More people publicly identify with “equality, liberation, human rights, inclusion, and social justice.” Yet one of the oldest forms of injustice continues to receive remarkably little sustained attention: the expectation that girls should accommodate the wants, desires, ambitions, and emotional needs of other people, including adults.
And the silence is not always literal. Sometimes people speak about girls, but only in relation to what somebody else wants from them.
We hear about a man’s reputation when a girl reports sexual misconduct. We hear about a boy’s future when a girl asks for fairness. We hear about an adult’s intentions when a girl says she feels uncomfortable. We hear about inclusion when girls raise questions about their own privacy.
Somehow, the conversation keeps finding its way back to everybody except the girl.
What interests me most is how easily the language of justice can coexist with the old expectation of female accommodation.
A person can speak passionately about dignity and still expect a girl to tolerate discomfort to preserve somebody else’s feelings. An institution can celebrate empowerment while treating a girl’s refusal as a problem requiring correction.
And sometimes the girl is expected to demonstrate her goodness by accepting what she never wanted in the first place.
This deserves much closer examination because girls are still learning what society means when it tells them they have rights.
Does she have the right to say no before somebody is proven dangerous? Does her privacy deserve protection when respecting it inconveniences somebody else? Can she participate in sports, education, religion, and community life without being assigned responsibility for another person’s acceptance or emotional well-being?
A girl’s safety should not depend on whether protecting her fits comfortably within somebody else’s vision of justice.
There is also a distinction worth preserving. We can care about the dignity and fair treatment of other people without requiring girls to surrender reasonable boundaries. Respect for others does not erase a child’s right to protection.
When Girls Say Something Feels Wrong, Why Are We So Quick to Explain It Away? – WE Survive Abuse
The Ultimate Gaslight: When the Rulebook Itself Is Weaponized – WE Survive Abuse
