Someone on social media asked what parents have been asking for years:
Why do very young children need to learn sex education…
I have weighed in often on what specifically needs to be taught and by whom (experts please) but I subscribe to what many safe child centered organizations and groups suggest. Teach children proper terms for body parts from a young age. Why?
Because children need words that allow them to describe their bodies and tell someone when something is wrong. Teaching words such as vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, anus, and breasts gives them language adults can understand without having to guess what a family nickname means.
Photo by Todd Jiang
Too many adult Survivors, including myself, have accounts of not sharing what was happening to us because we just didn’t know what to say. We didn’t know if we would be blamed. And/or the persons harming us made threats or misrepresented the truth in some way.
Other Survivors share stories about the system or family being less able to assist them because they did not understand that the child was communicating crimes and harms around incest, molestation, and rape. If a child uses words like “icky” or “chips” or “cookie”…adults may not understand what the child is communicating. As one person put it, “Because they didn’t understand me, I had to continue visiting my father until I learned the right words.” By then she was almost a teenager.
Truth is power. In child abuse prevention, that helps in several ways:
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It makes a child’s disclosure clearer.
If a child says someone touched their “cookie,” an adult might misunderstand. Accurate names help a child explain where someone touched them, what hurt, or what someone asked them to do. -
It teaches children that their bodies are safe to talk about.
When adults can calmly name a body part, children learn that mentioning it will not get them in trouble. Private does not mean shameful, and private does not mean secret. -
It supports clear conversations about boundaries.
Children need to understand which parts are private and that they can tell a trusted adult about uncomfortable, confusing, or unwanted contact. Those conversations should include situations involving people they know and love. -
It helps adults respond to health concerns, too.
A child who can say where they feel pain, itching, or an injury can communicate more clearly with a caregiver or health professional. For example, the vulva is the external genital area; the vagina is internal. Knowing the difference can help a child describe a concern. -
It gives children language they can carry beyond their own household.
A teacher, nurse, relative, or other trusted adult may not know a family’s nicknames. Children deserve words that people outside their home can understand.
Proper terminology is one part of prevention, never a guarantee of protection. A child may know every correct word and still struggle to tell, especially if someone threatens them or abuses their trust. Children who use nicknames, communicate differently, or cannot explain clearly still deserve adults who listen carefully and act.
The responsibility stays with adults: teach the words, welcome the conversation, and protect the child. A child should never have to give a perfect explanation to receive help.
