Let's be honest, the word "gaslighting" gets thrown around a lot these days. But for those of us who've lived it, it's not a trendy buzzword; it's rea
Let’s be honest, the word “gaslighting” gets thrown around a lot these days. But for those of us who’ve lived it, it’s not a trendy buzzword; it’s real.
It’s the insidious erosion of your self-worth and the slow twisting of your perception until you question your own sanity. And I’m here to tell you, you are not alone, and you are not crazy.
I’ve worked with countless Survivors, and I’ve seen the devastating impact of gaslighting firsthand. It’s not a single, explosive event; it’s a subtle, constant drip of poison, designed to dismantle your sense of self.
It’s the whispers that tell you
- you’re overreacting,
- that you’re imagining things,
- that you’re too sensitive,
- too emotional,
- too “hateful”,
- too… everything.
Victims of violence come to domestic violence advocates doubting their memory, their judgment, even their own perception of reality. After decades of meeting shattered women, men, and children in the midst of the worst seasons of their lives…..
It is THE reason, I refuse to be a loyal follower of concepts and ideologies I don’t believe in ever again. Say what you want about it, I don’t care.
All of the alternatives are worse.
People develop a different appreciation for our minds once you’ve had to rescue it from the clutches of someone who is dangerously separated from reality. Once you have had to rescue your mind from the clutches of someone manipulating your mind for sport.
You can lose everything else in this life and do okay, but you can’t even survive for very long if you lose yourself. That is surrendering your values, beliefs, and voice to others. Essentially going hollow.
Gaslighting thrives in secrecy and silence. The abuser- a confused individual- manipulates the narrative, controlling the information and the perception of the situation.
They isolate you from your support system, making you dependent on them for validation.
So, how do you fight back against this insidious form of abuse?
1. Believe yourself. During Jim Crow, denial of rape against Black women was the norm.
Can you imagine trying to get anyone to do a proper investigation not “lose it”? Can you imagine the violent level of intimidation of Black families and victims?
Intimidation. Threats. Violence.
Because a woman or child was assaulted and refused to tell a lie about it. Because the victim refused to have their rights restricted. Because the victim refused to remain silent about the facts and truth.
It was during this time that Rosa Parks was a sexual assault investigator working with the NAACP. She was a woman who boldly spoke the truth and stood upon it.
This is the most crucial step. Your feelings are valid. Your memories are valid. If something feels wrong, it probably is. That gut feeling, that nagging sense of unease?
That’s your intuition screaming for you to listen.
2. Document everything. Keep a journal. Note down specific instances of gaslighting—dates, times, what was said, how you felt. This isn’t about “proving” anything to anyone else; it’s about solidifying your own reality, anchoring yourself in the truth.
3. Seek support. Talk to someone you trust—a friend, family member, therapist. Sharing your experiences can be incredibly validating and empowering. A therapist can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
4. Set boundaries. This might be the hardest, but it’s vital. Start small. Learn to say “no” to unreasonable demands. Limit contact if necessary. Protecting your mental and emotional health is paramount.
5. Remember your strength. You’ve already survived this far. Recognizing gaslighting is a huge step. You are resilient, you are capable, and you deserve to live a life free from manipulation and control.
Gaslighting isn’t your fault. It’s a tactic used by abusers to maintain power and control.
Getting free from it takes courage, but the rewards – reclaiming your sense of self, your confidence, your sanity – are immeasurable.
If you’re experiencing gaslighting, please reach out.
There are people who believe you, who support you, and who want to help you reclaim your life and your sanity.
You are worthy of a life free from abuse and manipulation. There is hope, there is healing, and there is a brighter future waiting for you.
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