7 Ways People Manipulate: Recognizing and Resisting Control

Ain’t nothing new under the sun.

Manipulation is one of the oldest tools of control, and Gavin de Becker’s framework outlines the ways predators and abusers use it to gain power. When we recognize manipulation for what it is, we take back our agency, our choices, and our strength. 

At We Survive Abuse, we believe in naming these tactics, reclaiming our voices, and breaking the cycle of harm. 

Let’s break it down:

1. Forced Teaming

Someone tries to create an instant connection, using phrases like “We’re in this together.” But real trust takes time—no one gets to rush your boundaries. As I often remind Survivors: If it feels forced, it isn’t fate—it’s manipulation.

2. Charm & Niceness

Charm isn’t always genuine—it’s often a tool used to disarm suspicion. We must remember: being nice doesn’t mean being safe. Abusers hide behind smiles, but our instincts are wiser than their performance.

3. Too Many Details

When people lie, they over-explain to make their story sound believable. If something feels off, trust your instincts—you don’t need to justify your discomfort. Our intuition is not paranoia. It is protection.

4. Typecasting

This is when someone tries to manipulate you into proving them wrong: “You’re too sensitive.” “You don’t seem like the type to be scared.” You don’t owe anyone proof of your strength or trust. Women are conditioned to prove ourselves, but survival isn’t about proving. It’s about preserving.

5. Loan Sharking

They do an unsolicited favor and then use it to create a sense of obligation. Remember: you don’t owe anyone access to your life just because they were “nice.” We are taught to be grateful for crumbs, but we deserve safety, not manipulation.

6. Unsolicited Promise

“I promise I won’t hurt you.” The reality? Safe people don’t need to promise safety—they just act accordingly. When someone has to insist they’re trustworthy, believe their actions, not their words.

7. Ignoring ‘No’

A refusal should be enough. If someone keeps pushing, they are telling you exactly who they are. Believe them.

It doesn’t get easier for them to accept rules, guidelines, and boundaries later. You have all the information you need. This person ignores boundaries. 

No is a full sentence. 

No explanation. 

No apology. 

Just NO.

Your Boundaries Are Sacred

Abusers manipulate, but we are not powerless. We recognize the tactics, we set our boundaries, and we stand firm in our safety. Your gut is your guardian—trust it. As I often say at We Survive Abuse: 

Your safety is not up for negotiation. 

Your power is not up for debate. 

Your survival is non-negotiable.