So after yesterday's tragic shooting in Minneapolis, Minnesota-which took the lives of two innocent children, injured 18 others, and traumatized too m
So after yesterday’s tragic shooting in Minneapolis, Minnesota-which took the lives of two innocent children, injured 18 others, and traumatized too many more -various people posted some version of this:
A breakdown of mass shooters:
Straight males: 98%
Straight white male: 57%
Trans: .13%
Then: You don’t care about kids if you’re focusing on …..
I immediately thought:
1. What does who the men sleep with have to do with shooting children?
2. How do any of us know who these men kept intimate company with especially given that no one seemed to have any idea that they they ever had it in their mind to shoot children?
When tragedy strikes—like a school shooting—details matter. But some details are distractions, not explanations.
Too often, when the shooter is male, you’ll hear someone add: “He was straight.” Or, “He was gay.”
But pause. Why is that even relevant?
Male pattern violence is a term used to describe the predictable, repeated ways that men as a group commit violence—especially
against women, girls, and other vulnerable populations.
It points out that:
- Violence is patterned, not random. The majority of interpersonal violence, sexual assault, domestic abuse, and mass shootings are overwhelmingly committed by males.
- The “pattern” reveals power. Male violence often follows lines of domination: against women, children, other men, and marginalized groups.
- It’s cultural as well as individual. Male pattern violence is sustained by entitlement, socialization, and systems that excuse or minimize men’s aggression.
In short: it names what society often refuses to—violence is not just “human nature” or “unpredictable.” It is disproportionately male, and that is a structural reality with deep roots.
Red Herrings & Deflections
Adding sexual orientation to the story is what’s called a red herring—a detail tossed in to send people down a side road instead of addressing the real problem: violence especially among certain males.
Because if this were females committing these crimes, would who she were choosing to sleep with have anything to do with finding a solution to the problem?
The Danger of Stigma
When sexuality is mentioned, it usually isn’t neutral. It comes with judgment. It whispers: “See, that’s why.” This leaves the core issue—male violence—untouched, unaddressed, but still gaining more access and privileges. And while we argue about this everyone forgets the victims.
What We Should Be Asking
How did he gain access to weapons?
What role did entitlement, misogyny, bullying, or untreated violence play?
What failed in the systems meant to protect children and communities?
How can we do better right now? Today.
What do the victims and their families need from us right now?
What do children need from us to feel safe? All of them. This is not the time for special interests. 
Those are the questions that matter. A shooter’s preference for sexual partners doesn’t explain the hate, the harm, or the bullets.
Let’s Stay Focused
When we allow irrelevant details to take center stage, we lose sight of solutions. We give away our attention to salacious gossip instead of justice. We trade in depth for distraction.
Violence is not about sexual preference. That’s true across the board. It’s about choices, power, and systems that allow harm to flourish.
Those children haven’t left my mind or my prayers. My sincerest hopes that we truly work to be better. In a more genuine and meaningful way.
Did you know that no other country deals with school shootings the way that we do in the United States?
The United States has the most school shootings, with over 300 incidents in 2023 alone per some trackers, far exceeding other countries like Mexico or Brazil. Reasons include easy access to firearms (often from home), mental health issues, bullying, family dysfunction, and motives like revenge or seeking notoriety./Grok.
Let’s keep the focus where it belongs. There is no time to add unrelated details.
We must get closer to the truth. We must prevent the next tragedy. We must create safety for children.
Take a Look at Who is Being Killed by Guns
