Every time a woman is abused, here comes the chorus:“Why doesn’t she just leave?”“She must have low self-esteem.”“She picks the wrong men.”“She’
Every time a woman is abused, here comes the chorus:
“Why doesn’t she just leave?”
“She must have low self-esteem.”
“She picks the wrong men.”
“She’s trauma-bonded.”
“She’s probably addicted to the drama.”
You waste your energy amateur-analyzing the victim. This is not new or different. This is draining, useless, and common.
All the while, the man who harmed her walks away barely questioned, rarely held accountable, and often comforted.
Why does he do it?
Why is he protected?
Why does he keep finding women to harm?
Why do we keep handing him access?
This isn’t about her choices.
It’s about his actions—
and a society that gives him cover.
She might have chosen love.
He chose violence.
She might have chosen connection.
He chose control.
She might have chosen healing.
He chose to break something already tender.
Ask the better question.
🔥 Why do courts return children to abusers?
🔥 Why do churches pray for families to reunite, instead of holding men accountable for harm?
🔥 Why do police laugh, ignore, or arrest her when she calls for help?
🔥 Why do communities defend violent men instead of believing victims?
🔥 Why do abusers face more consequences for stealing a car than destroying a life?
The answers aren’t new.
They’re just hard to face.
Because if we admit the truth, then we have to admit this:
Abuse is not a private problem.
It is a cultural one.
Built into systems.
Reinforced by silence.
Normalized through media.
Excused by patriarchy.
And subsidized by the women we mock for not leaving “fast enough.”
The truth is:
She may be hurt, confused, and afraid.
But she’s not the one we need to study.
Study the man who abuses her.
Study his patterns, his charm, his manipulation.
Study how he knows exactly who to target and what to say.
Study how the world bends over backward to give him a second chance—while denying her the first one.
If you want to make women safer, start here:
🔁 Shift the spotlight.
📣 Center the truth.
🛑 Stop asking what’s wrong with her.
Start asking what’s wrong with us—
That we keep protecting him.
