to stop talking about.) There’s a particular kind of betrayal that Black, Indigenous, and other racially marginalized Survivors know too well: The kind where we’re invited into spaces of “healing” and “unity”…—but only if we don’t bring up race.Only if we don’t mention enslavement, colonization, genocide, or displacement.Only if
- [Start Your Own, Even If It’s Small. Because Truth Needs a Home.](https://wesurviveabuse.com/start-your-own-even-if-its-small-because-truth-needs-a-home/) - Let’s tell the truth that so many are scared to say: They keep claiming they want real voices,diverse creators,truth-tellers,legacy wisdom. But until social media and other internet platform owners prioritize integrity inside their own ranks,they’ll keep driving away the very people who could turn these platforms into sanctuaries of trust. Because we are not chasing
- [10 Sacred Truths for Black Women Who Are Tired of Carrying the World](https://wesurviveabuse.com/10-sacred-truths-for-black-women-who-are-tired-of-carrying-the-world/) - 1. You are not a beast of burden.The world will try to make you one. It will pile its sins, mistakes, and unhealed wounds onto your back. Refuse. You were not created to carry what does not belong to you. 2. Your exhaustion is valid.You are not “too sensitive.” You are not imagining things. You
- [“But Is It Abuse?” — The Quiet Ways Harm Hides in Plain Sight](https://wesurviveabuse.com/but-is-it-abuse-the-quiet-ways-harm-hides-in-plain-sight/) - Every day, people ask themselves:"Is this abuse?" Because sometimes the harm doesn’t leave bruises.It doesn’t scream.It doesn’t break doors or raise fists. Sometimes abuse wears a smile.Sometimes it sounds like a joke.Sometimes it hides in compliments, silence, or soft threats no one else can hear. So let’s say this clearly:Abuse is any pattern of behavior

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