As a veteran advocate for victims of domestic and sexual violence, I know better than to ask: "Why won't you leave?"I know why. The reasons are valid:
As a veteran advocate for victims of domestic and sexual violence, I know better than to ask: “Why won’t you leave?”
I know why. The reasons are valid:
- Concerns about the children
- Fear of being murdered
- Fear other family members may be murdered
- Financial obstacles
- Encouragement from family and friends to stay. “Honor your vows” even as your spouse is dishonoring and destroying you.
- Mental programming
- Exhaustion
These reasons are as real as it gets. If you don’t know about that life, it is okay to acknowledge that. But people who know, know that leaving is not as easy as others may think.
I hear you. Respectfully, I’d like to remind you of 20 reasons to leave. I do not assume that these reasons have never crossed your mind. I imagine that they have.
I simply offer them here in one place and hope that they help. Nevertheless, I urge you to do what is best for you and your family.
Your safety matters. Leaving can protect you from further harm and create space for healing. You deserve to live without fear.
You are worthy of love that doesn’t hurt. True love uplifts, nurtures, and respects you—never abuses you.
Your mental health deserves care. Abuse takes a toll on your mind, heart, and spirit. Freedom allows you to focus on healing and reclaiming your peace.
You are not responsible for their behavior. Their actions are theirs alone. You are not to blame for the abuse, nor are you responsible for fixing them.
Your children deserve to see healthy love. If you have children, leaving shows them that love doesn’t include violence or control. It teaches them strength and self-respect.
You deserve to rediscover yourself. Abuse can make you lose sight of who you are. Leaving allows you to reconnect with your dreams, passions, and identity.
Your physical health is vital. Stress and fear from abuse can harm your body. Leaving is a step toward protecting your overall well-being.
You have the right to make your own choices. In an abusive relationship, control is often stolen from you. Leaving helps you reclaim your autonomy.
Abuse is not love. Real love doesn’t manipulate, harm, or degrade. Leaving is a way of choosing the love you truly deserve.
You are stronger than you know. The courage to leave an abusive relationship reflects the incredible strength you’ve always had.
Help is available. You don’t have to do this alone. Advocates, friends, family, and shelters are here to support you every step of the way.
Your dreams deserve a chance. Abuse can dim your light, but leaving creates room for your goals, aspirations, and happiness to thrive.
The cycle of abuse can end with you. Breaking free sends a powerful message: abuse is unacceptable and stops here.
You are not alone. Many Survivors have walked this path and found peace on the other side. You belong to a community of resilience and support.
You don’t have to wait for it to get worse. Abuse doesn’t need to escalate further for your choice to leave to be valid. Your safety and well-being are reason enough.
Freedom is your birthright. You were born to live fully and freely, not under someone else’s control or violence.
Leaving is self-care, not selfish. Choosing yourself and your safety is one of the bravest acts of self-love.
You are more than their abuse. Their words and actions do not define you. Leaving gives you the space to reclaim your identity.
Your life has infinite value. You are precious, and no one has the right to harm you. Leaving is a declaration that your life matters.
Healing is possible. The journey after abuse isn’t easy, but it is worth it. By leaving, you open the door to a future filled with peace, strength, and renewal.
Leaving an abusive relationship is a process, and it’s okay to take your time. No matter how long it takes, remember: you are brave, resilient, and deserving of a life free from abuse. You’re not alone, and there is help waiting for you. 💜
As always, I urge you to do what is best for you and your family.
*Keep women’s support groups closed to men. Healing is sacred and saves lives.
COMMENTS