Autonomy Is Not Teflon

Autonomy is powerful.
But it is not a shield.
Not in this world.

A woman can know herself.
She can have boundaries, voice, purpose, and strength.
And still be harmed.

She can choose her words with care.
She can live by principle.
She can be brilliant, successful, deeply loved—and still experience abuse, manipulation, or violence.

That’s not weakness.
That’s the world we live in.
A world that too often punishes women for daring to stand tall.

We must stop measuring the value or credibility of Survivors by how “independent” they were, how “strong” they were, how many red flags they did or didn’t miss.

This is not about missing signs.
It’s about people ignoring stop signs.
It’s about a world that teaches some people they are entitled to overpower others, even in the face of “no,” “stop,” or silence.

A woman’s autonomy is not an invisible force field.
It is sacred.
But it still deserves protection.

Some of the strongest, most iconic women in history have written or spoken about surviving abuse—reminding us that power, beauty, and brilliance do not offer immunity.

• Eve – rapper and actress, has spoken about surviving an abusive relationship early in her career.

• Pam Grier – legendary actress, shared experiences of sexual abuse and relationship violence in her memoir Foxy: My Life in Three Acts.

• Sandra “Pepa” Denton – from Salt-N-Pepa, wrote about enduring abuse in her memoir Let’s Talk About Pep.

• Tina Turner – music legend, spoke out against decades of brutal abuse in her relationship with Ike Turner.

• Megan Thee Stallion – rapper and cultural force, publicly testified about being shot and ridiculed after.

• Rihanna – globally acclaimed artist and entrepreneur, survived a high-profile assault by a former partner.

• Mary J. Blige – shared her history of childhood sexual abuse and abusive adult relationships.

• Queen Latifah – shared that her brother’s death led to unresolved grief and abuse in a relationship.

• Fantasia Barrino – American Idol winner, revealed she was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

• Terry McMillan – author of Waiting to Exhale, survived a relationship with emotional manipulation and betrayal.

• Claudia Jordan – TV personality, has spoken out about being in a physically abusive relationship.

• Karrine Steffans – author of Confessions of a Video Vixen, wrote about being exploited and abused throughout her life.

• Tamar Braxton – singer and reality star, opened up about being in a violent and controlling relationship.

• KeKe Palmer – actress and advocate, filed a restraining order and bravely discussed experiences of abuse and being silenced.

• Nina Simone – iconic musician, wrote and sang about the deep pain, racial trauma, and interpersonal abuse she endured.

• Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes – of TLC, experienced abuse in her early life and later relationships, speaking about it in interviews.

• Lauryn Hill – though private, her lyrics and statements suggest experiences of emotional trauma and exploitation.

These women were bold. Brilliant. Resilient.
And still, someone tried to break them.

So if someone harmed you, it doesn’t mean you weren’t powerful.
It means they were wrong.

Let’s be clear about this:

• Your strength doesn’t mean you “should have known better.”

• Your independence doesn’t cancel out someone else’s wrongdoing.

• Your power doesn’t mean people won’t try to strip it from you.

Survivors don’t “fail” at being autonomous.
Predators fail at being human.

If this happened to you, it’s not because your armor was thin.
It’s because someone chose to strike.

And you are not to blame.