Updated from Oct 2016..... Sexual violence at the hands of children is just as destructive as any violation by an adult.It’s hard being th
It’s hard being the victim of an older child.
In the back of our collective mind, society still treats it as somehow less harmful than being violated by an adult. But for the Survivor, the trauma doesn’t know the difference. The shame feels just as sharp. The confusion, just as overwhelming. The wound, just as deep.
I once met a woman named Rebecca.* She arrived at our meeting proudly wearing her restaurant uniform. She had just started the job and wore it everywhere—like a badge of honor.
Before this, she rarely wore much to work.
Rebecca had worked as an exotic dancer.
Let me be clear: there is no shame in honest work. She wasn’t hurting anyone.
Or was she still hurting?
Rebecca was sexually abused for years by an older cousin—a family favorite.
When she finally told her mother, she expected action. Justice. Safety. After all, they were a “good family.” Surely someone would do the right thing.
Instead, the family circled its wagons—around the cousin.
Rebecca was painted as the one who tempted him. Her name became synonymous with seduction. And once a girl carries that burden in a family like that, the rules around her change.
She was watched. Restricted. Blamed.
She had, they said, “led a good boy astray.”
Like many victims who are betrayed by both abuser and protector, Rebecca fled. She left her upper-middle-class home and lived on the streets. She told me she had no luxuries, but at least she felt free.
In time, sex work and dancing made her feel powerful.
But sometimes, that kind of power is a short-lived flame—a high that fades.
Eventually, other addictions crept in.
And so did the desire for a different kind of uniform. A new chapter. A new dignity.
What We Must Understand
Sexual exploration during early childhood is normal—when it is mutual, age-appropriate, and without coercion.
You’ve heard the stories:
Kids playing doctor.
Kids role-playing “house” or “parents.”
Kids asking innocent, curious questions about their bodies.
But there’s a stark difference between exploration and exploitation.
When one child pressures, manipulates, or forces another into “games,” something is very wrong.
Even if no adult is present, our instincts should flare.
If this were about stolen lunch money, scuffed sneakers, or broken glasses—we’d be up at the school demanding answers.
But this?
This is a child’s body.
A child’s mental health.
Their sense of self-worth.
Their relationships.
Their future choices.
This harm doesn’t just live in the moment—it echoes through a lifetime.
Abuse Is Abuse
Abuse is t
he misuse of power.
Whether it comes through manipulation, coercion, pressure, or violence, abuse is always a betrayal of one’s boundaries.
Yes, children can abuse.
And we must have the courage to name it—without labeling that child as irredeemable.
But we cannot protect their future by destroying another child’s present.
Warning Signs: When a Child May Be Abusing Another
Be mindful of these red flags:
Secretive “games” played when adults aren’t around, especially those mimicking intimacy or adult roles (e.g., doctor, house, parent-child).
The older child always being the one to “explain” what happened—especially if the younger child appears confused, scared, or silent.
A strong desire to be alone with the younger child, particularly in bedrooms, closets, or isolated areas.
Bribery—offering treats, toys, or privileges in exchange for private time or secretive activities.
Disregarding “no”—not listening when the younger child resists hugs, kisses, or touching.
Consistently violating personal and sexual boundaries of other children.
Recruiting peers to bully or isolate the younger child—especially in ways that shame or threaten.
In Closing
It is time we release the outdated idea that abuse between children is harmless.
Because for Survivors like Rebecca, it never was.
When a child uses power to harm another child—sexually, emotionally, physically—that is abuse.
And every child deserves protection, healing, and dignity.
We owe it to all of them to take these situations seriously—not in silence, not in shame—but in truth, accountability, and love.
