Meeting men and women in their final years teaches you something—something that cuts right through the polite praise we give people for not having an
Meeting men and women in their final years teaches you something—something that cuts right through the polite praise we give people for not having an alleged “victim personality” or for appearing to have “moved on.”
As an advocate, I’ve met many elders carrying the hidden weight of trauma. Some live with trauma-related illnesses—head injuries from being struck decades ago, never followed up on because they thought they were “fine.” In their shoes, most of us would have done the same. I know that I would have.
It is still taking a lot to break away from that “keep it moving” and “life goes on” attitude I grew up with about my health. I get why it was necessary, critical, and life-saving but it doesn’t always serve me.
And now some of those people who carried on as I would have live with cognitive decline. They walked around looking joyful, blessed, “over it.” All the while, their bodies and even their emotions were screaming for attention, healing, and or permission to just be.
But as long as the people around them were ‘comfortable’, right?
Weight is another common marker.
We bully and shame people for being overweight—even as the quality of our food worsens every year, even as we silence victims, even as we make mental health care harder to access. Meanwhile, we clap and cheer for the next billionaire, because it’s easier to celebrate our collective shallow view of what is “victory” than to confront what trauma really does to the body.
I came into this work so naively idealistic at times. You need a bit of that, though. Now, I’ve learned to think of some Survivors’ physical and mental health as being in a remissive state.
Survivors are indeed powerful, victorious, mighty, with a warrior’s heart. Yet, still presenting well enough for now, and vulnerable to health issues beneath the surface.
So I remain deeply prayerful and hopeful. But I also know that if our health changes, it is not because we “failed” or did something wrong.
It’s because trauma leaves marks—sometimes silent, sometimes unseen—but always real.
