This post is dedicated to the memory of Donasia Alexus Holloway 🕯

Music artist Megan Thee Stallion has filed a restraining order against rapper Tory Lanez.

Several publications and many community members are in an uproar and outraged.

“If he’s in jail, what more does she want?”

Peace. Safety. To be left alone.

What these people may fail to realize perhaps is that there is a psychological component to violence and abuse.  These campaigns are intended to inflict emotional harm on victims. Even more, they rile up supporters and fans so that the targets of the abuse not only fear the abuser but every face in the crowd. 

This too is intentional. 

The abusive party does not want their target to move on with life.  Besides, it’s something to brag and laugh about with fellow prisoners. 

When abusers are sentenced to jail for their crimes, many survivors would like to believe that they can breathe a sigh of relief, thinking the nightmare is finally over. 

Unfortunately, for some, the abuse doesn’t stop there. Through stalking tactics, abusers can continue to terrorize their victims, even from behind bars. 

Understanding how this happens is crucial for protecting survivors and advocating for systemic changes to keep them safe.

Stalking Tactics Abusers Use While Incarcerated

1. Harassing Phone Calls
Inmates often have access to telephones, and some use this privilege to repeatedly call their victims. Even when blocked, abusers may manipulate others—friends, family, or even other inmates—to make calls on their behalf, delivering messages intended to intimidate or manipulate.

2. Sending Letters or Packages
Abusers may exploit mail privileges to send threatening, guilt-inducing, or manipulative letters to their victims. Some survivors report receiving drawings, photos, or symbolic items meant to remind them of the abuse and instill fear.

3. Manipulating Third Parties
Abusers often enlist the help of others outside the prison walls. They may convince mutual friends, family members, or new romantic partners to gather information about the survivor, spread rumors, or deliver threatening messages. These accomplices may act out of loyalty, manipulation, or fear of the abuser.

4. Exploiting Social Media
Though inmates are not supposed to have direct access to the internet, they can often reach social media indirectly. Abusers may use third parties to stalk a survivor’s online activity or post about them in ways that are humiliating, threatening, or revealing personal information.

5. Abusing Legal Loopholes
Some abusers file frivolous lawsuits or custody claims to force contact with their victims. These legal maneuvers create opportunities to communicate under the guise of legitimate proceedings, keeping the victim entangled in their web.

6. Monitoring from Afar
Abusers may employ private investigators or rely on sympathetic friends to track the victim’s movements and report back to them. This tactic allows them to maintain a sense of control, even when physically confined.

The Impact on Survivors

These stalking tactics are not mere nuisances—they are calculated strategies to maintain control, instill fear, and disrupt the lives of survivors. Victims may experience:

• Heightened anxiety and hyper-vigilance.
• Financial strain from ongoing legal battles or security measures.
• Difficulty moving forward, as abusers repeatedly invade their peace.

How Can We Stop This?

Protecting Survivors from stalking tactics requires systemic change and proactive measures, including changing the hearts and minds of community members. Lives must matter when it comes to protecting each other from violence, abuse, harassment, threats, and stalking. 

The lives of women matter. Being an entertainer can’t be a pass that allows one to target women. 

 Here are some other steps that can help:

1. Strengthening Protections for Survivors

• Courts should automatically issue no-contact orders for abusers convicted of domestic violence or stalking.
• Survivors should be informed of all attempts by the abuser to contact them, directly or indirectly.

2. Limiting Abusers’ Access to Communication Tools

• Restrict non-essential phone calls and monitor prison mail for threats or harassment.
• Enforce strict penalties for inmates who misuse communication privileges.

3. Holding Third Parties Accountable

• Friends or family members who act as intermediaries for harassment should face legal consequences.
• Raise public awareness about how abusers manipulate others to perpetuate their control.

4. Supporting Survivors

• Offer survivors access to trauma-informed services, including counseling, legal assistance, and financial support for increased security.
• Equip survivors with tools to protect their privacy, such as digital security training and identity protection services.

This post is dedicated to the memory of Donasia Alexus Holloway 🕯

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