When Control Becomes Abuse: Recognizing Coercive Control in Relationships

When a man dictates:who she gets to be and under what conditions what a woman will do, how she will do it, where she will go, and

When a man dictates:

who she gets to be and under what conditions
what a woman will do,
how she will do it,
where she will go, and with whom,

he is exerting coercive control, which is a form of psychological and emotional abuse.

Defining who a woman can be is not love, it’s control—and control is abuse. No one has the right to shape a woman’s identity but her—anything else is abuse. Denying women the right to define themselves is controlling and abusive. Putting conditions on the rights of women and girls to define themselves is controlling and abusive.

This applies to any man no matter how he identifies or how others choose to classify him.

Related:

Gender ideology:

Allows men to define “woman”;
Allows men to define “lesbian”;
Allows men to abolish women’s spaces.

“Ideology” is defined as “a system of ideas and ideals, especially one which forms the basis of economic or political theory and policy.” The position that men can define “woman”/”women’s rights,” and that what men say should be given political/legal effect, is an ideology.

Posted to X by Professor Gary L. Francione

Concerning Signs of Abuse and Control

Loss of Autonomy

Every adult has the right to make decisions about their own life. When someone else controls these aspects, it strips away a person’s freedom and individuality. People dealing with loss of autonomy may unknowingly report feelings that align with imposter syndrome—even if they don’t recognize the root cause as control or coercion.

Coercive Control

This is a recognized pattern of abuse where an abuser uses isolation, monitoring, threats, and manipulation to dominate their partner.

In some countries, coercive control is legally recognized as domestic abuse, even if physical violence is not present.

Emotional and Psychological Harm

Being told where to go, who to see, what to do can cause stress, fear, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Over time, the person being controlled may lose confidence in their own decisions and feel trapped.

Isolation from Support Systems

Controlling a woman’s social interactions can prevent her from seeking help, advice, or support from friends, family, or professionals.

Self-Doubt and Second-Guessing

When someone’s decisions, identity, and choices are constantly dictated by a controlling partner, they may lose trust in their own judgment. This can lead to feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

Feeling Like a Fraud in Their Own Life

If someone is forced to live according to another person’s rules, they might feel like they are merely performing a role rather than being their authentic self. This can mirror imposter syndrome, where a person feels like an outsider in their own experiences.

Fear of Being ‘Exposed’

In imposter syndrome, people fear that others will discover they aren’t as competent or independent as they seem. In coercive relationships, victims often internalize control, leading them to feel unqualified to make their own choices or that they “wouldn’t survive on their own.”

External Validation Becomes Necessary

Imposter syndrome makes people seek external validation to prove their worth. In a controlling relationship, the partner’s approval becomes the only validation that matters, reinforcing the cycle of dependence and self-doubt.

Signs of Coercive Control

Monitoring (checking her phone, emails, or tracking her location)
Dictating friendships (telling her who she can or cannot talk to)
Financial control (restricting access to money, making all financial decisions)
Verbal threats or intimidation (making her feel scared to say no)
Guilt-tripping or manipulation (using emotions to control behavior)

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Behavior

There are people, experts, who listen to and care about the most vulnerable victims. We talk about this in the hopes that it helps to free and liberate others. Even just one somebody.

A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, and communication. Each partner should feel free to make their own choices while also considering their partner’s feelings.

Abuse is not about love—it is about power and control.