(And Why That Voice Isn’t the Truth)You’ve left the relationship.You’ve named what happened.Maybe you’ve even started to heal.But some days… t
(And Why That Voice Isn’t the Truth)
You’ve left the relationship.
You’ve named what happened.
Maybe you’ve even started to heal.
But some days… the voice still creeps in:
“You should’ve known.”
“You let it happen.”
“You stayed too long.”
“You’re the one who caused it.”
This voice can show up out of nowhere—quiet but cruel, familiar but false.
It sounds like you. It even feels like truth.
But it’s not.
It’s not your truth.
It’s the voice of survival. It’s the echo of blame that got planted in you when you were just trying to make it out alive.
Let’s talk about what to say when that voice shows up. Because you don’t have to believe it anymore.
🔁 First, Understand Where That Voice Comes From
That voice is a scar.
It’s the part of you that tried to make sense of chaos by turning the harm inward.
When we’re powerless, blaming ourselves feels like control.
“If I caused it, I can stop it.”
“If it was me, maybe I can fix it.”
“If I can figure out what I did wrong, I won’t get hurt again.”
It’s not weakness.
It’s a brilliant survival tactic.
But you’re not surviving anymore. You’re healing now.
And healing requires truth.
💬 What to Say to the Voice That Still Blames You
1. “That’s an old story, not a current truth.”
You’ve grown. You’ve learned.
The voice of self-blame is rooted in the past—not who you are now.
🌱 “I don’t live there anymore.”
2. “I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.”
You weren’t being reckless.
You weren’t asking for harm.
You were coping. Loving. Hoping. Trying.
🌱 “My younger self deserves grace, not punishment.”
3. “Blaming me doesn’t protect me—it punishes me.”
Self-blame often feels like a shield. But it’s actually a cage.
You deserve freedom, not false responsibility.
🌱 “I choose protection that uplifts, not blame that shames.”
4. “What they did was a choice. It was never my fault.”
Let’s name this clearly:
Someone hurting you was a choice they made—not a reflection of who you are.
Even if you stayed. Even if you loved them. Even if you went back.
🌱 “What they did says everything about them. Not me.”
5. “I can hold truth and compassion at the same time.”
You can grieve the red flags you missed and still know it wasn’t your fault.
You can wish you’d left sooner and still give yourself credit for surviving.
You can tell the truth without tearing yourself apart.
🌱 “I am growing forward—not punishing backward.”
❤️ Final Truth:
That voice of blame?
It’s not your enemy. It’s your hurt trying to protect you.
But you don’t need it like you once did.
Now, you need truth.
You need gentleness.
You need self-protection that feels like love, not self-punishment that feels like penance.
So the next time that voice whispers, “It was your fault”—
You have every right to answer:
“No, it wasn’t. I was there. I remember. I know better now. And I’m not carrying shame that doesn’t belong to me.”
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Share this post if you feel safe and ready. Someone else’s inner voice might need a new story too.
