The Secret for Ending the Cycle of Abusive Relationships and Finding the Healthy One

A few years ago I went to a few Washington Wizards games with my son. Now, I’m not big on sports.  My poor son had to explain every single moment of the game.   

I’m not sure of the details, but I understand that in basketball, rebounds can be a good thing.  All I know is that when it happens the crowd goes wild.  I think it is like some sort of comeback.  

Funny how the same thing happens in relationships.  Girl escapes a violent, abusive, or unhealthy relationship.  Girl meets new Boy.  

New Boy seems sooooo nice. The word “perfect” gets thrown around.  Everyone cheers for Girl.   

It is wildly exciting at first. But the excitement dies down pretty quickly. Turns out this one is just like the last.  Different face. Different body.  Same mess. You feel like a loser. 

Rollercoaster of love.  Oh, the wisdom of The Ohio Players!

So, hand wash. Rinse. Repeat through a series of disappointing relationships.

Been there, donated the T-shirt to Goodwill already.

Every relationship changes a person. Every single one. Whether it is for the best or the worst, it changes you. In some ways a relationship can help you grow. But a relationship, especially an unhealthy one, can shrink you. 

 One of the biggest reasons that you should avoid rebound relationships is that you need time.  You require, however long it takes to get to know who you have become as a result of that last relationship. 

At the end of one unhealthy relationship I had a realization.  It dawned on me that I was accepting less than I deserved.  I accepted it for a whole lot of reasons.  The biggest reason is that I was confused about what it was that I deserved.   

During that emotional recession in my life, I was convinced that I didn’t really deserve very much.  All that misplaced guilt and shame was like an odor that no amount of showers, no designer perfume, no professional spa treatment could remove.  I felt unclean and unworthy.  I definitely was not my biggest fan.

Yeah, I said all of the things that I knew that people wanted to hear me say.  It was all a mask of my own creation.

Preparing yourself for a relationship takes work.  But, for today, let us just begin with 3 quick tips.

1. When exiting any relationship, it is always a good idea to take time to get to know yourself.  Really get into yourself.  This is for a good purpose.  Go ahead and be captivated with yourself.  Become genuinely fascinated with yourself and what makes you tick.  

2. It is always a great idea to seek a growth consultant.  Insurance companies call these therapists, counselors, psychiatrists.  Okay. The important thing is that the right growth consultant can help you maximize your results.

3. Feel free to take all the time that you need to study relationships.  We tend to take the complexity of relationships for granted.  They are pretty commonplace.  But I’m here to tell you, relationships are really worthy of study.  Y’all might want to do your homework before you play. 

That’s it for now.  Stay tuned.  We’re going to get deep into the crevices of this.    It is that essential to personal growth.