If ever you have any question about which people in the room are women:It will be the ones in the room pushed to "be nice" or "be kind" The
If ever you have any question about which people in the room are women:
- It will be the ones in the room pushed to “be nice” or “be kind”
- The ones being told that they have no right to define themselves
- The ones constantly told to move over and give over their spaces and opportunities.
Everyone knows who the women are—they’re the ones being pressured into silence. They’re the ones told to smooth things over, to keep the peace, to protect egos, to make it easier for everyone else.
This is part of the larger pattern we’ve been tracing: when men commit harm, excuses pile up. When women resist harm, the burden shifts onto them to be “kind,” “understanding,” or “agreeable.”
It’s a way of protecting systems instead of protecting women and children. It keeps power in the same hands while leaving Survivors with less voice, less safety, and less room to breathe.
The Silent Burden on Women
Being “nice” has never stopped violence. It has only kept it hidden.
We cannot continue to place the responsibility for male violence on the women who resist it. Telling women to “be nice” is not a solution—it is complicity.
Every time women are told to be “nice,” the burden of safety shifts onto their shoulders:
- To absorb disrespect quietly.
- To forgive harm without consequence.
- To keep families, workplaces, and communities “peaceful”—at their own expense.
This silencing keeps systems intact, but it shatters vulnerable women and children. It asks Survivors to hold shame, guilt, and silence, while the real weight of accountability remains untouched.
A Call to Shift the Focus
The question is not: Why aren’t women nicer? Why aren’t children nicer? Why aren’t girls nicer?
The real question is: When will men, and the systems that protect them, be held accountable?
Until then, women will keep being told to be agreeable. But Survivors know the truth: silence and niceness do not save lives. Accountability does.
✨ Reflection Question for Readers:
When have you been told to “be nice” in the face of harm? What would have been different if the focus had been on holding the abuser accountable instead?