⦠by WeSurviveAbuse.com Weāre taught to look for bruises, raised voices, or slammed doors.But the most dangerous form of abuse often starts quietlyāw
⦠by WeSurviveAbuse.com
Weāre taught to look for bruises, raised voices, or slammed doors.
But the most dangerous form of abuse often starts quietlyāwith language.
It begins with what you’re allowed to say.
What you’re no longer allowed to say.
And, most critically, what youāre told to call them.
In case after case, from personal stories to courtroom testimony, Survivors reveal that long before the violence, there were rules about words:
“You donāt call me by my nameācall me ‘Daddy.'”
“You donāt talk about the past.”
“Donāt say that word. It makes me look bad.”
“When you talk about what happened, say it was a misunderstanding.”
It seems small, right? A name. A phrase. A slip of the tongue.
But thatās the point.
Itās not small. Itās control.
š§ Language Is Power
Words are how we shape reality.
When someone controls your words, they begin to shape your world:
You learn to self-monitor before you speak.
You shrink your vocabulary down to what makes them feel powerful.
You stop telling the truth, even to yourself.
Survivors often say that the most exhausting part wasn’t just surviving abuseāit was the constant, high-stakes pressure to say the right thing, in the right tone, with the right titles, or face punishment.
Over time, the person in control isnāt just controlling speech.
They are controlling your mind, your memories, your identity.
š© Why This Matters
When a person insists that:
You call them something that elevates them (“Daddy,” “King,” “Boss”)
You avoid calling them by their real name
You change how you speak about what happened
You alter your tone, words, or voice to make them comfortable
…what youāre experiencing isnāt love.
Itās a power grab.
Itās a red flag.
š§± This Is How Coercive Control Begins
Controlling language is one of the earliest signs of coercive controlāa pattern of behavior designed to dominate, confuse, isolate, and psychologically imprison someone without laying a hand on them.
It doesn’t matter if they haven’t raised their voice.
It doesn’t matter if they’re kind in public.
It doesn’t matter if they say, “Itās just a preference.”
If someone makes your ability to speak truth a condition of being loved, safe, or seenā
youāre no longer in a relationship.
Youāre under rule.
šÆ To Survivors
If youāve ever had to twist your tongue to survive…
If you’ve felt the fear of saying the āwrongā thingā¦
If you had to pretend someone was a āprotectorā just to stay safeā¦
Know this:
You were not wrong.
You were not too sensitive.
You were being controlled.
And you deserve a life where you can speak your truth freelyāwithout fear, without permission, and without being punished for existing in your full voice.
Words are sacred.
Truth is sacred.
Your voice is sacred.
Never let anyone take that from you again.
ā¦
WeSurviveAbuse.com
#RedFlags #CoerciveControl #LanguageIsPower #SurvivorVoicesMatter #WeSurviveAbuse