Like so many Survivors of childhood sexual violence — and other forms of abuse — I live with chronic pain. Some days, it’s excruciating. But nearly
Photo by Surface
Like so many Survivors of childhood sexual violence — and other forms of abuse — I live with chronic pain. Some days, it’s excruciating. But nearly every medical professional I see says the same thing:
“You’ve got to move. Exercise will help.” (I believe them, but it is easier said than done sometimes.)
So when I recently went to sign up at a local gym, I did what every woman who has learned to scan for safety does.
I looked for bright lighting in the parking lot.
Checked how close I could park near the entrance on bad pain days.
And, because experience has taught me to ask, I asked the front desk:
The woman smiled kindly and said, “Yes, but it’s never been a problem.”
If I’m uncomfortable with males in my space while I’m changing, showering, or adjusting things…… that’s a problem.
As a person with a chronic pain condition, my muscles tighten and tense up at times. Especially around danger. If I know that you freely allow men in those spaces, I never get to even relax to the limited degree that women relax in these spaces. Problem.
If my safety is not a concern or priority to you, while I am in your facility, utilizing the services you provide. Problem.
It is your service, though.
This week, again we see why women’s hesitation matters.
A man disguised himself as a woman to record women in locker rooms at gyms in Maryland — One Life Fitness, Planet Fitness, and others.
He was arrested after violating the privacy of women who simply wanted to move, stretch, and breathe in peace.
For so many of us, even the basic act of taking care of our bodies comes with risk.
Doctors urge movement. Society urges women to “get out there.”
But the world still refuses to make spaces safe for us.
And when women choose to protect ourselves — by asking questions, hesitating, or opting out — we’re told we’re overreacting.
We’re told “it’s never been a problem.”
But it is a problem.
It has been for generations.
Women are still being asked to put ourselves in traumatizing positions for men’s comfort, curiosity, or entitlement.
We’re told to keep showing up — even in spaces where safety is treated like a luxury, not a right.
So no, I didn’t sign up for that gym. And I will not.
Not even on every New Year’s Eve when they come with all those promotions in our magazines and screens.
Instead, I’ll dance and sway in my living room. I’ll stretch with apps. I’ll follow my DVDs. I’ll move to my favorite songs.
Because I refuse to trade my peace for someone else’s “progress.”
💜
Until women’s safety is treated as essential, not optional, we’ll keep creating our own sanctuaries where we can move freely, without fear, and without apology.