✋🏽 When Accountability Feels Like an Attack to Him

[WeSurviveAbuse.com]

Some men don’t fear the harm they cause.
They fear the moment a woman finally says,
“You will not harm me anymore.”

This is perpetrator fragility—
when a man responds to being held accountable as if he’s the one being abused.
When your boundaries feel like betrayal to him.
When your voice sounds like violence to him.
When your truth is treated like treason.

He doesn’t say:
🛠 “I need to take responsibility.”
He says:
🧍🏾‍♂️ “You’re trying to destroy me.”

This is not confusion.
This is conditioning.

For generations, men have been taught that their worth is measured in how much control they have over others—especially over women.
So when you take your power back, they don’t just lose control.
They lose the false identity they’ve wrapped their ego in.

And they crumble.
Or lash out.
Or cry out for sympathy.

Suddenly he’s the victim, and you’re cast as the villain.
Even if you were just trying to survive.

🎓 What the Experts Teach Us:

Dr. Beth Richie calls this part of the gender entrapment that Black women face.
We are taught to protect the men who harm us, even when our safety is on the line.
Dr. Carolyn West reminds us that many Black women are told they must “keep it in the family,” “ride or die,” or “not air dirty laundry.”

And so, when you try to name the harm…
You are told you’re harming him.

TRUTH:

You are not wrong for setting boundaries.
You are not evil for telling the truth.
You are not dangerous for demanding peace.
You are not too much.
You are finally enough—for yourself.

His fragility is not your responsibility.

💥 We say this with love, power, and truth:

• You do not have to carry the guilt he will not face.

• You do not have to hold the silence that keeps you in pain.

• You do not have to protect the person who would not protect you.

You are not here to babysit his shame.

You are here to heal.

You are here to be free.

You are here to survive—and thrive.