When Love Feels Like Walking on Eggshells: FAQs About Coercive Control
FAQs About Coercive Control
Is coercive control the same as emotional abuse?
They overlap, but coercive control is often broader. It [...]
Being Protective Is Good: Why You Don’t Have to Choose Between Kindness and Boundaries
In today’s world—especially in progressive spaces—many women are made to feel that if they truly care about human rights, they must stay quiet about t [...]
Why Do Some Men Bash Good Men Rather Than Learning From Them?
Facts…why men rush to social media to bash Klay Thompson and Russell Wilson. pic.twitter.com/7O3U0642rm
— Fck_Yaya🎧✍️🏾 (@FckYaya) November 20, 20 [...]
🌿 The Truth About Hate Groups & Their Harm to Women and Children
I speak the truth, even when it shakes the room.
My refusal to accept harm is not hatred. It is sacred love.
We often think of hate groups as someth [...]
You Never Know Who’s Listening
You don’t know which of the people around you are living in abusive situations.But they see you.They watch you.They hear you.
They are listening—no [...]
📚 Language Is Power. Categories Shape Policy and Perception.
Oppression is not only carried out with fists, laws, and locked doors.It is carried out with words.
Words that erase.Words that confuse.Words that sa [...]
You Don’t Owe Closure to Danger
(And You Don’t Need the Internet to Validate Your Boundaries)
Do not listen to people online who speak from comfort, not from experience.
If someo [...]
When Someone You Love Defends the People Who Harm Children
There are few heartbreaks more jarring than this:Realizing someone you admire is cheering for those who endanger children.
And it cuts deeper when [...]
🚫 STOP ASKING US TO GET USED TO BEING HARMED
People don’t listen to women and children.
Not when we whisper.Not when we scream.Not even when we show up with a mountain of evidence, hospital re [...]
They Weren’t Just Controlling—They Were Consuming
Survivors often face: the coercion to disappear inside someone else’s reflection.
Some people weren’t looking for love.They were looking for someon [...]
Say It With Your Chest: Black Victims Deserve Justice—No Exceptions
Stop weaponizing white men’s impunity to excuse Black men’s predation. Accountability for Black predators is not— and will never be—measured ag [...]
If Any of Your Relationships Run on Silence and Lies, It’s Time to Reclaim Your Voice
I need to speak to you plain today.
There comes a time in healing when you must take a long, hard look around you and ask:Who benefits from my sile [...]
When Healing Language Gets Mocked: Gaslighting by Cultural Delegitimization
They asked you to speak. Or, it is time and space designed for speaking.
To be honest. To open up. To tell your truth.
They asked you to join gro [...]
Healing When Your Abuser Is Still Welcome at the Table
The betrayal no one wants to talk about—but every Survivor remembers. There’s a kind of betrayal that lives in the silence.In the sideways glan [...]
We Can Care About the World Without Ignoring the Harm Shortening Lives Here at Home
Every month, an average of more than 70 women in the United States are shot and killed by an intimate partner. Everytownreasearch.org | [...]
You’re Not Asking for Perfection—You’re Asking for Respect: Recognizing a Common Deflection Tactic
🎭 The Tactic
When you call out something harmful—like antisemitism, racism, sexism, or rape apologia—and the person responds with: “So I guess y [...]
American Greed: Inside The Episode with Jenifer Lewis | CNBC Prime
You can do everything right and still meet people whose only plan for you is deception, manipulation, and harm. I loved watching how Jenifer Lewis han [...]
Why Are Women Still Expected to Risk Our Safety Just to Exercise?
Like so many Survivors of childhood sexual violence — and other forms of abuse — I live with chronic pain. Some days, it’s excruciating. But nearly [...]
When History Is Weaponized: Seeing the Manipulation Clearly, Even on the Hard Days
A reminder that “slavery is white history, how we survived it is Black history." ~ Malcolm Jamal Warner
There are moments when the world fe [...]
Maybe They Never Hit You… But Maybe They Do This.
Some of us were taught to only watch for bruises.
But there are people who will never lift a hand—and still tear your spirit down piece by piece.
[...]
🛑 We don’t negotiate safety
⚖️ Some Things Are Black and White
Yes means safety.No means protection.
Clear, certain, unapologetic boundaries are not cruelty.They are care—espec [...]
🛑 Stop Saying “Men Wouldn’t Go That Far to Abuse Women
Please stop telling Survivors that "men wouldn’t go through the trouble of dressing up as women just to abuse women."
We’ve heard it too many times [...]
Della Reese, Medical Racism, and Why Black Patients Fight to Be Heard
Della Reese was not unknown.
She was not invisible to the public.
She was already famous. Already gifted. Already se [...]
🧱 “You Just Keep Complaining”: How Abusers Use This Phrase to Stonewall You
[WeSurviveAbuse.com]
“You just keep complaining.”“You’re always bringing that up.”“You never let anything go.”
If you've ever heard these phrases [...]
Familiarity Doesn’t Make Stranger Abuse Irrelevant
There’s a manipulation tactic that keeps slipping into our public conversations—one that says: “Most people are abused by someone they know… so [...]
If We Were Better We Would Be Prioritizing Silenced Children And Not Grown Men
This is how the rest of us end up in therapy for yearssss. Dealing with people who run to console, protect, and shield grown sturdy men and not hurtin [...]
Harm-Jacking: When Your Pain Becomes Someone Else’s Weapon
There have always been obstacles—but there have also always been real ones by our side, standing strong with us to rise above with them.
It’s been [...]
When Women’s Values Are Tested: The Fight to Protect What’s Sacred
People who get confused about what is best for their own lives seem to spend an excessive amount of time telling women what is best for their lives. [...]
Why Truth Is What Finally Sets Survivors Free After Abuse
Truth is still in the business of setting people free. People often misunderstand what happens when a woman calls a domestic violence hotline [...]
12 Quiet Ways Self-Abandonment Shows Up
(And How to Come Home to Yourself)
Self-abandonment isn’t always loud. It often slips in quietly, disguised as being “easygoing,” “low maintenance,” [...]
🔥 The Price of Loyalty to the Lie
Some silence isn’t ignorance. It’s allegiance.
There are women who didn’t know.There are women who didn’t see.There are women who were misled, manipu [...]
Even When They Didn’t Hear Your “No,” You Still Deserve to Be Heard
Sometimes the harm didn’t stop when you said no.Sometimes the people who should have protected you didn’t pause, didn’t question, didn’t care.And beca [...]
Perpetrator Fragility: When He Fears Exposure More Than Reflection
Perpetrator fragility is a concept used to describe how individuals—most often abusers or those in power—respond with defensiveness, victim-playing, o [...]
✋🏽 When Accountability Feels Like an Attack to Him
[WeSurviveAbuse.com]
Some men don’t fear the harm they cause.They fear the moment a woman finally says,“You will not harm me anymore.”
This is perpe [...]
🚨 Pregnancy Shouldn’t Be a Death Sentence
Let’s tell the truth—pregnancy should never be a death sentence.
But in the United States, the leading cause of death for pregnant and postpartum w [...]
💔 Understanding Marital Rape: Consent Still Matters
In too many parts of the world—and even in the minds of too many people—rape inside of marriage is still not fully recognized as a crime. But here’ [...]
Selective Advocacy Syndrome: When They Show Up for Ego, Not Justice
They say they care about equality.They say they believe in fairness.They say they’re here for liberation.
But watch when they speak up—and who they [...]
When Your Strength Makes Them Angry
Some people will try to make you feel like you did something wrong just for standing in your own power.
You say no.You speak up.You leave.You choos [...]
I Disagree with a Lot of Women—That’s Life. But Misogyny? That’s Where You Lose Me.
Let’s get something straight:
I disagree with a lot of women.
Philosophically. Politically. Spiritually.
That’s life. That's family. That's culture [...]
🚩 When His Praise Requires Another Woman’s Demeaning: That’s Not a Compliment—That’s a Red Flag
At first, you felt flattered.He spoke highly of you. Said you were different. Said you were “better” than the women of his own race. Smarter. Softer. [...]
The Gish Gallop: When Overload Becomes a Weapon Against Survivors
There’s a tactic that shows up in debates, politics, in online videos, and—far too often—in the lives of Survivors. It’s called the Gish Gallop.
The [...]
Calling Women “Hateful” for Wanting Safety Is Abuse Dressed in Decorum
Let’s name this for what it is:
When politicians, media figures, or public influencers call women “hateful” for expressing concerns about our safet [...]
If You Have Nothing Healing to Say to Survivors, You Can Be Silent
In the early days of healing, Survivors are doing sacred, difficult work.
They are not “just leaving.”They are grieving.They are remembering.They are [...]
🚫 Some of the Most Empowering Movements Still Require Women’s Submission
updated from June 9, 2025
Control doesn’t always disappear. Sometimes it evolves its language and waits for you to mistake it for freedom.
Let’s t [...]
Why ‘Being Loyal’ Shouldn’t Cost You Your Safety, Dignity, or Peace
One of my all-time favorite jazz tunes is "My Man." “My Man” is, in many ways, a love song about endurance, not just devotion.Billie Holiday, the [...]
✂️ Unlearning the Lie: When “Being a Good Person” Means Upholding Harm
Some of us were taught that being a “good person” meant keeping quiet.Smoothing things over.Soften the blow.Protect their reputation.Look the other wa [...]
Stop Shaming Survivors. Start Shaming Abusers.
🖤 WeSurviveAbuse.com
Survivors should not be met with interrogation, suspicion, or scorn.They should not have to fight to be believed while the abuse [...]
Men Have a Duty to Be Safe Around Women and Children
We need to say this more often, and we need to say it without apology: men have a duty to be safe around women and children.
Do not cross bou [...]
🚨 Fear-Based Manipulation Isn’t Love—It’s Control Dressed as Concern
Fear-Based ManipulationDefinition: Using hypothetical threats or worst-case scenarios to control or limit a woman’s autonomy.
It rarely sounds like [...]
When Men Define Womanhood: The Power, The Harm, and The Resistance
For centuries, men have claimed the authority to define what a woman is. From religious texts to medical books, from courtrooms to boardrooms, men hav [...]
💣 In Just One Second: 12 Ways People Tell You They’re Pro-Abuser
(And Maybe Capable of Abuse Themselves)
Sometimes it doesn’t take a full conversation.Sometimes it takes just one sentence, one smirk, one moment o [...]
False Strength vs. True Safety: What Real Protectors Look Like
It isn’t enough to expose the myths about unkind men pretending to be protectors.
Survivors, women, and communities also need to know what real pr [...]
❌ If You Can’t Speak Your Truth Without Losing Love, You’re Not in a Relationship—You’re Under Rule
There are relationships that look like love on the outside.They may even feel like love—sometimes.
But if your ability to tell the truth threatens [...]
10 Reasons Men Invading Women’s Spaces—No Matter How They Identify—Is Abusive, Misogynistic, Gynophobic, and Sexist
Women’s spaces exist for safety, healing, solidarity, and empowerment—yet, men demanding access to these spaces is a continuation of male entitlement, [...]
“But Is It Abuse?” — The Quiet Ways Harm Hides in Plain Sight
Every day, people ask themselves:"Is this abuse?"
Because sometimes the harm doesn’t leave bruises.It doesn’t scream.It doesn’t break doors or raise [...]
🔥 “You Look Like a Man”? That’s Not an Observation. That’s an Attack. 🔥
Still, I Rise BY MAYA ANGELOU
You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies.........
A moment of truth.
When someone says, “Yo [...]
Lessons from the Murder of Tonie Nicole: The Family Shares
I came across and compiled this years ago. I was struck by how the family members brought her to life for us....shared her with us. It saddens me that [...]
We Are Not Meant to Disappear Inside Someone Else’s Reflection
There is a quiet war being waged on selfhood.A thousand little whispers telling women—and especially Black women, Indigenous women, and other [...]
Call Him What? When Abusers & Traffickers Demand to Be Named Something Special
✦ by WeSurviveAbuse.com
In courtroom after courtroom, from high-profile celebrity trials to quietly buried local cases, a deeply disturbing pattern [...]
Smart People Can Be Fooled: Why Propaganda Loves an Educated Mind
One of the most dangerous myths in the world is the belief that only “ignorant” people fall for propaganda. That is not true. Smart people can b [...]
Courtney Stodden’s Lifetime Movie Exposes the Public Grooming of a Child Bride—and the Cruelty of Celebrity Culture
I wasn't deeply familiar with this young woman prior to watching the Lifetime movie. I'm a bit out of her target age range. But being a teenager and t [...]
Privacy Is Not Prejudice. It’s Protection.
Somewhere along the way, somebody got bold enough to say it out loud:"That makes me uncomfortable."
She said it gently at first.A whisper in the lock [...]
Playing Victim or Using Wisdom to Protect Yourself? Why Wise Women Recognize the Pattern of Abuse Before Others
She told a friend once: “The first time he raised his voice again, I knew.” Her friend asked, “How could you know? Maybe he was just upset.”
[...]
❓ FAQ: Why Is It Sexist to Dismiss Women’s Boundaries and Need for Safety?
Q: Is it really sexist to question or challenge women-only spaces?
A: Yes. Dismissing, undermining, or demanding access to women-only spaces—especial [...]
When Stalking Isn’t Just “Annoying” — It’s a Real Threat to Girls and Women
INVESTIGATIVE: One stalking victim's mother speaks after man kills woman, sets himself on fire
Stalking is often dismissed as “harassment” or brushed [...]
Dear Survivors: When the Truth Is Released Slowly, It Can Be Conditioning — Here’s How We Resist
"I'm so tired of waiting, aren't you, for the world to become good and beautiful and kind?" -- Langston Hughes
Many of you are sensing some [...]
Stephanie Lyn: How to Distance Yourself
I like this video because it speaks to a very real danger. Emotionally abusive people are a threat to health and safety and sometimes distance is the [...]
How to Support Lesbian Friends in Abusive Relationships
As an advocate, you become familiar with the careful way that a woman tells you her story. She's testing your waters. Are you safe? Are you judgment [...]
Male Violence Against Women: Youth Is Not a Shield
Young people must not fall for the lie that only older women protect abusers.
The truth is, younger women—especially young Black women—are at the hi [...]
20 Affirmations and A Note for Those Who Feel Troubled by What They’re Seeing.
Until we choose to have honest, difficult conversations about sexual violators and those who cause harm, they will continue to multiply.
Silence prot [...]
Complacency Around Violence and Abuse: A longtime foe against women and children
At some point, complacency feels like betrayal. It is exhausting and deeply painful to be a witness to complacency around violence and abuse. C [...]
Red Flags in Relationships: Recognizing Silent Signals of Control
updated from January 12 2025 Here is when I knew.
I was riding in the car with my date. Our first date.
He picked me up.
He brought me a si [...]
Grooming by Environment: When the System Softens the Ground for Abuse
When most people hear the word grooming, they imagine a single predator targeting a person—saying the right things, isolating them, offering gifts, br [...]
What the Olympic Boxing Debate Really Reveals About Gender, Power & Responsibility
updated 2025
You know what truly angers and frustrates me about this Olympic boxing issue?
It’s not just the debate—it’s the pattern.
Whenever th [...]
Our Rights Are Not Disposable
Women's rights are not up for elimination.Not now. Not ever.
Our rights are not conditional based on someone else's discomfort.They are not meant to [...]