Table of Contents
“We are trying to help you. We are breaking gender norms.”
Sam Morgan/@CrunchAlias on x.com: You are not in favour of “gender abolition”, you are in favour of gender totalitarianism. You want the concept of gender identity to override reality itself and become central to how we view each other.
Women fought too long to escape the little boxes society built for us. We should be careful about building new boxes and calling them “liberation.” There is no dress code for being female. No personality test. No approved list of hobbies.
The difference between gender totalitarianism and gender nonconformity comes down to a fundamental question: Are we talking about a person’s freedom to live outside traditional expectations, or an ideology or system that seeks to control what other people must believe, say, or do?
These are two very different concepts, although people sometimes discuss them as though they are interchangeable.
1. Gender nonconformity is about personal freedom
Gender nonconformity means a person does not follow the traditional expectations associated with being male or female.
For example:
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A girl prefers short hair, football, and clothing traditionally associated with boys.
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A boy enjoys ballet, makeup, or activities traditionally associated with girls.
- A woman chooses not to marry, have children, wear dresses, or behave according to conventional ideas of femininity
- A man is considered gentle, emotionally expressive, or dresses differently than other men.
None of these people necessarily believes that being male or female should be redefined.
Gender nonconformity challenges expectations about how people should behave. It does not inherently challenge their sex.
A woman can reject every traditional expectation of femininity and still understand herself as a woman.
Historically, many feminists have defended precisely this freedom: women should not have to perform femininity to be recognized and respected as women. I am not sure when or why this changed.
The dress metaphor
A girl doesn’t want to wear the pink dress. Freedom means she can wear the blue overalls instead. It doesn’t mean she must stop being recognized as a girl.
2. Gender totalitarianism is about ideological control
Gender totalitarianism is not a standardized academic or clinical term. It is a politically charged expression sometimes used by critics to describe what they see as authoritarian enforcement of particular beliefs about gender.
The word “totalitarianism” has a specific political history. It describes systems that seek extensive control over public and private life, often suppressing dissent and demanding ideological conformity.
Gender totlitarianism dictates that:
- the woman who doesn’t choose not to marry, have children, wear dresses, or behave according to conventional ideas of femininity is treated as if there is something wrong with her.
- A man is considered gentle, emotionally expressive, or dresses differently than other men. This man is considered to be safe and gentle. Everyone MUST treat him this way because he dresses this way.
In this case:
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Institutions require people to affirm particular claims about gender rather than merely behave respectfully.
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People face punishment or exclusion for expressing disagreement with an official position.
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Organizations discourage legitimate questions about sex, privacy, language, or competing rights.
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Authorities treat disagreement with a gender-related belief as evidence of moral wrongdoing.
These are allegations about coercion, institutional power, and freedom of conscience, not simply about someone’s personal identity or appearance.
Importantly, a disagreement over gender policy does not, by itself, establish totalitarianism. The label requires careful examination of what an institution actually demands, what sanctions it imposes, and whether dissent remains possible.
3. The distinction at a glance
|
Gender nonconformity |
Gender totalitarianism, as critics use the term |
|---|---|
|
Concerns individual expression |
Concerns ideological enforcement |
|
Challenges gender stereotypes |
Allegedly imposes mandatory beliefs |
|
Emphasizes freedom to be different |
Raises concerns about freedom to disagree |
|
Does not require others to adopt an ideology |
Describes pressure to publicly affirm an ideology |
|
Can exist without institutional authority |
Typically involves institutional or political power |
4. There is an important historical complication
Gender nonconforming people have themselves been targets of authoritarian gender rules.
Women have faced punishment for wearing trousers, pursuing male-dominated professions, rejecting marriage, or refusing prescribed feminine roles. Men have faced punishment for departing from conventional masculinity.
In other words, rigid enforcement of traditional gender roles can also be authoritarian. That is why it helps to distinguish the content of a belief from the methods used to enforce it.
A traditionalist institution can impose restrictive gender expectations. A progressive institution can also impose ideological conformity. Whether either practice is coercive depends on its actual rules, powers, and consequences.
5. The deeper philosophical distinction
There are three different freedoms worth separating:
Freedom of expression: A person can live without being forced into conventional masculinity or femininity.
Freedom of conscience: A person can hold beliefs about sex and gender without being compelled to profess beliefs they do not hold.
Freedom from discrimination: People can expect fair treatment under applicable laws, even when others disagree with their beliefs or identities.
These freedoms sometimes create difficult questions for institutions, particularly where privacy, sex-based protections, religious liberty, employment rules, and anti-discrimination law intersect.
And there is a distinction worth carrying forward:
Rejecting stereotypes about women is not the same thing as rejecting the existence of women as a sex. Likewise, respecting a gender-nonconforming person does not necessarily require agreement with every political or philosophical claim about gender.
Freedom means you do not have to fit somebody else’s idea of who you should be. But freedom also means other people do not have to surrender their judgment to prove they respect yours.
I can be different without needing to be redefined. My differences do not make me a mistake. They are part of my individual humanity.
I am allowed to question ideas. Asking a sincere question does not make me cruel. I can listen respectfully while thinking for myself.
I can respect others without abandoning myself. Kindness does not require me to agree with every belief. My conscience deserves consideration, too.
My womanhood is not a performance. I do not have to dress, speak, move, or behave according to somebody else’s standards of femininity.
