Because grooming doesn’t stop at 18. It just gets harder to prove. We are taught to see grooming as something that happens to children.But many Survi
Because grooming doesn’t stop at 18. It just gets harder to prove.
We are taught to see grooming as something that happens to children.
But many Survivors know the truth:
Adults are groomed too.
In romantic relationships.
In faith communities.
In the workplace.
In activism.
In spaces that claim to be safe.
This form of manipulation is so smooth, so intentional, so slow—you may not even realize what happened until long after the harm is done.
🕵🏽♀️ Groomers Don’t Rush—They Study First
Groomers are not impulsive.
They are observant, strategic, and patient.
They listen for wounds.
They compliment your strength, and note your soft spots.
They shape-shift into what you need most—then they begin to control you through that need.
In Romantic Settings:
They love-bomb you.
They mirror your dreams.
They quickly build dependency: “You’re the only one who really gets me.”
In Faith Communities:
They use spiritual language to bypass your boundaries.
“God put you in my life.”
“Don’t question the anointing.”
In Workplaces:
They offer mentorship—then invade your personal life.
They dangle opportunity: “Stick with me and you’ll rise.”
They test how much they can violate your space before anyone notices.
This is not love.
It is calculated access.
🚨 The Grooming Arc (in Adult Settings)
Targeting – They look for vulnerabilities: loneliness, ambition, grief, low support.
Building Trust – They become what you need. They flatter. They help. They listen.
Isolation – They begin to pull you away from others. They might say others are jealous, or just “don’t understand.”
Control – Subtle rules. Expectations. Emotional blackmail. Guilt. Rewards. Silence.
Harm – Emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, or reputational. Often layered and hard to name.
Confusion & Gaslighting – When you resist, they say:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You knew what this was.”
“You were complicit.”
🧠 The Myth of the “Perfect Victim”
When adult Survivors come forward, they’re often met with:
“Why didn’t you just leave?”
“You’re a grown woman.”
“You’re not stupid.”
These questions are cruel, lazy, and wrong.
Grooming is not about intelligence.
It’s about manipulated access—and the fact that we rarely believe victims who appear too calm, too strong, or too late.
💬 “People ask how I ‘let it happen.’
They never ask how he planned so carefully.”
—Anonymous Survivor, social media post (2024)
💬 “She wasn’t naive. She was surviving.
And survival sometimes looks like silence.”
—SurvivorAffirmations.com
💡 If You’re Not Sure—Ask Yourself:
Who benefits from your silence?
Who gets angry when you say no?
Who makes you feel guilty for needing space, help, or truth?
If the answers hurt—you’re not overreacting.
You’re recognizing a pattern.
✍🏾 Journaling Prompt:
List 3 things you were praised for early on by this person.
Now ask: Were those qualities later used against you?
You are not foolish.
You were being targeted, not chosen.
You were being groomed, not loved.
