Back in 2016 this post was inspired when a very famous celebrity publicly blamed how young girls dress for males in schools being sexually tempt
We thought they were right
Some of us were children when an older girl told us that it was “normal” to play with each other in a way that left us devastated.
Some of us were children when a group of older boys told us it was “normal” for boys and girls to play in a way that left us devastated.
Some of us were children when an adult told us it was “normal” to physically show love to one another in a way that left us devastated.
They were wrong
When We Believed Them
Some of us were children when an older girl told us that it was “normal” to play with each other in a way that left us devastated.
Some of us were children when a group of older boys told us it was “normal” for boys and girls to play in a way that left us devastated.
Some of us were children when an adult told us it was “normal” to show love physically in a way that left us devastated.
We thought they were right.
When We Knew They Were Wrong
- We figured out the truth when:
- We started having nightmares.
- We wet the bed long after we should have stopped.
- Our stomach ached every week, even when no one else had the flu.
- We felt scared and lonely all the time.
- Or a pediatrician found a sexually transmitted infection—inside a child.
We had a feeling all along. Something didn’t feel right. Something felt wrong.
But children don’t always know how to name wrong.
What Children Do Not Know
Children don’t know whether Santa Claus is real.
Children don’t know whether the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy are real.
And yet you want to hold them accountable for knowing what is “normal” sexual behavior?
Of course children do not know.
But here’s what’s shocking: how many adults don’t know either.
What Adults Do Not Teach
Think about it. People came to schools to teach us how to brush our teeth.
They came to talk about fire safety. (Remember Stop, Drop, and Roll?)
They came to talk about birth control.
But no one came to talk about healthy sexual interaction.
No one came to talk about sexual violence.
Families rarely discuss it. Faith communities often avoid it altogether.
So adults grow up without the knowledge—and without the courage to go find it.
Victim Attire
Now, let’s talk about clothing—because this, I know about.
Many of us were wearing layers. Too many clothes, in fact. And the people who intended to harm us? They simply took those clothes off.
In those days, it was still a big deal for a girl to look a “girl“, and a boy to look like a “boy“. It all seemed dumb to some of us. But it was what it was.
Still, I couldn’t wear any skirts that flared when you twirled around. No wardrobe malfunctions allowed. I wore clothes that had a prim and proper look to them.
See back then, how you looked wasn’t just a reflection of you. It was also a reflection on your family. How you looked, told everyone whether you were from a “good” family and home. A good family and home didn’t necessarily mean wealth, it meant having good morals, values, and being hard-working.
When I was raped, I was wearing what most children wore in the 1970s:
Turtlenecks
Rompers
Bell bottoms
Corduroy maxi skirts
Thick tights
My mother even sewed most of my clothing on her machine. I wanted denim jeans and a T-shirt. My mother said no.
To her, how I looked wasn’t just about me—it was a reflection of my family’s “good values.”
Still, even in those “good girl clothes,” I was raped by someone my family trusted.
The Truth
Hear me clearly: It doesn’t matter what a victim wears.
Short skirt. Long skirt. Layers upon layers.
One of my worst memories is being taken out of layers of prim and proper clothing—layers my mother lovingly dressed me in for warmth that day.
I was raped that day.
By someone my mother thought she could trust.
They. Do. Not. Care.
Stop Pretending Predators Have Standards
Please stop pretending that predators leave their “prey” alone if the clothing is modest enough.
That’s a fantasy. That’s a horror movie script.
Real life is uglier.
If you think the cut of a child’s shirt or the length of her skirt can prevent sexual violence, you sound just like predators. You are repeating their words for them.
Because predators say things like:
“She was alone.”
“She was vulnerable.”
“She was easy prey.”
And too often, we believed them—because we didn’t know what we know now.
Now That We Know
It is not about clothing.
It is about people who see vulnerability and choose to exploit it.
It is about people who know how to look you in the face, shake your mother’s hand, and then take her child into the dark.
It is about people who do not care about layers, morals, or family values.
Please—whatever you’re reading this on—use it to learn the truth about sexual violence.
Because ignorance is not harmless. Ignorance costs children their safety, their trust, and too often, their lives.
And ignorance? It is a choice.