Female Health and Safety Archives - WESurviveAbuse

Malcolm X Wisdom: When Lies Become the Environment, Safety Disappears

Tonya GJ Prince — Sun, 29 Mar 2026 18:23:20 +0000

Malcolm X said : “A lie told once is questioned. A lie repeated often enough becomes accepted.

And once it becomes ‘common sense,’ people stop investigating it. That is how deception survives.” ~ Malcolm X

Malcolm X taught us that truth is part of the infrastructure of safety.

A lie doesn’t survive because it’s believable.
It survives because it’s repeated, protected, and made convenient.

And once it settles in, it starts doing something dangerous.
It starts reordering what people think matters.

Children’s safety no longer matters.

Women’s safety no longer matters.

Safety no longer matters.

Harm gets reframed as “misunderstanding”

Violence gets softened into “conflict”

Boundaries get labeled as “overreaction”

Truth gets buried under debates that never needed to exist.

The people who see it get labeled as “hateful”.

Here is what the people telling the lies know:

A lie repeated enough doesn’t just survive.
It becomes the environment.

So the work becomes very clear, even when people make it hell:

name harm plainly
refuse softened language that protects it
keep the focus on safety, not comfort
repeat truth just as consistently as lies have been repeated

Because truth also survives through repetition.

And when truth is repeated with clarity and courage, it does something lies can’t do.

It restores order.

It puts the focus back where it belongs:

Protection.
Dignity.
Safety.

https://wesurviveabuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/20260329_zoomafrika1_2037975576418353303_1.mp4

Shared by @zoomafrika1

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Not Minor, Not Temporary: The Lasting Impact of Male Violence on Women’s Bodies

Tonya GJ Prince — Fri, 27 Mar 2026 01:16:09 +0000

“What is dismissed in a moment
can echo for a lifetime.”

There was a time I didn’t fully understand this.

I knew violence was wrong.
I knew it caused harm.
But I did not yet understand how often that harm was minimized, explained away, or treated like something a woman should simply “get past.”

Then I sat with women.

I listened.
I watched what happened after the moment everyone else moved on.

And I learned something that does not leave you once you see it:

Women are living with injuries people keep calling “minor.”
Women are carrying damage that was never taken seriously enough to treat properly.
Women are trying to function through pain that was dismissed at the very moment it mattered most.

Some are not the same again.

Some are navigating memory loss, chronic pain, vision changes, difficulty speaking or eating—while being told nothing serious happened.

Some were sent home without answers.
Some were told they were overreacting.
Some never received care that matched what their bodies had endured.

And some did not survive.

That is the part people avoid.

We have built entire systems that can innovate, fund, and rapidly respond when certain male bodies are affected.
But when it comes to violence against women—especially injuries that do not present neatly or dramatically—there is still hesitation, dismissal, and delay.

Not a lack of intelligence.
Not a lack of capability.

A lack of urgency.

This post is not written from theory.
It is written from witness.

Because what is minimized in a moment
does not disappear.

It lives on in women’s bodies.

1. Head injuries are often dismissed as “minor” — but they are not.
A single blow can cause traumatic brain injury (TBI), even without loss of consciousness. Many women are sent home without proper evaluation.

2. Repeated blows increase the risk of long-term brain damage.
Memory loss. Difficulty concentrating. Personality changes.
These are not “mood issues.” They are neurological injuries.

3. Vision damage can happen instantly and permanently.
The eye socket is fragile.
Women have lost vision from one strike and were later told it was “unlikely.”

4. Jaw fractures change daily life in ways people don’t see.
Eating becomes painful. Speaking becomes difficult.
Healing can take months — and sometimes never fully resolves.

5. Neck injuries can affect the entire body.
The neck carries signals between brain and body.
Damage here can lead to chronic pain, dizziness, and loss of coordination.

6. Internal injuries are frequently missed in early exams.
Swelling, bleeding, and organ damage may not show immediately.
Women are often told they are “fine” before symptoms fully appear.

7. Chronic pain is a common long-term outcome.
Years later, many women still live with migraines, nerve pain, and physical limitations.
This is not temporary harm. It reshapes daily life.

8. Medical professionals sometimes minimize women’s reports of pain.
Women are statistically less likely to have their pain taken seriously.
Black women, in particular, face higher levels of dismissal and disbelief.

9. Psychological effects are directly tied to physical injury.
Brain trauma can affect emotional regulation.
What gets labeled “anxiety” or “overreacting” may be injury-related.

10. Family and community responses can deepen the harm.
When women are not believed or are told to “move on,”
they are left to manage both injury and isolation.

11. Delayed care leads to worse outcomes.
The longer injuries go untreated or undertreated,
the more likely they become permanent.

12. One act of violence can create a lifetime of consequences.
This is not about a single moment.
It is about years of impact — on the body, the mind, and the course of a woman’s life.

Professional Responsibility

Take all reports of injury seriously
Document thoroughly and accurately
Avoid assumptions based on presentation or demeanor
Recognize patterns of cumulative harm
Understand that absence of visible injury does not equal absence of harm

Minimization is not neutrality.
It is a decision with consequences.

WeSurviveAbuse.com | Professional education grounded in lived reality
Supporting informed, responsible, and responsive care

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How We Stack Burdens on Women and Girls: “Can We” Is Not the Same as “Should We”

Tonya GJ Prince — Wed, 25 Mar 2026 13:19:24 +0000

There is a question people ask often.

“Can we?”

Can we do this.
Can we allow that.
Can we push this boundary further.

It sounds reasonable.
It sounds neutral.

But it isn’t.

Because “can we” is about permission.
It’s about what is technically allowed.

And too often, it skips over something far more important.

The Question We Keep Avoiding

Not can we.

Should we.

Should we move forward with something
that increases risk for women and girls?

Should we normalize ideas
that make it harder for women to name harm clearly?

Should we keep expanding boundaries
without stopping to ask who absorbs the impact?

Because Someone Always Pays

Decisions are not abstract.

They land somewhere.

And more often than not,
they land on the bodies, safety, and lives of women and girls.

The girl who is told to ignore what feels wrong
The woman who is expected to “be understanding”
The one who is asked to carry discomfort quietly
so others don’t have to feel challenged

This is not new.

What’s new is how often it’s dressed up
as progress.

Ability Is Not Responsibility

Just because something can be done
does not mean it should be done.

Just because something is possible
does not mean it is safe.

And just because a line can be crossed
does not mean women and girls should be the ones
expected to live with what happens next.

A Grounded Standard

Before any change moves forward,
there is a question that deserves to be asked—clearly, without rushing past it:

Who benefits?
Who is placed at risk?
Who is expected to adjust, endure, or stay quiet?

If the answer continues to be women and girls,
then the conversation is not complete.

A Survivor-Centered Truth

Women and girls are not the testing ground
for ideas that have not been fully considered.

We are not the margin of error.
We are not the silent cost.

Affirmations

I am allowed to question what is being asked of me.

I do not accept harm simply because it has been normalized.

My safety is not negotiable.

I am not here to absorb the consequences of decisions I did not make.

The question was never just “can we.”

The question is—and has always been—
“who pays for it if we do?”

— WeSurviveAbuse.com | Survivor Affirmations | Tonya GJ Prince

Retired police chief says Layton officer was ‘over invasive’

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What “Just Say No” Taught Us About False Solutions

Tonya GJ Prince — Mon, 23 Mar 2026 11:56:07 +0000

There was a time when America believed a slogan could solve a crisis.

The Just Say No campaign told people:

Just say no to drugs.

Simple. Clear. Repeatable.

And it failed, failed, failed. Then wakes up in the morning and fails again.

People were substances to the point of self harm and wearing t-shirts that said “Just Say No” on the front.

Because the problem was never that simple

People were not using drugs because no one told them not to.

They were navigating:

pain
poverty
pressure
trauma
environment
lack of access to opportunities (intentionally placed obstacles)

A slogan could not touch any of that.

Because the campaign didn’t address:

why people turn to substances
how environment shapes behavior
what support systems are missing
how trauma and instability play a role

It did not ASK the people, their families, the communities, or healing and treatment providers on the frontlines …..enough questions.

And we are at risk of repeating that same mistake

Today, the conversation sounds different, but the pattern feels familiar:

“If we remove porn, women will be safer.”

It sounds decisive.
It feels like action.

But it is still a surface-level solution to a layered problem.

We Do Not Defend Porn

Let that be said clearly.

We see harm.
We see exploitation.
We see distortion.

But we are not going to pretend that removing content removes the mindset behind it. We have been here before.

If porn disappeared tomorrow,
women would not suddenly be safe and out of range of destruction.

Because the danger was never just the content.
The danger is the mindset carried into the world.

Because we have already seen this play out

“Just Say No” focused on desired outcomes.
while ignoring the conditions that produced it.

And when the conditions remained,
the behavior adapted.

The same risk exists here

If porn disappeared tomorrow, but nothing else changed—

entitlement to women’s bodies
expectation of access
disregard for “no”
lack of consequences for harm (especially if the judge believes he/she is looking at a “bright future”. As if the victim was not.)

—women would not suddenly become safe.

This is because the belief system would still be intact.

This is the part we cannot afford to skip

Safety is not created by removing one outlet.

It is created by confronting:

power
control
permission
accountability

Across homes.
Across institutions.
Across cultures.

Especially for the women most often overlooked

Because surface solutions rarely reach:

women who are poor or come from a background where poverty was reality
women with disabilities
women across the Black diaspora
women from many Asian cultures
Indigenous women and girls
women taught to endure quietly
elderly women and young women too
women whose cultures taught them to carry pain quietly
women whose “strength” has been used as an excuse to deny them care
girls sent from one home to be a “wife” to a far too old man in another.
girls held down and mutilated without anesthesia for the benefit of some man in the future.
girls sent to period huts because they are menstruating.

If safety only improves for some,
then it has not been built. Constructed. With a framework and everything.

It has been rationed.

What actually makes women safer

Not slogans.
Not avoidance.
Not reduction alone.

But transformation:

teaching that “no” is final
removing the expectation of access (for each and every male)
listening when women speak
respecting boundaries without punishment
enforcing consequences for harm

Across all communities.
Not just the visible ones.

The truth we already learned once

We’ve already tried solving deep problems with simple slogans.

It didn’t work then.

It will not work now.

The real issue is what some men (and women) believe they are entitled to

Access to women’s bodies
Control over women’s choices
Authority over women’s lives
The right to ignore “no”
The expectation that women should absorb harm and violence quietly

Porn can reflect these beliefs.
It can amplify them.

But it did not invent them.

“You don’t solve harm with a slogan.
You solve it by changing the conditions that allow it.

**Content warning (some descriptions of abuse that may be upsetting)

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🎯Weaponized Hypotheticals Are Not Harmless — They’re Punishment for a Woman’s Freedom

Tonya GJ Prince — Wed, 11 Mar 2026 00:38:18 +0000

updated from June 9 2025

Weaponized Hypotheticals
Definition: When people—often men—create imagined stories about a woman’s love life (“She probably dates losers”) to mock, shame, or discredit her for making her own choices.

It sounds like:
“Bet she dates bums though.”
“She’s probably into toxic men.”
“She friend-zoned a good man and picked a project.”
“I’m sure she’ll regret this when she’s older.”

But let’s call it what it is:
A tactic.
A covert form of misogyny.
And a tool used to strip women of dignity and decision-making power—without ever knowing their actual story.

💢 Why it’s harmful:

These made-up scenarios don’t come from facts.
They come from resentment, rejection rage, and deep-seated entitlement.
They publicly question a woman’s intelligence, judgment, and worth.
They’re meant to punish her for daring to choose something—or someone—else.

⚠️ And make no mistake:

This behavior is not limited to one type of man.

Men of all races, classes, religions, and sexual orientations engage in this.
Many who claim to be allies still harbor the belief that a woman choosing differently is a personal offense.
And yes—some women repeat these stories too.
- They mock other women.
- They support the ridicule.
- They cheer on the shaming—sometimes to win approval, sometimes out of internalized misogyny.

📌 Let’s be honest:

None of this is meant to uplift women.
None of this is meant to support women.
None of this is about our well-being, our safety, our joy, or our freedom.

It’s about control.
Punishment.
And silencing.

🌀 Survivor Affirmation:

“They wrote fake stories about her to control the real one.
But she stopped listening to strangers who never loved her joy in the first place.
She’s writing this chapter herself—and it’s nothing like their fiction.”

📣 To all the women tired of being talked about like a cautionary tale:

Your life is not a morality play.
Your choices are not evidence in someone else’s ego battle.
You do not exist to prove a point.Create Link

You are not obligated to correct their fantasy.
You are allowed to live your truth boldly, joyfully, and on your own terms.

https://wesurviveabuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/The-Question-in-Search-of-Where-Violence-Against-Women-is-Acceptable.mp3

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When Words and Actions Don’t Match: Why Women Must Trust What People Do, Not Just What They Say

Tonya GJ Prince — Tue, 10 Mar 2026 11:36:18 +0000

For years now, a message has echoed across schools, workplaces, and social media campaigns:

Be kind.
Be nicer.
Be more understanding.
Be more compassionate.

On the surface, kindness is a beautiful value. Many women already live by it. Women raise children, care for elders, nurture communities, volunteer, mediate conflicts, and hold families together.

Yet something strange happens when we look closely at who these campaigns are aimed at.

The message so often lands squarely on the shoulders of women and girls.

Women are told to soften their tone.
Women are told to be more patient.
Women are told to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Meanwhile, a simple reality sits quietly in the background:

Across nearly every country on earth, males commit the overwhelming majority of violent crimes — including homicide, assault, and sexual violence.
This is documented consistently in global crime statistics.

And yet the cultural pressure continues to fall on women to be nicer.

Not safer.
Not wiser.
Not more discerning.

Nicer.

At some point, women begin to notice the gap between what people say and what people actually do.

Words are easy.

Behavior tells the truth.

This is the wisdom behind the feeling so many women carry when they hear songs like “I Can’t Believe What You Say.”

Because every woman eventually learns the lesson hidden in that lyric:

Sometimes a person’s mouth tells one story, while their actions tell another.

And when that happens, actions deserve our attention.

Watching Actions Instead of Apologies

Women have long been trained to listen to explanations.

He didn’t mean it.
He’s just stressed.
He’s going through something.
He didn’t understand.

But explanations cannot erase patterns.

A pattern of disrespect.
A pattern of intimidation.
A pattern of manipulation.
A pattern of violence.

Kindness should never require women to ignore reality.

True kindness begins with truth.

A Different Kind of Kindness

Women are not the least compassionate people on earth. Quite the opposite.

But compassion without boundaries becomes permission.

And permission is exactly what harmful people rely on.

So perhaps the message women need is not “be kinder.”

Perhaps the message is:

Be wiser.
Be observant.
Be rooted in truth.

Kindness that protects life is sacred.

Kindness that silences women is something else entirely.

Affirmations Inspired by I Can’t Believe What You Say

Let these words settle where they need to.

• I trust what people do, not just what they say.

• I honor the wisdom that rises in my body when something feels wrong.

• My awareness is not cruelty. It is clarity.

• I no longer confuse politeness with safety.

• My discernment is a form of protection.

• Words without consistent action no longer persuade me.

• I am allowed to step back when behavior contradicts promises.

• I recognize patterns early and respond with wisdom.

• I am not responsible for maintaining comfort around harmful behavior.

• My kindness will never require me to abandon my safety.

• I listen carefully to actions, because actions reveal truth.

• My intuition has survived more than doubt ever will.

A Quiet Shift

Something powerful is happening in many women right now.

A quiet shift.

Women are beginning to observe more carefully.
Listen more closely.
Trust their instincts sooner.

Not because they have become less kind.

But because they have become more awake.

And awakening always begins the same way:

A woman stops arguing with reality.

She watches.

She notices.

And she finally believes what she sees.

Closing Reflection

When words and behavior disagree, the truth is never hiding in the sentence.

It is always visible in the pattern.

And women everywhere are learning to read those patterns with clear eyes.

Survivor Affirmations
WeSurviveAbuse.com

….I am closed to any prompting, pushing, or persuading around “being kind”.

I am a kind person who LOVES doing for others, but people prompting or trying to persuade me, is now officially a red flag.

Go sell it on a big male mountain somewhere. They could use more kindness campaigns over there.

The post When Words and Actions Don’t Match: Why Women Must Trust What People Do, Not Just What They Say appeared first on WESurviveAbuse.

When Girls’ Boundaries Are Rebranded as “Hate” (featuring Boundary Setting video from Dr. Tracey Marks)

TGJP — Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:19:00 +0000

updated from November 5, 2022

“You know good and well that a boundary never did a damn thing to you.

But a male has every potential to AND be excused for doing it.

Because he is a male.

Tale as old as time.”

Tonya GJ Prince

We are living through a time when children—especially girls—are being taught something deeply dangerous:

That having boundaries is “hate.”

That discomfort is “hate.”

That asking questions is “hate.”

And that girls should silence their instincts in order to prove they are “good” or “inclusive.”

That lesson is not kindness.
It is conditioning.

And it puts girls at risk.

Girls Are Being Told to Override Their Own Safety Instincts

Across schools, online spaces, and public conversations, many girls are receiving the same message:

If you feel uncomfortable, you are the problem.

If you question a situation that involves privacy, nudity, or personal space, you are hateful.

If you want to understand what is happening so you can assess your safety, you are intolerant.

In other words:

No questions allowed.
Just be quiet and deal with it.

For any child—especially a girl learning to navigate the world—this is an extremely dangerous lesson.

Safety begins with awareness.
Awareness begins with questions.

Discomfort Is Not Hate

Even in traditional spaces like locker rooms, many girls and women have never felt fully comfortable being partially or fully nude around others.

That reality has always existed.

Some women are modest.
Some have experienced past violations.
Some simply prefer privacy.

None of that is hatred.

The expectation that women and girls must feel comfortable being partially nude, fully nude, or emotionally exposed in front of another person—no questions asked— is not compassion.

It is coercion.

When someone demands your comfort without your consent, that is not inclusion.

That is pressure.

And pressure around bodies and boundaries has always been a warning sign.

This Pattern Is Not New

History is full of moments where girls were told:

Don’t question authority
Don’t make others uncomfortable
Don’t create conflict
Don’t embarrass anyone

In other words: don’t defend yourself.

Millions upon millions of women carry memories of what happened when their discomfort was ignored, dismissed, or mocked.

That is why teaching girls to trust their instincts matters so deeply.

Preparing Girls for Reality

When I posted about this topic online, another woman raised an important point:

There has always been resistance when girls begin to set boundaries.

Girls who say “no” are often labeled difficult.

Girls who ask questions are labeled rude.

Girls who protect themselves are labeled hateful.

This pattern has existed for generations.

Which means our responsibility is clear.

We must prepare girls for it.

What Girls Need to Know

Girls deserve to grow up knowing:

Their safety instincts are valuable.
Discomfort is information, not wrongdoing.
Questions are part of protecting themselves.
Boundaries are healthy.
Their bodies belong to them.

Most importantly:

They must know that safe adults will stand with them when they say no.

Real Diversity Does Not Erase Boundaries

Authentic diversity does not require people to abandon their values, beliefs, or sense of safety.

Real diversity brings people with different beliefs and experiences into shared spaces with respect.

Harmony does not mean takeover.

And inclusion does not mean that girls must surrender their privacy, dignity, or bodily autonomy.

Women and girls are entitled to boundaries wherever they live their lives:

In schools
In locker rooms
In doctor’s offices
In workplaces
In their homes
In their communities

Health and safety are not negotiable privileges.

They are basic human rights.

A Difficult Truth

Some of the strongest enforcers of diminished boundaries for women and girls are sometimes other women.

That reality is painful.

But it is also understandable.

Many people have been taught for years that silence is kindness and that compliance is virtue.

Some have been conditioned so effectively that they now believe defending girls’ boundaries is wrong.

Even so, the responsibility remains the same.

Protect girls anyway.

Teach them anyway.

Stand with them anyway.

Because every generation of girls deserves to grow up knowing something simple and powerful:

Their safety matters.
Their dignity matters.
And their “no” is enough.

Am I Selfish for Setting Boundaries? (audio) | WE Survive Abuse

Sex-Based Bill of Rights for Women and Girls (FREE download) | WE Survive Abuse

18 Signs You May Not Be as Pro-Woman as You Believe You Are | WE Survive Abuse

How Male Violence Taught Women & Girls to Attack One Another (audio) | WE Survive Abuse

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What Would It Look Like to Support Black Women Where They Actually Live?

Tonya GJ Prince — Sun, 08 Mar 2026 07:20:48 +0000

Across social media and in political spaces, there is no shortage of advice directed at Black women.

Photo by Land O’Lakes, Inc.

People encourage us to:

speak more about this issue
speak less about that one
sacrifice more
organize more
give more labor
show more patience
carry more responsibility
vote against our own interests

The requests travel across oceans.

Black women are often asked to care about problems everywhere, to educate everyone, to mobilize quickly, and to keep showing up no matter how tired we may be.

But a quieter question rarely appears in these conversations.

What would it look like to support Black women where they actually live?

Not in theory.
Not in hashtags.
Not in speeches.

Right where they are.

Start With Listening
Real support begins with listening.

Not listening in order to correct.

Not listening in order to redirect the conversation.

Simply listening to understand the daily realities Black women navigate in their own neighborhoods, workplaces, families, and communities.

Sometimes the most meaningful support looks like this:

believing women when they describe what they are facing
taking concerns seriously without dismissing them
allowing space for honest conversation without punishment

Listening may seem small, but it is the first step to restoring dignity.

Respect the Boundaries Black Women Set

Black women are often asked to solve problems that did not begin with them.

At times, when boundaries are set, those boundaries are criticized.

But boundaries are not hostility.

They are clarity.

Supporting Black women where they live means respecting when a woman says:

I cannot carry this responsibility

I am focusing on my own community right now

I need rest

I need space

I need safety

Healthy communities honor those boundaries rather than challenging them.

Invest in Local Well-Being
Support also means strengthening the environments where Black women live their daily lives.

That includes:

safe housing and neighborhoods
fair workplaces
access to healthcare
protection from violence
opportunities for education and economic growth

Grand speeches about global change mean very little if the everyday conditions around women remain unsafe or unstable.

Supporting Black women locally is practical.

It asks a simple question:

Are the women in this community able to live with dignity and security?

Share Responsibility
For generations, Black women have been expected to hold families, organizations, and movements together.

But no group of people should carry that level of responsibility alone.

Real support looks like shared responsibility.

That means:

men stepping forward in protection and accountability
institutions doing their part to correct injustice
communities addressing problems instead of leaving them to women to solve

Black women are human beings with our own needs, dreams, and limits.

We are not the permanent on-call emergency response system for every crisis.

Protect Black Women’s Humanity
Perhaps the most powerful form of support is also the most basic.

Recognizing the full humanity of Black women.

Not only their strength.

Not only their resilience.

But also their:

vulnerability
creativity
joy
need for rest
right to live without constant burden

A society that only celebrates Black women when they are sacrificing is NOT truly honoring them.

It is simply relying on them. Leaning. Without appreciation.

A Reflection
Imagine communities where people asked a different set of questions.

Instead of asking Black women to give more, people asked:

What do you need right now?

How can we support your safety and well-being?

What would make life better where you live?

What responsibilities should the rest of us carry?

Those questions would change the tone of many conversations.

Because real support does not begin with demands.

It begins with care.

Affirmation
I am worthy of support where I live.
My well-being matters in my own community.
I am not required to carry every burden placed before me.
My boundaries are wise.
My rest is valuable.
My life deserves dignity, safety, and peace.

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Does Naming Ourselves Hurt Anyone? No. Erasing Us Does.

Tonya GJ Prince — Sun, 08 Mar 2026 00:57:47 +0000

updated from November 18 2025

If the harm is sex-specific, the language has to be sex-specific.
Especially for Black women.
Especially in maternal health.

Black women have always understood the power of naming. (My own mother adorned me with a name that has deep symbolic and guiding light meaning. We talked about it often throughout my childhood. Wings for the treacherous journey.)

We insist on saying Black because history taught us that if we don’t name ourselves, the world will not only erase us, they will keep harming us. And repeat. And repeat. And then act as if they did not know it was wrong to harm Black people because you do not like us. Work the cycle.

But when it comes to our womanhood, many of us still hesitate.
We soften.
We widen the circle.
We include everyone—because we were taught that if we didn’t, we were being selfish.

We learned to dim our truth so others would not call us divisive.
We learned to carry everyone else’s struggle on our backs, even when our own bodies were breaking.

But maternal health is not the place to practice self-erasure.
Not when Black women are dying.
Not when our pregnancies, our pain, our losses, and our victories happen inside female bodies, shaped by biology and scarred by history.

Sex-based language is not exclusion.
It is not a lack of generosity.
It is not a failure of solidarity.

It is survival.

It is the clarity we need to protect Black women’s lives.

Why Black Women Must Speak Plainly About Our Womanhood

Our maternal crisis is not random.
It is not generic.
It is not “for everyone.”

It targets us because we are Black and because we are women.

Every single injustice—dismissed pain, misdiagnosis, preventable death, disrespect in labor, unnecessary surgeries—falls at the intersection of our race and our sex.

If we blur either part—Blackness or womanhood—we lose the truth.
And when the truth becomes blurred, the danger becomes invisible.

Black women cannot afford that.

We Think We Are Being Kind. But Often, We Are Being Conditioned…Again

Black women are trained from girlhood to be caretakers of the whole:

to make room

to soften demands

to never center ourselves

to never speak too specifically about our needs

to never inconvenience anyone

to never be “too Black,” “too female,” or “too particular”

We’ve been shaped to believe that advocating for ourselves is selfish.

But real self-care—the kind Audre Lorde spoke of—is not selfish.
It is self-preservation.
It is political warfare.
It is the courage to say:

I am a Black woman.
My life matters.
My womanhood matters.
My survival matters.
And I do not have to dilute my language to be worthy of care.

This Is Why Sex-Based Language Matters

Pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, postpartum crisis—these are not abstract human experiences.
They are biological events that happen to female bodies.

If we do not name the body, we cannot protect the body.

If we do not say “Black women,” the system defaults to being allegedly “colorblind”—which has never protected us.

If we do not say “maternal health,” the data disappears.

Clear language is not harm.
Clear language is the lifeline.

A Teaching Moment for Anyone Who Truly Wants to Stand With Us

Use the words “Black women.”

Use the words “maternal health.”

Use “girl child marriage“. Who is out here marrying little boys? Boys are being assaulted and harmed and WE are disgusted enough to write and speak about it on the internet that is forever and in person too. BUT who is marrying them, entrapping them, impregnating them, jacking their innocence? Name the harm. Name the harmer.

Use the words “female human bodies” “girl” and “women” when you mean pregnancy. Even when they gasp and call you hateful. The hate is what is happening to women. The hate is the fact that too often grown men are impregnating girls. But all the reasons that we can’t say true words center men’s feelings.

Don’t replace our reality with vagueness. Refuse.

Don’t make our crisis unsearchable or un-trackable.

Don’t make our womanhood disappear to be polite.

If you want to help us, name us.

We are not concepts.
We are not footnotes.
We are not categories inside categories.

We are Black women.
And the world must finally learn to care for us as Black women. That’s a beautiful thing. Not something to hide or dilute. Not something unsayable.

Black women are a divine creation.

A Rallying Cry for Our Own Souls

This is the self-care Audre Lorde meant:

The moment when a Black woman finally says,
“I deserve to speak plainly about what happens to my body.”

The moment we stop performing softness for others.
The moment we choose clarity over comfort.
The moment we choose survival over silence.

Naming ourselves is not selfish.
It is sacred.

It is protective.

It is how we make sure every Black mother comes home with her baby.

We name us clearly so we can protect us fully.

*** People can name themselves whatever they choose (see how we love), but what we cannot afford to do is allow others to un-name Black women…and then DEMAND and REQUIRE that we do the same.

The post Does Naming Ourselves Hurt Anyone? No. Erasing Us Does. appeared first on WESurviveAbuse.

12 Things It Is Not Women’s Job to Fix

Tonya GJ Prince — Sun, 08 Mar 2026 00:24:59 +0000

Rousing! Theatrical one-sheet for Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am

updated from July 11, 2025

— Especially When We’re Still Doing Most of the Work for Less Pay

This piece honors the fact that women perform approximately 76.2% of total hours of unpaid care work globally—three times more than men—according to the International Labour Organization (ILO). And despite this, the global gender pay gap remains at roughly 20%, with even wider gaps for Black, Indigenous, and disabled women.

1. Other People’s Comfort With Injustice

Sometimes people would rather stay comfortable than face hard truths. But it’s not on us to make injustice feel gentle. Truth is how healing begins, even if it stings at first.

2. Every Emotion in the Room

We’ve been taught to smooth things over, calm things down, keep the peace. But it’s okay to step back. It’s not your job to carry every feeling but your own.

3. The Broken Pieces We Didn’t Break

Whether it’s a workplace, a family, or a relationship—if it was built without care or respect, we don’t have to be the glue that keeps it going. Especially if it’s hurting us.

4. Making Everyone Else Look Good

Women have long been expected to “take the high road” for the sake of community, family, or reputation. But we matter too. Being silent to keep others comfortable is not the same as being strong.

5. Someone Else’s Healing They Won’t Choose

You can love someone and still realize you can’t heal them. Especially if they don’t want to change. That’s not failure—that’s wisdom.

6. Outdated Ideas of What a “Good Woman” Should Be

Gentle doesn’t mean silent. Kind doesn’t mean boundary-less. It’s okay to grow out of roles that shrink you.

7. Guilt That Was Passed Down Like an Heirloom

Maybe you were taught to carry too much. Maybe the women before you had to survive by staying quiet. You get to choose something different—and still honor their survival.

8. Fixing People Who Keep Breaking You

It’s not your job to explain basic respect. If someone keeps crossing your line, it’s okay to walk away—quietly or loudly.

9. Being “the Strong One” All the Time

Strength is not about always holding it together. Real strength is asking for help, falling apart sometimes, and still choosing to keep going. You deserve to rest, too.

10. The Emotional Gaps Left by Absent Fathers, Leaders, or Partners

Women often step in where others step out. But some of those gaps were never meant to be filled by us in the first place. Let that be their work.

11. The Harm That’s Done in the Name of Love

Love should never ask you to shrink, suffer, or stay silent. If it does, that’s not love. That’s control dressed up in sweet words.

12. Proving That You Matter

You don’t need to explain, over-perform, or prove your worth. You being here is proof enough.

💗 Gentle Reminder:
If no one told you today—your job was never to fix the whole world. Your only job is to live your truth, protect your peace, and love yourself like someone worth saving.

1. 🛑 I will not silence myself to make injustice feel more comfortable to others.

Boundary: “I speak the truth with love—and I don’t shrink to make room for what’s wrong.”

2. 🧘🏾 I’m allowed to step back from emotional overload.

Boundary: “I can care without carrying it all. My peace matters too.”

3. 🧩 I am not the fixer of things I didn’t break.

Boundary: “I choose not to take responsibility for problems I did not create.”

4. 🎭 I no longer sacrifice my well-being to protect someone else’s image.

Boundary: “I won’t wear a mask to make others look better. My truth stands as it is.”

5. 🕊️ I release the need to heal people who refuse to heal themselves.

Boundary: “I can love you without losing myself. Your healing is your path.”

6. 🌱 I don’t have to be boxed into outdated roles to be worthy.

Boundary: “I give myself permission to evolve—even if others don’t understand it.”

7. 🧺 I set down the guilt that doesn’t belong to me.

Boundary: “I no longer carry emotional weight passed down through generations.”

8. 🚪 I don’t stay in spaces where I’m repeatedly harmed.

Boundary: “If it hurts me, I have the right to leave—even if they don’t think I should.”

9. 🛏️ I deserve rest. I do not have to be strong every moment of the day.

Boundary: “I can be soft, tired, and human. My strength does not require exhaustion.”

10. 🧩 I am not a replacement for what others refuse to be or become.

Boundary: “I am not filling in for absent effort. I’m choosing to preserve my energy.”

11. 💔 Love should never require me to hurt myself.

Boundary: “I do not accept pain as proof of love. Love does not leave bruises on the soul.”

12. 🕯️ I do not have to prove my worth to deserve respect.

Boundary: “I am not here to earn dignity. It is already mine.”

💬 Reflection Prompt:
Which one of these boundaries do you most need today? Write it down. Speak it aloud. Place it somewhere visible. Your boundaries are not walls—they are doors with locks and keys, and you hold the key.

✊🏾 Womanist Wisdom Says:
“Our sacred labor deserves sacred rest. Let the world learn to carry what we’ve been forced to hold alone.”
— Tonya GJ Prince

💡 Women do more than 76% of the world’s unpaid care work—cooking, caregiving, cleaning, emotional labor—and still earn around 20% less than men globally.
(Source: International Labour Organization)

The post 12 Things It Is Not Women’s Job to Fix appeared first on WESurviveAbuse.