🧱 “You Just Keep Complaining”: How Abusers Use This Phrase to Stonewall You

[WeSurviveAbuse.com]

“You just keep complaining.”
“You’re always bringing that up.”
“You never let anything go.”

If you’ve ever heard these phrases in a relationship—especially when you’re trying to talk about harm, disrespect, or your emotional needs—please know: this isn’t about communication.
It’s about control.

🚫 What Is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling is when someone refuses to engage in a real conversation or blocks you from being heard. Instead of working through a problem, they shut you down—cold.

In abusive dynamics, stonewalling sounds like:

• “Not this again.”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “You complain about everything.”

• Silence. Withdrawal. A slammed door. Or a scroll through their phone while you pour out your heart.

⚠️ “You Just Keep Complaining” Is a Red Flag

This phrase is not neutral. It’s not about wanting peace. It’s about:

• Avoiding accountability

• Making you feel unreasonable for having needs

• Turning the blame back onto you

• Wearing you down until you stop bringing up the issue altogether

Eventually, you start to question yourself:
“Maybe I am too much.”
“Maybe I am the problem.”
That’s not peace. That’s emotional isolation.

💡 But Here’s the Truth:

You weren’t “just complaining.”
You were advocating for yourself.
You were expressing your pain.
You were asking to be seen, heard, and respected.

And if someone can’t handle a real conversation about how their behavior hurts you, that’s not love. That’s not safety. That’s not partnership.

🌱 Survivors, Listen:

Abuse doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it shrugs.
Sometimes it acts like your pain is just noise.
But your truth matters. Your boundaries matter. Your voice matters.

And no matter how often you’ve had to say it, you are not wrong for naming harm.

Say it again if you need to.
Say it louder.
Say it until your soul believes you.

Because healing begins where truth is allowed to live.

🗣️ “You’re not complaining. You’re confronting harm.”
– WeSurviveAbuse.com