🎭 The Tactic When you call out something harmful—like antisemitism, racism, sexism, or rape apologia—and the person responds with: “So I guess y
🎭 The Tactic
When you call out something harmful—like antisemitism, racism, sexism, or rape apologia—and the person responds with:
“So I guess you expect everyone to be perfect…”
They’re shifting the focus from their harmful behavior to your alleged “unrealistic expectations.”
This tactic is known as moral perfectionism framing or deflection through false equivalence.
⚙️ What’s Really Happening
They are:
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Dodging accountability by painting you as unreasonable or overly critical.
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Centering themselves—their feelings, their image, their comfort—instead of centering the harm done.
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Recasting awareness as attack, so that calling out harm feels like oppression rather than correction.
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Reframing harm as imperfection, so they can equate bigotry or enabling violence with small human mistakes.
🪞 Why It Works (and Hurts)
This deflection can silence truth-tellers.
It suggests that naming harm equals being judgmental, when in reality, you’re practicing moral clarity and safety advocacy.
It’s manipulative because it conflates accountability with cruelty—and people who’ve experienced systemic harm are often trained to avoid being seen as “mean.”
💡 The Empowered Response
You might say:
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“I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for awareness and responsibility.”
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“This isn’t about being flawless; it’s about not causing harm.”
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“Being called in isn’t an attack—it’s an opportunity to grow.”
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“When we blur the line between imperfection and oppression, people get hurt.”
Here’s what’s really happening beneath the surface, and what truth you can hold on to:
🌿 1. They’re Trying to Reframe Accountability as Cruelty
They want you to doubt yourself.
They want you to believe that asking for basic decency—not racism, not sexism, not harm—is the same as demanding perfection.
It’s not.
Accountability is not cruelty.
Accountability is care.
🔥 2. You’re Witnessing a Power Move, Not a Conversation
This isn’t about misunderstanding.
It’s about maintaining comfort and avoiding growth.
When you speak truth about injustice, it threatens the illusion of innocence that some people cling to.
They’ll try to pull you back into silence by making you question your tone, your motives, or your “expectations.”
🪞 3. You’re Not Asking for the Impossible
You’re not asking them to be perfect—you’re asking them to be honest, aware, and teachable.
You’re asking them to stop doing harm and start listening.
There’s a difference between human imperfection and willful ignorance or cruelty.
One is forgivable; the other requires change.
🌺 4. They Want to Avoid the Mirror
The “you want perfection” response is often fear talking.
Because if they looked too long in that mirror, they’d have to face what they’ve allowed, ignored, or benefited from.
That discomfort? That’s the beginning of growth.
But only if they’re willing to face it.
🕊️ 5. You Don’t Have to Convince Them
You can plant truth and keep walking.
Every moment you refuse to carry their guilt for them, you reclaim your peace.
Your calling is not to make people comfortable with injustice—it’s to remind them that harm can be unlearned.
That’s how the world changes.
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