The Truth: Many of Us Were Taught to Ignore What We Knew Deep Down If you've ever said:“I should’ve known.”“I felt something was off.”“I saw the red
The Truth: Many of Us Were Taught to Ignore What We Knew Deep Down
If you’ve ever said:
“I should’ve known.”
“I felt something was off.”
“I saw the red flags but stayed anyway.”
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re not foolish.
You were taught—conditioned—to ignore danger.
Not because you wanted harm.
But because you were surviving in systems that made it hard to trust yourself.
🚩 7 Ways Survivors Are Taught to Ignore Danger
1. We Were Taught to Be “Nice” No Matter What
From childhood, many girls are told not to be rude.
To smile. Be polite. Don’t make a scene.
Even when we feel uncomfortable. Even when we feel afraid.
“Be nice” was code for: ‘Don’t protect yourself if it makes someone else uncomfortable.’
2. We Were Told We Were Overreacting
When we noticed harm, people said:
“That’s just how he is.”
“You’re so sensitive.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
So we stopped naming the danger.
We stopped trusting our instincts.
3. We Were Rewarded for Tolerating Bad Behavior
The longer we endured, the more praise we got:
“You’re so strong.”
“You’re loyal.”
“You’re patient.”
But what they called “strength” was often just silence in the face of harm.
4. We Confused Control for Care
When someone hovered, monitored, or isolated us—
We were told it was because they “loved us” or “just wanted to keep us safe.”
But real love doesn’t come with surveillance or punishment for being independent.
5. We Were Taught to Prioritize Others Over Ourselves
Your needs came last.
His anger came first.
Their peace mattered more than your pain.
Sacrificing yourself was presented as the most honorable path.
6. We Learned to Fear Being Alone More Than Being Unsafe
Survivors are often taught that being partnered—no matter the cost—is better than being alone.
Even if it means accepting harm.
But alone is not the same as abandoned. Alone can be sacred. Alone can be healing.
7. We Were Taught That Safety Is Selfish
Especially if you’re a woman, especially a Black woman, especially a caregiver—
You were probably told:
“You’re making it all about you.”
“Just let it go.”
“That’s not a big deal.”
But asking for safety isn’t selfish—it’s basic.
It’s not a luxury. It’s a birthright.
🌱 How to Relearn Safety
If you’re starting to question what safety even looks like, that’s a powerful beginning. Here’s how to return to it—bit by bit.
✅ 1. Listen to Your Body
Tight chest? Nausea? Shallow breathing?
Your body often speaks before your mind catches up.
Instead of pushing through, pause and ask: What am I sensing? What is my body trying to tell me?
✅ 2. Trust the Subtle “No”
Not all danger screams.
Sometimes it whispers: “This doesn’t feel right.”
If you feel unsettled, you don’t need permission to change direction.
✅ 3. Practice Safe “No’s”
You don’t have to start with the hardest boundary.
Start small. Say no to what drains you.
Say no to what makes your stomach knot.
Each no rebuilds your internal sense of safety.
✅ 4. Reaffirm That Your Needs Matter
You don’t have to earn your right to be protected.
You don’t have to perform for peace.
You matter. Even when no one is watching.
✅ 5. Surround Yourself with Voices That Affirm You
Follow people, read words, and build community that tells you:
You are not overreacting
You are not difficult
You are not alone
That’s not “curating your feed.” That’s rebuilding your nervous system.
Final Word: You Can Come Back to Yourself
You didn’t ignore the danger because you were weak.
You ignored it because you were trained to survive by adapting to harm.
But now, you get to do something revolutionary.
You get to believe yourself again.
You get to choose protection.
You get to stop explaining.
You get to walk away before it gets worse.
You get to be safe—not just “not hurt.”
You get to come home to yourself.
