Featuring Sherita Janielle: Deciding Whether or Not to Date Someone is a Process (video short)

Women have a lot to consider before dating a man.....Deciding whether to date someone is a process of discovery, not a single yes-or-no questi

Women have a lot to consider before dating a man…..

woman in white sweater and white pants sitting on gray couch

Photo by Joyce Busola

Deciding whether to date someone is a process of discovery, not a single yes-or-no question that another person is entitled to have answered immediately.

People often speak about romantic rejection as though someone has already made a final judgment about another human being. But a woman may still be learning who someone is, how she feels around him, whether their values align, and whether his behavior matches his words.

She may be attracted to him but uncertain about his character. She may enjoy his company without wanting a relationship. She may feel comfortable today and uncomfortable tomorrow because she has learned something new.

And sometimes she simply hasn’t decided.

There is nothing dishonest about that.

Society often confuses access with acceptance

Consider how many separate decisions are involved in getting to know someone.

Interest: Do I even want to know this person better?
Observation: How does this person behave when things don’t go his way?
Compatibility: Do our values, habits, expectations, and lifestyles fit?
Trust: Does this person respect boundaries without requiring explanations or rewards?
Safety: Can I disagree, change my mind, or decline something without facing retaliation?
Desire: Do I actually want a romantic relationship with this person?
Continued choice: Having said yes before, do I still want this relationship?

None of these questions has to be answered on somebody else’s schedule.

Mutual choice means neither person owes the other a relationship, an indefinite waiting period, or a favorable outcome.

You are allowed to learn who someone is before deciding what place, if any, they will have in your life. Their interest in you does not create a deadline for your decision.