Women (and really, all people who want to stay safe) have always had to use discernment when encountering others. Questioning motives is not about bei
Women (and really, all people who want to stay safe) have always had to use discernment when encountering others. Questioning motives is not about being paranoid — it’s about being wise.
Safety first: Violence, exploitation, and manipulation often come from people we thought were trustworthy. Asking “what might this person’s motives be?” may prevent harm.
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Predators, abusers, and manipulators rely on trust to lower defenses.
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They present themselves as kind, helpful, or safe so that questioning them feels “rude” or unnecessary.
History shows the need: Women are too often told after the fact, “You should have been more careful,” even though society discourages us from being cautious in the first place. That is a trick and a con.
Boundaries as survival: Questioning motives is simply another way of practicing boundaries. It doesn’t mean assuming the worst — it means staying alert to whether someone’s actions match their words. We don’t know. And finding out when when we are alone with you in a confined space is not an opportune or safe moment for women or girls.
Boundaries protect, not paranoia
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Questioning motives doesn’t mean living in fear or assuming everyone is harmful.
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It means practicing discernment: noticing whether words and actions line up, whether someone respects your boundaries, and whether they push you toward unsafe situations.
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It’s a safety habit — like locking your doors at night. You may never face danger, but the act itself reduces risk.
Power imbalance: Women are disproportionately targeted in situations where trust is taken for granted. Questioning motives restores power to the one making the choice.
So, the reason women should question each person’s motives is because to do otherwise can be dangerous. It’s a form of self-protection — a way of reclaiming the right to pause, to evaluate, and to choose.
Prevention is always stronger than reaction
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Once harm has occurred, Survivors often have to do the hard work of recovery.
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A simple pause to reflect on someone’s motives may prevent entering into dangerous dynamics — whether in relationships, business, or community spaces.
It’s not about fear — it’s about strategic self-protection.
*Note-some women are taking this too far. Ex…the viral video depicting the woman harassing a man demanding to see his weapon. Ma’am?! Leave him alone if you think that he has a weapon.
There is a line between aggression and being assertive.