Too often, when a woman dares to speak up about her own safety needs, she is shamed. Other women tell her she’s “overreacting,” “paranoid,” or “making men look bad.”
But listen—every woman’s safety needs are individual. What one woman feels comfortable with, another may not. What one woman can tolerate, another cannot. And that is her right.
We don’t owe conformity to males to keep anyone else comfortable. We don’t owe silence so others can pretend the world is safer than it is. The fact is, this IS an extremely dangerous world for women.
When women shame other women for protecting themselves, they do the work of abusers and predators for them. More female human labor in service to males who wish no one but themselves good. Fruitless labor and sacrifice for no harvest.
They silence us. They push us back into danger.
At We Survive Abuse, we refuse to participate in that.
Your Shame Is Not Keeping Her Safe.
Making a woman feel ashamed for recognizing danger does nothing to prevent violence. Shaming her for saying no, setting boundaries, or refusing access does not make anyone safer.
It only teaches her that protecting herself comes with punishment.
If you care about her safety, stop demanding that she silence her instincts to protect someone else’s feelings.
Her boundaries are not the danger. The behavior that makes those boundaries necessary deserves your attention.
Instead of shaming, we should be standing guard. We should be listening. We should be saying: Sister, I’ve got your back.
Because when women defend women, we ALL move closer to freedom.
Stop punishing women for recognizing danger while making excuses for the people who create it. Your useless and selfish shaming will not protect her. Her boundaries might.
The Rules of Misogyny: A History of a Brilliant Internet List – WE Survive Abuse
“She Knew What She Was Doing.” Why Do Adults Say This About Abused Children? – WE Survive Abuse
A Debt of Safety: Moving Beyond the “Infinite Well” of Women’s Care – WE Survive Abuse