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People Don’t Just “Ignore Red Flags” — They’re Protecting Something

When someone stays silent about abuse, overlooks harm, or rewrites the story to sound softer than it was—it’s easy for outsiders to say: “Why

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When someone stays silent about abuse, overlooks harm, or rewrites the story to sound softer than it was—it’s easy for outsiders to say:

  • “Why didn’t you leave?”

  • “How could you not see it?”

  • “That’s just foolish.”

But Dr. Freyd challenges that shallow view.

Her work shows us that when people “don’t see” abuse or betrayal, it’s not always about ignorance. It’s about protection. Not of the abuser—but of something the person believes is essential to their survival.


🧠 Examples of What People May Be Safeguarding:

  • A child may suppress the truth to protect the illusion that their caregiver loves them—because love and survival feel tied together.

  • A partner may pretend things are okay to safeguard the dream of a family, or the hope that things will change.

  • An employee may overlook mistreatment to protect their ability to pay rent and feed their kids.

  • A community may deny abuse within its own circles to preserve a sense of identity, legacy, or power.

  • A society may silence survivors to safeguard the reputation of powerful institutions.


💔 What’s the Cost?

This kind of self-protection can keep people:

  • In danger longer than they should be

  • Disconnected from their own truth

  • Mistrusting of their intuition

  • Unable to advocate for themselves or others

It’s not “foolish”—it’s a deeply human attempt to keep something from shattering. But eventually, that inner structure starts to crack under the weight of silence and confusion.


💡 What Dr. Freyd Helps Us Understand:

People don’t always avoid the truth because they’re weak.
Sometimes, they avoid it because they are trying to stay connected, loved, or safe—even in unsafe conditions.


🌿 What Healing Might Look Like:

  • Naming the truth without shame

  • Grieving what was lost, what never was, and what should’ve been

  • Rebuilding safety from the inside out

  • Learning that real love doesn’t require blindness, silence, or self-erasure


✨ Final Reflection:

So when you or someone you love starts to question the past, resist the urge to say, “Why didn’t you know?”

Instead, ask with tenderness:

“What were you trying to protect?”

Because the answer to that may hold the key to healing.

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