The Lie We Tell to Stay Comfortable People say: “Rape is rape, it doesn’t matter who did it.” But that has never been true in practice.
The Lie We Tell to Stay Comfortable
People say:
“Rape is rape, it doesn’t matter who did it.”
But that has never been true in practice.
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A wealthy man is treated differently than a poor man
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A white man differently than a Black man
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A heterosexual man differently than a gay man
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A beloved community figure differently than a stranger
Identity shapes how the crime is processed, not just how it is committed.
If the world believes the perpetrator is incapable of harm, the Survivor must climb a mountain just to be heard.
Perpetrators do not arrive in front of victims as blank slates.
They arrive carrying:
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cultural permissions
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labels that grant credibility or innocence
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identities that shape how the world interprets their behavior
From a victim-centered lens, identity always matters because identity shapes response — not just the act.
AND how people believe victims “ought” to act in response to harm and violence. Ain’t that something?
Why Identity Matters in Violence
If a man rapes a woman, the world sees:
If a respected minister harms someone, the world sees:
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an authority figure
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a spiritual covering
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a role that carries built-in credibility
If a gay man harms someone, the world may see:
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a symbol of a marginalized group
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someone presumed more vulnerable than dangerous
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a person culturally protected from accusation
Identity isn’t decoration.
It is context — and context determines whether a Survivor is believed, dismissed, or destroyed.
Identity Is Not the Cause — But It Shapes the Consequence
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who gets believed
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who gets protected
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who gets excused
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who gets punished
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who gets forgotten
A man with power will be shielded by it.
A woman without power will be punished by his power.
A gay man may be shielded from scrutiny because calling him a rapist feels politically dangerous.
A minister may be shielded because his title creates a halo.
A beloved uncle may be shielded because “he’s family.”
(While we are here, “white” is an identity too, whether you choose to say it or not.)
In every case:
The victim pays the price for the perpetrator’s perceived identity.
A Victim-Centered Lens Refuses Fantasy
A victim-centered approach looks at the world as it is, not as we wish it were.
It says:
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People are treated differently based on who they are
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Systems respond differently based on who harmed whom
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Some perpetrators walk into rooms wrapped in social insulation
It refuses to pretend that identity doesn’t alter justice.
The Real Danger
When identity is ignored, two silent messages emerge:
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This type of person wouldn’t do that
— which protects perpetrators -
This type of victim must have misunderstood
— which punishes Survivors
And that is how culture becomes an accomplice.
Fully Honored
To be victim-centered is to understand:
Who someone is in society shapes how their violence is perceived, processed, and punished.
Identity does not excuse harm — but identity absolutely influences whether harm is acknowledged.
The crime does not occur in isolation.