There’s a quiet lie that echoes through many women’s lives.A lie whispered in silence. Repeated in prayer. Spoken with eyes closed tight. It goes s
There’s a quiet lie that echoes through many women’s lives.
A lie whispered in silence. Repeated in prayer. Spoken with eyes closed tight.
It goes something like this:
“He’s not like that.”
“He didn’t mean it.”
“She must be mistaken.”
“People are just trying to take him down.”
But the deepest lie?
“If I believe in him hard enough, he’ll be who I need him to be.”
This is how it begins.
Not with malice.
But with longing.
Longing for love. For safety. For someone to look up to. For a sense of security in a world where men are too often unsafe.
When Women Start Lying to Themselves
A woman in love will lie to herself to preserve the relationship.
A woman in grief will lie to herself to protect the memory.
A woman who admires him will lie to herself to avoid seeing the truth.
She’ll explain away red flags.
Make excuses.
Rationalize.
Deflect.
And when another woman comes forward with truth?
She attacks.
Why?
Because the lie must be protected.
Because if that woman is telling the truth, then this woman has to face everything she’s been ignoring.
And that’s too heavy to hold.
So she reaches for something easier:
Discredit the other woman.
Question her motives.
Suggest she’s “ruining a good man.”
Say it’s “not the right time.”
Demand “proof,” knowing full well how the world silences Survivors.
This Happens Everywhere:
In Romantic Relationships:
She knows something’s off.
But she calls other women “messy” or “bitter” instead of naming the harm in her own home.
In Faith Communities:
He preaches forgiveness while harming women in secret.
She defends him because “God uses flawed men.”
As if God ever asked her to sacrifice women for the sake of a sermon.
In Activist Spaces:
The man with the mic has harmed multiple women.
But the women around him stay quiet because “we can’t lose this moment.”
What they really mean is: “We’ve invested too much in him to believe you.”
In Families:
He’s the uncle. The father. The elder.
And when a girl says what happened, women shut her down—“Don’t talk about that.”
Because “keeping the family together” is the priority.
Even if it means breaking a child’s spirit.
The Men Know This
Men have known for centuries that they don’t always have to lie.
If a woman cares enough, she’ll lie to herself. And once she lies to herself, she’ll lie to others.
She’ll become the enforcer. The protector. The voice of doubt.
The soldier in his war against truth.
This Is How Women Become Weapons—Against Each Other
A woman who’s hurting becomes “crazy.”
A woman who tells the truth becomes “toxic.”
A woman who speaks up becomes “the problem.”
But the real harm?
It’s the betrayal between women.
The silence.
The smearing.
The refusal to see one another clearly.
Here’s What We Know:
The people who defend the harmful often look like helpers.
The women who turn on other women are not always evil—just scared, misled, or deeply invested in the lie.
The truth doesn’t stop being true just because it’s inconvenient.
Healing Means Facing the Lie
We cannot claim healing while protecting predators.
We cannot build sisterhood on silencing each other.
We cannot demand safety while excusing harm from the men we “like.”
Love should not require us to lie.
Loyalty should not cost us our voice.
Liberation does not come through denial.
Let Us Tell the Truth:
To ourselves.
To each other.
About the men who were never safe.
About the women we harmed in our silence.
About the damage done when the lie is chosen over the truth.
Because no matter how pretty the lie looks dressed up in loyalty…
It still leaves us empty.
✨ Questions for Truth-Telling
Have I ever silenced or disbelieved a woman because I didn’t want her truth to be true?
Have I ever defended a man out of fear of losing my place, my hope, my illusion?
What would it mean to let go of the fantasy—and face what I know in my gut?
🌍 “Even the ant can destroy the lion’s feast if truth is on her side.”
— Afro-global proverb
The smallest truth can undo the biggest lie.
[rosaschildren.com] | [wesurviveabuse.com] | [survivoraffirmations.com]
Share if you feel safe and ready—your voice might be the lifeline someone else needs. And if you do share, remember to cite the messenger. Words carry legacy.
