One of the realities of working with women trying to get away from an abusive relationship is the difficult work that must be done long after the brea
One of the realities of working with women trying to get away from an abusive relationship is the difficult work that must be done long after the break up, the division of property, the divorce, …all of that. A new abusive campaign begins.
One of the hardest truths Survivors face is this: abuse doesn’t always stop when you walk away. Sometimes, leaving is only the beginning of a new kind of battle.
When an abuser realizes they no longer have direct control over your time, your choices, your body, or your freedom—they often pivot. They turn their energy toward shaping how other people see you.
This is strategic. It’s intentional. And it’s cruel.
The Smear Campaign
Abusers know how much community, reputation, and belonging mean to us. When they lose the power to dictate our daily lives, they often try to poison the well.
They spread lies about your character.
They twist stories to make you look unstable or cruel.
They tell half-truths designed to turn others against you.
They present themselves as the calm, rational one—while painting you as angry, bitter, or “crazy.”
In their minds, if they can’t control you, they’ll control the story about you.
Why They Do It
This tactic does two things:
Punishment: It’s a way to punish you for daring to break free.
Power: It’s an attempt to keep some form of control. If people believe their lies, they think it will isolate you, silence you, and weaken you.
But here’s the truth: their smear campaign says more about them than it ever will about you.
What Survivors Need to Remember
You are not alone. Countless Survivors have faced this same stage.
Your worth is not up for debate, no matter what stories are spun.
Time has a way of revealing truth. The mask always slips.
You don’t have to fight every rumor. Sometimes the most powerful move is to keep living, keep shining, and let your life testify for itself.
A Word of Strength
If you are in this stage, please know: you are not “crazy,” “bitter,” or “vindictive.” You are brave. You are healing. You are reclaiming your life.
This is clarity. As the song says, “You can see clearly now, the rain is gone.”
When they can no longer write your story, they’ll try to scribble all over the margins. But the Author of your life—the One greater than any abuser—still holds the pen.