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Why “Not a [Insert Person]” Is Dangerous for Survivors

Let’s tell the truth:Adults have power. Children don’t. Even the most vulnerable adult usually has more access to voice, resources, legal systems, an

🛑 12 Reasons “She Should’ve Known Better” Does Nothing to Keep Women Safe
Stop Adding Barriers. Start Listening.
Her Name Was Nicole Beverly

Let’s tell the truth:
Adults have power. Children don’t.

Even the most vulnerable adult usually has more access to voice, resources, legal systems, and public platforms than a child does.

So when harm is exposed—
When someone dares to speak up—
And the first thing out of someone’s mouth is:
“Not a [insert person]…”
they’re not just defending an individual.

They’re silencing children. Silencing adult Survivors. Silencing truth.


✋🏾 Here’s What Happens When You Say “Not Them”

You are:


Let the Grown Folk Speak for Themselves

If the adult you’re rushing to protect didn’t do what they’re accused of:

  • Let them stand up.

  • Let them clarify their values.

  • Let them say boldly:
    “I do not condone abuse. If this happened under my name, I will speak against it.”

That’s what real leadership and devoted membership looks like.
That’s what accountability should sound like.


Survivors Are Already Speaking

They’ve been speaking.
They’ve written books. Filed reports. Sat in hospital rooms in terrified, in pain, waiting and hoping to be heard.
Some have risked their lives just to whisper the truth.

But too many people don’t want to hear it—
Because they’d rather protect an image than protect a child.
They’d rather protect an organization than protect a life.


Children Don’t Have Power. Adults Do.

Children can’t hold press conferences.
They don’t have social media followings.
They can’t call a lawyer or ask a pastor to go public on their behalf.
They’re just trying to survive.

Survivors?
They may finally be speaking, but it’s still a fight to be believed.
It costs us everything.


So Ask Yourself:

🧩 Why are you defending someone who can speak for themselves…
…while ignoring someone who may never speak again?


If You Really Stand Against Abuse…

Then stand visibly.

✦ Speak out.
✦ Name what’s wrong.
✦ Make your values known.
✦ And don’t wait until it’s safe or trending or convenient.


We don’t need more people playing bodyguard for the powerful.
We need more people guarding the truth.

We need more people protecting children.
Protecting Survivors.
Protecting the ones who don’t get a second chance at safety.


🧱 Don’t build another wall of silence around harm.
Let grown people speak for themselves.
And let Survivors finally be heard.

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