No, Feminists Didn’t “Give Up a Happy Home.” We Fought to Escape a Cage
And the walls of that cage were built with silence, shame, and sanctioned suffering.
There’s a dangerous myth floating around like perfum [...]
Male Predators Are Male: Why Language Matters for Survivor Justice
He raped her with his maleness, and now that he is in court (that in itself is a miracle because very few rapists are ever prosecuted), no one can ack [...]
Which Women Do You Really Stand For? The Question Feminists Keep Dodging (updated)
For those unfamiliar: Most Black women did not call for “unity.” We understood then, as we do now, that not all women are willing to give up [...]
Jim Crow Was About Stripping Boundaries-Not Setting Them
Someone is telling on themselves....... In Jim Crow America, Black people—especially Black women and girls—were forbidden from having boundarie [...]
When Communities Celebrate Predators: The Cost of Uplifting R. Kelly in Black Spaces
Stop making abuse a softer crime just because the beat is familiar.
Let me just get this sentence out so I can be done:
Must we use every Bl [...]
Using Michelle Obama’s Image to Justify White Supremacy Is a Self-Own—And a Betrayal
(Why Black women must speak for ourselves, gatekeep our image, and protect our humanity)
Every so often-too often- I see it again:A meme, a tweet, or [...]
Women Deserve Privacy, Safety, and Respect—Especially in Campus Athletics
Across campuses, colleges have a duty: to protect all students.
That includes the right to privacy, safety, and dignity—especially for young women [...]
You Don’t Find Your People By What They Post—You Find Them By What They Protect
"I don’t want to hear you say, 'Honey, I’m behind you.' Well, move, I don’t want you back there because you could be 200 miles behind. I want you to [...]
Cultural Complicity: The Silence That Hurts More Than the First Harm
He Did the Harm. They Held the Door.
Sometimes it’s not just the person who hurts you.
It’s the people who stay quiet.
It’s the family who says,“Do [...]
“Not This Person” Is Old Reputation Management — And We’ve Fought This Before
Domestic violence advocates have been here before.
For decades, advocates fought a very specific lie.Not loudly at first.But relentless [...]
What Really Protects Women: Moving Beyond Racial Myths and Toward Real Safety
For generations, women have been taught to fear the wrong things.We were warned about dark alleys, strangers, and the “unknown man” who might leap out [...]
💔 When She Protects Herself, He Cries Harm
[wesurviveabuse.com]
There are men—too many—who believe that a woman harms them simply by refusing to be harmed by them.
She sets a boundary.She tel [...]
10 Reasons Men Invading Women’s Spaces—No Matter How They Identify—Is Abusive, Misogynistic, Gynophobic, and Sexist
Women’s spaces exist for safety, healing, solidarity, and empowerment—yet, men demanding access to these spaces is a continuation of male entitlement, [...]
THE GIFT OF FEAR | GAVIN DE BECKER | ANIMATED BOOK SUMMARY (video)
In our society we underestimate intuition in favor of logic. I like logic. I also like intuition. When it comes to violence and abuse, how has [...]
🚨 Silence Isn’t Neutral. It’s Permission.
Let’s talk about the men who say:
“I don’t get involved in drama.”“That’s between them.”“Not all men are like that.”“I’d never do that, but I’m not [...]
Why Are Women’s Demands for Boundaries and Safe Spaces Being Compared to Segregation?
Too many women—especially monitored, poor, rural, disabled, and older women—do not have easy access to digital spaces. And many who do are walking awa [...]
Courtney Stodden’s Lifetime Movie Exposes the Public Grooming of a Child Bride—and the Cruelty of Celebrity Culture
I wasn't deeply familiar with this young woman prior to watching the Lifetime movie. I'm a bit out of her target age range. But being a teenager and t [...]
And Why Don’t Black Women Call the Police? (Graphic video posted by Ben Crump)
“The Constitution they wrote was designed to protect the rights of white, male citizens. As there were no black Founding Fathers, there were no foun [...]
The Unseen Cage: How Systems Use Coercive Control
When the hands that claim to help you are the ones tightening the grip.
Not all abuse comes from partners.Sometimes, it comes from systems—the cour [...]
Predators Are Not Always Charismatic—Don’t Be Fooled by the Stereotype
Many people have a picture in their minds of what a predator looks like: charming, confident, manipulative, always in control. But let’s be clear—pred [...]
When “Nothing Will Happen” Isn’t a Safety Plan: Asking About Real Safeguards
“If your confidence turns out to be misplaced, what protections exist for the people expected to absorb the consequences?” When certainty replaces [...]
🌿Healing Without Being Pulled Into Someone Else’s Agenda
Survivors are not projects to be shaped.They are people who deserve safety, clarity, and freedom.
Many Survivors have lived through:
coerciv [...]
❌ If You Can’t Speak Your Truth Without Losing Love, You’re Not in a Relationship—You’re Under Rule
There are relationships that look like love on the outside.They may even feel like love—sometimes.
But if your ability to tell the truth threatens [...]
Grief That Echoes: Honoring the Women Amiri Baraka Lost to Violence
There are wounds that don’t stop bleeding just because the headlines fade.There are names that deserve to be spoken with reverence—not only in trage [...]
The Performance of Ignorance: How Men Pretend Sexual Violence Is News.
There is a peculiar kind of amnesia that grips men whenever the subject turns to sexual violence—an amnesia so convenient, so well-practiced, it deser [...]
10 Signs You’re Being Dehumanized—Even by People Who Say They Support You
This is a crucial question—because recognizing when you are being dehumanized is often the first step in reclaiming dignity, power, and bounda [...]
When Propaganda is Used Against Abuse Survivors
Propaganda isn’t just for politics or war; it’s a powerful tool that gets used to control narratives about abuse survivors, shape public perception, a [...]
🚩 Red Flags: When “Allies” Are Really Just Bullies
In advocacy, passion often draws people in—it can light up a room, stir emotions, and rally attention. But not every loud voice is a trustworthy one. [...]
Hate Makes the Mind Small: Freedom Lives in Openness
Hateful people say, "So you all are just these magical people walking around knowing everything hunh."
Sometimes...... we do not have the w [...]
A Society That Centers Harmful Males Will Never Have Trust—And It Doesn’t Deserve It
Trust is not a gift.Trust is built.Earned.Sustained through action, protection, and accountability.
But what happens when a society builds its laws [...]
Visibility Isn’t Safety. And Representation Isn’t Protection.
We were told more women in power would mean more safety for all women.We were told that when women rise, we all rise.But too many of us are still in [...]
“Why Are Women Still Told to Have Faith in Men Who ‘Rebrand’ Themselves?”
“If his change requires your suffering to prove it, it isn’t change — it’s another performance.”
— WeSurviveAbuse.com
Somehow, we allowed ourselve [...]
❓ FAQ: Why Is It Sexist to Dismiss Women’s Boundaries and Need for Safety?
Q: Is it really sexist to question or challenge women-only spaces?
A: Yes. Dismissing, undermining, or demanding access to women-only spaces—especial [...]
The Pain They Tell You to Swallow: On Disrespect, Dehumanization, and the Lie of Strength
They say, “Now’s not the time.”They say, “It’s not that serious.”They say, “Be the bigger person.”They say, “Other people have it worse.”
And just li [...]
Men Have a Duty to Be Safe Around Women and Children
We need to say this more often, and we need to say it without apology: men have a duty to be safe around women and children.
Do not cross bou [...]
The Disposability of the “Wrong” Women: A Call to Conscience (w/Affirmations)
There is a silence that wraps itself around certain women like a shroud—thick, suffocating, strategic.
It’s the silence reserved for women who are p [...]
When Stalking Isn’t Just “Annoying” — It’s a Real Threat to Girls and Women
INVESTIGATIVE: One stalking victim's mother speaks after man kills woman, sets himself on fire
Stalking is often dismissed as “harassment” or brushed [...]
I Wish You No Harm—But This Doesn’t Work for Me: The Truth About Women’s Boundaries
There is this strange, deeply embedded belief that in order for a woman or girl to be considered a "good person" she must sacrifice her safety for men [...]
When Belonging Breaks: Surviving in Truth When Cultures Defends Abusers
I get when some groups defend some aspects of abusers. I've slipped (more than once) and done it too. I'm a human. I still have a duty to push bac [...]
The Lie She Tells Herself: When Women Protect the Men Who Harm
"I'd lie for you. I'd die for you. Ride or die for you"- a woman or girl for a a man she admires/likes/loves There’s a saying that floats around on [...]
🚨 Pregnancy Shouldn’t Be a Death Sentence
Let’s tell the truth—pregnancy should never be a death sentence.
But in the United States, the leading cause of death for pregnant and postpartum w [...]
🌙 Future Faking: When Promises Become a Trap
Let’s talk about something a lot of Survivors don’t even know has a name—but once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
It’s called future faking.And it’ [...]
Don’t Say You’re in Our Corner—Fight Like It
“What we’re fighting for is not a privilege. It is a right.” – Fannie Lou Hamer
Don’t say you’re in my corner—fight like it.Don’t post slogans and [...]
What Happens When Women Fully Stop Performing Labor For the Male Gaze?
Words That Tried to Tame Women For generations, women have been shamed into labor — emotional, physical, spiritual — through language that sounds o [...]
Gaslighting with a Grin: What Covert Bullying Really Looks Like
What Is Covert Bullying?
The Abuse You Can’t Always See
Not all bullying looks like yelling, pushing, or name-calling.Some of the most damaging harm [...]
You Are Not Overreacting: The Truth About Racism and Dismissal (w/Affirmations)
“Being asked to ignore degradation is not an invitation to be strong. It is an invitation to disappear. And you were never meant to disappear.”
For S [...]
A Mother Daughter Team Teaching Lessons on Teen Dating Violence: Carolyn Mosely and Ortralla Mosely (Resting in Power)
updated from 2/5/25
I exchanged emails with this mother, Carolyn Mosley, many years ago.
I don't think I will ever forget she and her d [...]
“The Jennifer Melle Case: When Women’s Safety Loses to Male Protection — Even for a Convicted Child Predator”
Nurse Jennifer Melle was doing what few people would want to do: providing care — intimate, necessary, and skillful care — to a male prisoner convicte [...]
Why Are Women Told to Stay Calm About Things That Should Horrify Everyone?
When women, girls, and children talk about boundaries, it’s not hate speaking. It’s concern. It’s exhaustion. It’s survival language. Too often, th [...]
The Gish Gallop: When Overload Becomes a Weapon Against Survivors
There’s a tactic that shows up in debates, politics, in online videos, and—far too often—in the lives of Survivors. It’s called the Gish Gallop.
The [...]
Weaponized Moralism: The Silence That Screams
They call it compassion.But only when it protects male access.
They call it justice.But only when women are asked to surrender boundaries.
They call [...]
Your Self-Righteousness Will Not End Domestic Violence
So you were “right.”You “saw the signs.”You “told her he wasn’t good.”You “would’ve left sooner.”You “would never let that happen to you.”
But here’s [...]
🛑 Women’s Safety Is Not Up for Debate: On Pressure, Autonomy, and Male Violence
We know that society still expects women to protect men’s reputations—
especially when those men are climbing the ladder of power.
Even if preservi [...]
When Power and Control Speaks, It Uses the Same Language
"I get to treat you horribly because I have decided that you are less than me."
Power and control don’t always look the same.But they always speak th [...]
Coercive Sex Trafficking: What People Don’t Understand
That line is more fragile than people think.
Too many people in the U.S. still picture sex trafficking as some shadowy van pulling up to snatch a g [...]
Abuse Isn’t About Rage. It’s About Control.
👁️ See It Clearly Watch who people protect — and who they hurt.
Watch who they challenge — and who they stay silent around. Women.
Children.
[...]
When Someone You Love Defends the People Who Harm Children
There are few heartbreaks more jarring than this:Realizing someone you admire is cheering for those who endanger children.
And it cuts deeper when [...]
The Double Standard Isn’t Cosmetic—It’s Controlling Us.
Plastic surgery was never just about beauty. It was always about control.
Women have long been judged for what we do—or don’t do—to our bodies [...]
Stop Shaming Survivors. Start Shaming Abusers.
🖤 WeSurviveAbuse.com
Survivors should not be met with interrogation, suspicion, or scorn.They should not have to fight to be believed while the abuse [...]
Healing When Your Abuser Is Still Welcome at the Table
The betrayal no one wants to talk about—but every Survivor remembers. There’s a kind of betrayal that lives in the silence.In the sideways glan [...]
Why “I Don’t Care About Potential Harm-Doers” Sounds Empowering But Isn’t
We get it.You’re tired of tiptoeing.You’re tired of warning signs, red flags, and feeling like you have to carry the burden of watching your back all [...]
Why Leaders Who Excuse Abuse Can’t Build Safety—They Recreate Harm
When someone dismisses violence, mocks Survivors, or excuses abuse, they’re not neutral.
They’re signaling the kind of safety they intend to build—on [...]
They Weren’t Just Controlling—They Were Consuming
Survivors often face: the coercion to disappear inside someone else’s reflection.
Some people weren’t looking for love.They were looking for someon [...]
🧱 You Don’t Have to Build the House to Set the Fire:
The Truth About Harm Within Oppressive Systems
Some people argue:“I didn’t build the system. So I can’t be responsible for the harm it causes.”
Be [...]
Red Flag #1: If They Won’t Let You Have Privacy, They Don’t See You as Human
When Privacy Is Forbidden—It’s a Deadly Warning
Some people believe that their partners, children, or family members do not deserve privacy. That bel [...]
✂️ Unlearning the Lie: When “Being a Good Person” Means Upholding Harm
Some of us were taught that being a “good person” meant keeping quiet.Smoothing things over.Soften the blow.Protect their reputation.Look the other wa [...]
Red Flags: Why Do Some People Refuse to Challenge Systems of Harm — and What Does that Reveal About Them?
Women’s safety movements grew from necessity — from the silences of law, the blind spots of culture, and the cruelty of normalized harm. Every woman l [...]
When He Won’t Pay the Bills: The Financial Abuse People Miss
Financial abuse doesn’t always look like taking money. Sometimes it looks like refusing to carry your part—knowing the damage will fall on her and you [...]
Malcolm X Wisdom: When Lies Become the Environment, Safety Disappears
Malcolm X said : "A lie told once is questioned. A lie repeated often enough becomes accepted. And once it becomes 'common sense,' people stop inve [...]
Red Flags in Relationships: Recognizing Silent Signals of Control
updated from January 12 2025 Here is when I knew.
I was riding in the car with my date. Our first date.
He picked me up.
He brought me a si [...]
When Chaos Is a Weapon: How Some Partners Use Crisis to Control You
And why you’re not “mean” for wanting peace It starts with a bad decision. Maybe a DUI.Maybe losing another job.Maybe a fight with the [...]
You’re Not Asking for Perfection—You’re Asking for Respect: Recognizing a Common Deflection Tactic
🎭 The Tactic
When you call out something harmful—like antisemitism, racism, sexism, or rape apologia—and the person responds with: “So I guess y [...]
You Never Know Who’s Listening
You don’t know which of the people around you are living in abusive situations.But they see you.They watch you.They hear you.
They are listening—no [...]
Prevent it-Trauma is Traumatizing.
This poster could not be more correct. You do not do this work without encountering people who do not recover. Some are in prison. Some are in b [...]