12 Burdens Growing Up In Dysfunctional Families Teaches You to Accept-and Why We Must Reject Them

In dysfunctional families and abusive relationships, women are often asked—no, expected—to tolerate things that should never be tolerated. These

In dysfunctional families and abusive relationships, women are often asked—no, expected—to tolerate things that should never be tolerated. These are acts of survival masquerading as love, loyalty, or duty.

But we are not here to merely endure. Despite what this world teaches, that is not the birthright of women and girls.

We are here to thrive.

Let’s name these expectations and burdens for what they are and reclaim our power.

1. “That’s Just How They Are”

You’re told to accept someone’s hurtful behavior—whether it’s criticism, manipulation, or coldness—because it’s “just their personality.” No, their inability to respect your feelings isn’t your burden to carry. People can change if they want to, but their growth is not your responsibility.

2. The Family Scapegoat

In many families, there’s that one person—the one who’s always blamed, no matter what. Often, it’s the little child who doesn’t know everything but knows that something about how people are being treated is not fair or right.

If you’re tired of being the family’s emotional punching bag, know this: it’s not you. It’s them refusing to face their own unhealthy patterns and dysfunction.

3. “Forgive and Forget”

You’re pressured to forgive repeatedly, even when there’s no genuine apology, no accountability, and no change. Forgiveness without boundaries is not noble—it’s an invitation for more harm. Your peace is worth more than their comfort.

4. Silencing Yourself to Keep the Peace

You’ve learned to bite your tongue, swallow your pain, and say “It’s fine” when it’s anything but fine. Keeping the peace should not cost you your voice. Speak, even if your voice shakes.

5. Tolerating Financial Exploitation

Whether it’s a partner draining your resources or a family member guilting you into paying their bills, this isn’t love—it’s control. You have the right to protect what you’ve worked hard for, no matter how much they try to shame you.

6. Accepting Public Humiliation

Snide remarks in front of others. Teasing you about past missteps. Being talked down to. Having your accomplishments dismissed. You’re told not to make a fuss, to “let it go.” “You make too much of a big deal of things.”

But no one has the right to make you feel small. Your light deserves to shine, unapologetically.

7. “Don’t Rock the Boat”

You’re expected to let things slide—to avoid conflict, keep the family together, or prevent your partner, father, mother, siblings, or other extended family from getting angry. The burden of regulating the emotions of others is not on you.

Every time you stay silent, you shrink yourself to fit their comfort. You teach yourself more lessons on remaining silent through pain, discomfort, and even danger. Your truth matters, even if it makes crashing waves.

8. Being the Caretaker, Always

You’re expected to give, give, give—your time, your energy, your love—without ever receiving in return. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Caring for yourself is not selfish; it’s survival.

9. Excusing Physical Intimidation

“Sure, they hit the wall instead of you.” “They just grabbed your arm; it wasn’t that serious.” But violence—whether it lands on you or not—is a red flag that cannot be ignored. You deserve to feel safe. My safety is a requirement and a priority. The End.

10. Accepting Gaslighting as Normal

You’re told you’re “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “making things up” when you call out harmful behavior. This is gaslighting—a deliberate attempt to make you doubt your reality. In dysfunctional homes, you learn to listen to the voices and tone of the footsteps of others just for your own survival. Now it is time to listen to YOU. Trust yourself. Your feelings are valid.

11. Sacrificing Your Dreams

You’re told that your dreams are “unrealistic” or “not as important as family obligations.” You work hard to blend in. To “go along to get along”. Unfortunately, the most manipulative people among us search for and target those who have been conditioned this way. Remember, your dreams are part of who you are, and anyone who truly loves you will cheer for you to succeed, not impede your progress.

12. “It’s Just Family”

Perhaps the most insidious lie is that you must tolerate abuse because “it’s family.” Blood does not justify harm. Love is about respect, trust, and care—not DNA. You have every right to walk away from people who hurt you, family or not.