This is a beautiful folktale. I know that I heard various variations of it as a child, and I wonder if you did too? Please know this is the version from Vietnam, but there are many variations of this fairytale. We aren’t saying that “Vietnam teaches these lessons.”
We are challenging what we ALL teach girls.
The Kind-Hearted Girl offers a wonderful opportunity to examine something we rarely question: What are girls taught they must do to be considered good, and what are boys taught they have a right to expect from others?
I would invite the audience to examine the story through the eyes of a girl who is learning what kindness means, what it costs, and whether she is allowed to expect kindness in return.
Questions I Would Ask the Audience
About kindness and expectations
1. What does the girl have to do to prove she has a kind heart? Would we expect the same behavior from a boy?
2. Is the girl rewarded for being kind, or for being obedient, self-sacrificing, and willing to endure hardship?
3. Does anyone show concern for the girl’s needs, feelings, or safety while she is busy caring for others?
4. What would happen if the girl said, “No, I don’t want to do that”? Or what if she politely assisted in carrying the bundles rather than carrying the entire thing because her own body was in pain or disabled in some way?
5. Why do so many stories teach girls to demonstrate goodness through what they are willing to give up?
About boys and different standards
6. When boys behave kindly in fairy tales, are they expected to make the same sacrifices girls make?
7. Are boys taught to recognize a kind girl as someone deserving protection and respect, or as someone who will make their lives easier?
8. When a boy refuses something, is he more likely to be portrayed as independent or courageous, while a girl who refuses is portrayed as selfish?
9. What would change if the boy in the story had to demonstrate the same patience, generosity, obedience, and willingness to forgive?
About safety, boundaries, and fairness
10. Does the story teach the girl how to recognize people who might take advantage of her kindness? Or does she immediately assist based on what she can see?
11. Is she allowed to protect herself without losing her reputation as a good girl?
12. Does the story distinguish between someone who needs help and someone who feels entitled to her help?
13. If being kind puts the girl in danger, who is expected to change their behavior?
14. What happens when the girl needs help herself? Who comes to her aid, and what must she do to deserve it?
“When we tell a little girl to be kind, have we also taught her that she deserves kindness, that she can recognize its absence, and that she is allowed to walk away from people who exploit hers?”
Because kindness is a beautiful quality. We should want girls and boys to develop it.
But there is a difference between teaching a child to have a kind heart and teaching her that having a kind heart means everybody else gets to make demands upon it.
One important distinction for the discussion: kindness, generosity, and forgiveness are not weaknesses. The problem arises when adults teach them as obligations for girls while treating reciprocity, boundaries, and accountability as optional for everyone else.
“If the kind-hearted girl had recognized that someone was taking advantage of her and refused to cooperate, would the storyteller still have called her kind-hearted?”
Is it important in most societies for boys to be “kind-hearted” or is that limited to girls?
“What does the story teach the people who receive her kindness about their responsibility toward her?”
“If the kind-hearted girl had recognized that someone was taking advantage of her and refused to cooperate, would the storyteller still have called her kind-hearted?”
