What Is Covert Bullying?

The Abuse You Can’t Always See

Not all bullying looks like yelling, pushing, or name-calling.
Some of the most damaging harm happens in the shadows—quiet, calculated, and hard to prove.
That’s called covert bullying.

It’s abuse that hides behind smiles, silence, and manipulation.

Covert bullying can fly under the radar, especially in schools, families, workplaces, and even Survivor spaces.
But make no mistake: it leaves real wounds.

💡 What Is Covert Bullying?

Covert bullying is subtle, hidden, or sneaky behavior meant to harm, humiliate, isolate, or control someone—without being obvious to others.

It’s done with intention, even if the bully pretends it’s innocent.

It’s gaslighting with a grin.
It’s emotional violence with plausible deniability.

🚩 Examples of Covert Bullying:

1. Exclusion
   Deliberately leaving someone out—of conversations, events, or decisions—while pretending it was an accident.

2. Backhanded compliments
   “You’re so brave to wear that” or “You’re smarter than you look” — designed to cut, not praise.

3. Gossip and rumors
   Spreading lies or twisted truths behind someone’s back to destroy their reputation or isolate them.

4. Silent treatment
   Withholding attention, affection, or acknowledgment to punish or control someone emotionally.

5. Sabotage
   Setting someone up to fail, then pretending to help or be supportive.

6. Feigning innocence
   “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that!” – when the bully knows exactly what they’re doing.

7. Subtle undermining
   Rolling eyes when you speak, making jokes at your expense, correcting you in public—meant to chip away at your confidence.

8. Triangulation
   Playing people against each other by sharing private info or lies to stir conflict, while staying “neutral.”

9. Love-bombing then withdrawing
   Intense praise or attention followed by sudden distance, leaving the target confused and craving approval.

10. Playing the victim
    When confronted, the bully cries or flips the story, making you seem like the aggressor.

💔 Why It Hurts So Much

Covert bullying causes confusion, isolation, anxiety, and self-doubt.
Targets often feel like they’re “too sensitive” or imagining things—because that’s what the bully wants.

It’s designed to erode your trust in yourself.

Especially in spaces where the bully is protected, liked, or holds power (yes, even “healing” spaces), it can be devastating.

🛑 You Are Not Overreacting

If your spirit feels uneasy, if something feels off, that’s a sign.
You don’t need bruises or screaming to justify saying:

🗣️ “This is not okay.”
🗣️ “I deserve to be safe, respected, and seen.”
🗣️ “I know what I felt. I know what happened.”

Covert bullying is real abuse.
It hides in plain sight.
But you deserve protection, peace, and power—even when the harm is quiet.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s name it. Let’s stop it.