Survivors Deserve to Speak the Truth Survivors of abuse, assault, and violence have long been silenced—by shame, by fear, by systems that prioritiz
Survivors Deserve to Speak the Truth
Survivors of abuse, assault, and violence have long been silenced—by shame, by fear, by systems that prioritize the comfort of abusers over the dignity of those harmed. One of the ways this silencing happens today is through forced language—compelling Survivors to call a lie the truth.
When we tell a Survivor that they must refer to a male rapist as “she,” or call a man “Ms.” or “Ma’am” despite knowing he is male, we are forcing them to participate in a deception that benefits the abuser. This is a betrayal of Survivors’ right to name reality as they experienced it.
Survivors Have the Right to Speak Accurately
A Survivor’s power lies in their ability to tell the truth about what was done to them and by whom.
- When an abuser is a man, the Survivor must be free to say he harmed them.
- When a rapist is a male, they should not be forced to use language that contradicts this fact.
- When a man identifies as a woman but still commits acts of violence against women, no one should pressure Survivors to pretend otherwise.
No one would ever ask a Survivor to misname their abuser in other ways. No one says, “For the sake of kindness, let’s call your abusive ex ‘a wonderful husband’ even though he harmed you.” That would be absurd. The same principle applies here.
The Harm of Forced Language on Survivors
When Survivors are compelled to lie about identity, it creates:
✅ Cognitive Dissonance – Forcing someone to say what they know is untrue can cause deep psychological distress.
✅ Revictimization – It is another layer of control, like the tactics abusers use to distort reality.
✅ Erosion of Trust – Survivors lose faith in institutions that claim to protect them but force them to obscure the truth.
✅ A Dangerous Precedent – If language must be manipulated to protect abusers’ feelings, what else will be demanded of Survivors in the future?
Protecting Women’s Healing Spaces
This issue extends beyond individual cases. Women’s shelters, rape crisis centers, and healing spaces exist because female Survivors need places free from male presence and control. When these spaces are pressured to adopt language that denies the existence of sex-based violence, Survivors lose places of refuge.
Women must be allowed to name their reality without fear.
Truth Is Not Hate—It Is Healing
Some argue that it is unkind or exclusionary to insist on accurate language. But telling the truth about who harmed whom is not an act of hatred—it is an act of resistance against silencing.
For too long, Survivors have been forced to suppress their pain, to make themselves smaller for the comfort of others. No more.
If we are to truly support Survivors, we must let them tell the truth, without censorship, without distortion, without apology.
Myth: “If Women Just Spoke Up Sooner, They Could Have Stopped the Abuse”
Facing Reality: Identity Does Not Erase Patterns of Male Violence
When You’re Silenced: How You Might Respond & Why It Matters
