🚧 9 Signs You’re Dealing with a Stonewaller

Photo by Art Institute of Chicago

And Why That’s Not Your Fault
[WeSurviveAbuse.com]

Stonewalling is one of the most soul-draining tactics used in abusive relationships. It’s when someone shuts you down—emotionally, verbally, or physically—so they never have to face what they’ve done.

Stonewallers don’t fight fair.
They don’t reflect.
They don’t listen.

They make sure you always feel like the problem for daring to speak up.

1. 🧱 They Refuse to Talk About Important Issues

You bring up something serious—disrespect, harm, betrayal—and they brush it off like it’s a weather report. Or they say “not now,” then never bring it up again.

2. 🙄 They Call You a “Nag” or Say You’re “Always Complaining”

You could calmly bring up a pattern of harm, and they’ll roll their eyes and say, “Here we go again.”
That’s not communication. That’s gaslighting dressed as apathy.

3. 🧊 They Go Silent

They disappear mid-conversation. They stop replying. They leave the room. They freeze you out for hours or days. Silence becomes a weapon, and you’re left drowning in confusion.

4. 📱 They Distract or Change the Subject

You’re pouring out your heart. They suddenly start scrolling their phone, turning up the TV, or asking what’s for dinner. It’s not forgetfulness. It’s intentional avoidance.

5. 🕳️ They Act Like They’re the Victim

“I can’t do anything right.”
“Why are you attacking me?”
Now you’re the villain for bringing up hurtful behavior. They play wounded to avoid accountability.

6. 🧠 They Pretend They Don’t Understand

Even when you explain clearly, they claim they “don’t get it” or “don’t remember it that way.” Stonewallers often weaponize confusion to wear you down.

7. 😐 They Don’t Care That You’re Hurting

You cry. You shake. You struggle to get through a conversation—and they sit there, unmoved. A stonewaller refuses to connect with your pain because empathy would make them responsible.

8. ⏰ They Use Time to Control You

They say “we’ll talk about it later”—but later never comes. This is delay-as-control. It keeps you hoping, waiting, and stuck.

9. 🪞 They Make You Question Yourself

Eventually, you stop speaking up. You wonder if you really are “too emotional” or “too much.” That’s how stonewalling works—it wears down your voice until it disappears.

💔 Stonewalling Is Not Just a Communication Problem

It’s emotional abuse.
It’s manipulation.
It’s a form of power and control.

And it’s never your fault.

🌱 You Deserve Real Connection

Healthy people don’t punish you for having feelings. They don’t dodge the truth.
They sit with it.
They care enough to try.
And they show up—especially when it’s uncomfortable.

“Your truth is not too much. Their silence is a strategy.”
– WeSurviveAbuse.com