And why you’re not “mean” for wanting peaceIt starts with a bad decision.Maybe a DUI.Maybe losing another job.Maybe a fight with the
And why you’re not “mean” for wanting peace
It starts with a bad decision.
Maybe a DUI.
Maybe losing another job.
Maybe a fight with the neighbors, or yet another bill they didn’t pay.
And somehow, no matter what the mess is—you’re the one left to clean it up.
Driving them around.
Talking to their boss.
Making excuses to the kids.
Absorbing the fallout… over and over again.
If this feels familiar, you are not alone.
And you are not imagining it.
Sometimes chaos is not just irresponsibility. It’s control.
It’s power dressed up as helplessness.
🔥 When Screwing Up Becomes Strategy
There are people who create instability—not because they’re careless, but because chaos puts them in control.
How?
Because as long as there’s a crisis:
You don’t have space to rest
You don’t have time to think
You’re too exhausted to make decisions
Your focus stays on them instead of yourself
They don’t need to scream, punch, or isolate you outright.
They just need to keep your world spinning—so you’re always reacting, never resisting.
⚠️ Examples:
“He got a DUI, so I had to drive him to work. Then to court. Then to therapy. My days became about his sentence.”
“She kept losing jobs and I was always bailing us out. Rent, lights, food—I was always in hustle mode. I didn’t have the energy to leave.”
“He picked fights at family events so we wouldn’t be invited back. Now I’m isolated and he blames it on me.”
“When things were peaceful, she’d start something. It was like calm scared her. Or maybe, me having peace scared her.”
This is not about bad luck.
It’s a pattern. And it’s dangerous.
🧠 Why Do They Do This?
1. To Stay at the Center
Constant emergencies make you orbit them. Their problems take priority over your health, goals, or boundaries.
2. To Avoid Accountability
If they’re always in a crisis, they never have to reflect. There’s always a new fire—and somehow, they’re always the victim.
3. To Keep You Disoriented
A person in survival mode doesn’t have time to plan an exit. Chaos keeps you off-balance, anxious, and afraid to “make things worse.”
4. To Make You the Caretaker
You become the manager of their chaos. You’re “mean” if you stop helping. You’re “cold” if you set a boundary. But what you really are… is overloaded.
🚨 Make No Mistake: This Is Abuse
When someone intentionally disrupts your stability, your peace, or your ability to focus on yourself, it is a form of coercive control.
It’s not a flaw. It’s a tactic.
It may not leave bruises, but it leaves deep exhaustion.
And over time, that exhaustion can lead to:
Depression
Financial hardship
Isolation
Hopelessness
Trauma
Even physical illness
💬 A Survivor’s Truth
“I was always helping him get back on his feet. The truth was, he didn’t want to stand. He wanted me kneeling next to the wreckage.”
🌟 You Deserve More Than Damage Control
You are not cruel for wanting peace.
You are not selfish for craving safety.
You are not “too much” for asking them to grow.
You are not the problem because they won’t stop creating problems.
You are allowed to want a life that doesn’t revolve around disaster.
And if someone keeps pulling you back into their storm every time you find your sunshine,
that’s not love—it’s control.
💛 Final Word from WeSurviveAbuse.com
If you are in a relationship where chaos is constant, and you’re always the one cleaning it up, please know:
You don’t have to stay in survival mode.
You are allowed to stop carrying what was never yours to hold.
