There is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with struggling with identity. But when a man—angry that he cannot fully live as himse
There is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with struggling with identity. But when a man—angry that he cannot fully live as himself—chooses to marry a woman as a cover, that is not just deception. It is an injustice. And like so many injustices, it is women who suffer.
The Harm Done to Women
A woman enters marriage expecting honesty, love, and partnership. But when she unknowingly marries a man who is on the “down low” (DL)—a man who secretly has romantic or sexual relationships with men while publicly presenting as straight—she is walking into a betrayal that she never agreed to.
Here’s how this harms women:
- It strips her of informed choice – Every woman deserves the right to choose her partner with full knowledge of who they are. Deception takes away that choice.
- It exposes her to emotional and physical risks – Many DL men engage in risky behavior, increasing the likelihood of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), which they then bring into their marriages.
- It isolates her – A woman in this situation often questions herself, her worth, and her ability to trust. When she tries to speak out, she is often gaslit into silence.
- It makes her collateral damage – The pain, betrayal, and loss of years spent in a fraudulent relationship can leave deep emotional scars.
Who Does This Really Serve?
- It serves men who are angry that they feel forced to hide their sexuality but do not want to face the stigma that comes with living openly.
- It serves a society that caters to men by allowing them to use women as shields rather than creating space for them to live their truth.
- It serves a culture of male entitlement, where a man’s comfort, reputation, and desires take priority over a woman’s dignity and right to the truth.
Women are expected to carry the burdens of men’s struggles. This is yet another way women are used—expected to be understanding, to endure, to sacrifice their emotional well-being for someone else’s comfort. But women are not rehabilitation centers. Women are not closets. Women are not shields.
A Call for Truth and Accountability
If a man is struggling with his identity, the solution is not to trap a woman in a false relationship. The solution is to seek truth, healing, and integrity without dragging an innocent woman into deception.
For women, this is a reminder: You deserve honesty. You deserve love that is fully present, fully real, and fully committed to you.
At WeSurviveAbuse.com, we stand firm—women deserve the full truth, not half-lived lies.
The Silent Scream: Women Murdered by Their Gay or Bisexual Husbands, and the World’s Indifference
