There’s a pattern in abuse that doesn’t get talked about enough. Not in training rooms. Not in courtrooms. Not even in some support groups. But Surv
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There’s a pattern in abuse that doesn’t get talked about enough. Not in training rooms. Not in courtrooms. Not even in some support groups. But Survivors know it. We’ve lived it. We’ve seen it.
It goes like this:
The first person who harms you doesn’t always act alone, even if they don’t know the next person.
They pick the lock.
They push past the boundary.
And if nothing is done—no consequence, no protection, no disruption—they don’t just exit after their harm.
They leave the door open behind them.
And that open door?
It becomes the invitation.
🧠 The Core Metaphor:
“When someone breaches a boundary—and nothing is done—they don’t just walk through the door. They leave it open behind them. Others see that open door as permission, precedent, or even protection to follow.”
In abuse, especially childhood abuse or institutional violence, this is tragically common.
One person’s harm becomes the signal to others that this person is:
Unprotected
Disbelieved
Already compromised
Safe to harm again
🔥 Enter the Isolating Blame:
And when it happens? When a girl or woman is harmed more than once, by more than one person, what does society say?
“She must’ve been fast.”
“What kind of home did she come from?”
“That one’s always in trouble.”
“Why didn’t she speak up?”
Never:
“Why didn’t we shut the door?”
“Why were there so many hands on her pain?”
“Why did we make it so easy for harm to find her again?”
🌫️ A Sickness in the Culture, Not in the Survivor
Too often, the more someone is harmed, the less believable they become.
The more they survive, the more disposable they’re treated.
The more predators show up, the more complicit they’re assumed to be.
But let’s be honest:
Predators read the room. They follow silence. They follow shame. They follow systems that protect them, not the harmed.
🗝️ Say It Plain:
“The first one picked the lock. The rest walked through the door that was never shut. And somehow—we only asked why the room wasn’t cleaner.”
“She wasn’t broken. She was left unguarded. And predators smell abandonment like smoke.”
🛑 To Break the Pattern:
We must ask harder questions—not of Survivors, but of the environments around them:
Who left the door open?
Who looked away?
Who protected the harm doer?
Who normalized the silence?
And we must teach the next generation that one boundary violation is not just an act—it’s often a signal. And the way we respond to the first act can stop—or silently welcome—the second.
✨ For the Survivor Who’s Been Harmed More Than Once:
You are not to blame.
You are not weak.
You are not broken.
You were not protected the first time. And the world should have guarded you fiercely after that.
We don’t blame fire victims for being burned twice if no one ever built them a safe shelter.
So we will not blame you.
We believe you.
We see the pattern.
And we are working to shut the doors for good.
