As someone who has stood on both sides of the battle for healing—as a Survivor and an advocate/facilitator—I have witnessed the transformative power of reclaiming one’s peace. I have also seen something insidious that too often disrupts that process: people micromanaging which methods others use to heal. Let me be clear: your healing is yours.  But there are voices out there—sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not—that may try to dictate your path. This post is a warning to you, a reminder to guard your autonomy fiercely, and to resist the urge to conform to someone else’s definition of what “healing” should look like.     Micromanagement in Healing: What It Looks Like Micromanagement in healing often disguises itself as care or expertise:

• “You should try CBT; it’s the only thing that works.”
• “Why are you still doing talk therapy? That’s outdated.”
• “Meditation? Really? That’s not going to help.”
• “If you just went to church/prayed more, you’d be healed.”

Sometimes, it’s subtle, like a raised eyebrow when you mention your preferred approach. Other times, it’s overt—a flat-out dismissal of your choices. Whatever form it takes, this behavior sends a harmful message: I know better than you about what you need.   Why People Micromanage Healing

1. Projection of Their Own Beliefs: People often push what worked for them, forgetting that healing is not one-size-fits-all.
2. Cultural and Systemic Biases: Certain therapies—like CBT—are backed by science and funding, while others, like somatic healing or art therapy, may be seen as “alternative.”
3. Control and Fear: Watching someone navigate trauma can make others feel powerless. Micromanaging can be a misguided attempt to “fix” you quickly.
4. Lack of Understanding: Many people don’t understand the deeply personal nature of healing. They see trauma as a problem to solve, not a wound to tend.

    Why This is Harmful Micromanaging someone’s healing journey can:

• Rob them of agency: Healing requires a sense of control over one’s own life. When others impose their views, it’s another form of powerlessness.
• Cause shame: Being told your methods are wrong can make you question your instincts, leaving you feeling inadequate or stuck.
• Discourage exploration: Healing is a process of discovery. Limiting someone’s options can stifle that journey and delay progress.

  Protecting Your Healing Journey

1. Claim Your Autonomy: You are the expert on your life and your pain. No one else has lived your experiences. Trust yourself.
2. Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say, “I appreciate your input, but this is what feels right for me.”
3. Educate Yourself: The more you learn about different methods, the more confident you’ll feel in your choices.
4. Find Supportive People: Seek out those who listen without judgment and respect your autonomy.
5. Practice Self-Compassion: Healing isn’t linear, and it’s not a race. Be patient and kind with yourself as you navigate your path.

To the Micromanagers: A Call for Compassion If you’re someone who feels the urge to steer others’ healing journeys, pause. Ask yourself:

• Am I truly listening to their needs, or am I imposing my beliefs?
• Do I trust their ability to make decisions about their own life?
• How can I support them without taking over?

Remember, the best gift you can offer someone in pain is your presence and your trust in their strength.  

Conclusion Healing is deeply personal, and no one should feel pressured to follow a path that doesn’t resonate with them.  To my fellow Survivors and those seeking peace: protect your journey like the sacred process it is. You deserve healing that feels true to you, free from the interference of others’ expectations. Stand firm.  Choose boldly.  Heal deeply.  This journey belongs to YOU.

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