She called me because I was serving as her victim advocate:His family is mad at me and now I'm so confused."He is trying to change but sometim
She called me because I was serving as her victim advocate:
His family is mad at me and now I’m so confused.
“He is trying to change but sometimes he gets mad and forgets that he said he would never hit me again. They think that I’m not being patient. It does take time to change, you know?”
I asked her if a male stranger on the street hit her, would she ever even stand next to him again without a weapon or bodyguard?
She snapped, “no.”
I didn’t need to say too much more. The reset button was activated. She was back to listening to herself again.
Change -even healthy change- is challenging for every human being. Patient, compassionate, and knowledgeable support is required.
Since when did a man saying, “I’ve changed,” carry more weight than a woman saying, “I don’t feel safe”?
vigil for Sonya Massey
Somewhere along the way, we turned men’s promises of transformation into scripture — while women’s testimonies of fear became debate topics.
We’ve built systems that reward men for announcing change but punish women for remembering what they did.
And now the world is reaping the danger of that imbalance.
⚖️ The Pattern Is Clear
Look at the Sonya Massey case — a Black woman murdered in her own home after calling the police for help. The officer who shot her had been fired four times before. Four times.
Each firing was treated as an inconvenience, not a warning.
He changed uniforms, locations, and titles — and each time, the system said, “Let’s give him another chance.”
Her life ended because his “second chances” kept coming before her safety.
We see it in prisons and jails where males are housed with female inmates, sometimes after committing sexual crimes and other violent crimes— and we’re told it’s “compassion.” But whose compassion? It’s never for the women forced to share a cell with someone who once harmed someone like them.
We see it in women’s shelters and recovery programs, where women who’ve escaped violence now must prove their discomfort is “prejudice” if they don’t want to sleep near a man.
And in every one of these scenarios, the logic is the same:
He’s changed. He deserves a chance. She should adjust.
But real change doesn’t endanger anyone.
Real change is self-proving. It doesn’t need to be forced on the vulnerable as a test of tolerance.
💔 When “Change” Becomes the Shield for Harm
The tragedy is that systems, laws, and even communities are now built around men’s declarations instead of women’s safety.
A man says he’s different — and the world rearranges itself to make it true, whether or not the evidence exists.
Women’s instincts, boundaries, and fears become the collateral damage of male “reinvention.”
We’ve mistaken change for cleansing.
And it’s costing women their safety, their peace, and in too many cases — their lives.
💡 The Hard Truth
When a man’s “change” endangers women, it’s not change — it’s privilege.
When institutions prioritize a man’s narrative of transformation over a woman’s right to safety, that’s not rehabilitation — that’s betrayal.
Because women should not have to gamble with their lives to prove that the world is fair.
Safety is not something men can take away and then hand back when they feel redeemed.
Safety belongs to women by birthright.
🌿 Affirmations: “My Safety Is Sacred”
🖤 My safety is not a debate topic.
🖤 I do not owe belief to those who’ve shown me danger.
🖤 My boundaries are not cruelty — they are protection.
🖤 Systems that value men’s reputations over women’s safety are not neutral; they are violent.
🖤 I will not be shamed for saying “no” to risk.
🖤 I believe women first, always.
🖤 My life and peace are not bargaining chips for anyone’s redemption.
🪶 Closing Reflection
“We are told to trust in male change as though it were holy. But true holiness protects life — it doesn’t gamble with it.”
— WeSurviveAbuse.com