When we talk about male violence, we must confront a harsh reality: some men develop insecure and unhealthy attachments to women. In the

When we talk about male violence, we must confront a harsh reality: some men develop insecure and unhealthy attachments to women. In their world, women do not exist beyond the roles of caretakers, supporters, and problem-solvers. These men do not see women as full, autonomous individuals but rather as people responsible for:

👩🏽‍🍳 Feeding them when they are hungry
👔 Ensuring their clothing is clean, ironed, and presentable
👂🏾 Listening to their problems
⚔️ Fighting their battles
🛠️ Solving their issues

This is not a partnership—it’s an unbalanced, one-sided dependency that mirrors the care given to a toddler 👶🏽, not an adult relationship of mutual support.

For some men, rejection feels like the end of their existence. They don’t just fear loneliness—they fear survival itself. Without a woman managing their lives, they feel helpless, unmoored, even nonexistent. Their sense of identity is so entangled with female labor that they struggle to function independently.

⚠️ We saw this play out in the tragic case of Antoinette Chase, who was murdered by her husband of 20 years, Spencer Chase. May she rest in peace. ⚘

🚻 When Women Are Expected to Absorb Male Fear and Violence

Women and girls are constantly asked to bear the consequences of male violence—even when men themselves acknowledge that they fear other men.

Consider the ongoing battle over restroom safety. 🚻 Women and young girls 👧🏾 are expected to accept the risks of sharing private spaces with males—because some men do not feel safe among their own kind.

When women assert their right to safety, they are labeled “hateful” or even “violent” 💢. But why is it that women and girls must absorb the risks of male aggression?

🧠 Enmeshment and the Erasure of Women’s Autonomy

Every day on social media, Black women call out misogyny, only to be told that male suffering is equal or greater. The pattern is undeniable:

Women’s health concerns? 🏥 Men must be included, whether by control or direct participation. From forced sterilizations to experiments on enslaved women to men legislating women’s reproductive rights—female autonomy is never fully respected.
Women’s history? 📜 There’s always a narrative trying to erase or redefine women’s accomplishments, even claiming historical women were actually men.

Enmeshment fosters these distortions. It is a relationship dynamic where one person’s identity is absorbed into another’s, making it impossible to exist separately. Women are not seen as independent human beings with unique struggles but as extensions of male existence, expected to center men’s needs at all times.

🔓 Breaking Free from Enmeshment

I know the suffocating grip of enmeshment firsthand. I used to lose myself in relationships—forgetting my own preferences, voice, and autonomy. It took therapy 💬, faith ✨, and intentional unlearning to reclaim my sense of self. Now, I embrace deep connections but reject enmeshment.

If you’ve ever felt like your identity was swallowed by someone else’s expectations, you know how harmful this dynamic can be. Enmeshment erodes individuality, fosters low self-esteem 💔, and fuels anxiety, depression, and toxic relationships.

🚀 The Path Forward

Women do not exist to carry the emotional, physical, and psychological weight of men. Our humanity is not conditional upon how well we serve others. It’s time to recognize enmeshment for what it is—a silent but powerful force that perpetuates male violence and keeps women trapped in cycles of sacrifice and subjugation.

If you are struggling with enmeshment, seek support. Therapy, boundary-setting, and self-awareness are vital tools for breaking free.

💡 We deserve relationships built on mutual respect, not dependency and control. 💪🏾❤️

See the story of Antoinette Chase who was murdered by her husband of 20 years, Spencer Chase. May she RIP.⚘⚘

Minister Stuns Maryland Courtroom by Confessing to Murdering His Wife

Antoinette Chase: ‘Murder Calls’–Sinister Minister Spencer Strangled Wife Dead

Part 2 __________________________________________________________________________________________

Enmeshment and Women’s Health and Safety

Not one day goes by on social media where Black women are not noting misogyny only to be told that, “actually it is also hate against males too.” Manipulation and deceit.

There have always been males, heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual alike, who do not see women as separate and individual people. This is how you arrive at global misogyny being so commonplace. This planet hasn’t had a full day without violent misogyny being common.

We do not have our own health problems unique to the female anatomy unless males can share in that too. Or at least have control and domination over women’s unique reproductive system. Forced sterilization, experimenting on slave women without anesthesia, demanding that males have legislative power and voice over what other women do with their own bodies…..

Remember: “Women don’t own periods.”

Enmeshment is a term used to describe a relationship in which two people are excessively involved in each other’s lives, to the point that they lose their sense of individuality. If you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship, you may be familiar with this. I used to have a bad habit of completely losing myself in relationships.

I would forget that I was a whole entire being before I ever met this other person. I had my own preferences for music genres, art, personal style, sleep style, ….the whole setup.

I had to get help from therapists and my faith community to resolve that issue.

I had to unlearn an unhealthy attachment style and learn a much healthier attachment style that allows me to be the free-spirited me that I love being.

I enjoy very close connections but not enmeshments. In an enmeshed relationship, one person may feel like they are constantly being controlled or manipulated by the other person, and they may feel like they have no space or privacy of their own. This might even see-saw back and forth as both parties work to maintain the enmeshment or bond.

Enmeshment in Non-Intimate Partner Relationships

Enmeshment can happen in non-intimate partner relationships. Enmeshment is a type of dysfunctional relationship where the boundaries between two people are blurred and their identities are fused together.

Negative Consequences of Enmeshment

Enmeshment can be a very damaging type of relationship. It can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression. It can also make it difficult for people to develop healthy relationships with others.

Loss of individuality: People who are enmeshed in relationships may lose their sense of individuality. They may start to feel like they are no longer their own person, and they may feel like they are constantly being controlled or manipulated.

Low self-esteem: People who are enmeshed in relationships may have low self-esteem. They may feel like they are not good enough for their partner, and they may feel like they need to constantly please their partner to be loved.

Anxiety and depression: People who are enmeshed in relationships may experience anxiety and depression. They may feel like they are constantly being watched or judged. They may also feel like they can never do anything right.

Relationship problems: Enmeshment can lead to several relationship problems, including conflict.

If you are in an enmeshed relationship, it is important to seek help from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can help you to develop a sense of individuality, to learn how to set boundaries, and to communicate more effectively with others.