Table of Contents
Before you accept the invitation, you start thinking about what you can bring. And somewhere between the grocery list and offering to come early to help, you forget that somebody invited you because they might simply enjoy your company.
Of course there is nothing wrong with bringing a dish. But some women have spent so long securing their place through service that arriving with nothing but themselves feels almost rude.
You know how to be needed. Being wanted can take some getting used to.
When helping becomes the price of admission
Maybe you learned early that adults treated you better when you made their lives easier. You watched the children, stayed quiet, anticipated somebody’s mood. Being helpful gave you a little protection.
Years later, you may still feel uneasy sitting down while someone else clears the table. You might offer money you need yourself because you worry that saying no will change the friendship.
Your generosity deserves to be a choice you can afford to make. It should not require neglecting yourself to keep a place in somebody else’s life.
Notice who enjoys you when you need something
You learn a great deal about a relationship when you cannot provide your usual service. Perhaps you are tired. Perhaps you need a ride this time.
Does the warmth remain? Can the other person adjust without making you feel that you have failed an unspoken agreement?
Healthy friendships have room for uneven seasons. What they cannot depend on is one woman remaining permanently available.
Let somebody be glad you came
At the next gathering, you might bring your favorite dish because you love making it. You might also sit down and let somebody else refill the glasses.
There is a kind of belonging where nobody is keeping an account of what you contributed. You deserve to know what that feels like.
Sometimes your part is to arrive, pull up a chair, and let yourself be loved there.
